Speaking of Lapdance Haircuts...Time for Back-to-School Victory Hair for Roxy, Rex, London & Maddie!

Speaking of the strangest Google searches, it is still true that Roxiticus Desperate Housewives is number one for "lapdance haircut," thanks to the bizarre juxtoposition a few months back of a post about blogosphere buddy Deb on the Rocks, who uses the word lapdance on her EntreCard, and a post about my fabulous hairdresser, Madeline, who comes to my house every six weeks to create my Victory Hair... a special two-color blondest blonde and blondest strawberry highlighting process that gives me that unique look you've all come to know and love.

Madeline and I go waaaay back, but she does NOT provide lapdance haircuts, not even for me. Madeline has been doing my haircuts and highlights for about 25 years, including those wild single years when Roxy and Melissa competed every weekend in the Ultimate Flirting Championship in each and every one of those cheap little seaside (Jersey Shore) bars. As a client once told me many years ago, everything changes when you have children, but Madeline will always be the source of Roxy's Victory Hair.

As Labor Day is fast approaching, it is almost time for the Roxiticus Desperate Offspring to start the first and second grade at Mendham Township Elementary School, and they need back-to-school Victory Hair to start the school year right. On Tuesday morning, as we drive back up north after spending most of August at our beach house in Bay Head, we'll have the windows rolled down and I'll be singin' Tonight's the Night, since Madeline will be over for a visit in the evening... we'll drink a little wine, enjoy some girl talk, and by the end of the night, my hair will look ooh la la terrific. While my highlights are setting and I'm wearing tin foil on my head like a creature from outer space, Madeline will cut Rex's hair and give London and Maddie a trim, too. Then I'll read the girls a bedtime story, pack them off to their rooms, and SHAZZAM! One thing will lead to another with Rex, and there you have it...Victory Hair! As London would say, "Yay me!"

For those of you who can't get a Victory Hair house call, Madeline works at The Edge in Landing, New Jersey and can be reached for an appointment at 973-398-3988. Just ask for Roxiticus Desperate Victory Hair: Roxy's special cut/style, the two color highlights, then maybe add a dash of Extreme Style by VO5 and you've got it... my secret's out!

Time for Another Lapdance Haircut!

About six weeks back, I posted here about how spoiled and pampered a Roxiticus Desperate Housewife I am, at least as far as my Victory Hair goes. Ever since we moved out here to the Roxiticus Valley from New York City in October 2003, my hairdresser has been making house calls. Madeline and I go waaaay back. She has been doing my haircuts and highlights for almost 25 years, including Roxy's wild single years when I was competing every weekend in the Ultimate Flirting Championship in all of my favorite Jersey Shore bars. While things have changed over the years, every six weeks, Madeline comes out and keeps these shiny red locks looking their best, cuts Rex's hair, and gives each of my girls a trim, too. Tomorrow, when Rex and I head in to our office in NYC, I'll be singin' Tonight's the Night all day, since Madeline is coming for a visit... We'll drink a little wine, enjoy some girl talk, and my hair will look terrific at the end of the night. Then I'll read the girls a bedtime story, send them off to their rooms, and SHAZZAM! One thing will lead to another with Rex...Victory Hair! Yay me!

Shortly after my original post, somebody Googled "lapdance haircuts in Morris County, NJ" and suddenly found themselves here at Roxiticus Desperate Housewives. I believe the confusion resulted from two recent, separate, posts: one about a humorous blogger, Deb on the Rocks, who uses "lapdance" on her EntreCard; the other about my fabulous hairdresser from The Edge in Landing, NJ (who can be reached for an appointment at 973-398-3988, but does NOT provide lapdances along with her haircuts). I am not offering any lapdance haircuts here at Roxiticus Desperate Housewives, but am referring those seeking such services to a salon in Knoxville, Tennessee featured in a post entitled "Need a Trim? Bring Some Singles" on BeyondtheNeon, a blog about strippers that the prim and proper Bree only visits for purposes of voting in a Battle of the Blogs (click my BlogExplosion Banner at the top of the page if you'd like to join in the fun). I guess early market research indicates that if Gentlemen's Top Cuts is looking to expand, there's an eager market right here in Morris County, New Jersey. Perhaps they can open up a branch in that massage parlor they shut down over in Chester last year.

In the meantime, our loyal Roxiticus Desperate Housewives readers (or perhaps those who are still confused and looking for lapdance haircuts) have been stopping in to the Edge in Landing, New Jersey, seeking the Roxiticus Desperate Hairstyle. While you can't get Madeline's amazing service in your own home, if you live in Morris County, you can play the "Ultimate Flirting Championship" by clicking through the widget below and you can set yourself up with an appointment at the Edge in Landing, NJ (973-398-3988), for Roxy's patented Victory Hair: the special Roxiticus Desperate Housewives cut and two-color blondest blonde and strawberry blonde highlights treatment, then maybe a dash of Extreme Style by VO5....there, my secret's out!