Somebody Stop This Beyotch!

I have not seen the latest Disney musical Frozen. I have heard the songs and the parodies of the songs and I think I have a basic understanding of it's plot. And while I love Idina Menzel and the fact that Disney is still able to produce quality films in the digital age... enough, already!

If like Uncle P,  you live along the PA/NJ/NY portion of the infamous I-95 Corridor, then you know exactly what I am talking about. For the past hour, snow has been falling as part of the fourth major snow storm here in as many weeks. Some models project as much as 20 or more inches for the region. Snow here has passed beyond 'magical' and 'beautiful' and long moved on to "I F*CKING HATE WINTER!!"  Of course, it was weather like this which prompted my Sister and the BIL to move to Florida (a state mostly populated by retirees, lunatics, meth-heads and cannibal face-eaters). 

The days are slowly but surely getting longer and I go off of middle shift at the end of this month, which means I'll be going home during daylight once again. Both of these things give me hope, though I still remember the blizzard of March, 1996 and the multiple ice storms of 1998. I was then, as now, convinced winter would never end. I did then and still do, know better. This too, shall pass. Spring will arrive and summer in the Delaware Valley will be excruciatingly humid and we'll all be bitching about that, come mid-July. Still... Taos looks better and better with each passing storm...

If you are trapped in your house today, take some time to enjoy these hilariously (if only slightly) related videos:

This was just last week:

And just to make you feel a little better about this seemingly endless winter, the boys from MST3K have it covered:

Feeling a little warmer already...

More, anon.
Prospero

UPDATE: Uncle P has just learned that the Day Job is closed today! Woo-hoo! Sleeping in!

Snow Day Part Deux (of Trois?)

Today was yet another rare Snow Day at Uncle P's Day Job. I got to sleep in and even found a pair of entrepreneurial teens who shoveled my walk and driveway in less than a quarter of the time it would have taken me. Of course, the township plow came along after, creating a mound of nastiness at the bottom of my driveway. I did my best to shovel away the worst of it, but relied on my SUV to clear paths in several directions. 

Of course, the weather also kept me from personal interactions. Lately, it seems most of my personal interactions have been at the Day Job, and while that's not exactly a bad thing, it's not a good thing, either.

And while another major ice/snow storm is predicted for tomorrow night, I spend another night alone in a house I may well have to give up, through no fault of my own. Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining (well, maybe a little). What I am is confused, lonely and depressed. And while I imagine that applies to so many people I may or may not know, it doesn't make me feel any better about it. Trust me, if I could afford therapy, I'd so back in a heartbeat. Of course, that also means finding a therapist as good as my last one (almost 20 years ago).

Honestly, I'll probably get through this winter. And probably the next several. I have another 15 years before I can officially retire. I may lose my mind and move to the Southwest well before then.

Aaaauuuuuuuuuugh!

More, anon.
Prospero

Retro Review: "We're the Millers"

I wasn't sure if I was going to post about Groundhog Day or write this review... And I did my best to come up with a way to tie the two together, but couldn't find any rational correlation between the two other than that both Groundhog Day and We're the Millers are comedies.

Michael joined me for dinner and an OnDemand movie Friday night and since we were both in the mood for some nonsense, we watched this past summer's weirdly sentimental caper comedy which turned out to be actually much funnier than the numbers said it should have been. A preposterous plot? Most certainly. Gross-outs; sex jokes; stereotypes; outrageous coincidences and Carny trash? Of course! There is nothing particularly original or unexpected about the script from Bob Fisher and Steve Faber (The Wedding Crashers) or Rawson Marshall Thurber's (Dodgeball) direction. Luckily, Thurber managed to to pull together a cast capable of pulling off this particular brand of nonsense with ease and style. 

SNl alum Jason Sudekis is Dave Clark, a slacker pot dealer who is content with his life and has his business down to a science. Jennifer Aniston (in another surprisingly good performance) is his neighbor Rose, a stripper at the end of her financial rope. When dorky neighbor Kenny (Will Poulter) involves Dave in a dispute with a bunch of thugs and street urchin Casey (Emma Roberts) he ends up with both is stash and cash stolen and owing over $40 Grand to his supplier, the innocuously named but ruthless Brad (Ed Helms). In order or make up for it Brad sends Dave to Mexico to pick up "a smidgen and half" of pot. In order to keep under the radar, Dave enlists Rose, Kenny and Casey to pretend to be an average family on an RV trip. Throughout the outrageous road trip (which includes an exceptionally funny encounter with a sexually adventurous DEA agent and his wife - hilariously played Nick Offerman and and Katherine Hahn) and a male genitals visual involving a tarantula bite that is almost as disturbing as the zipper scene in There's Something About Mary, the four forge a very unlikely bond. It's no spoiler here to say the Millers end up together as a very real (though oddly dysfunctional) family. Stupid, ridiculous and not at all for the prudish. We're the Millers is well worth the watching, especially with the right person, under the right conditions. And I must admit, this gay man isn't afraid to say that bad actress or not, Aniston is smoking hot in this movie! It was exactly the kind of nonsense I needed after the week I've had!

We're the Millers is rated 'R' for drug references, sexual situations, adult language and violence. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out Of Four Stars).

And since it is Groundhog Day, that rotten Marmota monax had better not see it's shadow this morning. I have no problem driving out to Punxatawney to wring that rodent's neck! Not one, but two snowstorms are predicted for this region in the coming week. While I have no intention of moving any time soon, retirement in Taos is looking more and more attractive.

More, anon.

Prospero

Snow Day

Winter Storm Janus: Punishment for Christieism

I blame NJ Governor Chris Christie for Winter Storm Janus and the subsequent traffic snarl it caused yesterday afternoon, everywhere. If the fundies can blame me, then I get to blame some one, too. In truth though, the germ of the idea for this post came out of a Facebook status I posted last night, so forgive me if I'm repeating part of this. 

We all knew the storm was coming and the first tiny flakes started to fall yesterday morning just as I reached the last traffic-lighted intersection before arriving at the Day Job. At 11:00 I took my morning smoke break (yes, I know) and notice the plant across the way is closing, as cars begin to make a mass exodus from the lot. I came back to my desk to find an email from HR announcing we were closing at 1:00 (No lunch breaks, please). All well and good. The snow is light and easy to get off my car and I'm on my way by 1:12. It wouldn't be until 1:49 that I even got out of the town where the Day Job is located! The ride that normally takes 20 to 25 minutes and can sometimes take 40 to 50  minutes in bad weather, actually took me well over ninety minutes. And all because every other company along the I95 corridor closed at the same time and sent out millions of vehicles out onto snow-covered roads with hampered visibility. When I finally got home, after bitching about the weather and the traffic and the need to shovel, I sort gave in and resigned myself that this was happening and at least I'd gotten out early and would get a Snow Day out of it (an unusually high 2.5 this season). Which got me thinking about how I went from loving Snow Days as a kid to hating them as an adult. 

When Uncle P and his sister were kids, our Mom loved Snow Days, because it meant we got to stay home and she could play with us. We'd bundle up to go out and play in the snow; come in to warm up and dry out and have PB&Js and Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup and then go out for a another hour, until our faces were red and our noses runny. Then it was inside again where warm towels from the dryer waited for us wrap up in while leaning against the boiler's hot brick chimney. Then came hot cocoa and some sort of activity at the kitchen table. Colorforms; Shrinkey-Dinks; Spirograph; paint-by-numbers; coloring books and crayons; watercolors... always something creative to keep us busy until it was time for her to start making dinner in time for Dad to get home. 

Today, was not at all that kind of Snow Day. Sis's Sister-in-Law's son (say that three times, fast), who I've just started to get know and now refer to as my "Nephew-in-Law," came and shoveled me out today, and when I went to get money to pay him, he skipped. I texted him "No fair!" and he texted back "You're family!" Of course, when he helped me this past Monday to put the new battery in the car I'm trying to sell, I stuck a twenty in his pocket when his hands were busy and he had no choice. I'm going to make him some cookies or brownies or something. He's a good kid and I am appreciate my BIL and his family's (especially his sister and her son) kindness more and more, all the time. So, while I could have done any number of things today, including cleaning; painting; inventorying and purging the chest freezer (among others), I instead hibernated until after 10:30 and then vegged out on a "Tattoo Nightmares" marathon on Spike. And while I have 4 episodes of "Dracula" on my DVR, I'm not sure if I'm really willing to continue with the slow-moving plot that seems to have bogged it down the last few episodes I did see. 

So after dinner (the last of the chicken and hush puppies from Sunday) it was off to Netflix and the film version of a story I first read online: John Dies at the End. David Wong's online novel about time-travel; metaphysics; alternate universes; demons; mystical drugs and artificial intelligence (among other things) is transformed into a just-as-weird film by co-writer, director Don Coscarelli, creator of the equally weird Phantasm series. But this is also Coscarelli's homage to other genre directors with nods to Carpenter; Cronenberg and Raimi as told by Lovecraft. Produced by and co-starring Paul Giamatti, Coscarelli and David Wong worked on a script that both managed to connect some of the missing dots in Wong's novella, while maintaining its gonzo sensibilities. Add cuties Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes as leads Dave and John; genre fave Clancy Brown as a charismatic preacher/exorcist (he's so powerful, he can expel a demon over the phone); the often-used but rarely seen Doug Jones (Pan's Labyrinth; Hellboy); a cameo from Angus Scrimm (Phantasm's 'Tall Man') and loads of physical gross-outs and FX (plus an animated sequence that is both gross and hilarious) and you end up with a strange and often hilarious horror movie with two characters who deserve a sequel. *** (Three Out of Four Stars).

So, that was my Snow Day - some nostalgia; sleeping in; bad tattoos and a fun, weird horror movie I've been wanting to see that turned out to be actually pretty good. I may be too old for sledding and snow-forts, but you're never too old to appreciate a lazy day and then ramble on about it like anyone else really cares. 

Did you have a Snow Day today? What did you do or not do, today?

More, anon.
Prospero

Merrily. Merrily, Merrily...

Enjoy the silence. Embrace your loved ones. Take joy in your Humanity. Accept beauty when you see it. Find your light and follow it. Merry Christmas, no matter that means to you. 

More, anon.

Brian

A Literal Flashmob & The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

Illuminati?

Search "Flash Mob" on The Revenge and you will find 13 entries (including this one). And while "Flash Mob" hardly has as many entries as say "Movies" (587); "Horror" (284) or even my beloved "Zombies" (101), it's still an intriguing idea and something I desperately want to plan. And while some posts combine "Flash Mob" with entries like "Zombies;" "The Gayest Thing" and "Music Video," there are plenty of ways to read about what I call a "Mini-Obsession."

One of the very first Flash Mobs to go viral was Improv Everywhere's Frozen Grand Central. I immediately loved what they were doing:

They've since gone on to several "No Pants Subway Ride" events; a board meeting in the middles of an office supply store; synchronized car alarms and any other number of insane and amusing events, all of which can be seen on YouTube. Since they made their big splash at Grand Central, they returned to help celebrate the fabled and historic terminals 100th anniversary with a synchronized light show, literally 'flashing' their audience (see, I know you all have minds like mine, and I do not mean this). Via comes this clip of "Grand Central Human-Powered Light Show:"

I'll bet you're glad I didn't link to that Bondi Beach video again, aren't you? 

Since I'm already talking about videos and "The Gayest Thing," below (also via) is Sherry Vine's latest bit of nonsense; a parody of Tina Turner's 'Private Dancer.' Really? A parody of a 30 year-old song? Why not? It works, mostly because the hilarious lyrics are about the men gay boys (who, me?) lusted after in the 70's and 80's. And because Vine never takes any of it seriously, mocking both her performance and the production values in a very silly and obviously last-minute bit of foolishness. Enjoy:

There is another 'snowpocalypse' predicted for the East Coast tomorrow and Saturday (which would cause grief for me both personally (postponing a much-anticipated second date with T) and professionally (you don't want to know). If the fear-mongering TV Weatherfolk are wrong (as my rational, non-ratings-seeking, airport meteorologist friend Chris says they are), then I will hopefully not be posting tomorrow night as I have something much more exciting planned (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

More, anon.
Prospero

Alien Hand Syndrome?

A dearth of anything truly interesting to say combined with a particularly nasty bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder have left your Uncle P in a rather dour mood of late.

I'm still keeping my Dream Journal though, and hope that my most recent bizarro dream about Alien Hands (don't ask, just yet) will result in another full-fledged screenplay, though I have to wonder where that particular scenario might lead. The dream itself involved dismembered alien hands that turned into feet which grew legs that developed into a torso... And no, I didn't eat anything strange, spicy or greasy before bed last night. I'd detail the entire dream here, but I don't want to risk your thinking I'm completely insane (as if you don't already think that, anyway).

I am still feeling rather trapped by snow (and not at all happy to hear that another major storm may be headed our way this coming week), despite having done some grocery shopping today (parking was a literal nightmare, thanks to the 8+ feet high piles of snow in the stores' parking lots). Give me a day or so to cope and I'll be back to my usual shenanigans. Or not.

In the meantime, I encourage the less squeamish among you to check out Bugcrush, a short, gay-themed horror film from 2006. Suggested by J.A. at My New Plaid Pants and posted on Post-Mortem Depression, this short (31 minutes) but effective film captures gay teen angst in a way that few modern filmmakers have been been to do. It's also probably NSFW.

Bear with me. Spring is just around the corner. 

More, anon.
Prospro

Snowpocalypse!

I really do love living where I live. I am within driving distance of five of the East Coast's best cities (Philadelphia, New York, Boston, Baltimore and Washington). I have access to arts communities and some unique shopping districts. I live close to a day job that I (mostly) love and I can drive to either the mountains or the shore in about the same time. There are plenty of cinemas and legitimate theatres nearby; there are several theme parks and other entertainment venues and the crime rate in my community is relatively low. I am connected to all of these things by easy access to Interstate 95, Route 1 and/or the Pennsylvania and New Jersey Turnpikes. 

There are, however, two things I really hate about living in the Delaware Valley - the summer's often oppressive humidity and the winter's even more oppressive snow storms.

Yesterday saw the fourth and fifth major storms since Christmas and I am beginning to believe that I won't see green on my front lawn anytime before June. In the early morning we were surprised to find 5 inches of snow (rain had been predicted), followed by another storm in the evening, which dumped an additional 11 inches of snow (along with a few inches of freezing rain and sleet). Pretty to look at, but annoying as hell when one has to get someplace other than home. And it didn't help that in the wee hours of this morning, Township snowplows piled a 30+ inch wall of ice at the bottom of my driveway, making it impossible for me to get to said day job, today.

"So, get a snow-blower," you all may be admonishing me. I had one. It lasted all of two seasons before breaking down into an irreparable pile of junk which still sits forlornly in my shed. "Then hire a local kid to shovel you out," you might be thinking. Good luck. The lazy louts in my neighborhood would rather play XBox games while home from school, than take the initiative to earn a few bucks on their day off. "Then move south," you're thinking now. Really? Have you spent any time south of the Mason Dixon line? Lovely places with delightful people, but moving to Florida (as my sister has done) means moving to a cultural wasteland filled with cartoon mice, bad-driving senior citizens and nerdy Canadians trying to escape their own winter hell. No, thank you.

And yes, a young man did finally show up to help me finish digging out (for a price, of course). And tomorrow I will brave the icy roads to get to the day job that I (mostly) love. Still, more snow is predicted for tomorrow, Saturday and next week. Personally, I'm tired of all he whiteness. Give me rainbows, unicorns and green, green fields of flowers any day...

The video below is from Cherry Hill, NJ, a community about an hour south of Uncle P, though my neighborhood looks very much the same.

More, anon.

Prospero

P.S. You may have noticed I have a new photo. No, that's not actually me (the old one was). I have no idea where that particular image came from, but I think it conveys my worldview quite nicely. If you're really interested in seeing what I actually look like, take some time to dig into past posts and you will find at least a few images of the 'real" me.

P.

Snowed In!

That's the hedge at the bottom of my driveway this past February. It will probably look very much the same tomorrow, despite what a co-worker who has a degree in meteorology told us on Thursday when we left for the holiday break. What makes it okay is that I have off tomorrow, anyway. And it makes my neighborhood so pretty, especially at the houses with holiday lights. I know many of you don't have off, but you may get to extend your holiday weekend anyway. It's a pretty epic storm, I guess. The NFL actually re-scheduled the Eagles' game tonight. It's the first time the NFL has postponed a game because of snow since the 30's (sometimes I 'm just so butch I almost can't stand it).

And yes, in case you're wondering, I got several pages  of the screenplay written last night and think I've pretty much outlined the rest of the plot in full. After this brief post, I'm off to rewrite a scene so it supports the new outline. I'll probably spend a good portion of my snowed-in day writing, as well. The snow here won't stick around long - they're predicting temps in the 50's for next weekend.

I hope all my East Coast readers get a snow day tomorrow! I hope you're all snug and warm, watching the movies or playing the video games you got for Christmas or Hanukkah. I hope you have enough milk, eggs, bread and batteries to see you through the dig-out (is there some French toast rule I don't know about?).  I hope some kids offer to shovel for $10 or $20, so you don't have to (so worth it). Even better, I hope a kind neighbor with a snow-blower digs you out for free (though you should at least offer a cup of cocoa). I hope you got a sled for Christmas! I hope you have a place to use it on your snow day! I hope you're careful! Wear a helmet! You'll shoot your eye out! Wait... wut?

If you're unlucky enough to have to go back to work tomorrow, I hope it's an easy and quick week for you.

More, anon.
Prospero

Gratuity, Cliches and Other Nonsense

That's Flavor of the Month Bradley Cooper having himself some fun at a waterpark. The Hangover star is on the cusp of major stardom. I first noticed him in Fox's late series "Kitchen Confidential," in which he played a character based on notorious bad-boy chef, Anthony Bourdain. He also appeared in The Wedding Crashers as well as the underrated and under-seen The Midnight Meat Train and the yet-to-be-released thriller Case 39, co-starring his rumored girlfriend, Renee Zellweger and child actress extraordinaire, Jodelle Ferland (who would have been my choice for Alice in Alice in Wonderland). Unfortunately, he also starred in the romantic comedy stinker All About Steve, which has been on almost every critic's "10 Worst" list for 2009. I have yet to see it (and probably won't), but that does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for this talented star on the rise. Sexy, smart and funny (a deadly combo for your Uncle P), Cooper is poised to become a household name. Let's hope he doesn't screw it up. He is next slated to be seen as Eric Dane's romantic partner in Valentine's Day. Of course, Hollywood execs, being the a-holes they are, have completely omitted the gay love story from any advertising for the movie, hoping to trick straight guys into accompanying their girlfriends to see it. After Valentine's Day, Cooper's next release is the big-screen treatment of The A-Team, in which he plays Faceman, a role originated on TV by "Battlestar Galactica" star Dirk Benedict. Personally, the more I see of Cooper in various states of undress, the better. Of course he'll never replace my obsession, but I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers (or anything he wants to eat, for that matter).

And since I'm on the subject of gratuitous man-flesh, if you go to YouTube and type in "2010 Superbowl Commercials" you'll come across this curious video, featuring 3 cute guys in Speedos, doing their interpretation of Will Ferrel and Chris Katan at the Roxbury (something I thought/hoped had died when the movie flopped). Still, 3 cute guys in Speedos is reason enough for me:

I don't think they're really selling anything here, but themselves. If so, I'll take the dark one in the green Speedo with the longish hair.

So, enough gratuity (for now) and onto the subject of movie cliches. Or, more specifically, Horror Movie Cliches. If you haven't figured it out by now, your Uncle Prospero LOVES horror movies. And while I was aware this was actually a "meme" of sorts, it really took the clip below (via) to drive the point home:

Granted, in at least two of the movies referenced (The Broken and Mirrors), mirrors are a central theme. Thankfully, this slick trick does not appear in any of the screenplays written by yours truly.

Finally tonight, just as I am about to put this post to bed, I looked outside my window to see at least two inches of snow has fallen since I started writing, about an hour ago. If you read my last two posts, you'll know just how this makes me feel. I also learned (by calling our hotline), that my day job is closed tomorrow, allowing me another day for the drugs my doctor prescribed to take effect on my back, injured in a fall on New Year's Eve. Of course, digging out from yet another major snowstorm in less than a week will not help. Sigh... Arizona looks better and better every day...

More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

P.S. If you live in the "Crippling Snowstorm" region of Southeastern PA and Central/North NJ, my heart goes out to you. Take your time shoveling (rest frequently) and just stay home.

An Annoying Delay?

Well, it seems that the Nor'easter headed my way tomorrow may very well delay my seeing Avatar until at least Sunday night. They are predicting at least 6 to 10 inches of snow for the Philadelphia area. I live in the Philly suburbs and the closest Imax theater is in New Jersey, about 15 miles away, normally not a big deal at all. In fact, I see most movies at that very theater as the cinemas near my house suck. But with blizzard-like conditions predicted by noon, I seriously doubt that we'll be going. My problem now is figuring out how to get a refund for tickets I already bought. Not to mention the Christmas shopping I MUST finish tomorrow because I'm seeing some folks (my Aunt, in particular) on Sunday. I picked up a few things tonight, but still need one more thing for her and a gift for my friend's daughter by Sunday... sigh.

I know I wasn't all that enthusiastic about this movie before, but now that the reviews are in, I was actually looking forward to seeing it. Oh, well. Here's one more look at the trailer, not in Imax or 3D.



More, anon.
Prospero