But. If. Not. [Part 2]

I can honestly say I spent the next three years rebuilding my faith and my relationship with the Lord.

I learned to pray differently.

I learned to seek differently.

I learned to live differently.

Looking back, of course, I can see lessons I needed to learn that I could have only learned through that experience and the impact that experience had on me.

My faith and my testimony were taken to a place they hadn't been before.
Perhaps that is why I was so ready to hear a life-changing message that literally would AND has changed the course of my life...the course of my testimony...the state of my heart.

Three years later I found myself in that same Conference Center and I heard this:

"Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does.
Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not.
Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him...

Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not...
Our God will deliver us from loneliness, depression or fear, but if not...
Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not...
He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not...
Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not...
He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not...
We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not...
we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has."
(Elder Dennis E. Simmons, But If Not..., April 2004)

My heart felt settled in a way it never had before.
I felt confident in a way I had not felt before.
My testimony felt resolved in a way I had never experienced before.

Elder Simmons said, "Our scriptures and our history are replete with accounts of God's great men and women who believed that He would deliver them, but if not, they demonstrated that they would trust and be true."

It's been a decade since my sister had to give up those twins.
With faith, she walked into that building and handed them over.
And in many ways, she never looked back.
She and my brother-in-law are a living example of "but if not".

And though it took me a lot longer to get there, I'm trying to be one too.