CH59: Losing Sight

"Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are." - Wicked

The message that resounded most to me when I was watching Wicked The Musical was short and simple: "Don't lose sight of who you are."

Admittedly, I'm quick to adapt and adjust to situations. But in that talent of assimilation, I've forgotten that - as alchemy's rule goes - there's always an equivalent exchange. You cannot have something or become something without losing something - without sacrificing anything.

Now I'm muddled as there's a disparity between who I was pre-college and after. And the transition to become who I am now, well, I can't help but feel that though I find myself where I always dreamt or imagined where I will be - career wise - that I'm not the same person. No, it's not something like maturity. It's something else that I'm still unsure of what to call. An analogy would be selling your soul to the devil to get something you want. Well - no, it's not my soul I threw under the bus to get where I am.

But, I think for one thing, my version of morality now is very much different from what I had before college. Going through a liberal college must have something to do with it. It's not that I'm saying UP corrodes that from its students. It's more of a matter of letting myself be corroded. Also, it's not that I'm saying I don't like who I am now - but more of, not fully knowing myself because somewhere down the road, I lost a part of myself.

And that hollow space where something I used to have resided, well, I guess it's eating me up from the inside not knowing exactly what used to be there.