nonamedufus

I spent the weekend watching bums. Well, actually, I watched a lot of sports but by default I saw a lot of bums. First it was the ladies tennis at Wimbledon. Serena Williams was playing somebody Saturday but after several hours of viewing Ms. Williams rear end I couldn't tell you who it was. I think Serena - and her purple underwear - won, though. Then came the Tour de France. Those guys really work their asses off. (See what I did there?) And I watched them do it both Saturday and Sunday. But here's the thing about cycling. Those guys have a little added padding in their pants. No they don't shove a sock down their underwear. I'm talking about the other end. The camera kept focussing on cyclists posteriors and I noticed what I thought was some additional fabric where they, you know, sit. Sure enough, after googling for it here's what I found... Looks pretty odd. But it must be a lot more comfortable then your bare butt, and other manly parts, on a cycle

I'm a bit of a sports fanatic. Ask my wife. When the NFL season starts she calls herself the football widow. I enjoy watching hockey, although my team - the Senators - didn't make it very far into the post-season. I love basketball, although my Celtics lost to the Lakers in 7 games this year. I enjoy baseball. I like tennis and I'll watch soccer when there's nothing better to do. Each of these sports have their own quirky activities. Take hockey. Players of this sport love to spit. They must build up a hell of a lot of mucus skating up and down the ice cause they're always spitting. But hockey's long gone and baseball's in full swing (pun intended). They spit in baseball, too. Sunflower seeds, tobacco juice, and good old mucus build up. They also do something else in baseball. When players aren't slapping each other on the butt, they're grabbing themselves. Like this guy... I'm not sure if this guy knows which hand the bat&

The sun is shining on South Africa.  South Africa is home to the 2010 World Cup.  And the world it getting a glimpse of a South Africa they may never have seen...or heard before.  Have you been watching soccer's World Cup?  Of course you have...viewership in the States has doubled since the last Cup four years ago.  If you have, you know about the vuvuzela controversy.  If you haven't, you should tune in to see just what I'm talking about. A vuvuzela is not a lady's hoo-ha.  No, no, no that's something else altogether.  A vuvuleza is a plastic one-note horn.  And do fans blow them when there's a goal or a fabulous play?  No.  No?  That's right they play them constantly from the opening minute throughout the game and into extra minutes. To the viewer it sounds like your watching, or listening to, a giant bee-hive.  Oh, and it's very, very annoying.  They are annoying to the point that there have been discussions about banning them.  Players have co

Now get this.  It would seem that German soccer fans are a dedicated lot.  A survey there last week has revealed most Germans would prefer watching their team in the World Cup final than having sex with their partners. The survey indicated only 5 per cent of those questioned would prefer going all the way than watching their national soccer team, um, er, go all the way. Historically, aren't these the guys that were busy creating the master race.  Seems they're now into rooting for, what they hope is, the master soccer team. Meanwhile, in Argentina their soccer players will be able to enjoy the best of both worlds.  Their coach has decided to let team members have sex during the World Cup.  As the team doctor puts it: "Sex is part of everybody's social life and it's not a problem in itself.  Problems arise with the excesses: all the extra, a non-regular partner or in hours reserved for rest." No, no silly. Today's a game day! So the players will be abl

…O'er the land of the free And the home of the brave. Look out, look out, those jets are flying pretty low…whew, that was close.  Watch out for the Met Life blimp! …gentlemen, start your engines. Okay, here we go.  Outta the pits and onto the track behind the pace car. Why do they call it the pace car, anyway?  The only pace it keeps is so slow the cars behind it swerve back and forth to pretend they want to pass it. I wonder if I can buy a beer from the #2 car and some M&Ms from the #18?  They're going slow enough, I could just run along side them…  uh-oh, that guy's waving a green flag and the cars are speeding up.  I'll have to wait 'till they pit. Why do they call it the pits?  Does it suck to work down there?  Does it smell like armpit sweat?  They could probably use some Old Spice.   They sure run around a lot down there.  I'll bet they could use a Budweiser right about now. Oh, geez, a crash.  I didn't know Danica Patrick was racing th

Tiger Wood's redemption clicked into high gear yesterday.  Maybe it's coincidence, maybe not, but he held his big news conference to kick off his participation in the Masters the day after the resurrection. Here's my view of how the news conference went using actual quotes from Woods.  Of course the quotes are totally out of context. Masters defender or master deceptor Tiger Woods sat down  with reporters yesterday and apologized to his fans.  Well, he apologized to a small group of fans...female fans  "I acted terribly...I need to change that. Going forward I need to be a better man than I was before."  Mistresses, past, present and future were thrilled to hear Tiger's words.  "Just because I've gone through treatment doesn't mean it stops." Reporters were interested in the incident that brought Tiger's infidelities to light: the night he crashed his car on the street in front of his house.  "Winning golf tournaments through

Orlando breaks out...the ball is brought up the right side of the court...a pass to the left...uh, oh...a Laker guard draws his magnum and demands the ball be handed over...wait a minute...the Orlando center has just pulled a sawed-off shotgun and threatened to blow the Laker player away unless he gives back the ball... You laugh, but given events of a couple of weeks ago that only just came to light, this type of thing may come to pass.  It seems two members of the Washington Wizards basketball team called each other out in the team's dressing room, arguing over a gambling debt one owed the other, at gunpoint. Are you dribbling at me? Get this.  It's not clear if the the guns belonged to both players or just one of them.  Yeah, right.  Gotta game tonight.  But you never know what could happen in the dressing room with my team mates.  I just better be packin' to be on the safe side. Why is it lately every time  a sports fan turns around he learns the athletes he wat

Yesterday was another day of football in the Dufus household. Well, for one of us. I'm a long-time NFL fan. Not die-hard mind you; not a fanatic. But I love to watch the game. So when Sunday rolls around, anyone that knows me knows where to find me. In front of the TV. I don't track stats so I don't know who has most yards rushing, most interceptions, most TDs and that kind of stuff. I don't know all the combatants; only a few marquee players like the Manning brothers of Indianapolis and New York, Giselle Bundchen's husband in Foxboro and Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger and others famous for their notoriety like Michael Vick, Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco . And I enjoy the pre -game shows. Hell, that's where I get my information. I usually start with Chris "Boomer" Berman on ESPN at 11:00 and flip over to J.B. and the boys on CBS at noon. I used to watch the Fox pre -game show but I got tired of Terry Bradshaw and when host James

This week's look back at highlights from editorial cartoonists focuses on sports. Last weekend, the unexpected happened in the world of golf. Meanwhile in the world of football two quarterbacks made anticipated comebacks. It remains to be seen if their resurrections will be viewed as the second-coming... or, I guess in one instance the third...

Two examples of "the more things change the more they remain the same".

Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, ‘Naaahhh!’ Then they said to me ‘Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind Kids.’ Then I thought.. “Damn, - I could win this! merci

Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers # 10 - Have to sit upright while driving. # 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat. # 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music. # 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time. # 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr. # 5 - Police cars on track interfere ... # 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho. # 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition. # 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run. AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR... # 1 - They Can't wear their helmets sideways. (David Letterman)

Bo Knew

merci

Two weeks ago my son and I drove to Toronto. It was his College study break and we had tickets to a Raptors game. What better break from studying than a basketball game! They were playing Cleveland and Lebron James was in town. It was a wet dreary day, but we killed some time doing a little sightseeing. Our first stop was the Hockey Hall of Fame. We hadn't been there since he was a little kid. The picture above was taken outside the buidling. The one below is of the marvelous atrium where the entrance to the Hall is located. We found tons of hockey artifacts, including these bronzed skates that once belonged to Bobby Orr... And there were some items to get us...a couple of Senators fans...excited. These 2 displays show Jason Spezza then, as a Junior... and now, as a key part of Ottawa's line-up... Part of the Hall is a former bank and the original Staley Cup is kept in the vault... While Ottawa hasn't won the Cup in recent years, although they came close, they did win it s