The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

Bryan Hawn

You know I love me some gay boys lip-syncing to Diva songs. In fact, the very first "The Gayest Thing" post here on Caliban's Revenge was that little twink dancing to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' in his bedroom. Then there was the boy singing Miley in the shower and who knows how many others. It's been a while since anyone's done one of note so I was a bit surprised to find the video below on Facebook, today.

Former Aberzombie model; trainer; aspiring singer and actor Bryan Hawn (how much do I love that his site has a link to his 'ass workout?' Probably as much as I hate the misspelling of his first name) has posted his take on Sia's "Chandelier."

Uncle P is old, kids. I know that Sia (not to be confused with my sweet friend 'Siah) exists, only because I've seen her name on various websites and may have caught her on "Fashion Police," back when I watched it with Mom. The song is okay, I guess, but it seems silly coming from Hawn's mouth. Truthfully, Hawn isn't exactly Uncle P's 'type.' I get it... hardbody boy and all that... but he's a bit too hairless for my taste (TMI, I know) and there's something about his face... I suppose he just doesn't look very bright (he may be a genius for all I know, though I somehow doubt it). Still, the video is hilariously gay and I know plenty of friends and followers who will totally lose their sh*t over him. Enjoy:

Meh. Give me Jason; Chris; Paul; Henry; Jason; Jake or James any day (so many J's!).

More, anon.
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Not Much To Say?

I know. Can you imagine me having a post with such a title? I'm not sure what to say about that, either (obviously).

I've said pretty much all I have to say about Maine on Facebook, though I will take the opportunity to once again to tell the voters of Maine to "Suck it!" There's a newish term being bandied about these days: "Gay Apartheid." We're sure feeling it lately, aren't we? Basically, apartheid means "You're different from most of us, therefore you should not be afforded the same rights and privileges as us and we're going to pass laws to ensure that you never will." We all saw how well that worked in South Africa, didn't we?

But I'm not getting on my high horse, tonight. I've already said I don't have much to say.

Not much happening at the movies, this weekend, either. There is the abysmal-looking (and pretty abysmally-reviewed) The Fourth Kind, starring Milla Jovovich (The Fifth Element; Resident Evil) as an Alaskan psychiatrist investigating what appears to be a rash of alien abductions. Yawn. Alien abduction has never been particularly scary to me, and while I was certainly an X-Files fan, I never understood why aliens would be so interested in anal probing (unless of course, their leader was Richard Simmons wanting to know what it's like to be a top - Oh, now that was just mean. Stop it!).

Then there's Richard (Donnie Darko) Kelly's latest, The Box. Based on a Richard Matheson short-story, The Box is about a young couple (James Marsden and Cameron Diaz) who are in dire financial straits. Along comes a mysterious stranger (a digitally scarred Frank Langella) with an unusual offer. In exchange for pressing the red button in the mysterious box he brings them, they will receive a million dollars. The catch? Someone they don't know will die.

Kelly's last film, the critically drubbed Southland Tales was a highly-anticipated failure that didn't even find an audience on DVD. His first film, the enigmatic Donnie Darko, won both critical acclaim and a devoted cult following (myself among them). It's the movie that shot Jake Gyllenhaal into superstardom and gave the late Patrick Swayze his best role since Ghost.

The Box has gotten less than stellar reviews and I suppose I'll wait until it's On Demand.

On TV, my beloved Fringe was back this week with a story about an alien entity trapped in the body of a comatose Cosmonaut which feeds off the radiation in its victims, leaving them little more than piles of carbon dust. Like the best X-Files stand-alone episodes, it was creepy and fun, though it lacked the intensity of episodes about the series' central conspiracy plot.

Oh, and I almost forgot. there's a new Grizzly Bear video (via):



Well, I guess I had a few things to say, after all. I hope you're having a good weekend. I'm trying to... I think I'll do a little Christmas shopping tomorrow. What are your plans?

More, anon.
Prospero

Bears and Cubs and Movies, Oh My!

Enough with the political correctness (or lack thereof) in recent movies. On to the hot guys who will soon be gracing our cineplexes. Superheroes, video games and fantasies seem to the films du jour, and there are two in particular I want to discuss tonight.

First, on May 1st, comes X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring Aussie hottie Hugh Jackman, seen here in all his glorious hotness in a shot from Baz Luhrman's Australia:
My goodness, the man just gets finer and finer! Reprising his role from the three previous X-Men movies, Jackman plays Logan/Wolverine, a mutant with regenerative powers who is apparently immortal and suffering from the pain of losing everyone he's ever loved. Along comes William Stryker (30 Days of Night's evil vampire leader, Danny Huston), who offers Logan a chance at redemption. Replacing Logan's bones with an experimental metal called "Atomantium," Stryker transforms Logan into Wolverine, an indestructible mutant weapon. Oscar-winning director Gavin Hood (Tsotsi) is at the helm and there is plenty of delicious manflesh on display in the forms of Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool); Liev Schrieber (Sabretooth); Daniel Henny (Agent Zero) and LOTR/"Lost" star Dominic Monaghan (Beak). As a lover of Bryan Singer's first two X-Men movies (and an almost-hater of Brett Ratner's third), I wasn't exactly sold on this one until I saw the trailer prior to seeing Watchmen last week:

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Next, I'd like to talk about (read: drool over) a movie scheduled for next year, Disney's version of the video game Prince of Persia, starring Jake "Oh God, those eyes!" Gyllenhaal. Much has been made of Gyllenhaal's physique in this film, with many folks claiming he must have used steroids to bulk up. Jake (who you must know starred as a gay shepherd in Brokeback Mountain) and his handlers maintain he did no such thing. To me, it isn't so much about his body (which seems mighty fine), but his hair (atrocious) and the enormous package he seems to be sporting in this already much-seen publicity photo from the film:

Personally, I've been in lust with Mr. G. since Donnie Darko, Richard Linklatter's enigmatic time travel movie. It's always been about those soulful eyes, though it's obvious here, he has much more to offer. Why does Reese Witherspoon get to have all the fun? Oh, well. It's nice to fantasize every now and then, isn't it? And I suppose that's why we go to the movies in the first place. What is it that Hannibal Lecter says? "It starts with coveting." Well, I'll be the first one to admit that I covet both Jake and Hugh. What red-blooded American gay boy doesn't?

More, anon.

Prospero