nonamedufus

Let me tell you a little story from some years ago. It was dark. It was stormy. I know, I know that opening is best hidden away. But that's the way it was. The rain-slicked streets captured the fallen leaves like wallpaper paste. Better? Thank you. The little ghosts and goblins were out in full force although some older spooks were best hidden away until later as it was only 7pm. But it was the chatter of those pint-sized spirits that filled the air like the sound of chipmunks who knew their nuts were best hidden away. Take that whatever way you want. And mamma in her kerchief, and I in my cap - sorry, wrong season. And the wife watching TV and me having a crap, heard the doorbell ring and went into a flap. Doing what I was doing in the bathroom with the fan on full was best hidden away, so the wife answered the door. "Where are the treats?" she yelled from the front hall. "On the closet shelf" I erupted...and then replied. "Knowing your love

I can't recall with great precision just what I used to dress up as on Halloween when I was a kid. Cowboys and Indians was a favourite neighbourhood game back then so I think I was a cowboy a year or two. I seem to remember having a coonskin hat so Davey Crocket was another costume I donned. And, of course, the old sheet with two holes for my eyes was sure to scare the neighbours, unless the Klan was riding through southwestern Ontario in the 1950s and was giving us kids a one-day only membership special, uniform supplied. As we got older we'd yell really brilliant things at people's doors like "Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat". I wonder who made that up? I guess some people didn't hear us because they gave us apples. Apples? There were a lot of squished apples in the road by the end of the evening as I recall. And as we glided into our pre-teen years my buddies and I would stock up on eggs. We didn't give people a cho

It's coming soon. Next week little monsters, literally and figuratively, will be ringing your doorbells and  knocking on your doors asking you for candy. That's pretty forward and presumptuous of them when you think about it, isn't it? Yeah. And they'll hit you with that hallow threat of "trick or treat". I say hallow because if you choose trick I bet they don't have one. They're only in it for the treat. So between now and then I bet you spend somewhere around 40-50 dollars on mini chocolate bars, candy kisses, jujubes, jellybeans and what-have-you so you can dish them out to little kids in costumes carrying a little plastic pumpkin and probably to some bigger kids with no costumes and a pillow case. Except me. Yeah, that's right. I've lived in my current neighbourhood for 13 years now and not once has a kid come to my door on halloween. Not one! And every year we still go out and buy a pile of candy on the off-chance someon

This is a story about Marvin. Marvin's a monster. Don't misunderstand me. He's not a monster in the berates his kids and beats his wife way. No. I mean in the not human way. He's a real honest-to-goodness monster. Well I shouldn't say not in the human way because Marvin's miscellaneous modules do come from various human sources. But they were donated after they died because, well, they really had no use for them any more. Marvin's master, Micky, took great pains to create Marvin in his image. And he more or less succeeded. Micky's gone now, the sad victim of an argument between he and his creation. Well, we know who got in the last word in that one, don't we. Today, of all days, is Marvin's 30th birthday. It was touch and go there for a while when Marvin was just a mini monster. Transfusions, electrical charges and a little lightening now and then were all that were needed to ensure Marvin grew up to become a normal boo-boy. In

Hallow's eve is almost upon us. Have you got your costume yet? You don't know who to go as? Well, this is your lucky day.  nonamedufus  is happy to share with you some ideas for the costume-challenged among you. Hugh Laurie Is there a doctor in the House? Cut your hair with a straight-edged razor, grow a three-day beard, swipe Uncle Gimpy's cane and don a T-shirt that's been sitting in the laundry for several weeks and you too could trick or treat as Dr. House. Who knows, maybe you too could attract a Dr. Cuddy, voted as having the best breasts in television. Betty White Women are from Venus, Betty's from Mars Bars She's on Saturday Night Live, in every second television commercial, situation comedy and feature film this fall. She's everywhere. And now she could be trick or treating down your block. A white fright wig and an able walker are all you need to be the hit of Halloween this year. The popularity of this character's iffy as she may drop d

Long back and sides, a little off the top? That was mine. But there were others who made the cut this week in our Halloween edition of Pause, Ponder and Pun . For example Moooooog split my gut with his caption of: Shit like this is why I don't go to Supercuts any more. ba_hutch (no link, sorry) cut me up with: I really love my creation -- it fits you so well. I can see your inner beauty. And "Lothario" Don buzzed in with: She's picking my brain. She must like me. But Leeuna scored a close shave with her winning caption of: Will I still be able to do the comb over thing? Leeuna, you be hangin' with Dufus! Congratulations.

I'm gonna cast my mind way back today...and at my age that ain't easy. As we approach Halloween a couple of interweb sites I belong to are cranking themselves up over all things boo-y. Theme Thursday has chosen Halloween as it's theme today and of course Humor Bloggers Dot Boo has got their freak on - literally - all week. Drop over to both sites and follow the links for some scary stuff. Woah, woah, woah...not yet. Read my stuff first, then go there to get your monster mash. Halloween in my day used to be the time of year dentists just loved. I recall one year, several months past Halloween when I made a trip to the scariest place on earth for me - Dr. Hacking - only to discover the kindness of my neighbours and two months of lugging their largess to school for snacks had resulted in 17 cavities. After 17 fillings you can bet there was a whole lot of shaking going on. Yet if that was the worst that could happen, so what. We didn't have razor blades and pins s

Welcome to our Halloween edition of Pause, Ponder and Pun . Good luck scaring up a comment this week, folks. See you Saturday when we'll take a boo at our winner... When you're done here, check out Mad-Mad Margo , ettarose and Kirsten to fill your captioning fix. They've got some great pics today, too. And if you're looking for more boo for your buck, check out Humor Bloggers Dot Com for more Halloween hilarity!

'Twas the night before Halloween, when all through our home Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome The pumpkins were carved by the front door with care In hopes the Addams family soon would be there The children were costumed in orange, black and red While visions of chocolate bars danced in their heads Ma wore a kerchief, and I in my cap Had just locked the door for a ten minute crap When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from the throne to see what was the matter I leaned to zip up my pants in a flash And inflicted on my hoo-haw a most hurtful gash The moon on the breast of the woman below Gave the lustre of mid-day to Elvira - she glowed When, what to my wondering eyes should appear But Father Roy with a six pack of beer With a little young boy, who's name was Nick I knew in a moment I must act real quick More rapid than eagles my curses they came And I whistled and shouted and called him names Now Father you pervert, stop prancing you vixen Is the t

The folks over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com are celebrating all things ghoulish and gobliny - with the odd zombie thrown in - all week during their Halloween Humor Carnival. In keeping with that theme, today I've decided to take a look at something that scares the bejeezus out of most Canadians... Few people know of the Canadian connection to Halloween. Were you aware of the secret society in the Haunted House of Commons that worships at the feet of the electorate? Oh yes. According to that well-known and respected source of information - dufuspedia - Halloween has it's origins in the ancient political festival known as election which is derived from Lower Canada and means "sanity's end" . The celebration has some elements of a "festival of the very stupid" . The ancient Lower Canadians believed the border between bad government, this world, and good government, or Otherworld, became thin at election, allowing spirits (both harmless and harmful) to