[Random] Unencumbered

Unencumbered (04/08/2014)

At the precipice of contemplation,
I realized with striking clarity,
that I have moved on from you,
From us, from my loss.

My heart has been mended.
The despair and confusion,
Antiquated feelings like spindly cobwebs,
Swiped clean as frail as they are.

I stared out onto the night.
The neighboring buildings blinking,
On and Off, On and off -
Signs of life and movement.

I spin with the world
As it rotates and orbits around the sun.
Immobility by emotional distress -
A somber concept by romantics and poets.

I hear the distant breeze.
I inhale deep and breathe out,
A sigh of freedom and relief.
The burden is completely gone.

I recall seeing your picture together.
No envy, no jealousy, no remorse, no anger
There was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
"Oh, they look good together."

My phone sounds as a message comes in.
I smile. "It's you. What a coincidence."
I do not bother to reply.
Swipe to the left, delete. Time for bed.

CH222: Unshackled

Bangkok has done wonders! The people I met during the recent trip have done what I thought was the impossible.

CH220: Missed
CH221: Mai Pen Rai!

If I should be honest - my last relationship officially ended sometime December last year. The exact day, I can't even be bothered to remember. From that time till now, we've been friends. It was hard to pull off a move on when those threads of emotions tug you back to the realms that are all too familiar and common. It was harder when in the back of your mind, the hope, that faint glimmer of hope voices out that if I continued waiting, then things will eventually get back to how things were. Despite eternal rationalizations that it was a relationship built on loose foundations that grew toxic but was ignored out of *cough* "love", I couldn't fully "Let It Go." - sorry for the Frozen reference.

I was always telling myself that time will pass and things will get easier. But I couldn't decide whether that was a time I'd look forward to seeing or not. Even when I was in Barcelona, Madrid and Lisbon - despite the numerous gratification and 1 vacation fling, it wasn't enough to really ditch that hope residing.

Fast forward to before my flight to Bangkok, and I confessed to my ex about exactly how I was feeling, and that I wasn't saying those things because I wanted a change of heart from anyone, but I did so because I need to let it out and be done with it. And, now, coming back from Bangkok and with all the experiences I had and the romance I experienced, it's like, "Wow, what a difference a weekend can make."

If I fell in love that hard in my relationship, and had good and bad moments, scary moments even as some close friends know, it just comes with living. Those are experiences that have shaped me and perhaps will shape me further in the future, but it's all in the past. I enjoyed being single in Bangkok. It allowed me to meet new people, new friends, and even previous acquaintances.

I'm not sure when I'll be ready to fall in love again, but I know that when the time does come, I'll know better. Like Paloma Faith croons, it's the sweetest pain. Painful, but worth it. So for now, I'll just enjoy things as they are and worry less about this aspect of living life. #maipenrai

So....Bangkok May 23-25 tickets booked. Anyone want to come along :) I'm going there with someone though ;)

CH211: Transitions

Moving on is a state of being and a state of mind that's only reached not by distance or effort - but by the passage of time. It's ultimately a battle against one's self fought in the mind and heart. But, there is always a choice on how we approach and face the experience. Do we wallow in regret, fear, disappointment and sadness? Or do we stay strong, be happy, hold our heads high and look forward to the time when the pain is just but a distant memory?

...And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that

Everytime I don’t,

I almost do, I almost do

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

‘Cause each time you reach out there’s no reply

I bet it never, ever occurred to you that I can’t say hello to you

And risk another goodbye

We made quite a mess, babe

It’s probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

That in my dreams you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you

And I almost do

It's a painful process. But it's a phase by phase process. Each stage reminds you of the pain that once you reach the end, that it is indeed over. Period. Non existent. A distant memory. Over. It takes a certain kind of strength to take the leap and do something about actually moving past the stages and being okay again.

For now - despite initially wanting to be friends, I can't be there anymore without getting the impulse to take the leap again and give it another go. It's not going to happen anymore and we both acknowledged that to some extent - despite bits of protestations. I can't be friends with the specter of us hanging around. We both wished each other the best. But for now, I need some time to switch off and just be able to get over certain things. I need to excise you from my psyche which you seem to have deeply ingrained yourself in.

 So to you, I bid adieu.

CH195: Linger

Not too long ago.

...

I'm having trouble sleeping since your scent is everywhere. The shirt I lent you I'm wearing. The pillow you slept on and the blanket you used. You shouldn't have slept on my side of the bed.

I will surely miss you.

I lament that we ended the way we ended. I didn't want that. I loved you and will always love you. But the trust I have just kept getting ebbed away with each issue I tried to communicate with you...

I wish your realization you came over to talk to me about the other day came earlier. It would have allowed us more time to address our issues. I would have been able to not let my mistrust get the better of me.

And as I lay in bed wondering, I realized that sooner than later this scent will fade.

...

Anyway, it's good we're still friends and in touch. I'm just still having trouble letting go. But it's more 50/50 slowly becoming biased toward letting go. It's just a question of whether I'm ready to or not. But the path and direction you set for us will make it easier. There's no moping, no letting the sadness consume me, and whatever bullshit I wrote before (CH182: Mature Insights).

It will just be a sad situation when you decide you're ready to start a relationship again. You mentioned that we never know that somewhere down the road it will be right again for us. And I only managed to retort that it's either now or never. It will be overly complicated if we let ourselves be friends with that hope implanted in our minds. It will be said when you think you're ready but I'm no longer available - or heck, no longer in Singapore.

...

As ephemeral as it lingered, so will be the void. One scent replaced by another - in this case, mine over yours.

CH194: Bali Indonesia Part 2

Following on the first entry: CH193: Bali Indonesia Part 1:

Pictures from this set will be from Days 3 and 4:
Day 3 - Dec 1: Breakfast, Bali Tour - Gunung Kawi (temple), Tampaksiring (where the sacred water is) and Tegalallang (rice terraces), hotel, chill, sunset dinner cruise, hotel, go out for drinks and party, hotel
Day 4 - Dec 2: Breakfast, checkout, beach, hotel for shower, departure

We rented a car to bring us around to places we had chosen. Typically, the tours are packaged for 5 hours or 10 hours. Since we didnt really have enough time in our hands, we decided on select destinations which were the Rice terraces and temples close to it (Gunung Kawi and Tampaksiring). There are other places that could have been visited if we added an additional 3-4 hours like the volcano (Batur) or the arts and crafts village around Ubud, but we had already booked a sunset dinner cruise so we were pressed for time.

One time while we were walking the streets of Seminyak, someone approached us and said: "you want to buy some Valium or Xanax?" I was a bit shocked someone would be peddling those prescription drugs on the streets of Bali! Or, when we got back to the front of the hotel from drinking, a motorcycle stopped by and said, you want magic mushroom? The man brought out a cup which looked like it had black liquid like bile in it and I was like, Uhm, no...

Security wise, I think after the incidents that rocked Bali before with the bombing, there was a strict enforcement of checks. In our hotel and Ku De Ta, cars were checked thoroughly going in. I appreciated the fact that even after it happened a while back, the measures they take to ensure the safety of the guests and patrons still persists. Unlike I would say in the Philippines, were after a few months from an incident, security becomes lax again - to the point that it's just a ridiculous hassle for guards to poke a stick through your stuff in a bag.

First stop of the tour was the Gunung Kawi temple. Surprisingly, it wasn't crowded. But, we reckon it was because of the steps you had to take going down to the place (about 300-350 stair steps maybe). And, considering we just went 600+ steps down to the white water rafting, my legs were pretty achy at this point haha

CH193: Bali Indonesia Part 1

Last Nov 29 - Dec 2, I went with CP to Bali! I wasn't really aware of how big Bali was until I got there. I didn't even realize that Bali was an island by itself! It was nice to learn that Bali is a lot of things I didn't know of, and how it's attractions are spread out in Kuta, Seminyak, Legian, Nusa Dua, Ubud, and other districts/municipalities. There's so much to do in Bali it's almost staggering just thinking how I could have fit all the things I wanted to do in 4 days and 3 nights. To say the least, you definitely need more than that to be able to properly experience Bali - much like Europe I guess, but on a lesser scale.

Here's a brief itinerary we had:

Day 1 - Nov 29: Arrival, check-in, walking tour of Seminyak, lunch at Ku De Ta, chill by beach, back home, dinner, go out for drinks and party, hotel

Day 2 - Nov 30: Breakfast, white water rafting, snacks, hotel, dinner, hotel

Day 3 - Dec 1: Breakfast, Bali Tour - Gunung Kawi (temple), Tampaksiring (where the sacred water is) and Tegalallang (rice terraces), hotel, chill, sunset dinner cruise, hotel, go out for drinks and party, hotel

Day 4 - Dec 2: Breakfast, checkout, beach, hotel for shower, departure

From the itinerary, I didn't get to fit in the Tanah Lot temple as well as the Ulun Danu (Bratan Lake) that a friend suggested.

It was also surprising to have seen Xander - a college friend I met from 1st year 1st sem for Social Science 1 - in a pub we went to. It was so random it was almost freaky to see a common face in a not so common land and more so in a not so common place to drink in!

Anyway, enough talk and more pictures (from Day 1 and 2)

SATS premier lounge

a very nice airport

chicken run!

CH192: Deaths and Bali

A week or two back, there have been two saddening news coming from my college social circle.

1. An acquaintance, somebody I know by face who is from a rival org, someone I see often in our department (you eventually remember all the faces because a lot of people dropped out of our course program) died of pneumonia. It was shocking to have heard that out of the blue from close friends who heard about it first. This is considering the fact that a couple of years ago, his dad died. Soon after, his mom died as well. Thus leaving him as the sole bread winner of the family with other siblings to take care of.

2. A good friend who I worked with in the laboratory I "interned" for in our department also passed due to cancer. This hit a mark last week after I heard the news. Not long before she moved here in Singapore for work along with her boyfriend, she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She went back to the Philippines, had the help of her organization and close friends help raise funds for her chemo. Everything was going well, until when the treatment was over, she found out that the cancer spread to other parts of her body. Her bones, everywhere. And then the next thing I know, somebody messages me that she has passed away as well.

In less than 7 days, two people, one I was acquainted with and the other I shared woes and fears with (during our undergraduate research project and cramming sessions in subjects we both shared) passed away. .It's always so depressing to hear of someone you know pass away. More so when you take into consideration that they're just around the same age as me. 27! That is too young to say you've lived your life to the fullest!

I was very sad after hearing the two news of death. It got me thinking, why is it that my peers who I feel were good in their life die out, and yet myself, who parties, smoke(d), wastes money on unnecessary, speak profanity, rants a lot, who is mostly a cynic, get to live my life longer? What purpose does death serve? People will say, God has a purpose for everyone, well, I'm not quite sure what my purpose is now to be honest. My interest does not go as far beyond my self, family, friends and some extended friends. I don't think at the moment my interest in maybe helping out to some extent humanity has bore fruits of action.

To DS and Homer, may you both rest in peace. I hope that where you guys are, there is no more suffering.
---------------------------------------

So... tomorrow, by lunch time, I'll have arrived in Bali.
Not so much plans or research yet as I did before going to Siem Reap.
It will just be a time to get away from Singapore...to enjoy life and think of things as the sun sets in Bali.
Maybe find out the value of life and what purpose each of us serve.

Or, it can just become a romantic get-away with white water rafting mixed along.

CH191: Moving to More

Packing the stuff to move

Throwing away the unnecessary 

The new room pre move

The new room

the wardrobe

The mess

Finally finished the move

Getting settled in

As some of you may be aware (from Facebook), I've just finished moving room from Beach Road to Farrer Park. The reason for the move is simple, I want some place more convenient going to the office. Now, just 5 mins away is a bus stop where the bus going straight to the office goes through. Considering how much I've cabbed the past month, I say, the additional cost to the room is well worth it. The taxi charges will go well into offsetting the additional expense for the room.

It's quite nostalgic moving into City Square Residence for the plain and simple reason that this is where CP used to stay. I can't even remember the room as it's been so long ago. Now, I also have no reason not to miss any work out or the gym as the excuse of feeling tired from the commute should be well resolved. Plus, the pool in the condominium is about 50m (maybe?) so I can get back to swimming again!

Time to enjoy the new place and the new surroundings! Conveniently, the condominium - or more specifically, the block where I am, is just a stone throw away from City Square Mall! Hahaha, and guess what store welcomes me at the entrance? Cedele!  All the cakes on display, yummy! I've always felt before that moving into a condominium would be excessive and a waste of money. But after living in Singapore for about 2 years, 9 months and 2-3 weeks now, I can say, that maybe I deserve this opportunity to actually enjoy the place I am staying in. So, I've stayed in 4 different places, equal to the number of times I've transferred work.

[Random] Atlantis Dubai

CP is on vacation in Dubai with CP's bestfriend. I can't believe how beautiful it is there. The photo below is taken from the Imperial Club lounge balcony where CP and best friend got access to. I can't help but feel envious! :-) They're staying in Atlantis (Resort? Hotel?). They even went to the waterpark and did the big drop (I love waterparks.)

Two weeks ago CP went to Phuket and last weekend I was in Siem Reap.

CH188: Siem Reap Part 2

CH187: Siem Reap Part 1

I must say, Dubai deserves a visit now after seeing this picture.

CH185: Second Wind Part 1

With you in my life, of course I have reason to smile.

Second-wind and collateral. I feel slightly guilty that there has to be collateral to get where we are, but it's not within my control. Chance. Choice. Commitment.

WB4: Word Bubble Entry 4

Following what I started before to address random words (uncommon ones) that pop up in my head for no conscious reason, I had two today.

second-wind

Noun A person's ability to breathe freely during exercise, after having been out of breath. A new strength or energy to continue something that is an effort.

asinine

Adjective Extremely stupid or foolish.

Synonyms foolish

Like I said, sometimes, when I am not consciously thinking of anything, a word or some words usually just pop into my mind. Second-wind popped up when I was trying to wake up under a hot shower. (Disclaimer: Trying to wake up as in letting the hot water run down from my head to toe - nothing sexual haha). Second-wind I guess would be more applicable to what I'm going through right now, or decided recently. But, I will write more about it next time.

For asinine, I'm not sure why it came to mind as well. I'm thinking since I've been listening to Eminem's Recovery Album since last week, I may have heard it from there. But no, the word is not meant to be any sort of association where I currently am - or at least I hope not.

And, by coincidence, WB, Work Bitch, the official video has finally come out. Britney Spears is seriously rocking it. I begin to understand why Miley Cyrus went the way she did with Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Britney, etc releasing albums almost at the same time. She (Miley) needed to carve out a niche before the female personas of pop overshadow her. Quite strategic.

[Edit] Finally searchable through YouTube linking. Must have been too early posting it earlier soon after it was released in the US.

Reference:
Word Bubble Entry 1
Word Bubble Entry 2
Word Bubble Entry 4

CH184: 27 and Still Impulsive

Last Wednesday, I was day dreaming about going on a vacation for the coming (possible) long weekend on October here in Singapore. I got disappointed quickly trying to find good fares to fly off to somewhere.

And then I thought, why not go the weekend after so fares might be cheaper. And so, one hour after going to Siem Reap crossed my mind, I breathed in and out and booked flights from October 17-20 via Singapore Airlines. It so happen I can use some miles to pay off some of the cost and I got about a discount of 100 Singapore dollars for 10000 miles or so.

So, yeah, I booked a solo trip going to Siem Reap in the back of my head thinking I want to go there backpack style in preparation for one of my bucket list to go to Europe backpacking before I turn the big 3-0. (Which is less than 3 years away!!) I'll have yet to see though if I can pull it off haha. I have already contacted private tour guides to bring me around for my short stay in Siem Reap.

Aside from Siem Reap, what other happenings have been going on in my life? Well, I also impulsively booked for an appointment to get a 64 GB Gold IPhone 5s the week before this. I initially just wanted a 32Gb model considering the 64Gb iphone 5 I had was under used in terms of memory specs. I don't play as much games as I used to - although right now I'm hooked with Infinity Blade 3 and just spent about 50Sgd to buy the game and some in-app purchase (yes, out of impulse still). I got the 64 one for the 5s because I just wanted to get it over with and not have to bother myself waiting for a 32Gb to be available. Plus, I did promise my brother my IPhone 5 after my Mom urged me to upgrade before once there was one available. :)

I must say after getting my 5s that its so beautiful. :) I don't mean to exaggerate but having played the boundary pusher Infinity Blade 3, I must say being aware of tech to some extent, that a lackluster spec will just not do to have the same fluidity I was experiencing in-game.

That aside, my friends and I went out last night for drinks. It was an awesome night just chilling and relaxing and having fun. We also met a new friend - who coincidentally is also named C. He's CR. And of course, following the narration...

27 and still impulsive. Might I mention I also bought this concrete ring from Taiwan (22design studio) because I wanted something tangible to enact the learnings I have been reading from Dale Carnegie's book (How to make friends and influence people).

I highly recommend the book. Although it may seem common sense to learn, it's very well written with a lot of examples cited from famous people's experiences. I started reading it and to be honest, I had a glimpse on what possible solution there could be for the experience I shared over at my entry CH182: Mature Insights.

CH182: Mature Insights

And the truth of the matter is, you can only keep trying to make something work. But at some point, you have to realize that love does not conquer all. That at the end of the day, life is as real as it can be. The fantasy called love is beleaguered as life is. You have to realize and see for yourself that some people are just not compatible together. Some people can try and try and try and try but never make it work. Then, that's the time you have to accept, this isn't working anymore. And then, you look into yourself and the experiences you went through - and you analyze where you, the other person and the both of you went wrong.

I'm quite analytical to the point of over analyzing. I feel quite okay with coming to this ending. I had troubles letting go many times because during those times, I couldn't quite accept - not that its over - but more because I couldnt accept ending something I didn't know or understood why. My mind was thinking - if I can't understand something, then there should still be a solution to solve the problem. But, I have found my closure in understanding why and how a relationship can and has failed - and that some solutions to problems don't exist (much like math). I do know my shortcomings - whether they were existent even before or brought about by circumstances not written in this blog, I don't know.

What matters is I know on my part what I did to lead to this ending. Knowing my mistakes paves way for better chances of making the next one better and last. My initial fears of ending it because I didn't want my giving up to be a precedent to giving up too easily in the future has become myth.

The arrangement may have been over. But, now "it" really is. And I can't say at the moment whether I regret anything. I'm trying to keep moving forward on this road I am after it was decided that both embark on separate paths. If before when I look back, I keep seeing CP there at the crossroad leading me to do a 180. Now, when I look back, I see no one; so i forge ahead knowing full well that if i keep going the distance, the farther I go, the less likely I'll ever want to turn my head back around to see whether there's still someone at the crossroad waiting.

Sometimes, it just doesn't work out.

CH178: Threading the Water

Walking the thin fine line between black and white - of the dark and the light - of the issues and salvation.
....


The Conjuring
I scared myself last night - ending up having to sleep with the bedside lamp on. How did I end up doing that? If you want to have a similar experience, you can try the following:
1. Watch The Conjuring - although the film was scary in itself, there were some funny moments watching the exorcism part. A lot of times during the film, I got startled to the point where my feet jumped off the floor (while seated).
2. Recall how before your wardrobe opens by itself sometimes (loose hinges maybe)
3. Look up top your wardrobe and imagine a demon/ghost there watching down on you (my wardrobe is beside the bed)
4. While tucking yourself in, think about how it would feel like when you wake up to your leg getting pulled
5. Think how it will be to smell something rotten beside you
6. Think how in the darkness you might wake up and feel and see a presence by the corner
...
I ended up sleeping all covered up in the blanket - in my usual curled up fetal position, with the lights turned on. Sleep was sound. Although I enjoyed the feeling of the scare.

Threading the Water
I've never had a stigma to seeing a shrink before. I've never thought I would need one. The only thing that maybe I did consider then was that if we consider shrinks as intellectuals and that the personal discussions (despite being personal) were intellectual - that I might have some problem agreeing with their logical conclusion differing from mine.

But yes, feeling like a true New Yorker or whatever the sh*t stereotype would fit, I have met with somebody to discuss my personal issues with. Objective - that's what I could say how the discussion went. I actually did enjoy just blabbing and blabbing (like I usually do), and having someone help sort them out for me (not that my mind or personal life is a mess). And no, I'm not depressed or suicidal FYI.

It's enlightening and at the same time humbling when you realize there are other issues that exists in life. That you might not be aware that the feelings youre feeling and that the thoughts you are thinking and the experiences you are experiencing - could have clinical terms to them. :-)

I somehow think that seeing a shrink is some sort of "passage rite" like "Welcome to the Real World F*cker!". Haha just kidding. It just makes me wonder how come, these shrinks are more available/open to acceptance in 1st world countries - unlike in the Philippines. Or maybe that's just me or the social stigma attached in the Philippines to shrinks. But yes, it's a passage rite to understanding more of myself. I think I owe to my (eventual) 30 years old persona to have more understanding of myself.

Like threading the water of my mind, I can just have someone else row the boat for me while I...just talk, share, analyze and reflect. And of course, the actions come after. The road to self discovery...lol

CH177: The Arrangement

*Last night
A well of emotions burst forth. From the messages of frustration, anger and helplessness.
Tears flowed to the tunes of Sad (by Maroon 5) and All Good Things [Come to and End] (by Nelly Furtado).
There was a song 4 In The Morning (by Gwen Stefani) that felt quite apt to all that I really wanted from the relationship.

The Arrangement
The key to the arrangement was for CP to find the fire in us to fight. Figuratively speaking, consider the fire as "passion" - to escape from the idea that to fight is violence.

We've mostly kept in touch during that period despite the arrangement was to keep the distance and minimize (avoid) contact.

As the days of the arrangement was coming to a close, I was weird-ed out by the feeling that it doesn't seem like there was any intent to end it anymore. It turns out, CP admits to the fact that CP became accustomed to the "metaphorically-single" life.

Instead of a harmonious getting back together, there was a lot of drama involved. Self realizations that the relationship was causing me unnecessary insecurities, over thinking and over analyzing. It was mostly dragging to the point of exhaustion.

The Promise
I realize almost too late, that the only reason why I have been feeling helpless to let go - despite the unhappiness, was the promise I made. "I promise I will never hurt you or leave you behind in hurt" Such words that self restrict.

The promise, as I believe now, was clawing at my thoughts that whatever it was I will decide in the relationship was a precedent to what future ones I will have. "If I leave now despite what I am and have been feeling, will this be a precursor to 'giving up too easily' in the next one when an argument arises" To cheat and therefore to void the promise came to mind several times, but I never really saw myself to be such after I was cheated on before.

But there was more to it than what was on the surface

CH175: London Part 1

I have been meaning to write about my trip to the UK (London and Edinburgh) but got caught up in other things. One thing I was to lazy to do is have to sort through pictures upon countless pictures again (after I sorted through them for Facebook).

As I have written on my Facebook page:
---------
Suffice to say, London is a more beautiful city than New York. But New York, to be fair offers something entirely different - the "dirt", the massive almost endless lines of buildings towering and surrounding you, very American. Whereas London, is much more open, cleaner and surprisingly green and very English lol.
---------

There is a regality everywhere you go - or at least that's how it seemed to me considering how different the architecture and the general "air" and feel of the place is. Everywhere my head turned was worth a picture - which is probably why I accumulated so much!

London is a very progressive city. One of my basis for a progressive city is the ease of transportation (Singapore I would say is almost there but not there yet). Everywhere is accessible by train, but in some parts, it's generally easier to just walk the straight path rather than hop on and off the train.

It is a very lively city - although, I'd like to add that the bright lights of Time Square up until the wee hours of the morning was lacking. Piccadilly Circus could come close, but the immensity falls short. They also have "The Shard" which is the tallest building in all of Europe (as I heard) but it's not Empire State tall. We weren't able to go as I thought it would be a waste considering we went up to St Paul's Cathedral's peak as well as saw the surrounding metropolis via the London Eye.

And, yes, I understand the sentiments of a lot of English people with regards to the weather. Although London is very much enchanting as a city. Weather-wise, well...you may become DISenchanted with cloud cast skies.

As I don't want to overwhelm this entry with pictures, we have a part 2! :-))

Pictures!

CH171: Of Heart and Mind

There are so many metaphors one can use for relationships.

One can liken it to the process of a sword being crafted by a blacksmith. You'd need fire and water to temper the steel. One can also liken it to a house - you need a good foundation and constant upkeep as it's weathered down.

what is there for two people to hold on to in relationships? What choices do people have to make to be certain? The mind versus the heart. The good versus the bad.

All relationships have a mix of positive and negative experiences. What is important in recovery, is to look past the negative and focus on the positive. Negative experiences can be corrected and fixed to prevent recurrence if two people in love and commitment work together to resolve them and consequently give themselves time to heal and become better. Positive experiences can be recreated and have more of to flourish a relationship.

The mind and the heart work together. But they both serve different purposes and ideologies. The mind serves as a filter of the heart from the outside the same way it filters whatever the heart lets out - supposedly. Relationships are a matter of heart. If the mind was to decide on the matters of heart and relationships, then it should be making decisions based on rationale and practicality. The mind will decide based on satisfying physical and circumstantial needs - money, food, shelter, etc. The heart on the other hand decides something that transcends the physical and spiritual. As a filter though, the mind can come into conflict with the heart as an act of self-preservation.

Don't confuse the heart and the mind. 

Relationships are not meant to be perfect, but it requires both people together to fight for it.

----

The commitment is there, but the fire of the fight needs rekindling.

1 month. Cool off. 

CH168: Surprises 2

So much surprises this week and it's just mid-week!
[Edit: Added another surprise!]

UK, VISA
I've booked flights to the UK. CP booked hotels, transpo, etc in the UK for when we go from June 7 (evening flight) till June 22 (arriving in SG). It will have been monetarily depressing had the visa not been approved. And just to clarify, - CP booked ahead but I sent the agreed budget per person over so the money can be transferred to a UK ATM for convenience (and preferred FOREX). So, nobody is paying on my behalf for this vacation :-). hashtagdefensive? LOL.

Fortunately, it has been approved! I was so worried since it's been 19 days since I submitted the application despite there being a disclaimer that it takes a maximum of 15 days (not inclusive of weekends). I rushed walked from my office to the visa center to get my passport and see the results! I noted my hands were shaking a bit as I was cutting the envelope where my passport was put in.

So, with all that has been said and done, the money put out, the time spent on planning, etc etc. I'll be seeing London, going down to Bournemouth and flying up to Edinburgh then taking the scenic route back by train to London! Someone has been telling me that London has got to be one of the best cities - much better than New York (this is of course a biased opinion by CP) - so I'm quite excited to make the conclusion for myself!

SG TAX

Another surprise that came in this week was my tax assessment! I have been checking constantly the tax portal that they have here in SG to see if my tax assessment came out. I was worried that since it's my second year, that the tax will have shot up since there are no more exemptions, etc. But!!! Surprise surprise, I still can't believe that the tax assessment is WAY WAY WAY BELOW what I was getting taxed in the Philippines! Putting it into figures, my tax here in SG is just about 1.5 times the salary I was getting when I first started working.

Dirty Dancing

Last surprise so far into the mid-week, is Dirty Dancing. CP surprised me by telling me that we're booked to watch Dirty Dancing in Marina Bay Sands this coming Saturday (May 25, 2013)!

Other Surprises

Other surprises are in place, my parents are arriving in SG 5 hours before I arrive in SG from London. From a vacation to being a tourist guide! :-) So much to look forward to! Quite unexpectedly, upon getting home from a swim at the gym, lo and behold, another surprise!

The package I ordered from ASOS arrived today while I was in the office! I'm pleasantly surprised that the delivery came not even 1 week since I ordered them! It's just been 5 days!!!!!! Because I'm so elated today, let me share you the underpants I bought! :-))) Too much information? Click for more voyeurism! hahaha

PS: Don't expect to see me wearing them as if to showcase/model them :-))) 

CH158: Bintan Getaway

CP has suggested a vacation after all the stress we had the past week or two. The obvious choice of course was Bintan for a beach getaway.

Initially CP was assigned to book rooms and I have the links I found from Web Asia because they had the most affordable rates. CP ended up booking something more expensive and I arranged to have it cancelled ahead of CP saying it was okay.

So, end result is when CP tried to book it again, it didnt go through and we got to Bintan without any booking. But, we proceeded to same result and CP booked the rooms while I attended to some work.

CP, without my knowledge, booked a chalet facing the sea. X_x

The resort was amazing! We booked at te Mayang Sari resort which is part of the Nirwana Gardens group (they have beach hotel where water activities are and the main hotel where the pool and kiddie area is).

We went from Friday-Sunday to make the most out of the experience. To say, the least, it was a very relaxing and fun weekend. I appreciate as well the ferry between SG and Bintan as it was unexpectedly comfortable. It was nice waking up with just the sea a walk away from your doorstep.

Pictures!

[Random] What You Get Out of Love

I saw an archived article from Thought Catalog, and I can't help feel that it goes out to all the lovers out there (Friend, etc). The way it's written is very true and real and not kind of love Hollywood makes it out to be. It succinctly explains why it's so hard - well, for me - to just fall out of it. It's as good as a drug can get. It starts off where it's so easy to let go, but once you get into it, you're hooked and your'e there.

Also, the other day, I cooked my version of Honey-mustard-BBQ-garlic Beef + Capsicum. Honey Mustard BBQ because I used a Hunts sauce to add to the mix. It turned out okay, but comparing to previous dishes served, I was told it was not at par with the Citrusy Salmon I made last time:

Enjoy the article!

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http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/this-is-what-you-get-for-falling-in-love/


This is what you get for falling in love. You get to be obsessed, slightly nauseous, like you’re on speed but better because the comedown doesn’t happen for a long time. You get to have something or someone to look forward to, something more than a new episode of your favorite TV show on your DVR. You get to have the privilege of knowing someone beyond their tweets or stupid, ridiculous Facebook. You get to know what turns them off, what turns them on, what makes them yawn with indifference. You get to know that their dad is an asshole and that their mom was once sick with cancer and that things are sometimes strained between them during the holidays but then they all get drunk and it’s okay for a little awhile. You get to know someone beyond the context of going out and getting drinks. You get to know someone at 2 o’clock in the afternoon on a Sunday when they look like shit and are totally boring to be around. Like, they’re just watching TV and they feel no pressure to entertain you. They’re just being who they are and you’re there to witness it. It is dull but it’s also, in its own way, exhilarating.

You get to share your life with someone and invite them to participate in the most arbitrary decisions of your life. “Chicken or fish tonight?” “Vodka or gin?” “Doggie style or missionary? “Baby or no baby?” You get to be inspired to be a better person, to be the type of lover who knows how to really care for someone. You should want to protect them from everything that’s bad. You don’t want to be the thing they need to be protected from. No no, they’ve already had that, they’ve already been burned. You want to be the best partner, an antidote to all the other lackluster ones they might’ve had in the past.

You get to know that if you ever died alone in your apartment, your body would be discovered shortly thereafter. It wouldn’t be left to decay and ultimately be found by your landlord. You get to know that you really affected someone’s life. You left an indelible mark. They will never be the same after you. They will cry, cry, cry in your absence. It all sounds so morbid but, I don’t know, it feels so nice knowing that you have the ability to leave someone grief stricken once you’re gone.

You get to go on vacations and screw all day in some hotel room. You get guaranteed sex, the kind of sex that you know and love and are sometimes bored by but it’s okay because you love them and a little boredom never hurt anybody, right? You get to drink too much at dinner and have someone put you to bed. It’s better than passing out alone, isn’t it? You get to see new things with a partner, revel in fresh experiences together, Instagram photos of you two smiling near a waterfall and be too in love to worry about being cool. Only single people have time to care about maintaining the perfect internet persona.

You get to be a goddamn brat. You get to push the wrong buttons and kick and scream, and trust that you won’t be penalized for it. You get to test their patience away, run them against the wall, be an overall insane crazy person, and still be forgiven.

You get to say no. You get to say yes. You get to say screw you. You get to be okay. You get to be safe. You get to be in love.
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