The Gayest Nonsense You'll See This Holiday Weekend

Yowza!

And a little more shameless self-promotion. But first:

Miley has nothing on another former Disney star who is turning up the sexual heat. That's Zac Efron (High School Musical) as a ripped fratboy in the upcoming movie Neighbors, which is about a couple of new parents (Seth Rogan and Rose Byrne) who are forced (huh?) to move next door to a college fraternity house. I knew (and even dated) some hot boys in college. None of them were this hot. Damn! The adorable young teen heartthrob has blossomed into a stone cold hottie, right before our eyes (and thankfully, the cameras). Of course, he now wants to be considered a 'serious' actor (Nicole Kidman peed on him, how much artier can one get?).  I don't know how much playing a college boy with an eight-pack in a raunchy comedy will do that for him. I just know he can come to my house and grill anything he wants. Hell, I'd even let him drink all my beer.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. Listen, Uncle P may be old, but I'm not dead! There may be snow on the roof, etc., etc., etc... To be honest, I have no problem with my neighbors' whisperings. It's only because they're jealous. Better a 'Cougay' than taking a dirt nap, eh?

And speaking of gay (wow, what a segue), openly gay horse trainer, performer and Discovery Channel reality star Jake Nodar has a very gay new video out called "Applause Recap" in which he not only appears in his own take on Lady Gaga's latest single, but may well prove that one should never Gaga while driving:

For more from Nodar, you can visit his YouTube page, here.

I spent my day cooking an old, all-day recipe of my grandmother's, which I only make twice a year because it takes so long. And honestly, if you're going to do that much work, you might as well make a big-ass (16 Qt) batch. We'll have it at least three more times this week and the rest will be frozen in smaller batches for future consumption. And of course, it only gets better the longer it sits... and it was already pretty danged amazing... a childhood comfort food that will always remind me of family and unconditional love. I'm so glad this not among the recipes Grandmom B took to her grave.

Oh, and if you missed yesterday's Malaprop Mom post, you should check it out. Apparently, MM's biggest audiences are in Russia, Poland and Latvia! I can only assume they are reading it to improve their English. I hope it doesn't confuse them, instead. 

More, anon.
Prospero

The Most 80's Gaga You'll See This Week

Gaga Gives Good ____?

I'm not ashamed to admit to being a fan of Lady Gaga, though I would never count myself among her "Little Monsters." I'll probably never see her live, but I certainly won't change the channel should one of her songs come on the radio (on the rare occasion I have it on). And I guess it doesn't hurt that she's a very vocal and passionate straight ally to the LGBT Community at large. And while I am peripherally aware of the latest 'feud' between Lady G and the even weirder blogger Perez Hilton (why is his head so BIG?!?!), I am far more interested in Gaga as a provocatrix.

My humor, my style, my tastes and my sensibilities have always tended toward the dark. Friends on Facebook are often confounded and disturbed by the pictures, articles and links I post there. And they aren't afraid to tell when they are confused and/or disturbed by something I've posted. My response to their discomfort continues to be this: "If you are moved and/or disturbed by something I have posted, then my point has been made. I am and always have been a provocateur. It is my intention to disturb and/or move you." Neither of those are bad things. We all need to be shocked out of complacency now and then. And Uncle P is more than happy to do that for you. 

Gaga wants to do the same and the new video for her latest single, "Applause" does just that. Combining 80's techno beats from the likes of Devo and Gary Numan with modern club sounds; her trademark surrealist images and a song that speaks to everyone who has ever performed for an audience, the video is nothing short of fascinating to watch, especially on Full Screen (for the best effect):

Go ahead and hate me. I don't care. I'm a Gaga fan. What are you gonna do about? That's right. Nothing! Punk! Get the hell off my lawn, you damn kids! Uh... I uh... I mean, er... Yeah? You and what army? So there!

See? I can be tough and butch and so gay I fart rainbows, all at the same time. What?!?!

More, anon.
Prospero

The Worst Gaga You'll See This Week.

Okay - I'll admit it... I have become a Lady Gaga fan. Her often hilarious (and sometimes poignant) lyrics and infectious dance beats combined with her outrageous theatricality - not to mention her outspoken views on LGBT issues - have made her a favorite and I look forward to hearing her next CD, whenever that may be.

And there are endless (and endlessly amusing) parodies of her songs and videos out there. Most of them are quite clever. Some of them are even very good. Many of them, are downright terrible. But Michael K over at dlisted, has found what may be the worst Lady Gaga 'tribute' ever made.

Remember this gem from a few hundred posts ago?

Well, I really think Merna may have actually escaped from the psycho who was holding a gun to her dog's head, gained a few pounds, ironed her hair and managed to get into a community college's Video Production class in order to make the video embedded below. Just a warning, it ain't pretty...

Talk about 'Bad Romance.'

I know that not every theatrical, film or video project with which I've been involved was what one might consider 'good." Some of them were downright awful. None of them, however, approached the craptitude of what you have just witnessed (and thankfully, they all took place before YouTube existed). I don't know if the poor girl is delusional or clueless. And honestly, who are any of us to judge? But, really? As a certain 60's space doctor often said, "Oh, the pain... the pain!"

I know I've been away for a few days, but as the JTMF production of Sordid Lives grows closer (now, just about 3 weeks away), I find myself with less and less time for other things. I'll be posting tomorrow (we have the night off) and have tons to post about on Saturday's Zombie Zone. After that, it will be catch-as-catch-can until after the 27th.

And just a head's up - if you're in the New York area in mid-July, please join me and my friends on Sunday, July 18th at Coney Island for my Birthday Blowout. We're meeting in front of The Cyclone at 1:00. Hope to see you there!

More, anon.
Prospero

Suckers

Please forgive your Uncle P if I'm covering a topic I've discussed before, but Vampires are really hot right now and I find myself inundated with promos for books, movies, TV shows and graphic novels that share this common theme.

To your right is a screen grab from the infamously gay (and very hot) video for Lady Gaga's "Teeth," directed by Sergio Cerrone. The original post has since been removed from TouTube, but I just watched it again here. And I've embedded another YouTube version below (though I can't guarantee how long it will be available for viewing). I imagine Gaga herself must have approved of this video. It's certainly in keeping with her style and philosophy.

I don't know exactly who is responsible for the recent rash of vampires in current media. I suspect that the insipid Stephanie Meyer Twilight series has something to do with it, though I have to mention Alan Ball's HBO series "True Blood" and the CW series "The Vampire Diaries" as contributors to the phenomenon. And recent vampire films such as Let the Right One In (and its soon-to-be released American remake Let Me In), Daybreakers and the upcoming Stakeland are also indicative of the trend. Hell - I've even written my own musical version Dracula, called "Children of the Night." I'm still looking for a composer for the show - my original composer bailed because she felt she wasn't up to the task, but the three or four melodies she did write were magnificent.*

Why are vampires so hot right now? I'm not sure. They've never really gone out of style, as far as I can tell. Vampires in modern times have come to be associated with sex, more than horror (and I'm not going to go into the whole psychological associations tonight - I've already done that, and probably will again). Bottom line: times are tough. People are losing their jobs, their homes and their investments. When times are tough, people turn to escapism. Modern vampires represent youth, sex and power - all the things that seem to be slipping away in these turbulent times. If we can hold onto those things forever - so much the better. And unlike their undead brethren, Zombies, Vampires don't seem to have the whole "rotting, stinking, green-blue flesh" thing going on.

Even traditional network TV has jumped on the bandwagon. ABC has a new show premiering next month called "The Gates," starring "Boston Legal" alum Rhona Mitra, about a community of Vampires, Werewolves, Witches and assorted supernatural beasties. Think of it as "Desperate Vampires." Here's a teaser preview:

ABC doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to genre shows - my guilty pleasure of last season, "Eastwick," is a prime example. And the teaser above certainly has a "cheese" factor that doesn't exactly bode well for more than a 12 episode summer run. Still - they may fool me. After all, "Dark Shadows" ran daily for 4 years on ABC Daytime in the late '60's (but don't get me started on the proposed Tim Burton/Johnny Depp movie version).

I suppose that as long as people fantasize about eternal youth, sex and power, vampires will remain a staple of popular culture. And honestly, I can't really imagine people not fantasizing about eternal youth, sex and power. It's only (in)human nature...

Finally, as promised, here's that gay vampire video for "Teeth:"

More, anon.
Prospero

*On a side note, if you know someone who might be interested in collaborating as a composer, please let me know.

The Gayest Things I've Ever Posted?

Alright, some of you youngin's might not recognize the two ladies to your left (which is a terrible shame), though folks of a "certain age" (i.e. Uncle P and his friends) can tell you that not only are they both show biz legends and gay icons, but between them have slept with more gay men than most gay men do (and that's a lot of gay men).

And if you really need to be told, that's Liza Minnelli and her mother, Judy Garland. Many say that Judy's death was indirectly responsible for the raid on the Stonewall and the consequent riots, which reportedly took place while legions of gay fans had gathered to mourn their Diva's passing. That may or may not be documented somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look it up tonight. It came to me apocryphally, and so I now pass it on to you, in the same way.

Anyway, Punchy Players (via) have a very weird, but very funny commercial parody for Cream of Wheat, starring the mother/daughter superstars, both of whom are voiced by someone credited only as "Jeff." It's pretty damn gay:

Personally, I think Mario Cantone's Judy & Liza are better than Jeff's, but that weird photo animation lent it something that took the bizarre to whole new level.

Here's Mario's take:

And that took the gay up almost 3 levels... Let's see if we can't even the scales a bit.

You may have heard about this new little Internet phenomenon called Chatroullette. I would love to go on it, but you need a webcam, and I'm not going there. But people are starting to record and edit their sessions rather cleverly. I believe it is the very first music video made using Chatroulette. Gay because the music is Gaga and features a very funny guy in increasingly bizarre drag; bizarre because of the increasingly bizarre drag (and his facial hair) and hilarious because of some of the reactions, which range from horrified to hysterical to participatiorydancing. Ladies and germs (also via), I give you the Chatroulette version of Lady Gaga's "Telephone" (may be NSFW):

It's hard to know exactly what to say after watching that, isn't it?

Was I right? Are those the gayest things I've ever posted? If nothing else, they're all kind of weird (though that's not really anything new around here, now is it?). Kisses or venoms; applause or rotten tomatoes; thumbs up or down (and can I hear a sad little sigh for the end of "At the Movies" from all of you, please? The balcony is closed... ); agree, disagree or just want to share lewd limericks, then leave me a comment. I love hearing from you.

Last night I was working on both my screenplay and a critique of a play by a young friend, and time just got away from me. I really didn't have much to say, anyway (if you can you imagine such a thing). Tonight, I had a wonderful dinner at the Lambertville Station with three of my very BFFs (I've known Q, K and Dale for most of my adult life), which was what I hope will be the start of a wonderful weekend.

Of course, tomorrow also starts Phase II of The Great Plumbing Disaster of 2010: The Bathroom. The same problem that forced my kitchen renovation in January, also caused some damage to the wall in my bathroom (to save on plumbing, the builders put the bathroom and kitchen behind each other, so they shared water and waste lines in a single wall). And since it really also needed it anyway, my amazing contractor, Sam, will be replacing the tub with a shower unit; replacing the damaged wallboard behind the toilet and sink and re-tiling the floor. He's promised to have it done in three days. I'm guessing it will be Tuesday before I get to take a proper shower again. Looks like it's washcloths, baby-wipes and kitchen sink shampoos for a few days. You never learn to appreciate anything until you don't have it, I suppose. Yes, I always like to end on a cliche. It's so soothing...

Anyway...

More, anon. Read me tomorrow at the Zombie Zone.
Prospero

The Gayest Sh*t You'll See This Week

I almost used a different image tonight, but this one made me laugh because the sign itself is a funny fail, made funnier by bad spelling. It's like the He-Man Woman Hater's Club grew up and founded a nudist colony, despite Miss Crabtree's best efforts to teach them how to spell.

Those links and references were aimed solely at my sister and so dearest friend, Q -- and yes, I have a friend who designs gadgets for MI6 -- and they have little to do with tonight's topic, except that the sign made me think of one of my favorite lines from "Will and Grace." Will asks Jack some really obvious question and Jack's response is: "Does a gay bear have anonymous sex in the woods?" Ta-da! Talk about a segue (no, not this).

So, tonight's first really gay thing is this almost unbelievable clip from a 1992 Danish film called (I'm not making this up) Gayn*****s From Outer Space. The space-zombies over at i09 linked this item from a blog called Filmdrunk. And while I would like to think that the filmmakers were trying to make a comedy that pays homage to '70's Blaxploitation, I fear they were merely paying homage and forgot the comedy part... I am stunned that such a movie exits and had to share the horror with you. It gets really gay around 3:35 (may be NSFW):

Oh, those Dutch! Wooden shoes, windmills, tulips and... wait for it........................... dykes.

And I know I've been talking a lot about Lady Gaga, lately. I broke down and bought "The Fame Monster" and I'm loving it. I have to admit, the Lady is hardly a tramp. While some might dismiss her as just a freak, hers is some of the best dance music I've heard since the 90's, and her lyrics can be quite clever. After being seduced by "Teeth" (the video I posted last month has been removed - sorry), I checked out more and really liked what I heard, so I bought the CD. I love her video for "Bad Romance" and a few days ago discovered how good a song "Speechless" is. And tonight, coming home from a very, very long day of lunacy, idiocy and probable mental incapacity at the day job, I discovered how much I liked her duet with Beyonce on somewhat silly "Telephone." They sound great together and the song just makes me want to move.

Well, synchronicity met up with serendipity tonight, because I logged onto the interwebs when I finally got home and discovered a fan-made video (via) for that very song, which very well may be the gayest video karaoke ever. I know that the two real ladies in question will be gracious enough to allow this loving tribute to go viral - it's funny, sassy and oh-so-gay, as well as a dead-on parody of Gaga's other videos. Enjoy, bitches:

I'm off to commit more atrocities to paper... Act I of the new screenplay is almost finished. The real fun starts after about three more pages. Let's see how depraved I can get. Oh -- and another snow-bound Zombie Zone post tomorrow -- and you know what happened the last time. Be afraid... be very afraid...

Oh, crap! Now I've gone and raised your expectations and I'll have to be really on tomorrow night. Of course, being snow-bound will also mean plenty of time for Act II... Okay, you can be afraid again...

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

I know I talked about Lady Gaga recently, and said I really wasn't familiar with her music. But when Ozzie Osbourne comes out and says he likes her, I suppose one has to pay attention (ahem).

Tonight, (via) I saw the very, very gay video for her newest release "Teeth." And you know what? I really liked the song (of course, I had to watch the video about three times before I actually paid attention the music...). I guess I have to check her other stuff out, now. You can check out Gaga's Vampire-themed hotness for yourself, below (may be NSFW):



Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Bite Me," doesn't it?

And speaking of The Gayest Thing, gay dating site ManCrunch has offered the below commercial (also via) to CBS for airing during the Superbowl. If anyone at CBS has half a brain, they'll air it:



Finally, while on the subject of CBS and Superbowl ads, I went to their site last night and posted the following on their feedback page:

"As a fan of many fine CBS programs, it saddens me that your network has chosen to air an ad paid for by the hate group, Focus On the Family during your Superbowl broadcast. While your company may not find the ad's contents objectionable, you should find its creators' values exceptionally objectionable. By accepting this ad, you are giving support and credence to an organization whose main focus is to discriminate against the LGBT community, block civil rights and destroy the lives of millions of LGBT citizens. Shame on you, CBS. If the ad airs as scheduled, you can be assured that you will lose millions of LGBT viewers, as well as their friends and family members. Is the temporary revenue you gain by allowing this ad to air worth the potential losses you will incur in the future? Until you announce the rejection of FOF's ad, I will be a former CBS viewer."

I urge all my readers to go to CBS's site and do the same. Please feel free to use and/or amend that text I will admit that I am sucker for the CSI franchise, but I'll give them up gladly, if they air that FOF ad.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

I have not been a fan of most popular music for a very long time. Most of it is unoriginal, boring and downright crap. In fact, I've heard better lyrics in cereal jingles than the Black Eyed Peas' "I Got a Feeling." And some songs are unavoidable, though their inherent catchiness is soon outweighed by their over-exposure. And I never would have heard Chris Brown's not terrible song "Forever," if it wasn't for this infamous viral. While there are plenty of recording artists putting out all sorts of crap, as always, there are the rare few who are actually good.

And then there there is Lady Gaga. That's her in a Dominatrix Minnie outfit on your right. Now I know I've heard and could recognize at least one of her songs: "Poker Face" Not exactly a terrible song and certainly harmless enough. But I'm afraid that I know who Lady Gaga is more for her outrageousness than for her actual talent as a musician (which from all accounts is considerable). And to be fair, she is a fierce supporter of LGBT rights and proclaims herself a champion of outsiders and freaks everywhere. So, what does any of that have to do with the Gayest Thing You'll See This Week? Well, I'll tell you.

If you're a regular reader, you know Uncle Prospero loves him some homemade gay boy video karaoke (and shame on you if you mind leapt straight to porn before reading the word "karoake."). It all started with that damned Beyonce song and when I find great examples of it, I have to share. Here then (via) is homemade gay boy video karaoke of Lady Gaga's "Monster," The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week:

More, anon.
Prospero