[Random] Confines (n)

Self righteous uptight bigots

morality and

religion make, yes?

[Random] Undesirable

A different perspective: Undesirable (October 27, 2014)

The cold air blows past his face
His grown hair fluttering, dancing
His eyes are closed
His mind deep in thought

By the balcony, outside he stands
He is shielded away from the quiet
The music, blaring the beat
Pacing the rhythm, stirring emotions

He opens an app on his phone
A profile, last online 12 mins ago
Cute, good looking, he messages
Hoping for a reply, maybe

An ember glows as he inhales
Exhales, then a stream of smoke
He flicks the cigarette
Ash like snow, light and flitting

He feels the buzz of his phone
Opens the app from earlier
Nothing. Phantom vibrations
The person he messaged - Online

Several sent messages, no response
Ignored, overlooked, insecure
A gnawing desperation
Undesirable

[Random] I am

I am (October 14, 2014)

I am desire

Image objectified

Lusted for

I am fantasy

Dreams embodied

Wishes fulfilled

I am wrath

Equality purveyed 

Justice served

I am ambition

Soaring high

Goals attained

I am free

Free to love

Free to be

I am, I

Not yours

My own

-----
The above sort of expressionism was inspired by the Chanel Spring+Summer 2015 show I saw last week.

[Random] Top 20 Cities Meme

I was just tagged on Facebook by a well-traveled friend to share my Top 20 cities.
As it felt a bit like a #humblebrag to post on Facebook, I figured I'll just put it down here. It's also a good reference :) Unlike the book meme which took me a while to write down and list, this one came a bit easier. One of my favorite question I like to ask on dates is "What are your 3 favorite cities - that you've visited?" - so seeing it expand to 20 well, I guess that's why this meme is by well-traveled people tagging "well-traveled" friends.

From what I've observed on the top of the list, having 4 seasons is more to my liking.

--------------------
Your Top 20 Cities. Tag me and 20 of your well-traveled friends to find out their favorite destinations.
Here's mine:
1. New York, USA
2. London, UK
3. Taipei, Taiwan
4. Madrid, Spain
5. Lisbon, Portugal
6. Bangkok, Thailand
7. Barcelona, Spain
8. Hongkong, China
9. Edinbrugh, UK (Scotland)
10. Singapore, Singapore
11. Wellington, New Zealand
12. Las Vegas, US
13. Auckland, New Zealand
14. Siem Reap, Cambodia
15. Vigan, Philippines
16. Los Angeles, USA
17. Boracay, Philippines
18. Bali, Indonesia
19. Cascais, Portugal
20. Davao City, Philippines
--------------------

Sabbatical (possible) additions/omissions
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Hague, The Netherlands
Brussels, Belgium
Ghent, Belgium
Bruges, Belgium
Milan, Italy
Genoa, Italy
Pisa, Italy
Cinque Terre (Monterosso, Vernazza, Corniglia, Manarola, Riomaggiore), Italy
Nice, France
(Eze, France)
(Monte Carlo, Monacco)
Lyon, France
Paris, France
San Francisco, USA
Sydney, Australia
Melbourne, Australia

[Random] A Curation of Words

Ardent, Amorous

Belligerent

Chagrin

Deciduous

Enlivened

Flagrant

Galvanized

Halcyon

Impervious

Jocund

Kempt

Lascivious

Misanthropic

Nebulous

Obliging

Precarious

Quiescent, Querulous

Rambunctious

Somnambulant

Trepidatious

Unctuous

Vapid, Vitriolic

Wanton

Xenophilic

Yokelish

Zany, Zealous

[Random] Unencumbered

Unencumbered (04/08/2014)

At the precipice of contemplation,
I realized with striking clarity,
that I have moved on from you,
From us, from my loss.

My heart has been mended.
The despair and confusion,
Antiquated feelings like spindly cobwebs,
Swiped clean as frail as they are.

I stared out onto the night.
The neighboring buildings blinking,
On and Off, On and off -
Signs of life and movement.

I spin with the world
As it rotates and orbits around the sun.
Immobility by emotional distress -
A somber concept by romantics and poets.

I hear the distant breeze.
I inhale deep and breathe out,
A sigh of freedom and relief.
The burden is completely gone.

I recall seeing your picture together.
No envy, no jealousy, no remorse, no anger
There was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
"Oh, they look good together."

My phone sounds as a message comes in.
I smile. "It's you. What a coincidence."
I do not bother to reply.
Swipe to the left, delete. Time for bed.

[Random] Threesome

Note: Written to shake off my agitation as shared on  CH232: Contemplation on Starting Over

Threesome (28/07/2014)

Under the covers, warm, satisfied, tired.

I hear the deep breathing resound,

Echoing solemnly in this darkness.

I wondered, "how did I get here again?"

--------------------

The elevator sounded, "Ding!", 22nd floor.

I step out onto the familiar foyer.

The doors open as I was taking my shoes off.

I was offered a seat, a Negroni right in front.

"Try it." It's a cocktail originating a century ago.

I sip and my face showed my opinion of it.

"It's a developed taste," you say

I smiled, the aftertaste was good, lingering.

--------------------

The bed sheet shuffles as you turn to face me.

Heat emanating from the bodies in bed,
Magnified by the warmth of togetherness.

Soon, the bed sheet shuffles some more.

--------------------

The feeling of being welcomed, accepted, appreciated.

A toast with the second round of drinks.

Espresso martinis made fresh, how fancy.

"Cheers to your future. To Australia!" Clink.

I think I prefer this drink more than the first.

I smiled innocently, enjoying the company.

"You've got great teeth!" "Thank you!"

"You're very sweet, cute and sexy."

--------------------

I hear a bit of snoring go on for a bit.

"Why am I still awake?" My thoughts inquire.

A hand caresses my face then moves to my back.

As the hand goes down my spine, the sheets shuffle.

--------------------

I was genuinely captivated, enthralled.

The conversation was flowing naturally.

I noticed to myself how a couple of years back,

This situation would have made me stutter.

I smile, contemplating thoughts in my head.

I caress your arms, your face, as your head rests on my lap 
I think: I like this new me - this confidence.

I smell coffee. The next round of martinis arrive.

--------------------

I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep.

I woke as you turned. I opened my eyes as you stirred.

"Good morning!" And then the sheets were off.

Lying between the two of you, I smiled.

[Random] Despair

Despair (17/07/2014)

What could be sadder than a forgotten existence?

I held your head close to my chest, by my beating heart.

As the tears continued to stream down my face,

I screamed to the heavens, wailed hysterical.

Too soon, I say. Much too soon.

What could be sadder than an experience unfulfilled?

Nipped too early, ours was love never to bloom.

I glanced a look at your usually vibrant face.

Gone are your gleaming eyes, replaced by an empty barren gaze.

Lost! Your blonde hair turned auburn, caked by your own blood.

What could be sadder than a loved one lost?

Bathe in your blood that warms me from the cold spring air,

I whisper into your ear that will never hear:

I love you, I'm sorry, I love you

I'm sorry, but life without you is a life not worth living.

What could be sadder than a man who has lost everything?

As I feel the light drops of rain from the night sky wash the blood away,

I take the revolver lying beside you and point it to my head.

I wrap a finger around the trigger and BOOM!

Darkness. What could be sadder?

[Random] Forlorn

Forlorn (14/07/2014)

In the vastness of this grassland,

I find myself alone with thoughts of you.

Anxious, restless, the thoughts swirl on.

Will you ever come back to this place we swore on?

The grass rustle as a light gale sweeps past.

I suddenly realize how cold I feel.

Void of warmth and full of longing,

I remember our last embrace, our last kiss.

We swore four months back to meet at this spot.

Swore on love eternal - till death do us part.

I notice the sun has almost set on the horizon.

Time takes away the light as it does my hope.

I look around and listen as the night comes alive.

I sigh and see the breath of mist I exhale.

Another day has gone and still no you.

Will tomorrow come again and then I'll see you?

[Random] Experimentation

For the lack of entries, not because there's been any absence of social life to blog - more because I can't really put it out without breaching my friends' privacy, here's one!

I've been meaning to grow my hair out to get something like this from college again:

Or this:

I decided yesterday to trim it a bit and see what id like my hair to look like before I go off to Europe.

There. That's my update. Hahaha just kidding. My mind has been preoccupied with waiting for results for an assessment I submitted for. I haven't even finalized my itinerary for Lisboa, Madrid and Barcelona because I can't concentrate with the assessment in mind. Results should have come out march 13, but I wasn't able to consider the assessing body had 3 weeks for holiday break over Christmas and new year. So my anticipation has been building up because it will define a lot of things ahead of my life.

So once the dust has settled, I hope to say I can go back to regular programming! :) 

Xoxo

[Random] Productive Uses of Time

So, I recently downloaded an app for drawing and painting on my iPad and consequently got myself a stylus. I've been spending my time coloring and just doodling or whatever.

Saves on money and time to buy brushed, paint and canvas (haha feeling artist?!). But understandably, I still miss the feel of the brush in my hand and the texture of canvas and acrylic. Makes me want to go Arteastiq's Mandarin Gallery branch to paint.

I colored and painted a first one that's too cheesy to share haha. The one below is the second one I finished and I call Tendrils. I honestly wish God gave me more than just logic and analytics. I know for myself I lack the imagination and vision to be artistic. Fashion and taste of course are learned and refined - haha just so I'm clear. I don't want that statement to be misinterpreted as my admission to be baduy.

[Random] This Is Not Paid For

...not an advertisement, not a product placement. It's just salary day today and after paying off a very hefty credit card bill...I'm feeling too depressed thus some endorphin fix c/o some shopping.

I just ordered more stuff from ASOS. Despite the uncertainty of the fit considering their models are above 6 feet tall, I still got some t-shirts to update my wardrobe - and have an excuse to chuck out / donate old ones that don't fit to T.

So below are the purchases I got. Mind you, they have a promo where you just put in 10XTRA in the promo code and you get 10% off the total purchase (and all the ones below were already discounted)! :) I'm really starting to get into this online shopping now. I especially like how it's so easy to just browse through a lot of clothes, shoes, etc without getting tired of having to scour the racks for nice shirts. The positive thing as well is the fact that you get it delivered to your doorstep AND there's less chance that you'll find one wearing the same stuff as you.

*It's also just a coincidence it seems that most of the t-shirts I like are worn by the same model.

[Random] Atlantis Dubai

CP is on vacation in Dubai with CP's bestfriend. I can't believe how beautiful it is there. The photo below is taken from the Imperial Club lounge balcony where CP and best friend got access to. I can't help but feel envious! :-) They're staying in Atlantis (Resort? Hotel?). They even went to the waterpark and did the big drop (I love waterparks.)

Two weeks ago CP went to Phuket and last weekend I was in Siem Reap.

CH188: Siem Reap Part 2

CH187: Siem Reap Part 1

I must say, Dubai deserves a visit now after seeing this picture.

[Random] We All Have Dreams

From 9GAG:

We All Have Dreams

"We All Have Dreams" - I hope people don't misinterpret this to mean "try and be something who you're not." The least people can do to reach their dreams is to work hard for it. But, the picture above with the stated caption I found at first hilarious...then rather "pretentious."

I think I'm becoming more and more cynical with age. :)

[Random] Not Necessarily Necessary

The other day, I had a weird dream of wanting to get a shirt with the Kenzo Tiger print on it.

Or even a sweater.

I don't know why, how or what for ever reason did I suddenly think about wanting them in my dream. I mean, I believe the last time I saw the Kenzo Tiger print on a magazine was last year or maybe 2 years ago. I don't know. But, after dreaming about wanting the print, I noticed that from my usual preference for striped tees (I have a lot of striped stuff), I suddenly wanted to get more shirts into my wardrobe with striking graphic prints such as the Kenzo Tiger.

I had a look around some malls the other day, following the desire to get more graphic prints into my clothing options, but didn't really find anything. I ended up buying something from Levi's though because Mksurf8 's hosting a party this saturday and he said there will be a fashion show. LOL. I went into Levi's (despite my preference over Uniqlo) thinking I wanted an All-American look for the party (still have to find a good denim shorts/pants though).

So, anyway, when I got home, I thought, hey, maybe ASOS will have some nice graphic printed tees available. The positive on it is some items are not readily accessible in SG, so, they will be unique in a sense (I hope). I ended up buying:

lol. something close to a Kenzo Tiger Print - a Lion hahaha

something white as I think I only have 2. i prefer grey or black for plain

New toms to replace an old pair from Lacoste that's seen better days

And something for dress down fridays

I had a feel good realization from after going through more than 20+ items I liked but not available in my size. It's been a little over two years when I was buying size L. Now, I get size XS. :-)

I can see the appeal now of online shopping. It's not the first venture though to online fashion shopping. The first time I bought stuff from ASOS, i bought socks and underwear :)

Not necessarily necessary to spend, but it's a stress reliever.

[Random] Familiar Tunes

*beep*
*beep*

The all so familiar tune of phone alerts.
In the wee hours of the morning, I woke to the sounds.
I resolved myself to fix my notifications setting.
I can't lose sleep over other's restlessness.

*beep*

Creatures of the night come prowling.
Longing. Anticipating. Seeking.
Hoping. Hoping for attention.
Finding. Finding affirmation.

*beep*

The process has begun.
Patterns need to be broken.
For all that's over needs to be over.
The hunt has begun.

*beep*

The hunter and the hunted.
The prey and the predator.
What are we all in this world -
But creatures awaiting validation.

[Random] BFF Conversations

It takes candor to be open to people and just laugh of what's seemingly stupid and embarrassing. It takes a true friend to be able to ride through the comedy and hilarity of circumstance. 

R: Ang hirap naman ngumuya dahil sa rubber ng brace ko. [sabay tingin nagmamakaawa]
(I'm having a hard time opening my mouth to chew because of my brace's rubber [puppy dog eyes]) 
T: Eh ano gusto mo gawin ko? Nguyain ko para sayo at iluwa sa bibig mo parang ibon? Ganon?
(What do you want me to do? Chew it and spit it in your mouth like a bird?)

(R wearing something sleeveless)
T: Ano ba yan? Kita ko na bra mo sa gilid!
(OMG! I can see your bra from the side!)
R: Ganyan talaga style niyan!
(That's how it is!)
T: Eh wag ka nalang kaya mag bra!
(Why don't you just take your bra off then?!)

R: Di ka ba bibili? [with matching taas kilay]
(Aren't you going to buy yet? [raises her eyebrow])
T: Bakit? Pwede ba munang pumili?
(Why? Can't I decide first?!)

R: Have you tried "3Σ"
T: Yep but I found it boring
R: Why?
T: Because all the attention was on me
(awkward silence lol)

Boracay, at store with a sales lady bawling and throwing some hysterics with people watching
R: Gusto mo bumili ng candy?
(You want to buy some candy?)
T: Seryoso ka?!
(Are you serious?!)
R: Ha? Bakit?
(Yes, why?)
T: [sabay tingin sa mga nakapaligid na usisero] Di mo ba nakikita yang nagtitinda na nag aamok?
([looks at the gathering crowd] don't you see the sales lady getting hysterical?)
R: Ay! hehehe

R: Gosh! Na miss ko na feeling ng makipaghalikan!
(Gosh! I missed the feeling of kissing!)
T: Baka mamaya gapangin mo Ko sa kwarto ah!
(You better not creep to my side of the bed tonight!)

[Random] After Vacation Updates

Feeling so exhausted now after almost 13 hours in transit from Heathrow London to Singapore. And not even a moment of rest accorded to myself as my parents are visiting Singapore.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some pictures I was able to take from my phone (panoramic shots). I took about 2000+ photos from my camera that I have yet to sort...but that may take a while....I have to unpack, wash my clothes, get my medical check for my new work on the 15th of July.

But, needless to say, London was amazing and beyond words beautiful. In short, a city worth an entry or two plus a few more for the attractions we went to. And of course, the magnificent Edinburgh, Scotland...

Photos taken from the London Eye

Photos from the top of St. Paul's Cathedral

Photos of Edinburgh (from Edinburgh Castle and Arthur's seat)

[Random] Psychology of Losses

What's so hard about accepting defeat and moving on? Why is it so much easier to walk our selves into ruin rather than just walk away?

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook just now, and I can't help but agree. We are mostly taught that perseverance, determination and hard work are key to success. I think what's not taught to us is when to realize early when we should concede and move on.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/05/how-to-walk-away/275833/

----------------------------

Most of us know what it's like to stay in a job or a relationship after it's stopped being satisfying, or to take on a project that's too big and be reluctant to admit it. CEOs have been known to allocate manpower and money to projects long after it becomes clear that they are failing. Think of JP Morgan's "London Whale" Bruno Iksil, who doubled down on a losing bet rather than admit his losses and ultimately cost the bank over six billion dollars. Similarly there was John Edwards, who couldn't bring himself to end his losing bid for the presidency even after his mistress became pregnant.

The costs to a person who does not know when to quit can be enormous. In economics it's known as sunk cost fallacy, though the costs are more than financial. While we recognize the fallacy almost immediately in others, it's harder to see in ourselves. Why?

There are several powerful, largely unconscious psychological forces at work. We may throw good money after bad or waste time in a dead-end relationship because we haven't come up with an alternative; or because we don't want to admit to our friends and family, or to ourselves, that we were wrong. But the most likely culprit is this innate, overwhelming aversion to sunk costs.

Sunk costs are the investments that you've put into something that you can't get back out. They are the years you spent training for a profession you hate, or waiting for your commitment-phobic boyfriend to propose. They are the thousands of dollars you spent on redecorating your living room, only to find that you hate living in it. Once you've realized that you probably won't succeed, or that you are unhappy with the results, it shouldn't matter how much time and effort you've already put into something. If your job or your boyfriend have taken up some of the best years of your life, it doesn't make sense to let them use up the years you've got left. An ugly living room is an ugly living room, no matter how much money you spent making it so.

As studies by behavioral economists like Daniel Kahnemen and Dan Ariely show, people are generally loss-averse. Putting in a lot, only to end up with nothing to show for it, is just too awful for most of us to seriously consider. The problem is one of focus. We worry far too much about what we'll lose if we just move on, instead of focusing on the costs of not moving on: more wasted time and effort, more unhappiness, and more missed opportunities.

Recent research by Northwestern University psychologists Daniel Molden and Chin Ming Hui demonstrates an effective way to be sure you are making the best decisions when things go awry: focus on what you have to gain by moving on, rather than what you have to lose. When people think about goals in terms of potential gain, that's a "promotion focus," which makes them more comfortable making mistakes and accepting losses. When people adopt a "prevention focus," they think about goals in terms of what they could lose if they don't succeed, so they become more sensitive to sunk costs. This is the focus people usually adopt, if unconsciously, when deciding whether or not to walk away. It usually tells us not to walk away, even when we should.

In one of their studies, Molden and Hui put participants into either a promotion or prevention focus (by asking them to write about their goals in terms of either gains or losses, respectively). Next, each participant was told to imagine that he or she was CEO of an aviation company that had committed $10 million to developing a plane that can't be detected by radar. With the project near completion and $9 million already spent, a rival company announces the availability of their own radar-blank plane, which is both superior in performance and lower in cost. The question put to CEOs was simple: do you invest the remaining $1 million and finish your company's (inferior, more expensive, and of course less marketable) plane, or cut your losses and move on?

Molden and Hui found that participants with a prevention focus stayed the course and invested the remaining $1 million roughly 80 percent of the time. The odds of making that mistake were significantly reduced by adopting a promotion focus: Those people invested the remaining $1 million less than 60 percent of the time.

When we see our goals in terms of what we can gain, rather than what we might lose, we are more likely to see a doomed endeavor for what it is.
----------------------------

[Random] 47

I scored 47. Although I don't think that such limited questions could determine who you are exactly. It's nice to get insight every now and then. Although I'm not exactly agreeing with the whole of the result, I do think there's some truth to it.

1. When do you feel your best?
A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C) late at night

2. You usually walk… 
A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly

3. When talking to people you…
A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with…
A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with… 
A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you… 
A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You’re working very hard, concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted…. 
A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most…. 
A) Red or orange
B) black
C) yellow or light blue
D) green
E) dark blue or purple
F) white
G) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are…
A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C) on your side, slightly curled
D) with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are… 
A) falling
B) fighting or struggling
C) searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating
E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points, check your total, and see how others see you.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should handle with care. You’re seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don’t always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who’s quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful, and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn’t want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don’t exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren’t.