Confessions of a single girl [part 1]

Do you remember my "Marry Him" series?
It was a pretty powerful little journey of "ah-ha"s for me.

And it would seem that I'm going through a similar little awakening about this single life of mine.
With some of those truths already discovered but now being put to the test a bit.

So, I thought I would document my thought process...some of what I'm learning...things I don't necessarily want to admit but sense might be helpful...not just for other single girls like me...but for anyone who is in a process of change.

I can't promise it will be pretty.
I can't promise it will make sense.
I can't even promise I will finish the process publically.
(But, that's never stopped me before, right?)

And so, with that, I bring you a new little series...
Not meant to be representative of every single girl.
Just representative of this one.

 

Confession #1: Your identity, even if you don't like it, is your comfort zone.

I think I learned this best as I was beginning my weightloss journey. I knew how to be a woman who struggled with her weight. I didn't like it. I wanted things to be different. Or so I said...

The truth was, I was comfortable...even in my uncomfortableness (is that a word?). I knew what my insecurities were. I knew my fears. I knew my coping mechanisms. I was a master at my defense mechanisms. I actually found some peace in having a clear defined excuse for not having the things in my life I wanted. Simply put, the world that I knew felt safer than the world I did not.

Changing my life and starting my journey ended up having less to do with the physical changes and acquiring of new habits and far more to do with truly being willing to give up the world I knew--

the beliefs I clung to

the fears I let hold me back

the identity I let define me...

And I think in so many ways, that's how my life as a single woman evolved. It's been a comfortable place. Not always desirable but comfortable. 

I have totally learned how to handle myself at the holidays.

I've mastered attending functions by myself.

I know how to make decisions on my own.

I get "independence" and dependence only on the Lord.

I've been single for a long time and, simply put, there's something oddly comforting about it.

Not about being alone, necessarily.
But about knowing how to do "being alone".

And I've done a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.

I've learned to be okay with it.

I've learned to feel comfortable with my life and my "single" identity.

There was a time I even wore it as a bit of a badge of honor.

"Not just anyone could handle this...look how strong I am that I can."

Oh the things we'll say to ourselves when we want to feel better about the place that we're in.

BUT...

As I discovered in "Marry Him Truth #1", we just were not meant to be alone.

We are not meant to live life in our comfort zones.

And I have a feeling that truth is going to lead me to Confession #2...

(PS Yes, I realize I was kind of in the middle of talking about the very opposite of being single. Patience, people...patience...)