The thing [you think] you cannot do.

When I returned from "Stop Sign", I turned on my BlackBerry.

My dad was supposed to be finishing up another surgery (all went well, btw and he's home now. YAY!) and my mom had promised a text. And it was a text I was very grateful for.

I had committed to stay offline all last week and for the most part was really good about it. But, I noticed that there were some comments from my post that morning. I read (and was grateful for) every single one of them. Oh, I needed them that morning.

One in particular spoke to me, especially after "stop sign":
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...do the thing you think you cannot do." -
Eleanor Roosevelt (love you, Kara!)

But, I had no idea how much I would need those words just a couple hours later.

I had heard about "Treading".
I had heard it was hard.

By Thursday afternoon you become really close with some people in the class and I hopped on a treadmill in the middle of two of the best women...one much older than me and one much younger.

Treading is a high intensity cardio interval program developed by the founder of Fitness Ridge. This is how it goes:
5 minutes warm up
5 minutes as hard as you can go
5 minute recovery
4 minutes as hard as you can go
4 minute recovery
3 minutes as hard as you can go
3 minute recovery
2 minutes as hard as you can go
2 minute recovery
1 minute as hard as you can go
1 minute recovery
5 minute cool down

"as hard as you can go" means different things to different people. I asked one of the trainers what that should be. I wanted a number...something to shoot for. She said, "you know what it is."

And I did.

I have a speed on my treadmill that I worked up to when I started to become "a runner" earlier this year. But, my running took a back seat this fall to my schedule and it's been a long time since I've ever done that number. And even then it was a "5 minute on, 5 minute off" kind of thing. I knew if I was really going to go "as hard as I could go", it needed to be a higher number than that.

Problem was, I KNEW I could not do it.
KNEW.

I didn't just believe I couldn't.
I KNEW I couldn't.

But, my treadmill buddy on the left and I decided that's where we would start. And so we did.

At 2 minutes in, I was in trouble.
I got that feeling that when I get at home on my treadmill, I slow down...my heart felt like it could rupture. That's when I get scared. That's when I stop.

"I can't do it. I can't do it." I huffed out.

"Yes you can, Laurel. You can do this." my treadmill buddies said back to me.

"I can't. I can't."
And that's when one of the trainers saw what was happening.
She came over and stood in front of me.

"Don't you dare stop. You can do this. Don't be the thing standing in your way of finishing. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go!"

The clock was not moving fast enough.
And I found myself thinking of all the things I want in my life...all the things that seem so out of reach...all the things I tell myself I can't get...that I'm not good enough for.

And I just wanted to stop.

There was a minute left.
I couldn't breathe.
I was scared.
I was exhausted.

"30 seconds!" Trainer Tiffany yelled. "Don't you dare stop!"

"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...ONE!"

I hopped to the side and bent over.
And I sobbed.

Just five minutes earlier, I didn't just THINK I couldn't do what I just did. I KNEW I couldn't. I KNEW I was going to have to stop before it was time to stop. I KNEW it.

And here I was, in the five minute recovery, sobbing, trying to catch my breath, trying to grab some water...

Then it was time for the next interval.
Four minutes.

"I really can't do this again. I really really can't." I said out loud between gasping for breaths.
"Yes, you can, Laurel. You can do this," my treadmill buddies said again.
"Get ready to increase your speed" Tiffany yelled.

And we got to the speed again.
And again, I thought I was going to die.
And again, Tiffany saw what was happening.
And again, she came over and stood right in front of my treadmill.

"You know you want this. Don't doubt your ability to get it done. Don't be the thing standing in your way. You have this, Laurel. You have this!"

I thought of all those things again.
The sobbing started sometime during the last minute.
Breathing is hard enough without sobbing and that's when I knew I had to stop.
I was getting ready to jump off to the side but something in me kept going.
And the next thing I knew:
"30 seconds!" Trainer Tiffany yelled. "Don't you dare stop!"
Then "10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...ONE! Recover."

My mind was spinning.
I had just done something I KNEW I could not do...not just once but twice.
Which meant only one thing.
I. was. wrong.

I didn't even have time to process it when it was time for the 3-minute interval. And I knew if I could do the speed I previously could not do for 5 and 4, I could do faster for 3.
And then the cycle started again.
Me thinking I couldn't.
People yelling at me I could.
The 10-second countdown.
Me crying at the side of the treadmill.

And the speed kept climbing.

And I kept going till the end of the time.

I cried the entire cool down.
I looked to my right and my left.
"Thank you" I quietly whispered to my treadmill buddies.
Tiffany came over.
"Don't you EVER forget what you just did," she said.

Something happens when you do the thing you think you cannot do. Mrs. Roosevelt was right. You DO gain strength, courage and confidence. But I also gained something else.

When I stepped off that treadmill, I had the "ah ha" of a lifetime.
I realized I was not who I thought I was.
I walked into that class with limits on my abilities and ideas about what my life was supposed to be like...what it COULD be like.

And, well, if the limits I thought I had were wrong, the ideas about what my life was supposed to be like or could be like were wrong too.

That's no small thing.

I gained an entirely new view of myself on that treadmill last Thursday. I walked out of that class knowing I could never be the same again.
Because the girl I thought I was just simply didn't exist anymore.

I'm now the girl who does the thing I think I cannot do.
That is who I am.

What about you?
What's the thing you think you cannot do?
And are you ready to do it?
Not TRY to do it.
DO IT.

Don't be the one thing standing in your way.
Trust me.