Beverly & I married very young. Looking back, we know that it has been MORE THAN LOVE that has kept us together for 29 years of marriage. We've had our share of joys, tears, struggles & growth. JESUS has been the interwoven thread in our relationship. Without Him, we very easily could have been torn apart at the seam. Marriage doesn't have to be PERFECT to be BEAUTIFUL.
A few things I'm still learning...
1. Husbands...God did not give you authority in your household so you can get your way. When God gives authority to you, it is ALWAYS for the benefit of those you are responsible for. If you want a great marriage, pursue your wife's well-being above your own.
2. You can get married in 30 minutes but it can take 30 years to have a marriage.
3. The way a man TREATS his wife is a reflection of his strength or weakness.
4. Before you complain about your wife LOOK in the mirror & ask yourself, "Is God pleased with the way I'm being a husband?"
5. She's my wife, not my child. God took woman out of man's side (close to his heart). I don't rule over her & she doesn't rule over me. We walk TOGETHER in mutual respect, sacrifice, forgiveness & purpose.
Beverly & I have been teasing back & forth, for a couple of weeks, by calling each other "King" & "Queen." One thing that makes me smile is that we share a similar humor. We can hear something, see something or say something that will make one another laugh...and we could laugh about it for a few weeks. lol
Marriage takes work. You have to be committed. You have to be willing to work through your personality differences & quirks. We don't claim to have a perfect marriage, by any means, but we have a GOOD marriage. When you add the weight of ministry in the mix...we have to remember that God brought us together as husband & wife with an added benefit of a shared calling. Sometimes the weight is extremely heavy...but God has always carried us through. :)
These past few months have been tough on marriages. We've prayed for a lot of couples. The stress of what's happening in the world has been intense. Friends, don't give up on your marriage. Be flexible, quick to forgive, refuse to hold grudges, learn to love one another the way that CHRIST LOVES YOU.
Marriage is honorable.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2020
Friday, April 3, 2020
Not Today Devil, Not Today
If the enemy can divide your thoughts, he'll wear you out with thoughts of "give up", "it's not worth it", "no one cares" and "I just can't do this anymore".
Friend, shove those thoughts right back down the devil's throat! You will make it! You will succeed! You will see God's provision & promise come to pass in your life!
Sometimes before it's a JOY...it's a JOB!
You have to be more determined to MAKE IT than to QUIT! Just like a marriage...you have to be more determined to STAY married than to NOT be married.
Years ago, Beverly and I made a decision to take the word DIVORCE out of our vocabulary. I'm not saying we haven't been frustrated in our marriage because in every marriage (or family relationships) you go through seasons. You just have to make up your mind that YOU WILL NOT QUIT!
Right now, with the coronavirus situation, fear, anxiety, depression, uncertainty, financial hardships, etc., you can be certain that enemy is working OVERTIME to try to destroy you. But friend...YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER! God has purposed to succeed...knowing you would have challenges to overcome!
I want to tell you today...DON'T QUIT! DON'T STOP TRUSTING GOD! BE KIND TO YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS (and anyone for that matter) because everyone is going through something! HELP one another!
This is not a time to be SELFISH! This is a time to be SELFLESS!
LOVE one another & punch the devil in the throat! Tell him, "Not today devil...not today!"
Friend, shove those thoughts right back down the devil's throat! You will make it! You will succeed! You will see God's provision & promise come to pass in your life!
Sometimes before it's a JOY...it's a JOB!
You have to be more determined to MAKE IT than to QUIT! Just like a marriage...you have to be more determined to STAY married than to NOT be married.
Years ago, Beverly and I made a decision to take the word DIVORCE out of our vocabulary. I'm not saying we haven't been frustrated in our marriage because in every marriage (or family relationships) you go through seasons. You just have to make up your mind that YOU WILL NOT QUIT!
Right now, with the coronavirus situation, fear, anxiety, depression, uncertainty, financial hardships, etc., you can be certain that enemy is working OVERTIME to try to destroy you. But friend...YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER! God has purposed to succeed...knowing you would have challenges to overcome!
I want to tell you today...DON'T QUIT! DON'T STOP TRUSTING GOD! BE KIND TO YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS (and anyone for that matter) because everyone is going through something! HELP one another!
This is not a time to be SELFISH! This is a time to be SELFLESS!
LOVE one another & punch the devil in the throat! Tell him, "Not today devil...not today!"
Saturday, March 28, 2020
The Way A Man Treats His Wife
The way a man treats his wife is a reflection of his strength or weakness.
I like this passage in Ephesians 5 - "Husbands have the obligation of loving and caring for their wives the same way they love and care for their own bodies, for to love your wife is to love your own self. No one abuses his own body, but pampers it—serving and satisfying its needs. That’s exactly what Christ does for his church! He serves and satisfies us as members of his body." (TPT)
Men, if we aren't winning at home, we're losing. Ministry starts first at home.
I know some men reading this will say...
• "I'd be a better husband, if she'd be a better wife"
• "I've tried & we just aren't compatible"
• "All she does is nag at me"
• "I've tried & we just aren't compatible"
• "All she does is nag at me"
Guys listen up...before you complain about your wife LOOK in the mirror & ask yourself, "Is God pleased with the way I'm being a husband?"
Honestly, do you realize that all the faults you're finding in your wife are the very things that prevented her from finding a better husband?
Men, just as women have the power, in their words, to build you up or break you down...YOU TOO have the power to LOVE & CHERISH your wife...which brings peace & security to her heart.
Beverly & I have been married for 29 years...and we're still working on our marriage. Friends, it won't happen automatically...you have to WORK on it.
One of the FIRST THINGS you have to do is...both of you have to stop being SELFISH! Marriage isn't a divided contract of 50/50...no it's 100/100 - even when you feel your spouse isn't giving their share. YOU STILL HAVE TO GIVE 100%! Why? Because you aren't just married to your spouse...you are married to CHRIST!
And ladies, before you say, "That's right Pastor...tell him!" Let me just say, there's more to Ephesians 5 than just the husband loving his wife. You too bare an equal responsibility to HONOR him & SUBMIT to him as the head of your home. (Another post required for this one....😁)
My point today is...IF YOU LOVE your spouse you will DO things for them, that are often sacrificial, because you also have THE LOVE OF CHRIST in you.
You will want to.
If you don't, then you need to find a place to pray & ask The Lord to show you your own reflection in the mirror of His Word. (We all have a lot we can work on.)
Be blessed today! Do something nice for your spouse today. (Even if I told you to do it.) 🤣
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
God Healed Me Of Depression
When our daughter, Kaitlyn, was a baby, I went through a season of depression. I had made some decisions with work that wasn’t working out & I was struggling to find my footing. I even thought God wasn’t pleased with me. I became very low in spirit & critical of myself & everyone else.
I struggled to even go to church. It’s like I had no joy in anything that I was doing, even though God had blessed me with a wonderful wife & a beautiful daughter.
One thing was constant though...my wife’s determination to love me through it & hold my feet to the fire in leading our family forward in faith...after all, I was a “preacher.”
I hear people today talk a big talk about “I need to step up my game with my kids’ spiritual life. I need to be the spiritual head of my family & lead better.” And yet, those same people, who make such declarations, seem to forget the vows they made & the words that came out of their mouth...once the “feeling” passes.
They tend to let their children run their house. If the kids don’t want to go to church…they give them the option not to. Somehow they’re always sick on Wednesday night.
I don’t think we realize just how much God is going to hold us accountable for the way we’ve led our home spiritually. I don’t think we realize how much ground we lose by making slothful decisions concerning spiritual posterity.
For me, I had a moment where I snapped out of it & recovered myself after months of battling with the depression.
My wife made sure that even if I wasn’t in church with her...she was at church with our daughter every time the doors were open. She wouldn’t let me quit. She kept up her consistency & prayed for God to get ahold of my mind...she prayed me through it!
I don’t know what I would have done if she would have fallen into the same funk I was in. I guarantee you that we wouldn’t be in the ministry today...let alone pastoring for the past 20 years.
I’ve never seen such a time like today, where people let the least little things keep them from the elementary principles of the Christian life like...attendance, tithe & serving, etc. They wonder why they have so many problems. I’m certainly not pointing my finger at anyone, having received grace to get up again myself, but what’s good for me is good for them too.
I believe our daughter is serving God today, with fervor, because her parents made sure to position her in the house of The Lord & made The Lord our number one priority...before anything else in this world. Our parents instilled the same thing in us & the blessing of The Lord has increased in every generation. I pray for a triple anointing to be upon our grandson.
I would say to anyone that’s going through a rough time spiritually or mentally...staying out of church is not the solution. Your solution comes when you press past the place of give up!
Stop with the excuses. (I’ve used them all myself.) Get up. Do what you know you’re supposed to be doing.
If your spouse won’t go to church...you go to church!! Don’t you let anyone talk you into one more excuse! Stop that mess. You’re going to give an account to God for keeping your kids out of church. You may not see it now...but rest assured you will wake up one day & realize it. Especially when you see them repeating the same pattern.
Sanctify your house with your lifestyle of righteous living.
My help came faster because I had a woman of God in my corner who wouldn’t let me stop! Today, I give honor to her.
I challenge you today to be that kind of person for someone you know who is going through. Yes...empathize with them but don’t give into a mindset of self-pity.
Jesus is the answer.
Jesus is the only way.
Jesus will break the back of depression off of you!
Much love!
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Thursday, September 13, 2012
Still in Love
Beverly and I want to invite you to attend this year's "I want To Be Married 4 Life" Marriage Conference on October 5-7, 2012 in Indianapolis.
This year's conference will be filled with lots of encouragement, life lessons and laughs that are sure to impact your marriage in a positive way.
Joining us this year are Pastor's Eddie & Karen Jones from Christian Life Center in Rolla, MO. You will love their heart and the passion they bring concerning marriage! Join us for the entire weekend and take advantage of this life changing conference!
While we've been preparing for this conference, my heart has been warmly reminded of the love Beverly and I share for one another. God has blessed us with 21 years of marriage. Officially, we've been married longer than the length of time we spent living with our parents. We were so young, poor and naive. But we were in love and determined to make it work...no matter what.
God has greatly blessed us with incredible examples for our marriage through the example of our parents. Early on, we faced our struggles just like every couple does but we stood firm upon the foundation of the Word of God and the relationships of strong marriages that surrounded us.
Today, we recognize what life have given us while anticipating what God has in store for us next. Because of what Beverly and I have experienced along the way, our love has transcended the explainable. It has moved to a place where our souls simply exist together because of the investments already made.
It is in this place where I know I still love my wife. It is here where I still feel the warmth of the comforting love of God that surrounds us. Although love's flame can be fragile at times, it will never be extinguished. I'm certain my last breath will be shared with Beverly.
Here are just some of the reasons why I love my wife...
This year's conference will be filled with lots of encouragement, life lessons and laughs that are sure to impact your marriage in a positive way.
Joining us this year are Pastor's Eddie & Karen Jones from Christian Life Center in Rolla, MO. You will love their heart and the passion they bring concerning marriage! Join us for the entire weekend and take advantage of this life changing conference!
While we've been preparing for this conference, my heart has been warmly reminded of the love Beverly and I share for one another. God has blessed us with 21 years of marriage. Officially, we've been married longer than the length of time we spent living with our parents. We were so young, poor and naive. But we were in love and determined to make it work...no matter what.
God has greatly blessed us with incredible examples for our marriage through the example of our parents. Early on, we faced our struggles just like every couple does but we stood firm upon the foundation of the Word of God and the relationships of strong marriages that surrounded us.
Today, we recognize what life have given us while anticipating what God has in store for us next. Because of what Beverly and I have experienced along the way, our love has transcended the explainable. It has moved to a place where our souls simply exist together because of the investments already made.
It is in this place where I know I still love my wife. It is here where I still feel the warmth of the comforting love of God that surrounds us. Although love's flame can be fragile at times, it will never be extinguished. I'm certain my last breath will be shared with Beverly.
Here are just some of the reasons why I love my wife...
- Beverly has a heart for God and for His people. Her love and compassion for others compels me to love deeper and go the extra mile.
- Her quiet confidence is as bright as her beauty.
- She stands firm for her convictions and loves unconditionally.
- She keeps her heart open for anyone that is hurting and when she holds my hand I don't want her to ever let go.
- I miss her when we're apart. She is my best friend.
- She loves football and knows how to interpret the call on the field.
- She loves me and takes good care of me...even when I continually leave my socks on the floor.
- She gives her best, even sacrificially, for her family.
- She knows how to encourage each one of us...and she can help me find my smile when it's missing.
- She brings me sweet teas even when I don't ask.
- She has a spirit that refuses to give up.
- Beverly has seen me in the morning and still gives me a kiss.
- She keeps a clean house and works circles around most.
- She is romantic and loving and has a quick wit at the same time.
- She loves me.
Perhaps you can make a list for your spouse today. Think of all the reasons you love your spouse and then thank the Lord for His many blessings in your life.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Keep Your Windows Clean
No matter how much good there is, we can always find something bad if we look for it. We either look at life from a positive perspective or from a negative perspective. We can find fault, weakness and things we don't understand or like...it's our human nature.
Our eyes have to be developed to see good. On the other hand, we can develop a critical eye and always see the bad.
Perhaps this is why so many marriages and relationships are in trouble today. If you and your spouse are in the habit of being negative towards one another...then you'll only see the negative in each other.
Training ourselves to see the good takes work. When we do...we end up seeing our spouse's strengths instead of their weaknesses. We can easily focus on what we like about our spouse and magnify their good qualities rather than focus on the things that annoy us.
A critical spirit will birth a critical mind. When that happens, no matter what your spouse, friends or family do...it's not going to be right. A critical mind will force you to forget all the reasons you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.
Sure, we all have faults and do things that get on one another's nerves. But the issue is...what are you magnifying? Are you choosing to magnify that annoyance or are you choosing to see the good and focusing only on the good?
A negative spirit toward your spouse will poison your outlook. It will affect your communication, time together and every area of your relationship.
Think about it...when we're critical, we begin to nag and exaggerate about things that are really no big deal at all...
If we could turn that critical spirit over and start responding with PRAISE instead...imagine what would happen...
If you praise your husband like that, he'll want to mow the yard every day and keep your car filled with so much gasoline that he'll max out his Speedway Rewards Points!
Our eyes have to be developed to see good. On the other hand, we can develop a critical eye and always see the bad.
Perhaps this is why so many marriages and relationships are in trouble today. If you and your spouse are in the habit of being negative towards one another...then you'll only see the negative in each other.
Training ourselves to see the good takes work. When we do...we end up seeing our spouse's strengths instead of their weaknesses. We can easily focus on what we like about our spouse and magnify their good qualities rather than focus on the things that annoy us.
DECIDE today to start APPRECIATING your spouse's STRENGTHS!
A critical spirit will birth a critical mind. When that happens, no matter what your spouse, friends or family do...it's not going to be right. A critical mind will force you to forget all the reasons you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.
Sure, we all have faults and do things that get on one another's nerves. But the issue is...what are you magnifying? Are you choosing to magnify that annoyance or are you choosing to see the good and focusing only on the good?
A negative spirit toward your spouse will poison your outlook. It will affect your communication, time together and every area of your relationship.
Think about it...when we're critical, we begin to nag and exaggerate about things that are really no big deal at all...
- "You squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of the bottom..."
- "You never take the trash out..."
- "You never spend time with me..."
- "You're always making me late..."
- "You didn't iron my shirt right..."
- etc...
If we could turn that critical spirit over and start responding with PRAISE instead...imagine what would happen...
- "Honey, when you mow the yard, you look so handsome and attractive..."
- "Sweetheart, when you pump my gas, it makes my heart do flip flops..."
If you praise your husband like that, he'll want to mow the yard every day and keep your car filled with so much gasoline that he'll max out his Speedway Rewards Points!
People respond to PRAISE
more than CRITICISM!
more than CRITICISM!
When we're constantly critical, we have to realize the problem is not with our spouse. It's not even with our circumstances. The problem is with us.
There's an old saying, "How dirty our neighbor's laundry is depends greatly on how clean our own window is."
The Bible tells us that "To the pure all things are pure." If you can't ever see anything right as you drive down the freeway, but only see the traffic and construction and potholes and never see the beauty, or you only see the scratch in the floor and never the amazing house; if you never see what your spouse does right and only what they do wrong, then my encouragement to you is to CLEAN YOUR WINDOW. The problem is not with your spouse. It's an INTERNAL ISSUE.
I believe all of us struggle in this area to some degree. Perhaps today we should make a list of all the qualities that we like about our spouse. Write down the things that they do right. He may not be a communicator, but he's a hard worker. Put that on your list. She may have some weaknesses, but she's a great mother. She's smart. She's intelligent. Write that down. Look at that list in the morning before you go off to work. Start focusing on each other's STRENGTHS.
Ultimately, it's up to us. We have to decide to start appreciating our spouse's strengths and learn to downplay their weaknesses. If we do...we'll find greater fulfillment in our marriage (and relationships in general) and we will be filled with more PEACE, UNITY, and LOVE and we'll see the blessing of God in greater ways.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
At All Costs...Stay Connected
Every relationship we have is precious and a treasure from God. The way we handle those relationships is a reflection of our heart. I believe we should look for ways to build bridges into one another's life.
Honestly, we can all do better than what we're doing right now in moving our relationships higher to the next level in our love for one another.
LOVE - what a word. Love has to be learned and learned again. There is no end to love. The thing about love is that it should be growing.
Relationships evolve over time, people change over time, and our love should strengthen and grow over time too.
Paul said that our love should grow and abound in knowledge and depth. (Philippians 1:9) With that being said, we cannot afford to let love run on AUTO PILOT. Our family and friends won't just assume we love them if we don't tell them and express that love in tangible ways.
It's so important to make every effort to keep strong connections in our relationships. As a result of my upbringing...I find myself saying "I LOVE YOU" to just about everyone I have a conversation with. There's hardly a phone call I have that I don't end the conversation saying "I LOVE YOU." Although they may seem to be just words...I mean them every time I say them.
When Beverly and I began serving at BFWC our lives became fuller and more complicated. Sometimes, our schedules have us moving like ships in the night. It has taken effort to stay connected...and we still don't get it 100% like we desire. Taking work home is easy to do...so you have to make a choice not to come home with your mind preoccupied with all the tasks at hand.
It's not important how we connect, but it is important that we do connect. One of my favorite times with my family is when we all convene at a restaurant together. We may all come from different locations, having full schedules, but getting together keeps our connection strong and helps keep our hearts moving in the same direction.
There are times when I travel that Beverly will put a card or a love note in my suitcase. It takes time and effort for her to do this...but it sure does make my day and it reminds me that I'm loved and valuable to her.
Sometimes when someone hurts or offends us, we can be tempted to disconnect. But one of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is to give the other person the silent treatment in an effort to pull back.
If you haven't yet...you will be tempted to disconnect with someone. Beverly and I have been married for twenty-one years and if there's one thing we've learned it's to NOT disconnect even when we disagree.
The Scriptures teach us "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath." It's not good to go to bed angry with one another. If you do, you'll wake up angry and frustrated.
Learning to agree to disagree will help you rest in your relationship even when you don't have a resolution to the disagreement by the time you go to bed.
We are all different from one another. Recognizing that we're all different frees us to experience agape love with each other and REMAIN CONNECTED. Just because you have a disagreement with your friends or family members does not mean there are not plenty of other areas on which you see eye to eye. it just means you have a difference of opinion.
When we carry the same heart and the same goal we will remain connected. In your marriage, home and even relationships you will have disagreements...but we should always BELIEVE in one another, SUPPORT one another and MOVE FORWARD through life together...CONNECTED.
Honestly, we can all do better than what we're doing right now in moving our relationships higher to the next level in our love for one another.
LOVE - what a word. Love has to be learned and learned again. There is no end to love. The thing about love is that it should be growing.
Relationships evolve over time, people change over time, and our love should strengthen and grow over time too.
Paul said that our love should grow and abound in knowledge and depth. (Philippians 1:9) With that being said, we cannot afford to let love run on AUTO PILOT. Our family and friends won't just assume we love them if we don't tell them and express that love in tangible ways.
It's so important to make every effort to keep strong connections in our relationships. As a result of my upbringing...I find myself saying "I LOVE YOU" to just about everyone I have a conversation with. There's hardly a phone call I have that I don't end the conversation saying "I LOVE YOU." Although they may seem to be just words...I mean them every time I say them.
When Beverly and I began serving at BFWC our lives became fuller and more complicated. Sometimes, our schedules have us moving like ships in the night. It has taken effort to stay connected...and we still don't get it 100% like we desire. Taking work home is easy to do...so you have to make a choice not to come home with your mind preoccupied with all the tasks at hand.
It's not important how we connect, but it is important that we do connect. One of my favorite times with my family is when we all convene at a restaurant together. We may all come from different locations, having full schedules, but getting together keeps our connection strong and helps keep our hearts moving in the same direction.
There are times when I travel that Beverly will put a card or a love note in my suitcase. It takes time and effort for her to do this...but it sure does make my day and it reminds me that I'm loved and valuable to her.
Sometimes when someone hurts or offends us, we can be tempted to disconnect. But one of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is to give the other person the silent treatment in an effort to pull back.
WE SHOULD ALWAYS BELIEVE IN ONE ANOTHER,
SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER AND
MOVE FORWARD...CONNECTED.
The Scriptures teach us "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath." It's not good to go to bed angry with one another. If you do, you'll wake up angry and frustrated.
Learning to agree to disagree will help you rest in your relationship even when you don't have a resolution to the disagreement by the time you go to bed.
We are all different from one another. Recognizing that we're all different frees us to experience agape love with each other and REMAIN CONNECTED. Just because you have a disagreement with your friends or family members does not mean there are not plenty of other areas on which you see eye to eye. it just means you have a difference of opinion.
When we carry the same heart and the same goal we will remain connected. In your marriage, home and even relationships you will have disagreements...but we should always BELIEVE in one another, SUPPORT one another and MOVE FORWARD through life together...CONNECTED.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Making Marriage Work (Part 3)
Fight for your marriage rather than fighting in it. Your spouse is not your enemy. If you view them as the enemy, your home will be a war zone and in the end, everyone loses.
Allow God to fix you...not your spouse. I've never seen a perfect marriage yet. In fact, no marriage is perfect. One thing that can diminish the marriage is when we point out our spouses negatives rather than focusing on their positives.
Everyone needs help from time to time. Getting help or advice from a seasoned couple or a professional isn't anything to be ashamed of. You are not the first married couple that has ever struggled, you won't be the last. Who cares what others people say or think...get the help you need before you implode.
Love your spouse like Jesus does. When you see your spouse like Jesus does it will change your perspective on the person God gave you. Seeing your spouse as a child of God first will help you treat them better. Ask yourself, "How would God want me to treat His child?"
Assume the best...not the worst. There is such a thing as "assumicide!" Assumicide is believing the worst about someone without giving them the benefit of the doubt...and that kills. However, LOVE always assumes the best about a person. At least that's what Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13. If we are always assuming the worst about the person we're married to then we are placing the relationship in a "no-win" situation.
Allow God to fix you...not your spouse. I've never seen a perfect marriage yet. In fact, no marriage is perfect. One thing that can diminish the marriage is when we point out our spouses negatives rather than focusing on their positives.
Everyone needs help from time to time. Getting help or advice from a seasoned couple or a professional isn't anything to be ashamed of. You are not the first married couple that has ever struggled, you won't be the last. Who cares what others people say or think...get the help you need before you implode.
Love your spouse like Jesus does. When you see your spouse like Jesus does it will change your perspective on the person God gave you. Seeing your spouse as a child of God first will help you treat them better. Ask yourself, "How would God want me to treat His child?"
Assume the best...not the worst. There is such a thing as "assumicide!" Assumicide is believing the worst about someone without giving them the benefit of the doubt...and that kills. However, LOVE always assumes the best about a person. At least that's what Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13. If we are always assuming the worst about the person we're married to then we are placing the relationship in a "no-win" situation.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Making Marriage Work (Part 2)
Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him help meet for."
God was moving to meet the problem of Adam's loneliness. Even in paradise Adam was lonely. He was the king of creation, yet something was lacking. The perfection of Eden could not satisfy the void within. In all of creation, only one thing was not good. It was not good for Adam to be alone.
God created a "helper" for Adam. Not someone who sweeps the floor, makes the beds, prepares the meals and in general does the housework while the man of the house sits in his soft recliner with the remote control in his hand flipping from one channel to another.
That's not what the word means. In the Old Testament this particular Hebrew word was often used of God himself (Psalms 46:1). A "helper" in this context means one who supplies what is lacking in another person. God created Eve to do what Adam could not do by himself.
Beverly is definitely this for me...she completes whats lacking in me. This is how God created us to be together.
Reading further in Genesis 2 God has Adam to name the animals. Why? I think he was preparing Adam for marriage. He is teaching him to be a leader. The power to name is the power of AUTHORITY. By giving Adam the right to name the animals, God was training him to be the king of his earthly creation.
God was also training him to be a lover. Adam looked at the animals and saw that everyone had a mate except him. God created a hunger inside of Adam for a LIFE PARTNER. Perhaps we could call Adam's "naming of the animals" as his premarital counseling session.
On the sixth day of creation, Adam named the animals. but "no suitable helper was found." Unless the need were met, Adam would live forever and still be lonely in paradise.
God was moving to meet the problem of Adam's loneliness. Even in paradise Adam was lonely. He was the king of creation, yet something was lacking. The perfection of Eden could not satisfy the void within. In all of creation, only one thing was not good. It was not good for Adam to be alone.
God created a "helper" for Adam. Not someone who sweeps the floor, makes the beds, prepares the meals and in general does the housework while the man of the house sits in his soft recliner with the remote control in his hand flipping from one channel to another.
That's not what the word means. In the Old Testament this particular Hebrew word was often used of God himself (Psalms 46:1). A "helper" in this context means one who supplies what is lacking in another person. God created Eve to do what Adam could not do by himself.
Beverly is definitely this for me...she completes whats lacking in me. This is how God created us to be together.
Reading further in Genesis 2 God has Adam to name the animals. Why? I think he was preparing Adam for marriage. He is teaching him to be a leader. The power to name is the power of AUTHORITY. By giving Adam the right to name the animals, God was training him to be the king of his earthly creation.
God was also training him to be a lover. Adam looked at the animals and saw that everyone had a mate except him. God created a hunger inside of Adam for a LIFE PARTNER. Perhaps we could call Adam's "naming of the animals" as his premarital counseling session.
On the sixth day of creation, Adam named the animals. but "no suitable helper was found." Unless the need were met, Adam would live forever and still be lonely in paradise.
- Without a woman, a man could never be in love.
- Without a wife, he could never be a husband.
- Without a queen, he could never be a king.
Adam had no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to taste fresh fruit with him, to run through the meadows by his side, to laugh at his jokes, and no one to nestle with him in the evening.
The answer to the loneliness every man feels is one woman - given by God - with whom he can spend the rest of his days. That is the most basic purpose of marriage.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Making Marriage Work (Part 1)
Where were you on February 23, 1991? Can't remember? Weren't born yet? Well, I remember this day vividly. I was 20 years old, had a mullet, feathered hair, weighed 185 pounds and was nervously standing in a Sunday School room waiting for my musical cue to walk out with the minister on my wedding day.
21 years later, as I reflect back on the time Beverly and I have been together (plus an additional 5 years of courting) we've learned a lot more about what it takes to make a marriage work.
We had no idea what we were getting into. That was probably a good thing. We had to learn about marriage the hard way, which is the same way most people learn about it. As wonderful as marriage is, no amount of premarital counseling can fully prepare you for what you are about to experience.
Marriage is under attack today. Our younger generation doubts that a lifelong marriage is possible. They've seen so much divorce that it seems normal to them. In one sense, they are right. Divorce happens. it happens in the world, and it happens in the church at large.
God's way is still the best way. Just like an owners manual for a new car, you take it out of the glove compartment and read it. The Bible is the "owners manual" for marriage. marriage just works better when we pay attention to the instructions in God's Word.
Marriage is a gift. However, we don't always see it that way. I thought these stories were funny...
- A seven-year-old girl saw the movie Cinderella and was talking with her friends about it afterward. "I know how it ends," said one, "Cinderella and the Prince live happily ever after." "Oh no they don't," she replied. "They got married!"
- A young minister performing his first wedding ceremony, feared he might forget something, sought the counsel from an older preacher. The experienced man told the young minister everything he needed to do and made one final suggestion: "If you ever forget what you are supposed to say, just quote Scripture." The ceremony went smoothly until he pronounced the happy couple husband and wife. At that point, his mind went blank. That's when he remembered the advice of the older preacher to quote Scripture. So he quoted the only verse that came to his mind: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Marriage is a challenge in the best of circumstances but it can also be a great blessing. In our society, where healthy marriages are the exception and not the rule, if we can build marriages that move against the prevailing tide, we will have a better base from which to share the message of Jesus Christ with our friends and neighbors. Nowhere will the difference between Christianity and the modern world be more clearly seen that in a truly Christian marriage.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A Covenant Marriage
Today, Beverly and I celebrate twenty one years of marriage. We have much to be thankful for. We both have been blessed to have parents who have set an example for us in marriage...and are STILL MARRIED...forty plus years.
Beverly and I dated for approximately five years before we were married at the young age of twenty. Although we were young, we were blessed to have good examples of a Christian marriage in our life which prepared us, along with an extended courtship, to enter into this covenant marriage.
A Covenant Marriage? To some, looking at marriage in the terms of covenant seems archaic. Covenant as defined by the Scriptures is a solemn and binding relationship which is meant to last a life time. The covenant marriage is based on the covenant God has made with us.
1. Two lives become one.
3. There is a name change
Beverly and I dated for approximately five years before we were married at the young age of twenty. Although we were young, we were blessed to have good examples of a Christian marriage in our life which prepared us, along with an extended courtship, to enter into this covenant marriage.
A Covenant Marriage? To some, looking at marriage in the terms of covenant seems archaic. Covenant as defined by the Scriptures is a solemn and binding relationship which is meant to last a life time. The covenant marriage is based on the covenant God has made with us.
1. Two lives become one.
- In covenant you become identified with the other individual and there is a supernatural commingling of two lives.
- Two become One flesh. This is an illustration of Christ & the Church (Ephesians 5:32)
- In marriage, your family becomes your spouse's family, your desires your beloved's desires, and yes, even your finances are your covenant partner's finances.
2. There is a sign to remember which serves as a witness and a memorial.
- When God entered covenant with Noah, He gave Noah the rainbow which was to be a testimony that God would remain forever faithful to keep the covenant never again to flood the earth so as to destroy all flesh.
- When we enter covenant with our spouse, the sign is usually a ring which serves as a covenant reminder (memorial) of the solemn and binding of that marriage covenant.
3. There is a name change
- In Genesis 17, God reaffirmed His covenant with Abram and changed his name to Abraham. He also changed Sarai's name to Sarah.
- As the wife takes on her husband's name, this change symbolizes the supernatural identity and oneness God intended for the partners who have entered the marriage covenant.
Covenant also includes...
4. The sharing of a meal - the picture of sharing a common life together.
5. Friendship is cemented - the picture of sticking closer than a brother. As friends in the marriage covenant there should be no secrets kept of concealed from each other.
6. Witnesses are there to testify - should you ever forget the covenant you made, witnesses are there to serve as a reminder to your vows.
As I look back and look to the future I can honestly say that there are certain elements a successful marriage has to have. By the way, these principles should be in place before marriage is even considered.
- Honesty - If you're not honest before marriage, you won't be honest in marriage. You've heard the phrase, "secrets, secrets are no fun...secrets, secrets hurt someone."
- Humility - two people who prefer one another over themselves will more than likely stay out of divorce court. Our biggest problem today is when we think our spouse has fallen short in "serving us." This is a result of selfishness. If you're dating someone right now and they are always trying to get something from you but never want to do anything for you...you better RUN!
- Patience - It seems we are more patient with others than we are with our own spouse...the person we are in covenant relationship with. We should avoid "biting" one another...especially in front of other people. No one wants to be around couples that are always bickering.
- Self-Examination - instead of pointing out our spouses faults, we should take a look at our own. In truth, the very thing that may be frustrating you about your spouse could be something that is wrong with you. If we'll be open to the Lord's correction and willing to examine ourselves...we'll be further down the road of becoming the spouse our spouse deserves. Here's another thought...even if 90% of the problem is attributed to your souse, what if you stepped up and owned the 10% of the problem that you were responsible for? What would happen in your marriage if you asked the Lord to show you how to improve rather than asking Him to fix your spouse?
- Jesus - most of the marriages that I have seen fall apart have had one thing in common...either one or both of the people involved decided not to wrap their lives up in JESUS! If your marriage is to survive...Jesus will have to be the center of it...period! Friend, if you're dating someone right now who isn't focused on Jesus...you better RUN...cause I've seen it too many times...your relationship will hit a wall and it will HURT!
There is much more to say about marriage. More to come...
Happy Anniversary to my wonderful wife Beverly! I love you!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Looks Like We Made It :-)
Isn't it great to hear about marriages that have lasted through the years? I think about those couples who have made it for 40, 50 and 60 years and think, "I have so much more left to experience in my own marriage." It makes me think, "If they made it, we can make it too!"
Today, Beverly and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. We married young - age 20 - after courting for nearly 5 years.
It seems more and more that long marriages are becoming less and less common. I wonder if Kaitlyn and our future grandchildren will witness as many marriages that have lasted 40, 50,and 60 years....like we have.
I wear a wedding ring on my left hand. It hasn't been off my finger in many, many years. I do remember taking it off when it broke in half and I had to have it fixed. When you look at it closely you will see nicks, scrapes and dings. Those nicks, scrapes and dings symbolize the joy and pain from our years of marriage. They represent struggles, hopes, dreams and promises. Occasionally I take my ring in and have it cleaned and polished, but honestly, I prefer it to look like 20 years of marriage we've built.
The rings we exchanged on our wedding day represent so much more than a ceremony of marriage. Our rings represent the family we've built. At first just Beverly and I, a young couple in love, then came Kaitlyn and all the struggles that marriages and families endure.
I want a long marriage.
Today, Beverly and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. We married young - age 20 - after courting for nearly 5 years.
It seems more and more that long marriages are becoming less and less common. I wonder if Kaitlyn and our future grandchildren will witness as many marriages that have lasted 40, 50,and 60 years....like we have.
I wear a wedding ring on my left hand. It hasn't been off my finger in many, many years. I do remember taking it off when it broke in half and I had to have it fixed. When you look at it closely you will see nicks, scrapes and dings. Those nicks, scrapes and dings symbolize the joy and pain from our years of marriage. They represent struggles, hopes, dreams and promises. Occasionally I take my ring in and have it cleaned and polished, but honestly, I prefer it to look like 20 years of marriage we've built.
The rings we exchanged on our wedding day represent so much more than a ceremony of marriage. Our rings represent the family we've built. At first just Beverly and I, a young couple in love, then came Kaitlyn and all the struggles that marriages and families endure.
- My ring reminds me that all the tough times were worth it.
- My ring reminds me I can hold her hand anytime, because she is mine.
- My ring reminds me that we're a team and that we work better together than apart.
- My ring reminds me that I'm totally committed to her and she's committed to me.
1991 when we were barely scraping by financially, was $99.
I paid $45 dollars to have it fixed when it broke.
Constantly having it on my hand to remind me that I'm the luckiest man in the world....PRICELESS.
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