The day I stood behind myself [Part 1]

It's almost over.
This unbelievably hard and amazing experience...
This two weeks that seemed to have every right piece perfectly placed to give me exactly what I needed...
It's nearly done.

And I have more things than I can share (a. because how do I really even recreate it and b. I don't want to be obnxious talking about it). But, I need to try and find a way to share what feels like the "turning point" of my life.

You know, I'm not sure what I thought would come from my time at Fitness Ridge exactly.

I trusted it would push my physical limits.
I had watched Biggest Loser enough to assume I would cry.
I was told I'd be taken outside my comfort zones.
I sensed that it would change my life.

But I don't think I had any idea.
Really.

I felt a deep connection with the trainer from my Treading experience and I was impressed to set up a personal training session with her this week.

I wasn't sure why.
I just knew that I needed to.

The morning hike had been really difficult.
And the class right after that had pushed my limits.
It was mountain class (increase incline every 3 minutes 12 times...no joke) and I hurt and had increased too much too early and by the last two increases, I was just spent. I heard Tiffany tell us to increase for time number 11 and I didn't say "I can't" because I had made a promise not to say that anymore.

But, I noticed my head was shaking "no".
It wasn't a conscious action.
That's just what I was doing.

I increased, but not without a little fight with myself.

The same thing happened for the last increase.
My head shook "no" when she told us to do it.

And, as is the case with me here, I was crying the last 3 minutes.
In part, because it was really really hard but also because I had proof I was still fighting myself. It was frustrating and confusing and discouraging. I thought I had had a breakthrough last week and that kind of behavior was behind me.

After the class I was so very tempted to cancel my private session but there was a part of me that knew I was right there...so close to figuring this thing out once and for all. I had to do it. I had to.

And so we started.

[to be continued]