Perfect things for Christmas

So...you're looking for perfect Christmas gifts, yes?

Well, you're in luck because I happen to work for a company that does a pretty good job making some pretty perfect things.

And this year there are lots of them but I just wanted to share a few of the things I will be giving:

I think it's safe to say that the 2011 TOFW CHOOSE TO BECOME TOUR will go down as my favorite TOFW tour to date.
And it's not just because I had the privilege of sharing my story. The feedback we've received from attendees and the things we're hearing about what THEY are "choosing to become"? Well, it's been overwhelming.
This year's tour wasn't about DOING more; it was about BEING more and I loved the presentations. Some of the favorite were chosen to be on the 2011 tour dvd.
Give the new TOFW DVD to your favorite women. It's $19.99 and features 10 full-length presentations (including mine...how fun is that? And yes, Mom, I have a copy for you. xoxo).






I got completely sucked in to playing the first ever BOOK OF MORMON video game. And I'm not gonna lie. It's not easy (but supposedly for everyone ages 10+). This is a game that teaches that you get "points" from life experiences and you get "strength" from fighting evil. I seriously love it and it's a must for every family with kids (or grandkids). AddHelam: A Strippling Warrior Quest to your Christmas.









And in case you haven't heard enough about the best cd on the market right now...well, it's this one.
I had the privilege of being in the Nashville studio with my dear friend Hilary and knew as I heard the music come to life, I was witnessing something really special. These songs are her best yet. The production? Amazing.
And it's especially sweet for me because some of what I blogged about last spring inspired one of her songs: "Past the Point" (killer running song, btw). You can read the posts here and here. This is inspiring Christian music that pretty much everyone will love. AddEvery Step from Hilary Weeks to your list!






I really need to talk more about the impact this book is having on me and I will. But, suffice it to say that Elder Bednar's first book ever was very much worth the wait. This is a culmination of years of study and thought about knowledge and wisdom and LIVING the doctrines of the Gospel. It has completely changed the way I am currently studying the scriptures. Really...I'll share more about that soon. To say this book is "life changing" is not hyperbole. It simply it truth. (and the ebook version available through DeseretBook Shelf is AMAZING). Increase in Learning really is a must for every home...every member of every home.




(Here's a taste of some of the video we shot for the project:

And you can watch more at Seek.DeseretBook.com

I wouldn't ordinarily "push" product but these four projects just demand that I let you know about them. They really are musts.

Merry Christmas!

feel good days

Now that my back is on the mend, I really truly hope I never take a "feel good" day for granted ever again.

But, I'm also not only working on "feel good" days.

And, interestingly enough, that feels real real good.


(PS I don't remember where I found this image but it was someone's blog. So, thank you to whoever posted it first. I needed it.)

[deep breath]

Progress always involves risks.
You can't steal second base
and keep your foot on first.
~Frederick B. Wilcox

I woke up this morning feeling excited about my life...and it's been a little while since I've sincerely felt excited.

I was just ready to go.
Forward.

About a month ago, I found myself seeking some counsel from someone I really trust and the phrase "Go forward" was said over and over and over again.

When I heard that invitation, I felt like my spirit took a deep breath.

I wanted to do it.
I really really did.
I even made a list of things I felt like I needed to do.
And I started to do them.
But...

Progress can be scary.
Moving forward can be unsettling.
It often feels safer to just stay put.

However, we can't.
We simply can't.
"Our spirits long to progress." (one of my favorite things I've heard Sheri Dew say)

Sometimes I find myself wanting to keep one foot where I am while I let the other foot take a step just to check things out. And that's where things get tricky.

Because I either have to bring the brave foot back or make the scared foot let go.
And too often I bring the brave foot back.

But I've come to see that "being where my feet are" doesn't mean staying put. It means taking a step, being in the present, and then taking a step again.

It means helping my scared foot let go.
It means taking that foot off first base.
Which means taking risks...
...which means moving forward.

So...
[deep breath]

Did I mention I'm excited?

(image found here)

One year later...

I can't let today pass without acknowledging the significance of this day.

One year ago this very day I excitedly (and anxiously) checked in for my two week stay at Fitness Ridge.
I said "I'm ready".
But, I had no idea what was ahead for me...only that my life was getting ready to change.
Forever.

I talked to someone today who hadn't seen me in over a year.
"Nothing about you is the same. Nothing."

And while I don't think that's entirely true, it would be correct to say that so much has changed that it probably appears that nothing is the same. And it's kind of nice for the reminder that I really am different.

The past 12 months have been the most satisfying, most gut-wrenching, most faithful, most faithless, best, hardest, sweetest 12 months of my life.

I feel like I woke up to all the possibilities of my life.
And it was God that woke me up.

"Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that worketh in us."
(Ephesians 3:20)

I will forever look back on this past year as the time my life turned the most significant of corners. I know it will not be the best year OF my life (because there are really amazing things up ahead, my friends) but I am quite certain I will be able to say it was the best year FOR my life.

Quite certain.

And while I realize there are still 5 weeks left of 2011, tonight I can't help but want to celebrate what 2011 and this anniversary have already brought to my life.

I trained for and ran a half-marathon.
I got a job promotion.
I became a "summer mom".
I started dating again (even had three dates with three different boys one week in June. I still giggle about that but never could bring myself to blog about it or any of the dating, frankly.)

And tonight, on this anniversary, I am deeply grateful for:
A Father in Heaven who is patient.
A Savior who's grace makes change possible.
The Holy Spirit who reveals things as they really are.
A body that works and heals and works even harder.
Incredibly supportive friends who believed when I couldn't (and still believe).
My family that loves and prays and understands canceled trips.
Mentors who listen and correct and pave the way.
Blog readers who I've never met but are ridiculously good at encouragement.

My little heart is overwhelmed with gratitude as I look back on how far I've come since that fateful day a year ago this very day.
And my little heart is confident and excited as I look forward to what is waiting.

Yes, I still have work to do.
I still have things to do.

But, I'm ready...again.

and though I'm not where I said I'd be or exactly where I wanted to be, I'm celebrating how far I've come. these pics are a good reminder...

(This was me a year ago.)

(This is me now.)

(a year ago.)

(now.)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

My holiday wish for YOU

Something has happened to me the last few days.
Maybe it was that November didn't quite turn out like I had hoped.
Maybe it was because last weekend was oh so hard.
Maybe it was that I had to fight to stay positive every morning when I couldn't run.

Whatever it was, it's like another switch went on inside my head over the last few days.
And I'm making all sorts of plans for this journey of mine.

And it feels really good.

Because, I am STILL focused.
I am STILL determined.
I am STILL really really believing.

And, bottomline, things are just as they should be.
I am right where He knew I'd be.

I'm the daughter of a Father in Heaven who never tires of my need to be reassured.
Even when I shouldn't need it.
Even when I hate asking Him "just one more time".

And every single time...
Every.
Single.
Time.
...He sends me what I need.
It might be small...barely detectable unless I'm staying perfectly still.

Yet when I stay perfectly still...
And get on my knees...
and open my heart...
Well, He sends reassurance just one more time...
that He is there.
And knows I am here.

We are never alone.
Never.

Never.

And I hope you get whatever you need this beautiful holiday season to let YOU know that truth in whatever way you need to know it and that you feel surrounded by all the love and support and encouragement you need to do whatever you feel called to do right now.

A perfect wish, don't you think?

Happiest of holidays to YOU.
Happiest.
xoxo

a different kind of thankful

We can spend our entire lives in scarcity . . .
just waiting for the other shoe to drop
and wondering when it will all fall apart.
Or, we can lean into the uncertainty
and be thankful for what we have in that precious moment.
When I'm standing at the crossroads of fear and gratitude,
I've learned that I must choose vulnerability
and practice gratitude if I want to know joy.

(Brene Brown)

(image found here)

And "Part 3" is coming...promise.

The Story {Part 2}

I came home from boot camp and went straight to my knees.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't more careful. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't let this be what it feels like. Please don't let this happen again."

Last time I was out of commission for more than a month.
This time I had less than 12 weeks til my 40th birthday.
This time I had a weekend event that needed me.
This time I wanted to think I had more faith than last time.

And then I just reminded him about the tender state of my heart the past week...

"It's too much right now. Forgive my lack of faith. Please heal me. I know you can. I need to know you will."

My back got worse throughout the day...just as I feared it would.
By the event that night, I was completely unable to walk straight.
I stayed backstage had to be helped out to my car by my dear friend but not before he gave me a blessing.
And in that blessing I was promised I would be made whole in the very hour the Lord needed me the next day and that while He was using me, I would not be in pain.

I got myself home and could only lie in my bed to pray.
He knew how inclined I was to question His willingness to help me.
He also knew how ashamed I was to admit that.
But, I said it all out loud anyway.

"Please honor that blessing. I know you can make me whole. I know you can. Please show me you will."

I cried myself to sleep that night; few things make me feel more isolated than being unable to move...and being alone.

When I woke up at 5:30 Saturday morning, I was still in trouble.
I had no idea how I was going to manage the day.
Did God want me to trust Him and attempt my responsibilities?
Would He indeed heal me in the moment I needed it?

A "Plan B" was presented to me and it was suggested I take the morning to recover so I could finish the day at the event speaking to the more than 5000 women and girls.

And that's what I did.

And I found out that this program I thought needed me, simply didn't.
I discovered the Lord had other plans for those girls...other people He needed them to hear.
I saw that all the years I'd spent training others had been successful.
I had a team of people totally capable of running the show without me.

(True confessions, there is a part of finding out you are not needed that is terribly unsettling. I thought the Lord would heal me because He so desperately needed me. If He indeed didn't need me, what would be His reasoning for healing me?)

I made my way to a chiropractor in the late morning.
He confirmed what I already knew.
"You are really messed up. I can't fix this today. At best I can relieve some of the pain."

I sensed I needed to be at the event but when I left his office, I couldn't imagine how I could stand and deliver the message...especially THIS particular message...truths that had been tested the last 30 hours...truths I found myself questioning.

I was on empty.
I knew it.
He knew it.
And I was certain the people who heard me speak would know it.

Tammy came and picked me up and when we arrived at the venue, I had a little inkling confirmation of why I was there. And as I sat backstage, right before my time to speak, I offered the prayer of my heart to a Father I knew was aware of me.

I walked onto that stage and stood upright.
The pain was gone.
There was no tug in my back.
I was able to get into the message...the message that now meant all the more to me.

I felt a tug in my back muscle and looked at the clock.
I had :32 seconds left.
"Bear your testimony and get off this stage."

And that's what I did. As I walked through the back curtain, the muscle spasm began; it was all I could do to find a chair. And I sat there and cried and said "Thank you" over and over again.

Tammy helped me back to the car and neither of us could believe what had just happened.

I had been promised I would be made whole in the very hour He needed me.
I just had no idea it would be so literal.

But...

I actually am not so sure He needed me to be there.
I just think maybe He knew I needed Him to need me to be there.
He knew I needed to see what He WOULD do for me...when it really was needful...
even if it was only needful for me.

And this morning, as I've reflected on this truly sweet miracle moment in my life, I came to see that, again, it is a testimony to the very message He gave me last Spring when I first spoke at TOFW. A message he gave me after I found myself in this very circumstance.

Faith is all about HIM.
Even with what I know, I wanted it to be about the outcome.
The outcome I wanted was a miracle Saturday morning.
I wanted it as evidence of my faith.
But, had I learned nothing?

It was a true full-circle moment.

I am amazed at that.
I am strengthened by that.
I am grateful for that.

I trust Him today in a way I didn't just 24 hours ago.
And I know myself now in a way I didn't when this began.

And some of what I've learned about myself and this journey is Part 3 of the story...

The story {Part 1}

I shouldn't have been there today.
I shouldn't have been able to do what He helped me do.
But I was.
And I did.

I don't know how to talk about the last 36 hours in a way that will accurately reflect what happened...without sounding melodramatic...without saying too much...without saying not enough.

So, let me just start with Friday morning.

And this letter (that I can't decide if I should send or not. Votes anyone?)

****
To Instructor [main guy in charge]:

I realize that I signed up for a program that you developed and as such agreed to your methods and your philosophy.

I also realize that you might not be at all interested in feedback but I am sending this email nonetheless.

You met me on Friday morning, but you don't know me. And while I sense that your program isn't about getting to know people, I still want you to know a few things about me.

In the last year, I began a journey to lose 100 lbs and dramatically change my life.
I've lost nearly 50 pounds.
I ran a half marathon in June.
I've also experienced some personal difficulties the last few months that have put my journey on hold. And I needed to kick-start to get going again.

So, when my friend told me about her experience with your program, I looked into it, attended orientation, met the guy who would be my instructor, and signed up.

Last week was one of the best experiences I've ever had.
My instructor pushed me and I pushed myself.
I never complained.
I did everything I was asked to do.
I never said "can't".
I blogged and facedbooked and sang praises about the experience.
I was so excited and had to tell everyone...I even had a few friends seriously interested in signing up.

But, then Friday morning came and it was such a different experience. I've reflected on it for the last 36 hours while I've had to be in bed and get myself to the dr and cancel really important plans.

I am a 39 yr old educated strong woman who is capable of standing up to herself and yet, in a matter of a few minutes, I became a different person. I sensed you only saw me as an overweight woman who had never done anything hard before. You were determined to break me and I was quite determined to prove you wrong. It was totally foolish of me to put what YOU thought of me ahead of my own health, but that's exactly what I did. I have lower back issues and I know my limits. Well, in normal circumstances, I know my limits.

I should have said something and interjected. But, I never felt like there was a chance to do that. Clearly, your methods are effective in creating an environment of authority and submission because they "worked" for me. I look back on that now and feel silly. It wasn't "real". You had nothing to hang over my head. I let myself feel bullied and I can only hope I will never let that happen again in any situation.

I think you have a remarkable program. But you are also in a very precarious position. You ask people to give you 6 weeks and that you will change their life. You take on a certain responsibility when you do that. Perhaps you should ask about any issues or conditions you need to know about before you push them. "Can't" doesn't always mean "I'm weak and unwilling". Sometimes it means, "I physically shouldn't do that. I know my body and that's not wise."

My tears on Friday morning were not a breakthrough moment. They were the tears of frustration and disappointment at what I knew I had done and how it was going to potentially set me back. My chiropractor thinks I will be out of commission for a week...not the end of the world but still frustrating.

I'm not mad at you. Ultimately, I am responsible for my own health and my own journey so my anger is at myself for letting it happen.

But, you might want to consider the people who sign up for your program.
We have stories.
We have lives.
And, in some cases, we're already doing things to change those stories and those lives.

Regardless of this set back, I still plan to use the next 5 weeks to change mine.

And I just thought you should know.

****

Maybe it's one of those things that just needed to be written.
Maybe it doesn't need to be sent.
(What do you think? Should I send it?)

But, now you know the first part of the story.

Stand by for Part 2.

[im]Possible Practice

"There is no use trying," said Alice. "One can’t believe impossible things."

"I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen.
"When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day.
Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast*."

-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

*especially when boot camp starts so early in the day. I dare say I've been believing as many as seven!

(image found here)

Real Proud

Day 2 of "hell week" this morning wasn't any easier.

Granted, it didn't start with 150 push-ups, but still...I did enough lunges and squats to last me a lifetime (oh, how I hate lunges and squats).

But, I did everything I was asked to do.

And I didn't complain.

NOT. ONCE.

Towards the end of the workout, my Instructor walked over and said, "You married, Christensen?"

"No, I'm not."

"Too bad. You're husband would be real proud of you this morning. Real proud."

I shared this on facebook this morning and got 69 "likes".
I didn't even know I had 69 friends.
But, what's not to love about this?
How cute is that Instructor for being proud of me...
and wanting me to know my hubby would be proud of me too?

And of course my hubby would be.
I'm doing this thing.
This really really really hard thing.
I'm overcoming my crazy head and a lifetime of not-great habits.
I'm conquering my demons and proving long-held beliefs to be false.
I'm living true to the real me.
How could he NOT be proud of my adorable hard-working self?
So, of course he would be.

But, you know what's great about this next phase of my journey?

I'm not doing this for my future Mr.
I'm not doing this for my future kiddos.
I'm not doing this for the people who might be inspired by my story.
I'm not doing this to fit into that cute little Doris Day dress sitting in my closet.
I'm not doing this anymore for anything or anyone else.

Anyone other than me.

This is for me.
FINALLY.

Because I am deserving of living the rest of my life in this amazing body
that runs
and heals
and works
and serves
and loves.

I'm worth this effort.
I'm worth this time.
And I can see that the Lord has always intended me to be this woman that I'm turning into.

THAT is why I'm doing this.

And while I know that ultimately it will bless my future Mr. and my future kiddos,
And it might still help anyone who might be inspired by my story,
And while I'm pretty sure I'm going to look 1950s-sexy in that cute little Doris Day number,

Right now?

Right now this is for ME.
Just. Me.

And I'm not gonna lie...
I'm real proud of the fact that doing it for ME is enough.

Real. proud.
(and real grateful too.)

(image found here)

oh. my. [heavenly] hell.

"PT Christensen," he said at 5am this morning.

"Yes, Instructor?"

"Did you bring your towel?"

Oh, shoot. They were serious about the towel thing. Who knew they'd be serious about bringing a towel?

"No. I forgot."
Truth was I didn't really forget. I just didn't think I really would need it and I chose not to bring it. Heaven forbid I should take the five extra seconds to grab a towel.

"100 push ups."

"Um, I'm sorry...what?"

"Drop down. Count 'em out."

I would have laughed if I haven't been in trouble by the time I yelled out "23".
ONE HUNDRED PUSH-UPS just for forgetting a towel?
Are you kidding me?
I seriously knew I'd never get to 100.
But, there wasn't a choice.

And I did it.

"PT Christensen, show me your food journal."
Good thing I was honest. I'll surely get points for honesty.

"Wow. someone had a last supper."
It was true. I had. I don't know what came over me. But, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

"30 more."
Um, he remembers I just did 100 of these, right?

"But, I was honest. Doesn't that count for anything?" I almost whined (but not totally.)

"30. Count 'em off."

Then...
"10 more."
Then...
"10 more."
(and that was just for eating a kids bean & cheese burrito from Whole Foods. Come on!)

And thus started Day 1 of "hell week".

After the ONE HUNDRED FIFTY push-ups this morning (all before 5:15am, thank you very much), came the 30 lb. vest that is worn every day of "hell week" while you go through the circuit training.

And it was "upper arm" day.

I hated it.

And yet, I loved it.
LOVED. IT.

Something happened to me this morning.

Amidst the 30-lb vest
and the military face paint
and the abs that thought they were going to cramp on me forever
and the "Instructor" talk
and the shaking arms...

Amidst it all, I. LOVED. IT.

And I felt like me again.

Isn't that crazy?
"Me" now feels like a girl who is burning calories and doing jumping jack push-ups (45 more of them. I am not kidding) and not saying "I can't" and not complaining.
"Me" is just the girl who works hard and gets 'er done.
And loves doing it.

I have a really unbelievable goal ahead of me.
I'm going to be in the best shape of my life by my 40th birthday.

And today for the first time in a really long time, I KNOW...
not just think...
not just believe...
I KNOW...
I got this.

I totally got this.

Not on my own, mind you.
And I am totally aware of that fact.

Because to see how my head has changed back to "me" the last few days, well...
It's a bit of a miracle to me.
It really really is.

And that makes this "hell week" pretty darn heavenly.
(who knew I'd be so grateful for something called "hell week"?!)

(image found here)

a fresh start

(admittance: I can't blog every day. I can pretend it's possible but it's just not. So I'm still focusing on gratitude but the "every day" part of this? Not happening. There. I said it. Whew.)






"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, the staying down."
---Mary Pickford








It's been so tempting to feel like I've failed a bit.
I was supposed to be so much further along at this point than I am.
But there were things that came up in my life that felt more important.
And I underestimated how hard it would be to change my head.
And, well, for better or for worse, this is where I am.

But, this morning at the boot camp orientation, in a moment when I just wanted to be done (it's hard, people...next week is called "hell week" and all I can say is, after this morning, it's aptly named), my cute friend Tiffany (who was inspired to tell me about this program. She truly was.), told me to turn around and look at myself in the mirror.

And I did.

And I realized, I haven't failed.
Sure, I got a bit derailed.
Sure, it might look on paper like I wasted time.
But, I didn't take a step back.
I didn't stay down.
I'm still going.

Today felt like a "fresh start" and I loved it.
My body loved it.
My spirit loved it.

I loved it.
Fresh starts are really awesome.
Really.

And I'm super grateful for this one.


(image found here)

God is good

even on days when my piriformis muscle is messing up my plans
even on days when i'm exhausted
even on days when i'm totally overwhelmed by this thing that is called my life
even on days when all i want to do is eat ice cream
even on days when i have a pimple that i swear i had on picture day in 6th grade
even on days when i can't think of a single thing to be grateful for

still...

i'm blown away by how good God is
and how MUCH gratitude can fill my heart when i kneel to pray.

sometimes it's the little things...

DAY 9: TSA Agents

I just need to say:

Particularly the TSA agent this afternoon who walked passed me at my gate waiting to board my plane whilst on my cell phone leaving a voicemail on a work matter who kindly and quietly walked up to me and, after pulling on my skirt, said, "Um, dear, your skirt is up."

"SHUT. UP." Was all I could say.
And then...
"Thank you. Holy cow. Thank you."

Seriously, people?
Seriously.

Who lets a fast-walking on-the-go girl get all the way from security to her gate without stopping her and helping a sister out? Who does that?

I was horrified.
I laughed.
And then I finished the voicemail I was leaving.

Well, because I was busy...

You know? Sometimes I'm just grateful for the little things.

where my feet are

DAY 8: My feet

"I remind myself to 'be where my feet are' often. My mind tends to drift toward the future, sometimes planning or worrying about what lies ahead, missing the present. Being present is where life is the most rich and colorful. I've even found myself consciously feeling the soles of my feet on the ground to get myself there."
-Artist, Cassandra Barney

I first saw this painting (painted on vintage wallpaper, how cool is that?) right after I returned from Fitness Ridge. It's called "Be Where Your Feet Are" and it immediately reminded me of something my favorite trainer there would say to me when I first started running.

When things got hard and I felt like I couldn't do it any longer, she would say: "Feel your feet". If I could just focus on feeling my feet every time they hit the ground, I would be able to stay present and as a result go further.

Isn't that an interesting thought?

By not focusing so much on what was ahead, I was actually able to get further ahead.
By not getting overwhelmed about how much further I had to go and focusing on where I was, I was able to take more steps.

It's a fascinating truth.

And every time I walk into the Deseret Book store downtown, I see the painting (framed oh so cool) and tell myself, "Feel your feet."

Lately I've been a bit obsessed with the painting and so when it was "employee appreciation day" today, I snuck down after hours (it's a late night, people) and purchased it. I came back to my office and hung it on the wall...and couldn't be more thrilled with the purchase.

(my new painting on the right and my fun Aboriginal art from Sydney on the left.)

And tonight, as I sit here in my office looking at the lit spires of the temple, I'm reminding myself of what really matters. And what really matters is today...right now...where I'm at in this moment.

And what I'm going to do about it.

For one thing, I'm going to be where my feet are.
Which helps me feel grateful for where I am.

And...excited about where these feet of mine will go.

the fire inside me

DAY 7: Hard. Things.

So, last night I hopped on facebook and had a message waiting for me from a new friend (one of those friend of a friend who is also the sister-in-law of another friend...I love small worlds). She had attached the above pic. She saw it and thought of me.

I'll love her forever for that.
(Thank you, Misty my friend. THANK. YOU.)

We are less than 14 weeks from a really significant milestone in my little life and there is this fire inside me...the fire I felt last December...the fire I felt leading up to the half.

It's back.
And it's burning bright.

I'm starting a 6-week boot camp next week (like one of those crazy 5am every morning military-style camps).
I'm connecting in December for a couple of days with the trainer who changed my life last year.
I'm registered for another half marathon in January.

And I'll be turning [gulp] 40 in less than 14 weeks.
And my spirit wants to live in a stronger better body than I've ever known.
And my spirit really deserves to get to do that.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Hardest. Thing. Ever.
But, I've learned I can do hard things.
I've done hard before.
I can do it again.

And this fire inside me?
Well, it requires I do this hard thing now.

Yes, it will hurt.
Yes, it will take time (13 weeks to be exact).
Yes, it will require dedication...

BUT...

I will do this and it will be oh so worth it.

Feeling so darn grateful the fire came back.
Pretty darn grateful indeed.

(Hang on, friends. THIS is going to be crazy. Crazy good.)

miracles in small letters

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters
of the very same story which is written across the whole world
in letters too large for some of us to see.”
-C.S. Lewis

Day 6: Miracles

Friday night I met one of the sweetest girls, a girl I knew would be easily memorable because of the little sparkle in her eye...and because of her name.

"Miracle".

And I could just tell she really probably was one.

She had one of my books and asked me to sign it. I shared a little message with her that truly just kind of came out from my pen. I didn't think much of it.

The next morning, on Saturday, while the women continued to enjoy their event, a few of us lucky people got to spend the day in a room with nearly 400 great young women. It was a fabulous day and I felt so lucky to be with them.

I saw cute Miracle a couple of times that day and at the end of the event as I was meeting girls and making them pinky swear to take the "prayer challenge" I had extended, I got to see her again.

I don't know quite how to articulate what happens sometimes when I'm in the presence of certain young women. I have very tender feelings about times when I've been able to be a messenger in some way for one of them. And ever since my experience with Jordan at a girls camp one summer, I am able to be more bold when I feel like there's something I need to say. Because I don't want a young woman to not hear a message they needed just because I was too timid to give it.

And so when I found myself in the presence of this cute girl again, I was overwhelmed...completely overwhelmed by the love Heavenly Father had for her. And I had to tell her. I had to find a way to express it.

Miracle wanted me to know that what I had written to her the night before had a connection for her to something she had been told another time in her life. "The exact phrase", she said through her 14 year old tears. "You used the exact phrase. How did you know?"

"I didn't, my dear. But Heavenly Father did. And He obviously wants you to know how much He loves you."

And then words just flowed through me. And we both just stood there and cried (how cute that you can even see her tear stains on the sleeve of my jacket).

They were happy tears.
Tears of two girls who were feeling the power of being "daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us".

I believe every day God is making sure we see evidence of His love.
I believe those evidences, when we see them, are miracles.
I believe many times those miracles occur when we just take time to look at each other, feel after each other, talk to each other.

Thoreau once said,
“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?”

No. I think not.

Everyday expressions of God's love.
Everyday miracles.
In small little letters.

Just one more thing I'm truly grateful for.

a better dream

Day 5: My Dream

Friday night, at the TOFW event in Phoenix, was a really sweet experience.
There was a spirit in that hall from the moment the doors opened.
Nearly 3000 stories, in the forms of women and girls, rushed through and I was being given the opportunity to share a bit of mine.

My story this past year has been pretty incredible to me in many ways.
But, it has not been perfect.
It has not been without complications, some expected and some surprising.
And it definitely has not been at all what I thought it would be almost a year ago when it began.

But last night, as I shared a bit of what I've learned, it actually felt perfect and simple and I sensed it was exactly the way God knew it would be when He started me on this journey.

Sweet.

During the first break I had the privilege of meeting so many good women who in one way or another could relate to my "optimist experiment" and my journey...a journey I'm still very much in the middle of. We loved each other and encouraged each other and I was sincerely grateful to rub shoulders with them.

When the event began again, I took my seat only to find a small piece of paper sitting there with my name on it. I opened it to read:

"Sometimes on the way to a dream
you get lost and find a better one."

(oh, thank you dear anonymous friend for the sweet note you couldn't have known I needed.)

The last few weeks have been a time of really important personal reflection and even more important communication with God.

You see, I have this dream living inside of me.
And I think I've underestimated how hard it would be to change my life and do the work required to make it happen.
But I also underestimated how intimately involved the Lord would be in this journey.
In so many of the smallest details.
And how willing He was to lead me to my dream.

I'm not where I thought I'd be right now.
But, I know (again) I'm where He knew I'd be.
And so I know I didn't get lost...
because you can't get lost when you're being led.
He's up ahead; always has been.
And He's leading me to the place He wants me to be...a better place that I would have dreamed of on my own.

I trust that.
I'm grateful for that.

And...I'm excited for it too.

The return of the PO BOX

DAY 4: My comical life

Do you remember my meltdown at the Post Office last year to the guy who looked like Newman?

Do you remember the reason I had the meltdown was because I hadn't paid my PO BOX renewal and they shut down my box?

Do you remember thinking, when you read about that, that surely it would never happen again?

It happened again.

I wish I was kidding.

But, I think I decided that morning that maybe one of the reasons I've not yet been blessed with the privilege of motherhood is because I CAN'T EVEN KEEP UP WITH A ONE TIME A YEAR RENEWAL OF A PO BOX.

I mean, how could I possibly care for little people who need to be fed multiple times a day?

I have *got* to find ways to prove my responsibleness (yes, I just made that word up.)

One positive, albeit thanks to an email reminder from my friend John Hilton and my sister being in town this summer, I renewed my car registration prior to its expiration. Remember last year? (and the year before that...and the year before that.)

So, now, if someone could just set a reminder for the PO BOX renewal...this blog will really be paying off for my comical life.

And I'd be most grateful.

(Really. I'm convinced. Some things happen only to me...and I'm *trying to be* grateful for that too.)

Deliciously evil

Grateful for these?
Yep. I sure am.
And I'm not too proud to admit it.

DAY 3: Rocky Mountain Salted Caramels

Last weekend at the wedding, I *might* have let myself go off my "no sugar" thing (that's a conversation for another day). And I *might* have found myself on a long layover in Minneapolis and I *might* have walked into the terminal and seen a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

And I *might* have bought 2 salted caramels.
One milk chocolate.
One dark.

And, as a "salted caramel" connoisseur in my previous life, I *might* be able to say that the Rocky Mountain variety are HANDS DOWN the most deliciously evil things I have ever tasted.

And you *might* want to send a box the next time you want to tell someone how much you love them.
You might want to.
Especially if that someone is me (wink. wink.)

I shouldn't be grateful for something so evil.
I really shouldn't.
But, alas.
I am.

People along life's path

(last night in Farr West, UT)

“No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny
without leaving some mark on it forever.”
-Francois Muriac

DAY 2: Crossed paths

This is just one example of the richness in my life that I don't acknowledge nearly often enough.

My life has crossed paths with so many...SO MANY...good people. And while my work has often been the means for the introduction, I'm always amazed at how small the world seems regardless...how often you bump into people at the airport...how easy it is to meet someone who knows someone who knows someone...how quickly you just connect with some people.

Every now and then, your life path crosses with someone you just know you've known longer than the calendar would show. They are familiar and comfortable and require very little of your time or energy (even though you wish you could give more).

Sandy (above) is just one example. She had a totally cute jacket on at a TOFW event (sometimes I'm worldy like that). We struck up a conversation and I liked her immediately. I saw her again like a year later when I ran into her and her husband late one night at the baggage carousel at the airport (one of those times when you know you look like death warmed over and you just pray you won't see a soul you know).

"Are you Laurel Christensen?" she asked?
(I so wanted to deny it...but then I remembered she was that one woman I really really liked. Darn it.)

Then, thanks to facebook, we just started randomly keeping in touch and she invited me to come speak to the women and young women in her ward.

I went last night.

All the way up to Farr West, Utah (note to self: Just because someone is named "Sandy" doesn't mean they live in "Sandy, UT". Make sure to pay attention to directions and addresses and stuff before you plan to leave the office later than you should to drive all the way to Farr West, UT. bless my little busy overwhelmed heart.)

It was such a privilege to be there with her and her amazing daughter and her incredible husband (who had quite possibly the best pair of shoes on. And I confess, I am a *sucker* for a great pair of mens shoes. I've often been teased that one of my primary reasons for getting married is so I have a man to dress. But, I digress.) They are the kind of people who it just feels good to be in their presence.

You know that type?
(Heck, most of you ARE the type.)

As I drove home, I was struck with the reminder that the Lord is constantly letting my path cross with really great people (some of you I've met right here in blogosphere) who come in and out, adding a little here and a little there to this life of mine. And so often right when I need just a little.

Because it doesn't have to be a lot.
It doesn't have to be some big thing.
But, we are a product of every single one of those life path crossings.

And when I look at the people the Lord has let me cross paths with?
(including a whole lotta you)
Well, I'm just so grateful.
So very very grateful.

Grateful Days

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought;
and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.
~G.K. Chesterton

This is hands down my favorite month.
(and especially this year, how cool is 11/1/11? I so should be getting married today.)

And so, between it being my favorite month AND that fact that I've kind of missed blogging, I'm getting back to reflecting and writing this month.

Writing and reflecting on blessings and gratitude and a thankful heart.

Because I am blessed.
And I am grateful.
And my little heart needs to talk about it.

DAY 1: Beautiful Heartbreaks

I couldn't always say that, of course.
But, as is often the case, we can look back on the things that seemed the hardest and see that God can take those heartbreaking things and turn them into something beautiful.

How He does it is amazing to me.

And while I could go on and on, I don't need to. Because it's probably best articulated in this music video (that you've probably seen on facebook already) of "Beautiful Heartbreak", an incredible song written by two people who I love and admire. Who, interestingly enough, have stood by me through some of mine.

I'm grateful for those things in my life that have brought me to this place I'm in.
I'm really really grateful for this place I'm in.
And it's true.
I would never trade the view from here.



Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade . . .

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.


(PS Hilary's new album EVERY STEP is a must. Stay tuned for more.)