Turtle Troubles

So Michael Bay has access to another beloved 80’s toy franchise and the internet is not happy. This time he was recorded talking about the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. "These turtles are from an alien race," Bay said recently at an event. "And they're going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable." This is not making people happy. Bay has tried to do some damage control, saying that we haven’t seen the story behind it yet and things like that. I expect right now there are probably three or four internet petitions going on.

I understand what you Turtle fans are going through. I went through it too. In fact it the TMNT franchise that broke my heart way back in 1987 when that cartoon that you all love came out. I had already been reading the TMNT comics; I thought Raphael #1 was one of the coolest books I had ever read. I wasn’t lucky enough to have a first printing of TMNT #1, but I did have one of the numerous reprints. There were no “awesome” pizza parties, they didn’t have their initials on their belts, and the covers let me know that they all wore red bandanas. Foot soldiers were soldiers not robots, and there was blood.

Honestly if you've never read the original turtle comics you are missing out.  IDW has started putting out really nice hardcovers collecting that Mirage Studios run. The first volume covers issue 1-7 and the Raphael one shot that I had mentioned earlier.  The second volume isn't out yet, although Amazon already has it listed for pre-order.

I’m not saying that Michael Bay is right, I still haven’t seen any of his Transformers movies and I never will. It is quite possible that the new TMNT plans are a complete train wreck. However good or bad the new movie will be, the TMNT franchise will survive. After all it already survived Vanilla Ice.

Viva Las Vegas

So I am back from Vegas, also it is my birthday. What does that mean for you? Well I am going to talk shit about Sin City and tell a story related to birthdays and chest boxes.

Vegas. I don't get it. I understand the concept and see how it could be a blast. However I just can't get into it. From what I can see Vegas is all about gambling, drinking alot, trying to get laid, and shows. I don't gamble because I have an addictive personality and I know that gambling would be pretty bad for me. I do enjoy drinking, but my power slamming of alcohol days are long past me. I am more of a marathon drinker than a sprinter. I also prefer to imbibe with friends in a welcoming atmosphere rather than being surrounded by the frat boy mentality of Vegas. That same frat boy mentality goes into the getting laid part. Of course that is why you get hit with all those hooker cards on the strip. The shows part looks like the part I would enjoy the most, however the one show I wanted to see - Penn & Teller - was sold out. In the end the part I enjoyed most was my hotel room view.


Not many mountains here in Texas.
Also this picture made me laugh for a while...it's the little things I guess.



Because apparently you CAN put Baby in a corner. Also there is a Dirty Dancing slot machine. That's good shit.

On to Storytime with the Cake Fucker.

This happened at DragonCon yet again, a magical place and the birthplace of many a nerd story. A large group of us were in the Rebel Legion at the time, and were doing a Rebel Pilot day. Well during the dinner hour a bunch of us Warhawks decided to head down to a little frequented (at the time, I guess in the intervening years this place has changed owners and blown up during the con) pub a few blocks from the hotels. We walk in and sit at a large high top that served as the middle of the room. At the bar was a young lady and an older gentlemen, and in the back room area was another few folks. As we are all ordering food and drinks the young lady (henceforth known as "Bunny") yells out, "It's my birthday!!!" at the top of her lungs. We all politely acknowledge her and tell her happy birthday. As the evening wears on Bunny begins to get more and more boisterous (and trashed), and comes over to our table. She makes her way up and down the group messing with all the guys. Then she gets to me. Apparently in her drunken state, I was the one that she latches on to. She proceeds to grind on me and have her self a good ol' time - basically giving me a lap dance. At the time I was in my B-Wing fighter pilot costume that has a rather large chest box. (this is were Glen makes a cameo to demonstrate!)


So as a nerd the entire time this not unattractive lady is grinding on me I am thinking "Damn I hope she does not break my chest box...". The whole time this is going on she is screaming, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!". When she was done with me she moved on to a friend of ours known as Mini (with some not so subtle coaxing on our part). Mini is less than thrilled with this turn of events. After some more grinding the bartender tells Bunny that she needs to settle down. She then returns to the bar...for about 2 minutes. She then comes back over to me, pulls her shirt up, shoves my face in her chest, and gets her self thrown out. All in all an interesting night and a fun story. There are many more details, but that is the crux of the tale. So from then on whenever the anniversary of ones arrival into this world happens someone invariably yells out "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!".


Ken will be here tomorrow to begin his Heroes odyssey, so come on back to hear of a much more interesting weekend than I had.


Reading this week - "Beastslayer" by William King

How to ruin an Icon

Just a real quick guest blog because I have just seen this....


That thing is supposed to be the power battery for the Green Lantern movie. What the fuck is going on here? How the hell can that be the battery? It is such an iconic thing for the Lantern mythos and they have turned it into something completely unrecognizable to anyone. I did not even know what I was looking at when I first saw it as it looks like a prop from one of the shitty Matrix sequels. Combine that with the weird "organic" looking costume and my
for this movie is quickly changing to

Sorry had to be done.
So you tell me does that weird looking blob up there take the place of this?




And that is how and icon is ruined. Hollywood gets a hold of it and next thing you know Batman has nipples.

Nerd Rage

Well folks sorry to disappoint but there will be no Flash Friday today due to Ken being at Celebration V in sunny orLando. So we know what that means...
 

Even for us nerds that blend into normal everyday society and can hold a conversation with people that have no idea what the words Weyland Yutani mean, Nerd Rage can take a hold at any time. It all has to do with one particular persons "temple of nerd", that in which the viewer holds dear and has invested copious amounts of time with. Take me for instance. I like the character of Thor and am looking forward to the movie. With that in mind I can look at this picture from the movie and just shake my head and wonder why Asgardians are going to Glamor Shots.

However I do have a friend that holds Thor very close. He lost his facade of normalcy and showed his true nerd in the form of a Rage over seeing that. All that being said my personal triggers for this unfortunate phenomenon are the Green Lantern and Daredevil. So what has my underoos in such a bunch that a long winded description of Nerd Rage was required?

This monstrosity.

This is supposed to be Kilowog. Kilowog is a member of the Green Lantern Corps and one of the greatest drill sergeants for the new recruits into that illustrious group of ring slingin' space cops. He also has a penchant of calling others "Poozer" (sometimes entirely too much, depending on the writer). Where to begin on this picture? First off what is with that goofy look on his mug? It kinda looks like that turtle you could draw to get into art school. Does he even have a neck or is his head placed directly on his trapezius muscles? Oh the pain that picture brings. For some prospective this is what he should look like.

See that? A square shaped head that is not as angular, no stupid grin, and lo and behold... shoulders! He also does not have fraking neck rolls like King Kong Bundy. As Ken rightly pointed out, after I saw this and blasted his phone with pure Rage, that this is just a still and may not be final (one would hope). The strange looking costume is in and of itself a Rage worthy thing. That is a whole other post on it's own along with the first pics of Ryan Reynolds as Hal so I will leave that alone for now. So freshly vented I must admit that I am holding out that in motion all of this will leave my mind and I can enjoy a Green Lantern movie for what it is. That is the hope of all nerds in the powerful thrall of that strange force known as Nerd Rage.

Also is anyone suprised that Ken's favorite Lantern happens to be the one that rebels against authority, makes constant wise cracks, but still has a heart of gold? Just sayin', the guy has a type.