Keep Your Windows Clean

No matter how much good there is, we can always find something bad if we look for it.  We either look at life from a positive perspective or from a negative perspective.  We can find fault, weakness and things we don't understand or like...it's our human nature.


Our eyes have to be developed to see good.  On the other hand, we can develop a critical eye and always see the bad.


Perhaps this is why so many marriages and relationships are in trouble today.  If you and your spouse are in the habit of being negative towards one another...then you'll only see the negative in each other.


Training ourselves to see the good takes work.  When we do...we end up seeing our spouse's strengths instead of their weaknesses.  We can easily focus on what we like about our spouse and magnify their good qualities rather than focus on the things that annoy us.

DECIDE today to start APPRECIATING your spouse's STRENGTHS!

A critical spirit will birth a critical mind.  When that happens, no matter what your spouse, friends or family do...it's not going to be right.  A critical mind will force you to forget all the reasons you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.


Sure, we all have faults and do things that get on one another's nerves.  But the issue is...what are you magnifying?  Are you choosing to magnify that annoyance or are you choosing to see the good and focusing only on the good?


A negative spirit toward your spouse will poison your outlook.  It will affect your communication, time together and every area of your relationship.


Think about it...when we're critical, we begin to nag and exaggerate about things that are really no big deal at all...

• "You squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of the bottom..."
• "You never take the trash out..."
• "You never spend time with me..."
• "You're always making me late..."
• "You didn't iron my shirt right..."
• etc...

If we could turn that critical spirit over and start responding with PRAISE instead...imagine what would happen...

• "Honey, when you mow the yard, you look so handsome and attractive..."
• "Sweetheart, when you pump my gas, it makes my heart do flip flops..."

If you praise your husband like that, he'll want to mow the yard every day and keep your car filled  with so much gasoline that he'll max out his Speedway Rewards Points!

People respond to PRAISE
more than CRITICISM!

When we're constantly critical, we have to realize the problem is not with our spouse.  It's not even with our circumstances.  The problem is with us.

There's an old saying, "How dirty our neighbor's laundry is depends greatly on how clean our own window is."

The Bible tells us that "To the pure all things are pure."  If you can't ever see anything right as you drive down the freeway, but only see the traffic and construction and potholes and never see the beauty, or you only see the scratch in the floor and never the amazing house; if you never see what your spouse does right and only what they do wrong, then my encouragement to you is to CLEAN YOUR WINDOW.  The problem is not with your spouse.  It's an INTERNAL ISSUE.

I believe all of us struggle in this area to some degree.  Perhaps today we should make a list of all the qualities that we like about our spouse.  Write down the things that they do right.  He may not be a communicator, but he's a hard worker.  Put that on your list.  She may have some weaknesses, but she's a great mother.  She's smart.  She's intelligent.  Write that down.  Look at that list in the morning before you go off to work.  Start focusing on each other's STRENGTHS.

Ultimately, it's up to us.  We have to decide to start appreciating our spouse's strengths and learn to downplay their weaknesses.  If we do...we'll find greater fulfillment in our marriage (and relationships in general) and we will be filled with more PEACE, UNITY, and LOVE and we'll see the blessing of God in greater ways.

At All Costs...Stay Connected

Every relationship we have is precious and a treasure from God.  The way we handle those relationships is a reflection of our heart.  I believe we should look for ways to build bridges into one another's life.  


Honestly, we can all do better than what we're doing right now in moving our relationships higher to the next level in our love for one another.


LOVE - what a word.  Love has to be learned and learned again.  There is no end to love.  The thing about love is that it should be growing.


Relationships evolve over time, people change over time, and our love should strengthen and grow over time too.


Paul said that our love should grow and abound in knowledge and depth. (Philippians 1:9)  With that being said, we cannot afford to let love run on AUTO PILOT.  Our family and friends won't just assume we love them if we don't tell them and express that love in tangible ways.


It's so important to make every effort to keep strong connections in our relationships.  As a result of my upbringing...I find myself saying "I LOVE YOU" to just about everyone I have a conversation with.  There's hardly a phone call I have that I don't end the conversation saying "I LOVE YOU."  Although they may seem to be just words...I mean them every time I say them.


When Beverly and I began serving at BFWC our lives became fuller and more complicated.  Sometimes, our schedules have us moving like ships in the night.  It has taken effort to stay connected...and we still don't get it 100% like we desire.  Taking work home is easy to do...so you have to make a choice not to come home with your mind preoccupied  with all the tasks at hand.


It's not important how we connect, but it is important that we do connect.  One of my favorite times with my family is when we all convene at a restaurant together.  We may all come from different locations, having full schedules,  but getting together keeps our connection strong and helps keep our hearts moving in the same direction.


There are times when I travel that Beverly will put a card or a love note in my suitcase.  It takes time and effort for her to do this...but it sure does make my day and it reminds me that I'm loved and valuable to her.


Sometimes when someone hurts or offends us, we can be tempted to disconnect.  But one of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is to give the other person the silent treatment in an effort to pull back.

WE SHOULD ALWAYS BELIEVE IN ONE ANOTHER,

SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER AND

MOVE FORWARD...CONNECTED.

If you haven't yet...you will be tempted to disconnect with someone.  Beverly and I have been married for twenty-one years and if there's one thing we've learned it's to NOT disconnect even when we disagree.


The Scriptures teach us "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath."  It's not good to go to bed angry with one another.  If you do, you'll wake up angry and frustrated.


Learning to agree to disagree will help you rest in your relationship even when you don't have a resolution to the disagreement by the time you go to bed.


We are all different from one another.  Recognizing that we're all different frees us to experience agape love with each other and REMAIN CONNECTED.  Just because you have a disagreement with your friends or family members does not mean there are not plenty of other areas on which you see eye to eye.  it just means you have a difference of opinion.


When we carry the same heart and the same goal we will remain connected.  In your marriage, home and even relationships you will have disagreements...but we should always BELIEVE in one another, SUPPORT one another and MOVE FORWARD through life together...CONNECTED.

Authentic and Available

Question: What do strong FAMILIES and CHURCHES have available? 
Answer:  Strong DADS.

Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 2:12 That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.



Paul speaks of living a life "worthy of God" in every day life.  Have you ever wondered what your life would look like if caught on camera?  Literally, your wife, children, coworkers and friends have video camera eyes and audio recording ears.  They see EVERYTHING.

Authentic means you are the same on the outside as you are in the inside.

Two Ways To Be Authentic:

1. Walk The Talk.  Authentic people don't have to state, 'I'm a Christian."  They simply live their life in such a way that reflects Christ.  Authentic people don't say one thing and then do another.  An example would be - a man tells his children not to tell lies but then gets a phone call at home from someone he doesn't want to talk to, so he whispers to one of his kids, "Tell them I'm not in and won't be back for three days."

Or, he attends church and puts on a peaceable front to his peers but when he gets home he uses anger to get his way with a family member.  Is that walking the talk?

At work he wears a WWJD bracelet and then goes home with some stolen office supplies.  Is that walking the talk?

What do you think his co-workers think about him when he laughs at dirty jokes right after telling them about the church revival he attended the night before?

Our actions set an example of how our kids - our spouse - our coworkers - will view God.

We should strive to be AUTHENTIC, but when we fall short we should be willing to admit when we've blown it.  They already know we've blown it.  Hey, they live with us.  Not hard to spot.  We need to apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness.  We're teaching them that when they make a mistake it's not the end of their world, but that they can admit it and grow from it.

2. Keep Your Word.  If you promise your kids or spouse something, KEEP IT.  Be consistent with your promises.  The number one resentment with kids is the broken promises of their parents.  To a child, "Probably, perhaps and maybe" means YES.  Only mention out loud what you can follow through on.

One of the biggest areas that we often disappoint our family is with our time schedule.  To enable you to keep your promises make appointments with loved ones non-negotiable commitments.  Put them on your calendar first and then schedule other things around them.  By doing that they learn to trust that you're a man of your word, otherwise you won't spend the quality time with them you should.

Two Ways To Be Available:

A man needs to be available to his family and God.  Here's a couple of ways to consider...

1. To Family.  Too often as men we focus on being a success at work and then don't have an availability with our time or energy for our children and wife.  Or when we are with them we sometimes make them feel like we can only spend time with them during the commercials.  The message we are giving them is that they aren't a priority.

It's a CONSTANT BALANCING ACT for men.  Try this:

• Live in the now.  When you spend time with the family - "be there."  That means not just physically being there, but also emotionally.  Actually be involved in whatever you're doing and not focus on what you think you'd rather be doing.
• Plan time together.  It could be a once a week family fun night doing something everyone enjoys.
• Date your mate.  Plan a night out together for some face-to-face time.  Have fun.  Eat at your favorite restaurant or see the movie she wants to see (one that doesn't have karate and spaceships. LOL).
• Spend time with your kids.  What can you do with your child(ren).  An exclusive time with dad - hiking - zoo - park - getting ice cream - going to the mall.  Time to talk.  When your child knows they can have your full attention they will often share their deepest thoughts and heart with you.
• Good listening.  Perhaps the hardest thing for men to do.  If your family is going to talk, then they have to know you're willing to listen.  This means you have to get rid of distractions.  Turn off the TV.  (March Madness - College Basketball)  Get away from the computer so you can focus on the person and the conversation you're going to have.  Listen without interrupting or changing the subject.  Maintain eye contact.  Eye contact sends a powerful message to them that what they're saying is important.  Plus it also lets you watch their body language, which tells you what they're really trying to say.

2. To God.  Are you wiling to be used daily by God to make a difference in the lives of others?  God wants available men who have a heart full of trust and faith and will be obedient to what God shows them.  Especially in our families where God has called us to be the spiritual leaders. 

• Lead your family into a vital relationship with Jesus.  This is our #1 priority.  Since more things are "caught than taught," you model this by having a daily relationship with Jesus Christ as your Lord (Matthew 22:37).  We need to take time to study the Bible so we can know God and know His will for our lives.  Through the Word of God and talking with God through prayer, God works on the inner man so we can become a man after God's own heart.  As your family sees you growing and changing it will help them understand what a relationship with our Lord is all about.
• Pray for and with your wife and children.  When praying for your children, bless them in the name of Jesus.  Implements the Three A's of Prayer, meaning, we all can pray ANYTIME, ANYWHERE and about ANYTHING!

We must WALK the TALK....nothing more - nothing less - nothing else!

Looks Like We Made It :-)

Isn't it great to hear about marriages that have lasted through the years?  I think about those couples who have made it for 40, 50 and 60 years and think, "I have so much more left to experience in my own marriage."  It makes me think, "If they made it, we can make it too!"

I want a long marriage.

Today, Beverly and I celebrated 20 years of marriage.  We married young - age 20 - after courting for nearly 5 years. 

It seems more and more that long marriages are becoming less and less common.  I wonder if Kaitlyn and our future grandchildren will witness as many marriages that have lasted 40, 50,and 60 years....like we have.

I wear a wedding ring on my left hand.  It hasn't been off my finger in many, many years.  I do remember taking it off when it broke in half and I had to have it fixed.  When you look at it closely you will see nicks, scrapes and dings.  Those nicks, scrapes and dings symbolize the joy and pain from our years of marriage.  They represent struggles, hopes, dreams and promises.  Occasionally I take my ring in and have it cleaned and polished, but honestly, I prefer it to look like 20 years of marriage we've built.

The rings we exchanged on our wedding day represent so much more than a ceremony of marriage.  Our rings represent the family we've built.  At first just Beverly and I, a young couple in love, then came Kaitlyn and all the struggles that marriages and families endure.

• My ring reminds me that all the tough times were worth it.
• My ring reminds me I can hold her hand anytime, because she is mine.
• My ring reminds me that we're a team and that we work better together than apart.
• My ring reminds me that I'm totally committed to her and she's committed to me.

The value of my ring, purchased at Service Merchandise in

1991 when we were barely scraping by financially, was $99.

I paid $45 dollars to have it fixed when it broke.

Constantly having it on my hand to remind me that I'm the luckiest man in the world....PRICELESS. 

Tithing...a Way of Life (Part 3)

Tithes are HOLY unto the Lord.  Anything that belongs to God has to be considered holy.  Therefore, tithing is separated unto Him.

Holiness is being in TOTAL AGREEMENT with God.

How is tithing related to the covenant?  First, you have to answer this:  WHAT EXACTLY IS A COVENANT?

• A covenant is an agreement or pact between two or more parties to carry out the terms that are agreed upon.
• It is a pledge, a vow, a promise.
• It is a will or a testament.

Consider the BLOOD COVENANT...it's a little different...however, it too is an agreement between two or more parties to carry out the agreed terms.  If you make that covenant in blood, it becomes binding for life.  The only thing that can nullify a blood covenant is death.  If one party were to break the covenant, the other party has the right to take your life.

In essence, the two parties would split the backbone of a heifer and lay it open.  Then they would walk around each end and meet in the middle and announce the terms of the covenant.  They would then shake hands, cut their palms or wrists and mix their blood, pointing it toward the sacrifice, and say, "if I break this covenant, God, then you do to me what I have done to this animal."

A blood covenant is the strongest covenant known to man and is only breakable by death.  It holds a great deal of accountability.

Question:  What if the covenant of marriage was made by blood today?
Answer:  If it were broken by infidelity or divorce, like so many are today, one party would have the right and obligation to kill the other.

WOW...the divorce rate would certainly not be what it is today.

Tithing is more than just putting money in the plate.  It is an agreement with God.  It is the only way to be connected to your covenant with God.  This means the tithe is your COVENANT CONNECTOR.  In other words, the only way you can receive the promises of God is through tithing; tithing connects you to the promise.

More to come...

Tithing...a Way of Life (Part 2)

Tithing is one the most important principles taught in the Bible. God has commanded each one of us to tithe, just as He has commanded us not to: kill, steal, bear false witness against our neighbor, and to keep the Sabbath holy. Just as there are no degrees of sin, (meaning sin is sin and a lie is the same as murder), tithing is no less important than the Ten Commandments.

We live in a “me first” society where greed is good and everyone looks out only for himself. We have forgotten that God commands us to put Him first, including in our finances.

Tithing is not a "get rich scheme" or even a "get out of debt" formula.  However, I would be willing to say that the number one reason God's people aren't debt free today is because they are robbing God of the small portion that He asks.

Everything on earth and in heaven already belong to God and all that He requires from us is a mere 10%.  The manifestation of God's blessings cannot come to your house if you are robbing God.

Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule?  That's where 20% of the people of the people in any given congregation pulls 80% of the load.  In other words, even though tithing is taught by every major denomination and  most every independent church in America, most Christians, by far, do not tithe or give offerings.

Tithe simply means "a tenth."  The word tithe equals ten.   Some people say they give 20% tithes or 8% tithes.  However, that is impossible because a tithe, by definition, equals TEN.  Anything more than 10% is not a tithe, it is an offering.  Anything less than 10% is not a tithe, it's disobedience.

The Bible also uses terms such as First Fruit.  This refers to the tithe as a first fruit, a first thing, a firstling and a first law.  This is what God expects from each of us.  He wants your tithe to be the first fruit of your increase, not the second, third, fourth or fifth of your increase.  Tithing requires FAITH.

Question:  "Should I tithe on the gross income or the net income?"
Answer:  Gross amount.

There are two reasons for this.  One, the gross amount is your increase.  Two, what kind of blessing do you want?  Do you want God to withhold a part of your blessing just as you withheld a part of His tithe?  The answer to that question is NO.

Everybody would say that they want the complete and full blessings of God - the best that He has.  So why do God's people withhold their best from God?  It is not God's problem that the government does not trust you and takes out its part before you receive it.  We are to tithe on the gross.

Question:  "What if someone else gives me money or I find money on the ground?"
Answer: You tithe on that amount because that is added to your INCREASE.

Anything that God gives
increase on, you tithe on.

Leviticus 27:30-31 And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land, or of the fruit of the tree, is the LORD's:  It is holy unto the LORD.  And if a man will at all redeem ought of his tithes, he shall add thereto the fifth part thereof.

Verse 30 says everything belongs to the Lord.  Surely we can see the fairness in this verse.  Since God has created everything that exists and everything belongs to Him, it seems very generous that He allows us to keep 90% and only requires us the first 10% (the first 10% of everything).

Some people would say, "I believe it's all mine.  I worked hard for my money and I don't believe I have to give any of it to God."  Friend, if the earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, then, unless He gives it to us, what really belongs to us?

If God wanted to, He could charge a price for the air you breathe, the house that you live in or the sunlight that keeps you warm.  Would you like to be billed monthly or annually?  What do you think would be a fair price for air or life?

Another part of this verse is quite unique.  It says not only is the tithe UNTO the Lord, but that "it is HOLY..." 

Holy means separated unto God.  Holiness is more than just the perceived "no make-up and long dresses..." rules of men.   Holiness has to do with our CONDUCT and BEHAVIOR.  There will be plenty of people with no make-up and long dresses in Hell.  The bottom line is this:  holiness is being in total agreement with God, having one MIND with God, and submitting to the WILL of God.

More to come on HOLINESS in respect to tithing.

God is a Covenant Keeping God

We see through the gift of salvation that God is not a LEGALIST.  How do we know this?  The Bible says in Genesis that everything must reproduce after its own kind, but when God sent His Son to redeem us, He rewrote the rules and sent His Son through a virgin.

This means that He did not come through the seed of a man but He was conceived of the Holy Spirit.

God is a not a LEGALIST.  Satan, the adversary, is very much a legalist.  When Lucifer fell from Heaven his name changed to Satan.  Names represent personality.  The names of Satan and Devil both mean ACCUSER OF THE BRETHREN.  One means false accuser and the other means true accuser.

When Adam and Even sinned in the garden, they bestowed on Satan the legal authority to this world.  It did not come from God, but from man.  Before the battle in the garden took place, God had given Adam dominion over the world.  The Bible says Eve was beguiled by the serpent, but Adam was not deceived.

When Adam took of the fruit he transferred OWNERSHIP of the world to Satan.  As long as Adam was under God's authority, he had dominion over the world to multiply and subdue.  When Adam broke the covenant, he released his authority of the world to the enemy.  Now, Satan is the prince of this world.

From that time until today, Satan has been constructing an order of things that are diametrically opposed to the will of God.

Satan then attempted to do the same thing to the last Adam (Jesus) as he did to the first Adam.  In Luke 4 Jesus is led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.  Satan is tempting Jesus to "sell out" just as he did with Adam because if he can get Jesus to fall to him like Adam did, then man will have no hope to be redeemed.

Jesus, who is sinless, being both God and man, is the only one that can make covenant with God.  Since Jesus is our elder brother and was totally man, He brings us into covenant with God.  Satan knew he had to get Jesus to sell out.  He was hoping Jesus did not realize the power of His ministry and the anointing that God had given Him.

Satan takes Jesus to a high mountain peak and shows Him all the kingdoms of this world.  And yet, Jesus already has full possession of the earth and the fullness thereof. (Psalms 24:1)

The earth belongs to God.  Not only the earth, but also everything upon the earth.  David makes a distinction between the earth and the world.  Why?  Because the world is always changeable.  The world is nothing but decor or a prop.

The real wealth of this planet is not in the world.  All of the real wealth is in the earth.  That is why when God talks about what He possesses, He never uses words like "I possess all the money in the earth" but He talks about possessing the earth itself.

All of the real wealth is in the earth.

Tithing...a Way of Life

Your obedience in tithing is the thing that ensures you to receive the blessings of Malachi 3:8-12.  If you are robbing God of your tithes, you nee to understand that these promises cannot come to you.  No matter how much prayer, fasting or believing you do, you cannot receive these blessings because the Bible shows us that only our OBEDIENCE ensures the blessings are operating in our life.

Many people are not obtaining what God wants for them due to sheer disobedience.

The Hebrew word "maasrah" means "the tenth."  This alone shows us that God has determined what our tithe is.  It is a tenth of our increase.  Tithing is not giving what we want to God and calling it "our tithe."  It is already predetermined and preset at 1/10th of your increase.  Increase is your GROSS pay not your NET.

I've been asked many times..."do I tithe on my gross or my net?"  The answer is simple, do you want a GROSS BLESSING or a NET BLESSING?

Anything required by God is required by FAITH.  We are told in Proverbs 3:9-10 to "Honor the Lord with thy substance, and with the first fruits of all thine increase: so that thy barns be filled with plenty and they presses shall burst out with new wine."

Look at the words "honor the Lord" in verse 9.  The literal meaning here is "to mark out a place for God."  It has the connotation of digging a hole to be filled.  How do we honor the Lord?  By digging a hole for God with our substance or the first fruits of our increase.  Then we are giving God a place to pour into our life.

If there has been increase to you, you must tithe from that increase.  Make sure you have dug a hole so God can say, "because of that hole and because you have honored me, I will fill it for you!"

Why do this?  So that your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats may burst out with new wine.

That which is not of faith, is sin.

The problem with many Christians is that they do not understand that whatever God requires of you is required by FAITH.   According to Romans 14:23, anything that is not of faith is sin.  Tithing is done by faith. 

Anyone who adds up their bills FIRST to see if they will have 10% left and then pay tithes, even though it is 10%, is not tithing.  Tithing is a FIRST FRUIT; it must be done before anything else by FAITH.  It must be FIRST to be accepted by God.

God is a covenant God and a covenant keeping God.  he is the one who says, "IF and THEN."  He does what He promises He will do based upon our meeting His conditions.  "if you do this, then I will do that."  If you obey Him, He will keep the terms of the agreement or covenant.  If you disobey Him, then you cannot expect Him to honor the terms of the agreement because you are a covenant breaker.

Some Christians wonder what God being a covenant God has to do with their financial situation.  Once you are born again, you have a new RELATIONSHIP with God.  This relationship is much different than the one you had before.  With this new relationship, God has already DETERMINED TO BLESS YOU.  He paid a price for your soul and since you accepted His gift of salvation, you are now qualified to receive all the other blessings He has in store for you!

More to come on this subject...

Merry Christmas from Pastors Russell & Beverly Hylton

Beverly and I want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. We love you and are thankful that we can experience LIFE with you!

We are blessed to be part of your family and the family of God. Spending time with you each week in service, or even via the Internet, is special to us.

We want to be more than your pastors but also your friends. In 2011, we are believing for more than a “normal” year but an “incredible” year!

Apostle Paul said it best “…exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or think…”

Maybe this past year wasn’t what you had hoped, perhaps there are some things you need to release and let go of. Every day with Jesus is a NEW BEGINNING! Allow your heart to be filled with expectancy today and believe for newness this season.

We appreciate you very much! We appreciate your support, your prayers and your faithfulness to us personally and to the ministry of BFWC.

2011 marks “50” years of ministry of BFWC in Indianapolis! We are excited about the good things that will take place this year!

We want to encourage you to keep Christ FIRST in all you do and say while you are going through your Christmas activities. It is important to remember that great ministry opportunities exist at this time of year as many people are struggling with depression and loneliness as memories of what “used to be”, are filling their minds.

By keeping Christ first, we can be sure to reach out to those around us, with the true message of Christmas, and that is Jesus Christ came to earth to seek and to save that which was lost. He came to serve, not be served!

Take time as well to be faithful to Church, as well as remember to pray and read the Word, and you will be ready in ways you never dreamed possible.

Be sure to stay in tune with all that is happening at BFWC by visiting our website at www.bfwc.net and or reading the bulletin at church. (A downloadable version is available on the website.)

We love you,

Pastors Russell & Beverly Hylton

Happy Birthday Beverly!

Happy Birthday to my sweetheart!

We had a great time visiting Chicago - great weather; great food; great family time; great shopping; great scenery; great accomodations; great memories!

No Time For God - Practical Perspectives

Have you asked God for something and He’s given it to you and now it’s taken you away from Him?

It's sort of like the wife who wanted to have a baby and then when the baby came she no longer had time for her husband. He may not be too happy to hear her when she says she wants to have another baby.

Have you asked God for that promotion at work and now you have to work so many hours you can’t go to church anymore? You can’t spend time with God anymore because you’re so busy working trying to keep everyone around you happy?

Have you asked God to help your ministry grow but now you’re so busy working for Him that you don’t have time to be with Him?

Are you so busy building your new house that you don’t have time to pray anymore or spend with God?

Don’t be surprised if God isn’t too excited about giving you something else.

What we think we will do and what we do are two different things.

Married to a Minister

When married couples enter into ministry, particularly pastoral ministry, there are not only practical lessons that must be learned but also spiritual principles that must be followed. Answering the call of God is a serious matter. Paul reminds us in Romans 11:29 that “the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.” Serving in ministry is a great privilege! At times, you’ll doubt that privilege, especially when pressures come and responsibilities mount.

However, even with the pressures, demands, loneliness, stress and endless responsibilities, serving in God’s Kingdom is still the most rewarding calling I know of. Having your heart “fixed” and your mind “made up” will carry you through the difficult times. God never intends to withdraw His gifts or calling once they’re given. He doesn’t change His mind about those He gives His grace or He sends His call.

When you grasp this, then you realize that no matter how discouraged you get, you can’t quit. Regardless of how either spouse feels, once you’ve committed to the call – there is no turning back. This is important to know, especially in marriage. You’ve often heard it said, “behind every successful man, there is a good wife.” That’s true in ministry too. Every successful minister, who’s married, must have a good spouse that is ready to remind them of their calling and be readily available to offer support especially when doubts about ministry surface.

Spouses of ministers have an incredible ministry call! Your role is to “pastor” the pastor. You’ll have to encourage him, build his confidence and learn how to deal with the negative in a positive way, because that’s what matters.

With the increase of ministry demand and ministry growth, new challenges will arise that will cause you to have to encourage yourself in the Lord. When David’s wives were kidnapped at Ziklag, the Bible says he “encouraged himself in the Lord.” (1 Samuel 30:6) In the absence of his wife, he had to do what she would have done for him. The Bible teaches us that “two are better than one.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10) If a minister does not have the full support of his spouse than greater are his chances to “fall” out of ministry and miss his destiny.

Support is essential especially when people say things that hurt you. You’ll be criticized, ostracized, envied, hated without cause and even attacked by bold people. Not to mention the mistakes you’ll make on your own. But if you and your spouse are committed to the call – you’ll weather it. The problem comes when you both become discouraged at the same time. This is where I’ve seen ministers and their families fall apart. When both are down, neither of you can lift each other up and that’s when you must cling to the principle of learning how to encourage each other in the Lord.

If your husband is a minister, it your duty and responsibility to be his biggest fan, friend and supporter! More than likely, you may be the one who either keeps him in the ministry or causes him to leave the ministry. Your attitude is so important! There are many men who are not in the ministry today because they had a wife who didn’t encourage them when they needed it and who didn’t remind them of their calling and responsibility to God.

You’ll have to pull out all the stops if you’re going to be married to a minister. Like it or not, you’ll live in a “glass house” and it won’t always be glamorous or fun. But you must learn to make the best of every circumstance. If you wallow in self-pity because you feel lonely, taken advantage of, treated unfairly or even unjustly criticized you’ll cave in to the enemies strategy. You must realize that if you weren’t doing anything credible for God, the enemy wouldn’t be trying to defeat you.

A minister’s wife also has the responsibility of the children. Your first responsibility is to your husband, and your second responsibility is to your children. Your third responsibility is to the ministry God has given you as your husband’s helpmeet in the ministry. Careful planning will help you navigate through your role as a wife, mother, and a co-laborer in the ministry.

If your husband is called – then you are called, because you and your husband are one. If you don’t sense that calling to the ministry, talk to the Lord about it, and He will make it real to you. But you need to have the call established in your heart to carry you through times of pressure.

Both Beverly and I grew up in a pastor’s home. The calling for either of us wasn’t hard to grasp or understand. Beverly has made multiple sacrifices throughout our marriage to ensure our success. Even when she may not have been as comfortable with the transitions we’ve made in ministry, whether it was evangelistic or pastoral, she learned how important it was for her to carry the calling with me. Without her flexibility and willingness to adapt, discouragement would have easily settled in my heart.

Being in the ministry with your husband doesn’t mean you take over his duties. You may not have a “pulpit” ministry to preach, but you will be called to complement one another – not compete with each other. You don’t take over your husband’s responsibilities in the ministry, but you do get involved and help him in the ministry. I have personally witnessed ministries in which the woman did not participate in any of the functions of the ministry and chose to be a “silent partner.” Guess what happened? The couple grew apart.

If the wife doesn’t get involved, there is a part of her that is unfulfilled. Her husband will get all the attention, and she will feel left out. This can not only cause discord but they will end up with nothing to talk about. When the kids are young, a husband and wife can talk about the kids. But eventually a day will come when the children will be gone and she’ll find herself married to a “stranger.”

When a man is in the ministry, that is his whole life. Often that will be all he wants to talk about. And if his wife doesn’t participate in the ministry with him, it leaves room for the devil to come in. For instance, let’s say another woman in the church does assume some type of leadership role. Then the pastor, as the head of that church, has something in common with that woman. Since he has the responsibility of the church, at times he’ll discuss things with her. Do you see how this can give place to the devil in your marriage? Thoughts will enter into the wife’s mind and she’ll begin to imagine the worst, with the help of the devil.

That’s why it’s so important that minister’s wives be the one your husband is conferring to concerning church matters. Then together you can plan projects or implement changes. Regardless of whether or not you feel you’re “qualified to lead” or not, it would behoove you to begin leading.

The devil never goes off duty. I’ve seen him destroy marriages of people who have been in the ministry for over 25 years!

One of the reasons I do not counsel women alone is because the Bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:22 and Ephesians 4:27 to shun the very appearance of evil and to give no place to the devil! If I have to visit a woman in the hospital, Beverly goes with me. She enters the hospital room first and makes sure that the woman we’re visiting is presentable. There are even occasions, that she’ll have to pray without me especially if the lady we’re visiting doesn’t feel presentable and would rather I not see her like that.

In marriage and in ministry, there is a right and a wrong time for a woman to speak. It is important that you choose the right time to speak or voice your opinion. Never embarrass your husband in front of others. This is so important. For instance, don't contradict your husband in public. If you work in the church office, your husband is always right! When other people are present, your husband is always right! When the two of you are alone, you can give him your opinion, but never contradict him in public.

I try to share a little bit about everything with Beverly. I don’t want her to be surprised or caught off guard when she is approached by people who want her counsel and assume she already knows about their situation. This keeps her in the loop and prepared to answer questions that come from “out of the blue.”

In your marriage, strive to build a relationship with your husband. Be his best friend. Marriage is never easy, just as the ministry is never easy. Both of you will have to build both your marriage and your ministry! You need to learn how to communicate with each other. In the ministry, there may be times when your friendship with your husband is the only friendship you have.

Learn to fight for your husband’s ministry. Solomon describes a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10-31.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

• To find a woman who willing to give up all self to serve the Lord first, and then her husband is very rare.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

• What God is saying is that the husband can trust in her decisions and knows that he can depend on her for support.
• It is hard for a man to have such a responsibility for a family.
• A wife’s support is a necessity.
• I believe that " he shall have no need for spoil" means that his wife makes him complete.
• There was no need for outside influence, be it financial needs, sexual needs, emotional needs, or physical needs.
• Besides having God as deity the wife helps to make the man feel complete.
• Believe it or not women but God did not give you your husband so that you can make him who you think he should be.
• God gave you your husband so you could pray for, hold up, strengthen and uplift this man, while God was tearing down, uprooting and creating him into the man of God that he was called to be.
• It is vital that woman are on their knees in prayer doing warfare for their Husbands so that they can be the leader that God has called them to be.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

• A wife's responsibility is to be a spiritual support for your husband.
• If you are not seeking God's will for your husband, doing warfare for your husband, than you are doing evil towards your mate.
• A wife’s responsibility is not making the decisions, but it is praying for your husband that he makes the right decisions.
• A wife and Mother's job never ends.
• It is twenty four hours a day seven days a week.
• So be instant in season and out of season.
• Never let the devil steal your victory or your family.
• You are the strength and foundation that God will stand on to lift your Husband and your children up into the Heavenlies to fulfill the call of God in their lives.

Ladies, pray for your husband. Men don’t always talk. They don’t talk about the secret struggles that they are going through. Stand in the gap for your husband! Battle for him…not with him. Lift his hands and keep him encouraged.

Every minister’s wife feels discouraged, confused and isolated at one point or another. Depression is very common. Minister’s wives aren’t perfect, and some do not conform to ridiculous expectations, to be a preacher, piano player or a gourmet chef.

Minister’s wives must know who they are and what their priorities are – not mold themselves into what other people want them to be just to please people. Your number one goal is to please God.

I Need a Change

I cannot change what is wrong on the outside of me until I first change what is wrong on the inside of me.

Most of us would like to change something about ourselves. Perhaps a different body shape, nose, eye color, hair color or even our name. We generally start with the external first. However, that is not always the place to begin. If real change is to take place then I must first begin with my heart. Change must be from the inside outward.

How many times have you confronted your spouse with a problem they have that is destroying your relationship and they plead for another chance and promised they will change? But they never change. It is on the outside that they try to change but do nothing on the inside.

As a Pastor, I see people all the time desiring to change their church attendance. They come for several weeks in a row and then they drop off. What happened? They attempted to change the external without first changing their heart. The change does not last.

Real change on the inside happens when God changes me.

God has His part and I have mine. He is the one who gives me a new heart and spirit. When God changes my heart, I become more sensitive as to how He expects me to live.

Last week, I visited the dentist to have a new "on lay" put over some old fillings I received when I was a child. After the visit, for several days, my teeth were sensitive to cold beverages. Something had been done to my tooth and as a result I was much more sensitive.

Whenever I allow God to work on my heart, I become much more sensitive as to how God wants me to live my life. I become more aware of God as I live each day. When I become dull as to how I am to live my life, it is evident that I have not allowed God to work on my heart in a while.

When real change takes place in my heart, God shifts my attention from simply dealing with my problems to building real relationship with Him.

Focusing all of our energy on our relationship with God helps put everything else in it's proper place. If you have a marriage problem, try building a relationship with your Heavenly Father. Then, all the mess in your life will seem to fall in line.

Also, when God changes my heart, I am aware that there are other people with problems equal to or greater than mine. Now, that my heart has been fixed, I can help others rather than just focus on my problems. When I try to help other people with their problems then my problem looks a whole lot smaller.

Sometimes our problems get big because all we do is focus on our problems. God shifts our attention to the needs of others by giving us a heart of flesh.

My success to dealing with my problem lies in God's hands not mine.

If you are reading this today and know you need to change but are not willing to allow God to change you...then know that lasting change will not come. But, if you'll acknowledge God you'll be successful.

Change in my life is more dependent upon God than it is upon me. We all have things we would like to change about ourselves. Any real change has to occur on the inside and that is where God gets involved. When God gets involved, you will easily recognize the signs that your heart has been changed.

Technology at it's best - internet on the airplane!

I can hardly believe technology today. We left Indianapolis this morning headed to Florida for Spring Break. We're sitting on the plane and I'm updating my blog LIVE over the Internet.

Air-tran uses gogo Internet service. You simply sign up and away you go.

The best part is, today is Sunday and I'm able to click on our church website (http://www.bfwc.net/) and watch the services LIVE while we're in mid-air.

Isn't that crazy?

We are excited to get a way for a few days. We're gonna spend some quality time together - laughing, relaxing, enjoying sunshine and taking it easy. It's good to get away for a scheduled trip. Also, this is Kaitlyn's senior year of High School and then it's off to college in the fall. Where does the time go?

It's also a joy to know that the church is in capable hands! We're honored to serve with such quality leadership. Working in the Kingdom of God is challenging to say the least...but when you're surrounded with excellent leaders the load is much easier to bear. Now, I don't want to make it sound like ministry is a "BEAR" - because it is absolutely a JOY! Anyone whose been involved in ministry for any length of time understands the privilege and the responsibility.

A special thanks today to our wonderful congregation for their commitment to Christ and His work. Together, we're making an impact in our city. We're honored to serve you!

Love,

Russell & Beverly Hylton
www.bfwc.net

19 years ago today

19 years ago today, Beverly and I were married in Manchester Ohio. She truly is my soul mate and the love of my life. God allowed our paths to meet even as children, playing in the yard at my aunt Genevie's house in Canal Fulton, Ohio.

Later our paths would meet again as my parents and her parents connected together in ministry. From there we set our hearts to seek the Lord and were married at the young age of twenty.

I'm still married to my sweetheart.

Because in everything I do
You always have a part,
Because a loving thought of you
Is always in my heart,
Because each little wish of mine
You've tried to make come true --
On this, our day, I want to say
How dearly I love you.