Traditions, Both New and Old

Days Gone By (Not Our Real House)

It is still Christmas Eve in the U.S. as I write this and while Uncle P celebrates Christmas as a secular holiday in which we acknowledge, spend time and share gifts with those we love, for many it remains a deeply religious holiday celebrating the birth of their 'savior.' And since this isn't a post about religion, I'll leave that alone and get to the point.

While venturing out late in the afternoon to get a bottle of wine for tomorrow's dinner, I was struck by how the Holidays (like most of life) has changed over the years. Early Christmas memories evoke the many toys and gifts my mother's mother gave us each year, much to our father's consternation. The schadenfreude she derived from his jealously must have been some powerful juju! After she'd had a particularly good year in tips (she was a barmaid), our house was literally filled with presents and I'm surprised Dad didn't have a apoplectic stroke on the spot! At some point "Grandmom Cookie" (so-called because of her always full cookie jar) started spending Christmas Eve with us and we would open her presents then and Santa's and Mom and Dad's presents on Christmas morning. After she passed, we started opening all of our gifts on Christmas Eve. By then I was in college and working part time and Christmas Eve soon evolved into an open-house event where friends and co-workers came and went all night long, I still wonder how we fit so many people into that tiny house. I moved in and out of the house over the years following, but always managed to spend Christmas Eve there. New traditions for the evening continued to evolve after my parents divorced and other folks came into and/or left our lives. For a solid 10 years, Christmas Eve meant broasted* chicken from Chicken Holiday; Southern Comfort Manhattans; two embarrassing piles of presents; shrimp cocktail  and my rock, K. 

That changed again when Mom passed away last October and I spent Christmas Eve with my sister and BIL in Florida. The night before, K and M came over for chicken and such. And while we had a good time, the food wasn't up to their usual standards (I blame a different staff). So this year, even though I'm staying in PA, I decided to cook. On Sunday I made a lasagna and a Caramel Pumpkin Cream Cheese cake. Monday night I steamed and peeled a pound of shrimp and Tuesday night reheated the lasagna; glazed the cake and made cocktail sauce while frying up some battered green beans. Thank goodness M got here early, as I quickly dispatched him on a candle lighting mission. K arrived soon after and then lots of food and drink were consumed, presents were opened and much laughter was shared. 

While it was the first of several similar holiday experiences to come over the next few weeks, last night's Christmas Eve Eve has become what I hope will continue to be a new holiday tradition. For a while, at least. Until things change again, which is inevitable. Cultural traditions may seem steadfast and unchanging, but they are simply slower and less fluid than personal traditions.

I continue to be in awe of the family who have chosen me to a part of theirs, as much as I have chosen them.  K, Q, Dale, M, D and so many others never let me forget that I am not alone and never will be. And there's my astonishing sister. Strong, smart and always supportive, I can only hope you have a sibling who is half as amazing as she is (and yes, it's Christmas! I'm allowed to get gushy!). If you have even half the love in your life as I am blessed to, you know what I mean.

I have received (and will continue to do so) some very cool gifts (Mia's incredible "Zombie Batman" figurine got some stiff competition from Mary & Phil's Nightmare Before Christmas fleece and my sister's standing plush Mickey Skellington - all three of which are rendered in B&W).

None of that stuff, as cool as it may be, really matters.  Like all of us, these things will be dust in a thousand years. What matters is the love we share here and now. I guess what I'm saying is I am grateful for everyone who cares about me and bothers to read my nonsense. Be kind to one another. Know the difference between what does and doesn't matter. Give money or time to a charity that speaks to you, when and if you can. Smile at strangers. Say "Please" and "Thank You." Hold the door for the person behind you. Open the door for the person coming out ahead of you. Acknowledge those who do the same. Share the belief that most people are as good, but no better than, you. Never assume anyone is evil. Help people. Tell those you love that you love them as often as you can. Enjoy the things you have, but take nothing for granted. Enjoy your life. It's the only one you have!

Merry Christmas, my friends and readers! 

More, anon.

Uncle P.

*Pressure fried with no coating

Zombie Batman from Mia

Mickey Skellington from Barbara 

Merrily. Merrily, Merrily...

Enjoy the silence. Embrace your loved ones. Take joy in your Humanity. Accept beauty when you see it. Find your light and follow it. Merry Christmas, no matter that means to you. 

More, anon.

Brian

NOT My Favorite Year

Florida is Weird...
.

Officially, Uncle P has one more work day before I'm on my 'Holiday Break.' To be honest, Monday should be fairly slow at the Day Job, though there are always those panicky clients who MUST get documents processed before the break (despite the fact that their documents aren't going anywhere until after we return). 

In my mind, I'm already in warmer climes, even though I don't leave for Florida until Tuesday morning. And yes, I have a bird/house sitter lined up, so I'm not worried about announcing I'll be away. My dear K will stopping in every day to give Skye fresh water; bring in my mail; watch TV and leave lights on.

This year, K. Michael and I are starting a new tradition: Christmas Eve Eve. Let me explain: For the past ten years or so, K would come over to my house on Christmas Eve to have dinner and take part in the orgy of presents Mom and I would share (long story - see previous posts). Since I'll be in Largo for Christmas Eve, I decided to push our celebration up a day and include a sweet and dear friend who has lent me loads of support in the past few months. We'll have our traditional shrimp cocktail and 'broasted' chicken dinner from Chicken Holiday, complete with their amazing fried creamed-corn nuggets; a small gift exchange and (hopefully) a viewing of A Christmas Story. K will be spending the night and taking me to the airport in the morning (though I have no idea who'll be picking me up when I get home, yet).

I hope to get together with my college friend Marousa (among other activities) while in the Tampa/Clearwater/St.Pete area. Of course, Sis has several activities already planned but I really hope this one happens. I'm very much looking forward to a meal at the African restaurant at Disney's Animal Kingdom's hotel (Sis and the BIL are Vacation Club Members) and honestly can't wait to visit the new Salvador Dali museum where I hope to spend some time gazing at my all-time favorite painting (I have no idea why it's so - it just... 'speaks' to me). I also hope to finish what little holiday shopping I have to do for folks with whom I won't exchange gifts until after the New Year. And among all that excitement, I hope to read at least one play and one novel. Great Expectations, indeed.

This will be the first Christmas spent with my sister in over 18 years. It's also the first Christmas Sis and I will spend without Mom. Ugh. So many feels. I'll be home in time to spend New Year's Eve with my BFFs, K.Q and Dale. So it's all good (or so I keep telling myself). 

It is my fervent hope that you are able to spend time with those you love (and who love you) during the Winter Holiday season, no matter what you believe. Merry Christmas; Happy Solstice; Joyous Kwanzaa and Happy New Year!

With the exception of at least one pre-scheduled post, this is probably (though not decidedly)  my last real-time post for 2013. I will not rue this year's passing. Goodbye and Good Riddance to 2013!

Hoping all of you (and I) have a better year coming!

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Things You'll See This Christmas

Brrrr!

Every time I try to get away, they just keep pulling me back! I really thought I was on E ("Empty," NOT Ecstasy). Apparently I'm not because here are two videos that actually helped raise... my spirits, you pervs!

I officially have one week before I'm off to spend the holiday with my sister in the land of lighted palms and be-shorted Santas.

So what does it take to make this Grinch's heart grow (not too much, because enlarged syndrome isn't really a good thing)?  Well, hotties in Speedos and/or undies and adorable frat boys frolicking in the snow to a Katy Perry song, of course.

So here are two very gay, somewhat pervy and often hot videos that warmed the cockles of my heart (look it up, pervs!). 

The first is via Wicked Gay Blog and involves the kind of weather that makes me think of Seinfeld, swimming and other cold-weather/water associated phenomena:

The second is the kind of video that makes me wish I was the self-confident (well, almost) version of myself now, when I was in my 20's (via):

What is it about Katy Perry?

More, anon.
Prospero

Martinis Are Like Breasts...

Mutant Boob Fantasies Are for Str8 Boys

Many years ago, a straight friend told me: "Martinis are like breasts: One isn't enough and three are two many." Personally, I love a good Sapphire martini: dry; up; no fruit. And three are just enough, thank you.

Now, despite the rumors. not all gay men like breasts. Many of us, Uncle P included,  prefer well-defined, fuzzy male pectorals and abs, instead (TMI?).

The same rule does not apply to gifts, though. I am assuming that the popular Amazon Wish List is responsible for me receiving three of the same Christmas gifts from three different friends. And while I am not about to reveal who those friends are or what the gift is, I will say that I certainly appreciate the thought from all three of them. And to be totally fair, I put all three behind my back and shuffled them, then did "eenie-meenie-miney-moe" to choose which one I would keep and which two I would return.

Of course, this means I have three friends who care enough about me to check my Amazon Wish List and buy something from it. It also means I have three friends who know me well enough to know which item on my Amazon Wish List would make me the happiest to receive. And all three of these folks are people about whom I care very much and I would never hurt their feelings by telling them that they had bought me the same gift. Not that any of them would mind, actually -- still, etiquette must prevail. 

Thank you, all three of you, for caring. I hope none of you are offended by my exchanging your gift. You all made me happy to know you care. I'll let you know what you got me instead, as soon as I get to the mall.

More, anon.
Prospero

These Were a Few of My Favorite Things

"You Can Put Your Weed in It"

My friends and family know me so well. The image to your left is of the very Steampunk Trinket Box given to me by Q, K and Dale, along with  a brain-shaped ice-cube tray and a set of Farm Animal Butt Magnets. Other than making me laugh, the ice tray and magnets had nothing to do with the very cool trinket box (it has a compass on the lid!). I still love them all.

Of course, my sister was just as successful in her Holiday plotting. Along with her annual Jack Skellington T-shirt. my sister sent me a Box-O'-Zombie stuff which included a metal Zombie Warning Sign; two different Zombie decals; a "Zombie On Board" magnet and an "I Heart Zombies" keychain. She also sent along a "Box of Boogers" gummies; an AMC gift card and a super-insulated Batman tumbler.

Sis Knows Me Well

I really love how the colors of her three very different gifts go so well together in that picture of them beneath my tiny tree and atop my cable box and D's Christmas gift. I also got a terrific set of Skullcandy earbuds; a car charger for my Smartphone; lots of much-needed new socks and underwear; an outstanding sonic toothbrush; a pair of extendable, bendable, magnetic LED flashlights and 3 jars of the most delicious mixed nuts and dried fruit I've ever tasted. 

And while I mostly bought it for Mom, the big hit this year was the new Keurig Platinum coffee maker (which I got for a deal I couldn't pass up). Mom loves how fast and easy it is. I also bought it for myself, so I don't have to clean four separate elements of a self-grinding coffee-maker every night. Initially disappointed that my sister didn't send her usual 5 Lb bag of coffee beans, Mom quickly got over it when she finally opened the K-Cups Sis sent, instead.

I still have at least two gift exchanges to go (hopefully the weather will cooperate this coming Saturday) and D and I will get to see a matinee and exchange before I have to go back to the Day Job.

The holidays for me are always much more about giving, though I am always thrilled when my friends and family know me well enough to give me stuff is both useful and makes me laugh.

Happily, no one I know got either of these, this year:

What were your favorite holiday gifts this year?

More, anon.
Prospero

Postponed Plans and Idle Hands

They Say the Devil Finds Work for Idle Hands, Whoever 'They' Are

As I write this, the wind is literally rattling the windows and the rain continues to pound this part of the Northeast, all part of the same system which brought blizzard conditions to the Midwest and tornadoes to the South. I was supposed to spend the evening with K, Q and Dale, exchanging gifts and just hanging out with my dearest friends. It was snowing rather viciously where Q and Dale live, just as I was planning to make the hour drive north to see them. A round of phone calls later and we decided to postpone until tomorrow. I realize this is hardly the end of the world, though it did leave me with an evening free and nothing to do. I tried watching some TV but found myself nodding off to the crap that's on during the last week of the year.I do have a couple of movies saved on the DVR, but I don't want to use them up all at once. And I'm still hoping for a cinema matinee or two before I go back to the Day Job next week.

Anyway... in the days following Sandy (while I was without power and a keyboard), I started a new, hand-written screenplay to keep from going absolutely insane. I wrote 27 pages over three nights by candlelight. That's almost a complete first act. It's not very good, to tell the truth. Still... it does have some potential. Initially inspired by Sandy and reignited by tonight's weather, I started re-writing that first act and am actually quite pleased with what I have so far and I've consequently decided that staying off treacherous back roads tonight was probably the right thing to do. 

If like Uncle P, you have the whole week off, I hope you are having fun and/or being productive (NOT mutually exclusive concepts). If you're stuck at work until the four-day weekend, I'm sorry. I just know that I have three more gift-exchanges (i.e.: three more opportunities to make other people smile) to go before I'm ready to declare an end to this Christmas.

More, anon.
Prospero

Silent Night

Hope You Don't Live Next Door to This Guy

For a very long time now, we've opened our gifts after dinner on Christmas Eve at my house. There's a long story to go with why we do so, but we do. And that's all over here. The wrappings and tissue paper are all wadded up in a bag and the corrugated boxes are broken down to be recycled; the gift bags worthy of another use folded up and put away for next year. Mom's new Keurig is all set up so she can easily brew her own cup of coffee in the morning, my new earbuds are plugged into my PC and I've already put a few things away. Tomorrow we'll sleep in and have a hearty brunch (I'm making a Banana-Pineapple French Toast casserole and sausage) and spend the rest of the day being lazy; watching movies; picking at tonight's leftovers and just enjoying a quiet day off. I'm hoping that you have had or will have a lovely holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate for whatever reason(s). I'll be back on the 26th. I'm sure you'll find something to do with your time between now and then. Whether you celebrate the religious meaning of the holiday or do so secularly, as I do, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

More, anon.
Prospero

Wrap-a-Thon

I will be spending this evening wrapping and bagging gifts, rather than doing a full post. 

I went overboard, as usual. But that's my mother's and grandmother's faults. They were always overly-generous at Christmas, often just to get my father's Grinchy goat. A child of the depression who was glad to get an orange and some walnuts in his stocking, it drove him crazy to see such indulgence. My sister and I thought everyone had such extravagant Christmases and were often dismayed to see some of our friends' more austere holidays, wondering how bad they had to have been to deserve so little. My mother's mother was a character and she loved spoiling me and my sister. I carry on that tradition, mostly to spoil my mother back. Her health isn't the best and none of us knows how many Christmases we have left. I had a good year for overtime, so why not splurge? 

As in the picture above, my gifts are usually color-coordinated and decorated, but I cheat and use pre-made bows. I can arrange flowers and planters; skyline a display shelf; color coordinate without using swatches and even throw together a centerpiece using a candle, some greens, twigs and pine cones scavenged from my own backyard, but I'll be damned if I can tie a decent bow to save my life. 

The lady in this video does pretty much everything I do though I do the ends differently (I fold the sides in first). I do "finger press" or crease the edges. Of course, this is only useful for square or rectangular packages. Odd shapes and sizes may require some creative solutions, or even a gift bag.

Are you done wrapping?

More, anon.
Prospero.

Nightmares Before Christmas

I imagine this is how most babies and toddlers see Santa

So here we are, as of this writing, 36 minutes into December 22nd and as every rational human being knew, nothing happened. Of course it is inevitable that many people died today, making it the end of the world for them. But if you are reading this, then congratulations! You have survived the Nonpocalypse. Again. 

I keep wondering if there will ever be a time when everyone realizes "You know what? There probably really isn't any truth in the vestigial, superstitious beliefs of our mostly science-less ancestors." Probably not. Nonetheless...

Many years ago, I played Santa at the department store where I was a manager (talk about a smooth segue). As the actor on staff, many such jobs fell to me. No pictures or throne or anything like that. I just walked around the store and gave out candy canes and talked to kids briefly. A quick tour of the store and I was done for a couple hours. One afternoon a young mother called to me, "Santa! Please come say hello!" I looked over to see a sleeping baby in a stroller and thought, 'Oh, please save us from screaming.' But the mother looked like she really wanted me to, so I headed over. 

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"No, I promise, he loves Santa."

"Okay, but let me get down so I'm not towering over him." So I squatted down (those were the days when my knees still worked well enough to squat) and smiled. 

"Sean," Mom called. "Sean, wake up! Look who's here!" 

The baby Sean, certainly less than a year old, roused and opened his eyes and looked around and then landed on me. 'Here it comes!' I thought. The baby Sean opened his mouth in surprise... and started to smile... and smile... the single most beatific baby smile I have ever seen in my life. That moment... that amazing smile... that was Christmas. Twenty-five years later and that moment always comes to mind when I most need some Holiday Spirit.

Of course, it took this post about about nightmarish Christmas things to get me there. All this Apocalypse nonsense; that dreadful business in CT (not to mention the idiocy of the NRA's response) and the seeming interminable week before the holiday vacation had me cranky today, and when BoingBoing shared some strange Christmas videos, I had to talk about them and find a few more. And even though I had a very nice evening tonight, I still wanted to share some weirdness.

This first goodie is called Santa in Animal Land and features a goose (?), cat, dog and frog (?) who are sad that there is no Animal Santa, so the goose (duck?) and the cat head off to find the most horrifying Santa in Puppetland. PeeWee would probably not approve:

I really have nothing else funny or snarky to say about that truly horrifying piece. It's evil speaks for itself.

This next treasure is a short from Castle Films, which I'm guessing is from around the late 30's or early 40's. Merry Christmas isn't overtly nightmarish (well, not most of it) as much as it cries out for the MST3K treatment:

Joel and his bots did take on a Castle short, which while having nothing to do with Christmas, is certainly nightmarish (not to mention probably the funniest short they've ever done, which was paired with one of the funniest features they ever did). If you've seen Here Comes the Circus before, you know you can't wait to watch it again. If you're seeing for the first time, enjoy. If you are Dear D (i.e. coulrophobic) DON'T watch it at all:

This next (also via) drek-tacular nightmare apparently got the Riff-Trax (sort of the Son of MST3K) treatment, but is certainly hilarious and weird and nightmarish all on its own. And it isn't just the sub-amateur acting, mid-century suburban locations, crappy stock footage and terrible camera work. There's actually something very 'Funny Uncle' about the whole thing. Both the Narrator and Santa even sound like child-molesters. Honestly, Ed Wood made better movies. Here's 1963's A Visit to Santa: 

"Every doll must have a head. And also, a body!" Was this thing written by a young Thomas Harris? Then there's this gem: "For little girls, a doll is fun to warsh and dress and spank!" My head nearly exploded from that single line alone. Only to be followed by this: "How Ann enjoy these pretty dolls and Dick...(inappropriate and ill-placed pause)... shows no delight." And then even more incoherence: "She'll cook and scrub the whole day long and serve a TV dinner." What? WHAT!?!? TV dinners? What the hell was she cooking all day, Soylent Green? Oh, and the reason for Christmas? "...to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, hundreds of years ago." The underlining is mine. But I suppose that Santa is correct. I mean if the Earth is only 4,000 years old, then Jesus must have lived in 1763 or something. Right? In fact, he gave George Washington a ride across the Delaware on the back of his stegosaurus.*

There, that's better. Tonight saw a lovely dinner with some very dear friends, followed by a fond Christmas memory and some creepy holiday nonsense. Why wouldn't I feel better? Well, the citrus vodka spritzers I had while writing this post didn't hurt. 

I am off from the Day Job for the next ten days and am looking forward to sleeping in, spending time with most of the people I love most in the world and maybe venturing out for a day trip or two. I have many gifts to wrap (and just a few left to get) and lots of cleaning to do in the next few days, but that's okay. I'm finally actually looking forward to my very secular version of Christmas, in which I choose to celebrate those I love with gifts, food, laughter and good times. 

And that is Christmas, too.

More, anon.

Prospero

*Art challenge. Submit your artistic interpretation of Jesus giving Washington a ride across the Delaware on a stegosaurus (or any dinosaur) and the best entry will win a piece of show biz memorabilia.

The Gayest Santas You'll See This Week

No Wonder the Elves Work for Free

I haven't seen late night TV in a long time. Not because I'm not up, but I'm usually writing and doing other nonsense when it's on, and I DVR enough with out adding daily stuff.* I see the best of late night on line the next day, anyway. I think Leno should just hand over the reigns, already. And Letterman should probably follow. There are younger, funnier and far more clever guys ready to jump in. Jimmy Kimmel's show is often hilarious, though I've never really been a fan of his. Craig Ferguson just doesn't care and does whatever the hell he wants and I think of him as the 21st Century Ernie Kovaks (showing my age on that reference, even though Kovaks was actually before my time). Of course former SNL cast member Jimmy Fallon is a talented comedian, musician, mimic and improvisor. He has the look of youthful innocence, the sense of humor of a performer (my fellow actors/singers/dancers know exactly what that means) and the fearlessness of dirty old man. 

"What the Fudge does any of that first paragraph have to do with gay Santas?" asked everyone reading this post. Once you see the clip I've embedded, all will be clear. Of course, if you're a regular Fallon watcher (Man, I hope that there's a species of bird somewhere in the world called a 'Fallon'), you may already be familiar with the bit. And if so, please don't ruin it for others...

Anyway, knowing I wanted to post about this particular clip, I went in search of images I thought might convey the spirit of the post, as usual. So I did a Google Image search for "Gay Santa." I got some rather amusing, astounding and downright filthy results! The treasure trail... er, trove of images I found aren't for kiddies, though they or may not be SFW.

Don't judge an aging bear... you know you find at least two of those pictures hot, no matter what your sexuality. 

And now, back to late night TV. Jimmy Fallon was doing a bit in which audience members' suggestions get acted out on the show. Take a look at this and you will understand:

As they say: "Still a better love story than Twilight."

I honestly think that while I am slowly getting into the holiday spirit (especially as my holiday vacation draws nigh), it's a very different version of 'holiday spirit' than I'm used to. I'm sure it has something to do with my encroaching decrepitude, though that's only part of it. And it gets harder and harder to find gifts for people you've known forever and who already have everything they could possibly need. Of course, the pursuit is often as fun as the giving. This year is just... different. 

More, anon.
Prospero


*Confession: I do record "Chelsea Lately" every night, but they're only a half hour each and I don't always watch the guest segment, though I often watch a whole week's worth in one sitting.

The Gayest; Draggiest and Hardest-Nippled Christmas Things You'll See This Week

2012 Boston Santa Speedo Run

I think that's the longest title I've ever given to a post. But it will all make sense soon (or not - how should I know if you're sane? I'm obviously not*).

First, the Gayest, Hardest-Nippled part of the post (did you ever think you see the word 'nippled' capitalized?*). Saturday was the annual Santa Speedo Run in the fine city of Boston. Thousands of hotties got together and ran a marathon in the skimpiest beachwear, underwear and holiday costumes possible. It's all for charity and looks like lots of fun and something I wouldn't mind seeing in person. They hold these SSRun events in cities all over the U.S. - hang on - BRB - Damn! No Philly.  Maybe next year (via).

Now onto the draggiest Christmas thing this week. Gender Illusionist Doo-Wop group The Supreme Fabulettes (apparently the toast of gay London) have a new song and video out, just in time for all the holiday cheer. Please enjoy the Boy-George directed "You Ruined My Xmas:" 

 

Drag is hard and I hate doing it because the costume changes suck, especially without a dresser. I do admire the performers who put up with the inconveniences because they love doing it. And I must admit to having a lot fun doing Hairspray... 

Can you tell I'm getting into the holiday spirit, finally?

More, anon.
Prospero

*Really. Who else thinks like this? Okay... maybe my sister, a little. And sweet, hilarious Mia - my 'work-niece.' A few other twisted souls on Facebook. Maybe you. I don't worry about it. Neither should you. Who are we to judge anyone, any way? Move along. Nothing more to see here. Well tonight, anyway.

...And To All, A Goodnight.

Wishing you all the very merriest of Christmases!

I continue to be amazed that so many people from all over the world care what I have to say and continue to read my ramblings and nonsense every day. I am also amazed at all of the blessings in my life, including my remarkable family and friends. Thank you, thank, thank you.

And to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas (for whatever reason), I hope you are celebrating the many blessings in your life, as well. You don't have to be Christian (or even religious at all) to participate in the joys of the season. I hope that you are and I hope you continue to have many reasons to celebrate life's joys.

"Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." ~ Calvin Coolidge

Merry Christmas, my friends.
Brian

Wrap-A-Thon Tonight

I am very behind in my holiday preparations this year and will spend much of the night wrapping presents that will be opened tomorrow night, hence the earlier-than-usual post today.

I take great pride in my holiday packages. I always make sure the ribbons, bows, paper and tags are all coordinated, my edges are sharp, the ends folded over and the corners are nice and tight. And I try to make sure they create a pretty display under the tree.

This year, I have decided to not do that at all. I have so many rolls of left-over paper from who knows how many years, that I am going to wrap every present in a different paper and just have a riot of color and patterns. And while I do have a couple dozen gifts to wrap, this will hardly put a dent in all that paper. Maybe I'll do the same thing next year, too. It will probably save me a bundle on wrapping paper for a while. And it'll be just a little bit 'green.' 

I also wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who, both here and on Facebook, gave such wonderful advice on yesterday's post. It's good to know that so many folks care. Thankfully, I won't have to really deal with the issue until after the holidays. I'll be sure to let you know what happens.

If I don't get the chance to do so before, please allow me to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and/or whatever holiday you celebrate at this time of year. Thanks for reading me. And thanks for your comments. You should all know by now how much I love hearing from you.

Anyway, here's my early Christmas present to all of you; a funny bit-o-nonsense starring Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes. Enjoy:

More, anon.
Prospero

More Christmas Crafts; Early Gifts and a Bit of Philosophy

So, yesterday I posted about the ZomBarbie I gave Mia for Christmas. Today, she returned the favor and gave me the "Dead Baby Wreath" you see to your right, hanging on the closet in my day-job cubicle.

Yes, we are sick. No, I take that back. We are hilarious. Both of us recognize the absurdity of life, punctuated by the indignity of death. Both of us appreciate our mortality and the cruel joke that religion has perpetrated on most people. 

As always, I encourage you to believe what you will, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Whatever gets you through the night, Baby. As far as I (and Mia) are concerned, life is what you make it, here and now. What matters is what you do, not what you believe. 

Be kind to and love one another. Help those in need when you can. Help yourself and those you love (and those who love you), first. Bring joy wherever and however you can. A smile created (no matter how morbid the joke) is worth more than a million dollars. And if the joke's on you, don't blame the joker. Laugh along and find a way to make a joke at the joker's expense. You'll both be better people for it. The worst thing that will ever happen to you is going to happen, no matter what you do. Embrace it and move on -- you'll be all the better for having done so.

Once again, this turned out to be a completely different post than I had planned, but it is a post I suppose I needed to share. The end of the calendar year brings out the philosopher in me, I guess.

My 70 year-old mother accidentally drove through the front of a local dry cleaner's store today. No one was hurt (thank goodness), but she and I were both shaken up. What does that have to do with anything else I've been rambling about? I guess it's this: Life's short. Enjoy its nonsense while you can. 

More, anon.

Prospero

P.S. - The sign in the lower left corner of that picture actually read: "Sarah Palin - 2012. The World's Supposed to End, Anyway."

P

Christmas Crafts , Early Presents and Ridiculously Hunky Greeks.

I just couldn't wait to give my sweet, sick little Mia her Christmas present this year: the custom 'ZomBarbie' you see to your left. I actually wanted to make this for her for her birthday, but ran out of time. In fact, I was worried I wouldn't have the time to do it for Christmas. But once I got started on it, it went rather quickly. The hardest part was severing Barbie's arm. I used my heavy-duty crafting clippers and it still took several tries from a few different angles to get it, but I think the mangled stump turned out quite well. And the smear on the box's plastic (the result of not-quite-dry paint) was a rather happy accident.

Now, before you think we're both completely insane (as if you don't already), one of the things my co-worker and I bonded on immediately was our love of the zombie genre. And my regular readers know how much I loves me some good zombie-related content. And Mia, a lover of Batman comics and Zombie movies, recognized a kindred soul as soon as we met. Of course, our fellow co-workers think we're absolutely bonkers (and perhaps we are), but they understand (or at least pretend to) our special relationship. And honestly, what else do a gay man of a certain age and 20+ years younger straight woman have to bond about? (Don't answer that question, thank you.)

Mia made me the amazing Teddy-Z a few years ago, and has warned me that her forthcoming gift to me may well cement out reputations as the office loonies (I can't wait to see what she's planning), but I don't care.

And honestly, there is something quite cathartic about turning an American Icon into its antithesis. All I really cared about was making a friend happy at Christmas. Mia's exceptionally enthusiastic response (she immediately posted this picture of it on Facebook) to her gift was well worth the effort it took to make it.

And now, on to the completely unrelated second half of this post. 

While I still haven't seen last year's critically reviled remake of Clash of the Titans, I must admit to being quite excited by the trailer for its completely unnecessary sequel Wrath of the Titans. Do Liam Neesom, Ralph Fiennes and Sam Worthintgton really need the money? I neither know nor care, I just want to see how ridiculous this movie might be.

And how many films need to use Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" in their trailers? As my friend Megan is wont to say, "Que Queso!"

More, anon.
Prospero

I've Joined the 21st Century

I don't remember the last time I got a new cell phone. Maybe six or seven years ago. I do remember that it was free when I upgraded to a new plan. It was a little white flip phone and I was so excited to not have a clunky phone with an antenna. And that phone served me well.

Granted, I have not been a texter (the buttons were small; my fingers are big) and I only used it to make and receive actual calls. I rarely turned it on; only when I was making or expecting a call or sometimes while on my way to rehearsal. I scoffed at people who bought iPhones. "Why do you need to spend $400 on a phone? That's ridiculous!"

Then, this summer I went on a business trip to Chicago. As my co-workers and I sat in the airport waiting for our flight to board, they all pulled out their phones to play games; check their email; watch videos or text their friends and family; while I sat quietly staring into space, feeling jealous and bored. Granted, I had a book to read. But I wasn't in the mood to do so. Watching them being entertained so easily, I decided then and there that my next phone would be better.

So Christmas started to approach. 'Santa' (my mother) asked what I wanted. "A new phone," was my immediate response. I started researching, basing my criteria mostly on price. I could get a smart phone from my carrier (I've been with T-Mobile even before they were T-Mobile and have been quite happy with them) at Walmart for less than $50.00. So, off 'Santa' and I went. We quickly discovered that while the price of the phone was cheap enough, the monthly plan was outrageous. "What about the $49.99 a month plan they advertise?" I asked the very disinterested clerk. "Oh," she said. "You have to go to the T-Mobile store for that."

'Santa' said, "Okay. Just go to the T-Mobile store and pick out the phone you want and I'll pay for it. But don't spend more than $XX.00."

So while finishing my Christmas shopping on Saturday, I did just that. Of course, the phone I wanted was more than twice $XX.00. But the knowledgeable and patient salesman (actually, the store manager, who had dealt quite professionally with a very difficult customer before me) worked with me and we managed to come up with a deal and a plan that made everyone happy. 'Santa' paid for the down-payment on the phone, the 'skin' and the tax, while the remaining balance was broken up into $10.00 interest-free payments added to my monthly $49.99 unlimited plan. I got a top-of-the line smart phone that does everything but wash the dishes and tuck me in at night and 'Santa' even gets a $50.00 rebate. Double-plus good, no?

I'm still in the learning curve with the my new MyTouch phone. I have to sit down with the book, even thought the salesman told me just to play with the phone and discover it on my own. And I have to give it back to 'Santa' on Friday so she can wrap it and give it back to me on Saturday night. But that's okay. Maybe by then, I'll actually have figured how to use half of the functions it comes with. At least I can say I am "Walking in a 4G Wonderland." That is what they're singing, right?

I hope your 'Santa' brings you what you want for Christmas; Xmas; Hanukkah; Kwanzaa or Solstice this holiday season. More importantly, I hope you take the time to appreciate the people you love, the people who love you and all the blessings in your life.

More, anon.
Prospero

P.S. - I donated my old phone to Cell Phones for Soldiers, which supplies phones for our military men and women who may not have one of their own, so they can call loved ones while serving their country. It's the very least I could do to thank them for preserving our freedom.

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Stick a Fork in Me; I'm Done

I finally finished my Christmas shopping today. And while many of you may be cursing me because you haven't, I am kicking myself for letting it take so long.

Honestly, I am usually done by the first week of December. In fact, I often start with my annual trek to Florida in the spring to visit my sister and brother-in-law. While I did buy one or two things there in April and another one or two in Chicago this July, I let the bulk of it slide this year. The economy had a bit to do with that. I had to wait until the Fall/Winter O.T. kicked in at the day job, before I could actually afford to shop.

It's not like I have a huge list of people to buy gifts for. There's Mom; Sis & the BIL; Aunt Ev (whom you will eventually learn all about in a post dedicated to her special loonieness, I promise...); D; K; Q and Dale; my godson, his sister and parents and a few folks at work. I tried not to use plastic too much, though some things bought online or via catalog required it. And thank goodness for Amazon wishlists. They made holiday shopping a bit easier this year...

Still, I'm glad my list didn't include any of these items:



Or these:

And while I may actually know where to get "Daddy Butter," I'm not about to share that with a bunch of mostly strangers... ;-)

More, anon.
Prospero

Finally In The Mood

Well, despite the monsters lurking amongst us, I finally feel it is the Christmas season. Temperatures have dropped and tonight I wrapped the gifts that I am shipping down to my sister and brother-in-law in Florida. 

It's not as much as I would like to or even usually send, but it's been a tough year for everyone. I'm spending less all around, this year. And the older we get, the harder it is to find the perfect gift (though I do pride myself on my gift-choosing skills). No one has ever looked at a gift I've given them and said "What the hell is this?" I can't always say the same about some of the gifts I've received. 

Of course, the gifts aren't really the point. 

For me, Christmas has always been about celebrating the love between family and friends. And as I've said repeatedly, I feel so very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. I can't imagine how empty my life would be without them. They make me laugh (and sometimes cry). They bring me joy (and sometimes sorrow). They offer ears to listen, shoulders to cry on and hands to lift me up. They go along with my crazy schemes; they perform for and with me; they accompany me to the movies and the theatre; they keep my secrets and share theirs; they know me as well as I know them. 

So, while religious Christians celebrate Christmas as the birth of their spiritual savior, I celebrate my many spiritual saviors - the folks I love and who love me in return. So let me wish you all an early Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Good Solstice and the best in the coming New Year.

Oh - and here's the Gayest Holiday Thing You'll See This Week:

By the way - for those who find offense at the use of "Xmas," you should know that the 'X' in "Xmas" comes from the first letter of the Greek word for 'Christ.' Y'all need to get over that, already.

More, anon.

Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

The Only 'Gay Christmas' Image I Found Without a Half-Naked Man In It

Last night was opening night of the JTMF production of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" and I got home late and was just too tired to post anything. We had two shows today and have one left tomorrow.

And after Thursday's downer of a post, I thought it time to get back to our usual nonsense, don't you?

I came across the video embedded below on Towleroad, who nicked it from Gawker, which has apparently declared it 'The Viral Video of the Christmas Season.'

Now, I'm not saying the gentleman in the clip is gay. He may or may not be. But I've been in the theatre for the majority of my life and I've worked for the NYC Ballet. I have met a lot dancers, men and women; gay and straight. All I can say is that the straight male dancers I know don't move in quite the same way as the gay male dancers I know. I'll let you decide for yourselves, then. He does have a rather adorable smile, though...

Ladies and germs, I give you "Miracle on 42nd Street:"

So? Gay or straight? You tell me in the comments.

I'm beat. Two shows in one day (even short ones) really take it out of you. I'm off to bed. 

More, anon.

Prospero