My holiday wish for YOU

Something has happened to me the last few days.
Maybe it was that November didn't quite turn out like I had hoped.
Maybe it was because last weekend was oh so hard.
Maybe it was that I had to fight to stay positive every morning when I couldn't run.

Whatever it was, it's like another switch went on inside my head over the last few days.
And I'm making all sorts of plans for this journey of mine.

And it feels really good.

Because, I am STILL focused.
I am STILL determined.
I am STILL really really believing.

And, bottomline, things are just as they should be.
I am right where He knew I'd be.

I'm the daughter of a Father in Heaven who never tires of my need to be reassured.
Even when I shouldn't need it.
Even when I hate asking Him "just one more time".

And every single time...
Every.
Single.
Time.
...He sends me what I need.
It might be small...barely detectable unless I'm staying perfectly still.

Yet when I stay perfectly still...
And get on my knees...
and open my heart...
Well, He sends reassurance just one more time...
that He is there.
And knows I am here.

We are never alone.
Never.

Never.

And I hope you get whatever you need this beautiful holiday season to let YOU know that truth in whatever way you need to know it and that you feel surrounded by all the love and support and encouragement you need to do whatever you feel called to do right now.

A perfect wish, don't you think?

Happiest of holidays to YOU.
Happiest.
xoxo

a fresh start

(admittance: I can't blog every day. I can pretend it's possible but it's just not. So I'm still focusing on gratitude but the "every day" part of this? Not happening. There. I said it. Whew.)






"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, the staying down."
---Mary Pickford








It's been so tempting to feel like I've failed a bit.
I was supposed to be so much further along at this point than I am.
But there were things that came up in my life that felt more important.
And I underestimated how hard it would be to change my head.
And, well, for better or for worse, this is where I am.

But, this morning at the boot camp orientation, in a moment when I just wanted to be done (it's hard, people...next week is called "hell week" and all I can say is, after this morning, it's aptly named), my cute friend Tiffany (who was inspired to tell me about this program. She truly was.), told me to turn around and look at myself in the mirror.

And I did.

And I realized, I haven't failed.
Sure, I got a bit derailed.
Sure, it might look on paper like I wasted time.
But, I didn't take a step back.
I didn't stay down.
I'm still going.

Today felt like a "fresh start" and I loved it.
My body loved it.
My spirit loved it.

I loved it.
Fresh starts are really awesome.
Really.

And I'm super grateful for this one.


(image found here)

God is good

even on days when my piriformis muscle is messing up my plans
even on days when i'm exhausted
even on days when i'm totally overwhelmed by this thing that is called my life
even on days when all i want to do is eat ice cream
even on days when i have a pimple that i swear i had on picture day in 6th grade
even on days when i can't think of a single thing to be grateful for

still...

i'm blown away by how good God is
and how MUCH gratitude can fill my heart when i kneel to pray.

sometimes it's the little things...

DAY 9: TSA Agents

I just need to say:

Particularly the TSA agent this afternoon who walked passed me at my gate waiting to board my plane whilst on my cell phone leaving a voicemail on a work matter who kindly and quietly walked up to me and, after pulling on my skirt, said, "Um, dear, your skirt is up."

"SHUT. UP." Was all I could say.
And then...
"Thank you. Holy cow. Thank you."

Seriously, people?
Seriously.

Who lets a fast-walking on-the-go girl get all the way from security to her gate without stopping her and helping a sister out? Who does that?

I was horrified.
I laughed.
And then I finished the voicemail I was leaving.

Well, because I was busy...

You know? Sometimes I'm just grateful for the little things.

where my feet are

DAY 8: My feet

"I remind myself to 'be where my feet are' often. My mind tends to drift toward the future, sometimes planning or worrying about what lies ahead, missing the present. Being present is where life is the most rich and colorful. I've even found myself consciously feeling the soles of my feet on the ground to get myself there."
-Artist, Cassandra Barney

I first saw this painting (painted on vintage wallpaper, how cool is that?) right after I returned from Fitness Ridge. It's called "Be Where Your Feet Are" and it immediately reminded me of something my favorite trainer there would say to me when I first started running.

When things got hard and I felt like I couldn't do it any longer, she would say: "Feel your feet". If I could just focus on feeling my feet every time they hit the ground, I would be able to stay present and as a result go further.

Isn't that an interesting thought?

By not focusing so much on what was ahead, I was actually able to get further ahead.
By not getting overwhelmed about how much further I had to go and focusing on where I was, I was able to take more steps.

It's a fascinating truth.

And every time I walk into the Deseret Book store downtown, I see the painting (framed oh so cool) and tell myself, "Feel your feet."

Lately I've been a bit obsessed with the painting and so when it was "employee appreciation day" today, I snuck down after hours (it's a late night, people) and purchased it. I came back to my office and hung it on the wall...and couldn't be more thrilled with the purchase.

(my new painting on the right and my fun Aboriginal art from Sydney on the left.)

And tonight, as I sit here in my office looking at the lit spires of the temple, I'm reminding myself of what really matters. And what really matters is today...right now...where I'm at in this moment.

And what I'm going to do about it.

For one thing, I'm going to be where my feet are.
Which helps me feel grateful for where I am.

And...excited about where these feet of mine will go.

the fire inside me

DAY 7: Hard. Things.

So, last night I hopped on facebook and had a message waiting for me from a new friend (one of those friend of a friend who is also the sister-in-law of another friend...I love small worlds). She had attached the above pic. She saw it and thought of me.

I'll love her forever for that.
(Thank you, Misty my friend. THANK. YOU.)

We are less than 14 weeks from a really significant milestone in my little life and there is this fire inside me...the fire I felt last December...the fire I felt leading up to the half.

It's back.
And it's burning bright.

I'm starting a 6-week boot camp next week (like one of those crazy 5am every morning military-style camps).
I'm connecting in December for a couple of days with the trainer who changed my life last year.
I'm registered for another half marathon in January.

And I'll be turning [gulp] 40 in less than 14 weeks.
And my spirit wants to live in a stronger better body than I've ever known.
And my spirit really deserves to get to do that.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Hardest. Thing. Ever.
But, I've learned I can do hard things.
I've done hard before.
I can do it again.

And this fire inside me?
Well, it requires I do this hard thing now.

Yes, it will hurt.
Yes, it will take time (13 weeks to be exact).
Yes, it will require dedication...

BUT...

I will do this and it will be oh so worth it.

Feeling so darn grateful the fire came back.
Pretty darn grateful indeed.

(Hang on, friends. THIS is going to be crazy. Crazy good.)

miracles in small letters

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters
of the very same story which is written across the whole world
in letters too large for some of us to see.”
-C.S. Lewis

Day 6: Miracles

Friday night I met one of the sweetest girls, a girl I knew would be easily memorable because of the little sparkle in her eye...and because of her name.

"Miracle".

And I could just tell she really probably was one.

She had one of my books and asked me to sign it. I shared a little message with her that truly just kind of came out from my pen. I didn't think much of it.

The next morning, on Saturday, while the women continued to enjoy their event, a few of us lucky people got to spend the day in a room with nearly 400 great young women. It was a fabulous day and I felt so lucky to be with them.

I saw cute Miracle a couple of times that day and at the end of the event as I was meeting girls and making them pinky swear to take the "prayer challenge" I had extended, I got to see her again.

I don't know quite how to articulate what happens sometimes when I'm in the presence of certain young women. I have very tender feelings about times when I've been able to be a messenger in some way for one of them. And ever since my experience with Jordan at a girls camp one summer, I am able to be more bold when I feel like there's something I need to say. Because I don't want a young woman to not hear a message they needed just because I was too timid to give it.

And so when I found myself in the presence of this cute girl again, I was overwhelmed...completely overwhelmed by the love Heavenly Father had for her. And I had to tell her. I had to find a way to express it.

Miracle wanted me to know that what I had written to her the night before had a connection for her to something she had been told another time in her life. "The exact phrase", she said through her 14 year old tears. "You used the exact phrase. How did you know?"

"I didn't, my dear. But Heavenly Father did. And He obviously wants you to know how much He loves you."

And then words just flowed through me. And we both just stood there and cried (how cute that you can even see her tear stains on the sleeve of my jacket).

They were happy tears.
Tears of two girls who were feeling the power of being "daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us".

I believe every day God is making sure we see evidence of His love.
I believe those evidences, when we see them, are miracles.
I believe many times those miracles occur when we just take time to look at each other, feel after each other, talk to each other.

Thoreau once said,
“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?”

No. I think not.

Everyday expressions of God's love.
Everyday miracles.
In small little letters.

Just one more thing I'm truly grateful for.

a better dream

Day 5: My Dream

Friday night, at the TOFW event in Phoenix, was a really sweet experience.
There was a spirit in that hall from the moment the doors opened.
Nearly 3000 stories, in the forms of women and girls, rushed through and I was being given the opportunity to share a bit of mine.

My story this past year has been pretty incredible to me in many ways.
But, it has not been perfect.
It has not been without complications, some expected and some surprising.
And it definitely has not been at all what I thought it would be almost a year ago when it began.

But last night, as I shared a bit of what I've learned, it actually felt perfect and simple and I sensed it was exactly the way God knew it would be when He started me on this journey.

Sweet.

During the first break I had the privilege of meeting so many good women who in one way or another could relate to my "optimist experiment" and my journey...a journey I'm still very much in the middle of. We loved each other and encouraged each other and I was sincerely grateful to rub shoulders with them.

When the event began again, I took my seat only to find a small piece of paper sitting there with my name on it. I opened it to read:

"Sometimes on the way to a dream
you get lost and find a better one."

(oh, thank you dear anonymous friend for the sweet note you couldn't have known I needed.)

The last few weeks have been a time of really important personal reflection and even more important communication with God.

You see, I have this dream living inside of me.
And I think I've underestimated how hard it would be to change my life and do the work required to make it happen.
But I also underestimated how intimately involved the Lord would be in this journey.
In so many of the smallest details.
And how willing He was to lead me to my dream.

I'm not where I thought I'd be right now.
But, I know (again) I'm where He knew I'd be.
And so I know I didn't get lost...
because you can't get lost when you're being led.
He's up ahead; always has been.
And He's leading me to the place He wants me to be...a better place that I would have dreamed of on my own.

I trust that.
I'm grateful for that.

And...I'm excited for it too.

The return of the PO BOX

DAY 4: My comical life

Do you remember my meltdown at the Post Office last year to the guy who looked like Newman?

Do you remember the reason I had the meltdown was because I hadn't paid my PO BOX renewal and they shut down my box?

Do you remember thinking, when you read about that, that surely it would never happen again?

It happened again.

I wish I was kidding.

But, I think I decided that morning that maybe one of the reasons I've not yet been blessed with the privilege of motherhood is because I CAN'T EVEN KEEP UP WITH A ONE TIME A YEAR RENEWAL OF A PO BOX.

I mean, how could I possibly care for little people who need to be fed multiple times a day?

I have *got* to find ways to prove my responsibleness (yes, I just made that word up.)

One positive, albeit thanks to an email reminder from my friend John Hilton and my sister being in town this summer, I renewed my car registration prior to its expiration. Remember last year? (and the year before that...and the year before that.)

So, now, if someone could just set a reminder for the PO BOX renewal...this blog will really be paying off for my comical life.

And I'd be most grateful.

(Really. I'm convinced. Some things happen only to me...and I'm *trying to be* grateful for that too.)

Deliciously evil

Grateful for these?
Yep. I sure am.
And I'm not too proud to admit it.

DAY 3: Rocky Mountain Salted Caramels

Last weekend at the wedding, I *might* have let myself go off my "no sugar" thing (that's a conversation for another day). And I *might* have found myself on a long layover in Minneapolis and I *might* have walked into the terminal and seen a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

And I *might* have bought 2 salted caramels.
One milk chocolate.
One dark.

And, as a "salted caramel" connoisseur in my previous life, I *might* be able to say that the Rocky Mountain variety are HANDS DOWN the most deliciously evil things I have ever tasted.

And you *might* want to send a box the next time you want to tell someone how much you love them.
You might want to.
Especially if that someone is me (wink. wink.)

I shouldn't be grateful for something so evil.
I really shouldn't.
But, alas.
I am.

People along life's path

(last night in Farr West, UT)

“No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny
without leaving some mark on it forever.”
-Francois Muriac

DAY 2: Crossed paths

This is just one example of the richness in my life that I don't acknowledge nearly often enough.

My life has crossed paths with so many...SO MANY...good people. And while my work has often been the means for the introduction, I'm always amazed at how small the world seems regardless...how often you bump into people at the airport...how easy it is to meet someone who knows someone who knows someone...how quickly you just connect with some people.

Every now and then, your life path crosses with someone you just know you've known longer than the calendar would show. They are familiar and comfortable and require very little of your time or energy (even though you wish you could give more).

Sandy (above) is just one example. She had a totally cute jacket on at a TOFW event (sometimes I'm worldy like that). We struck up a conversation and I liked her immediately. I saw her again like a year later when I ran into her and her husband late one night at the baggage carousel at the airport (one of those times when you know you look like death warmed over and you just pray you won't see a soul you know).

"Are you Laurel Christensen?" she asked?
(I so wanted to deny it...but then I remembered she was that one woman I really really liked. Darn it.)

Then, thanks to facebook, we just started randomly keeping in touch and she invited me to come speak to the women and young women in her ward.

I went last night.

All the way up to Farr West, Utah (note to self: Just because someone is named "Sandy" doesn't mean they live in "Sandy, UT". Make sure to pay attention to directions and addresses and stuff before you plan to leave the office later than you should to drive all the way to Farr West, UT. bless my little busy overwhelmed heart.)

It was such a privilege to be there with her and her amazing daughter and her incredible husband (who had quite possibly the best pair of shoes on. And I confess, I am a *sucker* for a great pair of mens shoes. I've often been teased that one of my primary reasons for getting married is so I have a man to dress. But, I digress.) They are the kind of people who it just feels good to be in their presence.

You know that type?
(Heck, most of you ARE the type.)

As I drove home, I was struck with the reminder that the Lord is constantly letting my path cross with really great people (some of you I've met right here in blogosphere) who come in and out, adding a little here and a little there to this life of mine. And so often right when I need just a little.

Because it doesn't have to be a lot.
It doesn't have to be some big thing.
But, we are a product of every single one of those life path crossings.

And when I look at the people the Lord has let me cross paths with?
(including a whole lotta you)
Well, I'm just so grateful.
So very very grateful.

Grateful Days

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought;
and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.
~G.K. Chesterton

This is hands down my favorite month.
(and especially this year, how cool is 11/1/11? I so should be getting married today.)

And so, between it being my favorite month AND that fact that I've kind of missed blogging, I'm getting back to reflecting and writing this month.

Writing and reflecting on blessings and gratitude and a thankful heart.

Because I am blessed.
And I am grateful.
And my little heart needs to talk about it.

DAY 1: Beautiful Heartbreaks

I couldn't always say that, of course.
But, as is often the case, we can look back on the things that seemed the hardest and see that God can take those heartbreaking things and turn them into something beautiful.

How He does it is amazing to me.

And while I could go on and on, I don't need to. Because it's probably best articulated in this music video (that you've probably seen on facebook already) of "Beautiful Heartbreak", an incredible song written by two people who I love and admire. Who, interestingly enough, have stood by me through some of mine.

I'm grateful for those things in my life that have brought me to this place I'm in.
I'm really really grateful for this place I'm in.
And it's true.
I would never trade the view from here.



Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade . . .

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.


(PS Hilary's new album EVERY STEP is a must. Stay tuned for more.)