Just another week

My "free time" has been/currently is committed to a project that has a looming deadline (i.e. MONDAY). It's been in the works for several years (you might even say twenty-five...true story) and since I've already asked for the deadline to be extended three times, Monday is it. (And I'll tell you more about the project in the coming weeks...assuming I make the deadline.)

And, as is typical with me, I've bitten off more than I can chew.

But, I digress.

So, this week was just another week in my interesting life:

I went to see a show at Capitol Theatreand was bugged with how casual people were dressed (it's a pet peeve of mine about casual people...love you all, but seriously, you're too casual...at church...at Capitol Theatre...too casual...).

And so, I obnoxiously took pictures to document (is that appropriate? well, never mind my pictures, is the following appropriate?)(birks. really? at the theater?)(and, unless you have a note from your dr., sneakers are not appropriate either.)

Does this make me a snob? I like to think it's just a matter of respect.

But, back to the show. I was at the show with 4 other women who I loved before, but I loved even more when we all walked out about 25 minutes into it because life is too short and the $66 per ticket we paid wasn't worth sitting there through unecessary irreverance (thanks for you goodness, girls!).

And then, upon leaving the show, we asked the family walking by if they would take our picture. The family just happened to be the head coach of Xavier University who was in town for the Sweet 16. Very cool. (and I was just a little excited)
And even more cool because Xavier was the team BYU would have played had we won our game last Saturday. A game where, 7 minutes in and 10 points ahead, my partner in crime and I decided to get tickets for the upcoming SLC Sweet 16 game because we KNEW BYU would win.They did not.

But we did because we had SUCH a great time at the game and I particularly loved rooting for my new team, the Xavier Musketeers(who lost in a heartbreak double-overtime nailbiter.)(actual picture from our actual seats...see the "X" flag down there?)

And also this week, I:

-successfully negotiated something that even a year ago I couldn't have negotiated (really, I don't like to brag but I'm getting quite good. yay me.)

-said "I'm sorry" when I unfairly assumed something (I don't like it when I have to do that but glad I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.)

-had an "ah ha" of "you're right where you're supposed to be (I love it I get to have that)

-talked to a friend who's mom talked to a friend who happens to be the aunt of a boy I dated once and it was kind of fun to hear that said aunt said the family thinks said boy is "an idiot for letting that girl go" (and he was, btw.)

-got to help rip the paper off the window of my company's new flagship store (and it's incredible! Go visit!)

-had SEVEN lunch or dinner dates (not necessarily all with real live dates) and have committed to NOT EAT OUT next week. Seriously. I'm done.

-realized that I can be a little bit of a hypocrite (more later) and so didn't finish a book I really wanted to finish because I should have stopped reading it sooner than I did thanks to some rough language (why, people, why?)

-sold my tickets to go see the artist that makes my heart skip a beat because I had to acknowledge that I've spent too much money lately and I've got to be more responsible...darn it. (Well, that and I also committed last time I saw him, which happened to be my THIRD time seeing him, that I would only see him a 4th time with a boy. And, alas, currently....)

-didn't run enough because I overcommitted myself to things other than running. And that is not okay (struggling with it, people. not gonna lie. tell me I can do this...)

Now off to bed, doing a personal 5K in the morning (outside and everything. please don't drive by and honk), and then sequestered for the weekend to make my deadline.

Yep.
Just another week.

BYU: My Great American Novel

It was the best of times,
It was the worst of times.

So starts Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities, one of the great American novels. And it could also just as easily be the opening line of the summary of my days at Brigham Young University.

BYU is where I started my dream of becoming a High School English teacher.
It's also where I changed my major to Speech-Language Pathology because it sounded like a cool thing to say during a "get to know you" game at my first FHE (true story...I changed my major shortly thereafter).

BYU is where I had my first date.
It's also where I spent a cold winter night sitting outside the library studying (yep, you read that right) so that I could "bump into" (casually, of course) the first boy I ever really loved (that story really does deserve its own post).

BYU is where I learned to let my heart fall in love.
It's also where I felt what it meant to have it broken.

BYU is where I learned that a mission wasn't for me.
It's also where I made the decision to serve one.

BYU is where I discovered who I really was.
It's also where I discovered I had yet to uncover what that meant.

BYU is where I first devoured the writings of Neal A. Maxwell.
BYU is where I learned that I didn't want to live with a girl for the rest of my life.
BYU is where I made the decision to go to the temple...a year before my mission.
BYU is where I got my love of college football.
BYU is where I learned to master my mother's banana bread recipe (and that might deserve its own post too).
BYU is where I gained my independence.
BYU is where I met some of my life's dearest friends.
BYU is where so much of my life began.

I had a Disney's THE KID (oh, I love that movie) experience tonight as I walked into the JKB to speak to a group of really impressive 18 & 19 year old girls.

Oh, I remember being them.
And I remember what it felt like to have a whole BYU experience ahead of me--
One that I was CERTAIN...CERTAIN...included married-student housing, a baby or two, not serving a mission and probably not receiving an actual official diploma.

And of course it was different than what I was "certain" it would be.

Oh, if freshman Laurel was sitting in that crowd, I would have wanted to help prepare her just a little better for what lie ahead.
All the hard things...
and all the amazing things too.

It's been a book I couldn't have written if I tried.
One I couldn't have imagined.
And it's probably good I didn't know then what I know now.
In fact, I'm glad I didn't.

And I guess it's good those girls don't know it either.

Quietly [?] wait...

The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore I will hope in him.
The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait ...
(Lamantation 3:24-26)

(This blog led me to this passage and I've been loving reading her thoughts. I'm her newest blog stalker...Highly recommend.)

I have been loving my little study of "waiting" and doing it "patiently".
And, oh...there are so many truths in this one little passage.

He is my portion.
Therefore, He is enough for me.

He is good to those who wait and those who seek Him while they wait.
Therefore, I will spend more time seeking Him.

It is good to hope while you wait.
Therefore, I will hope.

(But do I really have to do it quietly? And what exactly does that mean?)

Seeing what you believe

Some things have to be
BELIEVED
to be
SEEN
-ralph hodgson

I found that little quote today and it SO spoke to me because it matches the message of this:
And since I'm so bad at give aways (I know...I know...) and since if you take out those who have won something before or who already have it (including my Dad...don't let him fool you), well, as it turns out, I have enough to pass around (can't you just hear my dad saying, "you dumb broad!"?).

SO...
Laurel
Gayle
Jill
Cheryl
Janabananagirl
Julie
MKB
GDR
Tannersmom
Jamie
Teresa
Marialuigi
jdiggity
Shauna
Jen
Erica
Kelly Loggins
John Hilton III
Lisa A.
Melissa
Dion Seneca
Mindika
Holly
Lisa
Angela
Jill
Amy
Holly
Angela
JillyBean
Adrien

Send your mailing address to laurelDOTchristensenATgmailDOTcom by Friday, March 26th in order to be included in the one and only mailing on the 27th.

I'd love to know what you think after you take a listen. Share your opinion if you feel so inclined. Spread the word. And, even more, I'd love to know who you give it to when you're finished. Because remember...and I'm serious...the cd needs to end up in the hands of a young woman. You promised! (grin)

Here's to seeing what you believe.
xoxo

(and yes, this IS the last give-away for a while...but aren't you glad you read this little blog?)

Wait for it.

Like I've said, we all have our reasons for waiting.

Some of us are waiting for we know not what.
But, others of us are waiting for something that we know is coming.
We know it is.
We just don't know when.

And when He has told us it is coming, whether in a dream or a vision or a blessing or just a feeling deep within our soul, we have to trust that it will come in its apointed time.

And, ultimately, when we KNOW it is coming...
When we KNOW it...
Well, then we have no choice but to just simply...

wait for it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Habakkuk 2:3)

Sacred traditions

The first movie I recall seeing in a theater was Fiddler on the Roof (but, Mom & Dad, it appears to have been released in 1971 so can you explain that to me? Was I watching it from Mom's womb?)

I have always loved it.
Always.
(and not just because I found out about the holocaust in 4th grade and wanted to be Jewish. Something about showing my support of their suffering. Really. I wanted to be one of them.)

And last night I saw the most FABULOUS production of this musical classic (T/TH/SA cast...WOW).
Really. It was so good it made me cry.
(okay, sure, lots of musical theater does that...but still...THIS was nearly perfect.)

And I couldn't help but reflect all night about the world of Anatevka...
and the world of today.

Particularly reflecting on this sentiment from Tevye:
Because of our traditions, we've kept our balance for many, many years. Here in Anatevka, we have traditions for everything... How to sleep, how to eat... how to work... how to wear clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered, and always wear a little prayer shawl that shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, "How did this tradition get started?" I'll tell you!
[pause]
I don't know. But it's a tradition... and because of our traditions... Every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do.

Because of our traditions...Every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do.
Oh, I love that.

Things are brewing in this country of ours right now. Things that I am not personally comfortable with. And while I have made a conscious decision to not share my feelings about politics (hey, give me some credit...it's been a while.) and Twilight (I would like to still be friends with some of you so I won't judge you and you don't judge me.) and Prop 8 (I think it's an issue that demands love from BOTH sides...and honest dialogue.) and other "controversial" topics, I can't help myself on this one.

I recently finished reading the manuscript of a novel my company is releasing this summer (and as soon as there is more to tell you about, I will tell you about it. I am not much of a fiction reader and this might be one of the best books I've ever read). It's a book about the one and only Mormon family in Russia during the time of the Bolshevik Revolution (1917, about a decade after the time period Fiddler is set in).

The read was startling.
Startling.

Did you know that Russia, pre revolution of 1917, was a capitalist nation?
Did you know that Russia, pre revoluation of 1917, was a devoutly religious nation?

What happened?

There were those among them convinced them to change from tradition.
And then they trampled on those traditions.
And what startled me most was that so much of the rhetoric that was used to convince the people of the need for change then?
Well, I'm hearing it now.

And the results then?
Crosses were cut off from church buildings.
Entire histories were erased.
Groups of people were pitted against each other.
All in the spirit of "change".

Change the people thought they could believe in.

And while I totally get that there have been times throughout history when things needed to change...there ARE SOME sacred traditions in this country that are key to who we are and how God fits in with our lives.

And one of those sacred traditions is personal liberty (defined as "freedom to behave as one pleases, circumscribed by the laws and codes and conduct of the society in which one lives")

And at one time, the people of Anatevka had personal liberty.
And at one time, the Mormon family in St. Petersburg had personal liberty.
And at one time, WE had more personal liberty than we now have.

And that is startling to me.

If ever there was a time to pay attention to the ways our sacred traditions are being trampled on, well, now would be the time.

Please pay attention.
And get involved.

It's not too late to protect our sacred traditions.
I truly believe it's not too late.

Do you want one?

I've been listenting to it almost every night this past week.
It's like it's been sinking into my brain as I drift off to sleep.
And it's kind of funny to me that it's been helping me so much.
I mean, it's me...but it's not.
Not really.

And so when I had an experience this morning, speaking to a couple hundred high school students at 7 in the morning (more guys than girls...what are the chances of that?), that let me know the message was finally sinking in to this little self of mine. (And oh, it felt good. It felt so good. And it felt familiar...you know what I mean?)

Well, that got me wondering how many other people could use the message too.

So, I have ten of them to share. And it feels weird to just share them with people who may or may not even want one and so I haven't really distributed them like I have before.

But, if YOU would like to take a listen, then just leave a comment here. (And your only commitment is to promise to get it into the hands of a teenage girl after you listen to it. Ultimately, that's where I want it to end up. So, promise?) And based on the number of comments I've gotten before, your chances are REALLY good (like almost 1 in 3, people! Where else can you go to find such amazing odds?).

I'll randomly choose the recipients on FRIDAY, MARCH 19th at midnight Mountain Time...so just comment by then.

(And if no one wants one, well...this is going to be awkward.)

xoxo

Retreat for Girls

When I was 12 and 13 I spent a couple of weeks both summers at a unique "girls only" camp called ACADEMY FOR GIRLS. I'm convinced that it shaped me in ways nothing else could.

Academy doesn't exist anymore but last summer I spoke at a little week-long program called RETREAT FOR GIRLS, developed by a girl who had been blessed by ACADEMY just like me. I had a wonderful experience and felt like my company should help support their efforts.

And so...

If you ARE a teenage girl
or you parent a teenage girl
or you lead a teenage girl
or you just LOVE a teenage girl...

send them to beautiful Cache Valley for a week this summer!

They'll be in very very good hands.
Promise.

Am I in the way?

I had several "ah-ha" moments today in Sunday School class.
I love it when that happens.
Especially when it's not something that was necessarily discussed but a message that just jumps out from the printed page.
Let me share the first from Genesis 24.

Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. (His methods, by the way, are intriguing to me...but that's another post.)

But, one of the things that jumped out at me came from verse 27 when the servant said, "I being in the way, the Lord led me."

Now, we could for sure discuss several meanings here. I realize that.
But the message that jumped out at me?

"Am I 'in the way' of the Lord?"

I can see that my limiting thoughts get in the way of his limitless power.
I can see that the fears in my mind get in the way of the courage He puts in my heart.
I can see that my doubts get in the way of my faith...in Him.

And it got me wondering today if some of the things that are hard for me, that have especially felt hard for me lately, are just because I'm "in the way" of His aid.
And His love.
And His mercy.
And, as I thought about that, I knew there was some truth jumping out from my scriptures. And the thought process just felt like one more step in my "mind reset" of yesterday.

So this week?
I'm just going to try to stay out of the way.
To open the way...to be better led...by Him.

(But first I have to go speak at a morningside devotional tomorrow at 6:45am for some great high schoolers. and so...Good Night.)

Born. To. Run.

When I went to get my new running shoes, the sales guy told me I was born to be a runner after I ran across the little mat that tells them what shoes might be best for you.

Now, sure, maybe he says that to everyone to get them to buy the $138 cute running shoes (yes, they were. don't you judge me. and I didn't technically pay for them, remember?). But, honestly, when he said it, something inside me seemed to take notice.

And I have found myself thinking about that from time to time ever since.
What if I was?
What if I was born to be a runner?

And what if I just never did what it took to find that out?

Thoughts like that haunt me sometimes.

But this isn't about those other thoughts.
It's about this one.

And, I'm not going to lie.

Changing my life pattern...changing my perception of myself...reprogramming my brain to believe something differently about myself...well, it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And it's a great irony for me right now, because I truly truly believe that "You Are What You Believe" and I also truly believe it is possible to change. I really do.

But THIS kind of change?

I mean, you're talking about a girl who spent way too much of her life thinking negatively about herself, with a really messed up relationship with food, who couldn't conceive that she would ever be "normal". (Am I saying all that out loud? Yep, I sure am.)

And the past few weeks have just been hard. And I've felt myself slippping into old patterns...old life patterns...but old thought patterns too. That's dangerous for me.

And it stops today.

It might be silly, but I'm such a symbolic girl.
I like grand overtures of fresh starts and new beginnings.

So, I've spent the morning cleaning my house and making my lists.
I have a new journal where nothing about "what might have been" is allowed to be written. It's only about what is and what will be.
I finally got the book a cute young woman told me to get back in January (after I spoke for her stake and told the "Runner's World story".)
And I'm actually going to read it.
And I'm already excited about some of what I'm learning.
I've got my list of things to get at Whole Foods.
I've mapped out my next week.

And I'm headed to the place I go whenever I need a fresh start.

Because I really do believe...in some very deep place inside me...that I'm not right now entirely living as the girl I was born to be. And I really do believe I was born to run. Not just for running sake...but for all it represents to me.

And so I'm going to spend some time with Him today.
Becuase I believe He believes it too.
And I know I can't experience change of any kind without Him.
And since He created me, I know He can confirm who I was born to be.
And help me believe...KNOW...that I was, in fact, born to do this.

Born. To. Run.

"Get out!"

First you have to know that I say "GET OUT!" a lot...
you know...like Elaine on Seinfeld.
I alternate between that and "Shut up!"
But "Shut up!" seems immature and often inappropriate
(and since my nieces and nephews are not allowed to say such things, I am trying to be better).
But THIS...THIS is a time when maybe "Shut up!" would have been the better expression.

(I referenced this in my last post and now need to share "the rest of the story".)

At the event in Orlando on Saturday, at the end of the day, well, I do a little "shout out" of states and places to find out where the women are from and it's fun for them to be able to yell when they hear their state. At this particular event, at the end of this little segment, a group of women yelled something and I couldn't understand so I asked them to repeat it. They yelled, "Mexico". To which I, in my professionalism always knowing just the right thing to say in front of 1600 women, said, "GET OUT!" Like I was excited, you know? I mean, I LOVED that we had women who had come from Mexico.
But...well...it's not really appropriate to say "Get out" to people...from Mexico.

The place errupted in awkward laughter and I was left to try and fix the situation but pretty sure I only made it worse.

Well, what follows is the email from one of my all-time favorite people (and our local team lead for this event) to me...


From: Shauna
Sent: Wednesday, March 10, 2010 8:25 PM
To: Laurel Christensen
Subject: "Get Out"

At RS Enrichment last night your "Get Out" statement had the entire room in laughing hysteria. It also provided a wonderful way for the Latin sisters to bond with the Gringas when they had something funny to share and then the entire room laughed together. Usually they sit and smile while we all provide the laughs, etc. It was great to see them shine and mix with everyone.

We were going around introducing ourselves and My Mexican Amiga said, something like, it is good I am here tonight because Hermana Hostetler's friend and Time Out For Women told our group from Mexico to "Get Out" She then explained that TOFW moment and it became more and more funny.

Sooooo thanks for the TOFW blunder...it brought unity between the Gringas and Amigas here in little Wellington Ward.

Shauna

(And now, my reply to her)

From: Laurel Christensen
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2010 11:09 AM
To: Shauna
Subject: RE: "Get Out"

I don’t know if I should giggle about this or be horrified that what I feared was interpreted was, in fact, interpreted. OH MY. I’m such an awkward girl.

But, thanks for the update…and hey, if my really bad move could bring the gringas and amigas together, well, God Bless America! (grin)

(yes, dear friends...just TRY and top that story today. Just try.)

While I've been "out doing it"

...I got home after a 15 hour day, when I had to leave for the airport 8 hours later, and I GOT ON MY TREADMILL! All by myself. Yep. True story.

...I laughed harder than I've laughed in a long time at a circular table with 15 of the most fantastic people I have ever spent time with

...I saw the boy who once had my heart for the first time since I realized he didn't and I was okay. And I figured out what was missing before and what it is I need

...I packed a "check in" suitcase instead of a "carry on" just so I could bring my running shoes. AND I USED THEM!

...I got a crush on a married man (a totally appropriate one but get his new cd!)

...I said, "Mobil, Alabama" instead of "Mobile, Alabama" in front of 1600 women and then was corrected by nearly all of them at the same time

...When I heard that among those 1600 women were some women from Mexico, I said, "GET OUT!" You know, like you do when you hear something really cool? But, then I realized what I had said and how it might sound and I tried to recover and it just made it worse.

...After practicing "Mobile, Alabama" over and over again, I went back onstage and said, "Mobil, Alabama" AGAIN

...I ordered room service including an evil something or other and only ate as much as I needed to satisfy and left the rest on the plate

...I ordered room service including an evil something or other and only ate as much as I needed to satisfy and left the rest on the plate (yep, I felt that deserved to be posted twice)

...I was honored by one of my all time favorite speakers who told the women that when he speaks he has a prayer in his heart that he'll have as much love for the women as I do (I might have cried)

...I was overwhelmed with the love the Lord put in MY Heart for these women

...I had a moment or two when I couldn't breathe

...I read my scriptures and it felt really really good

...Because my favorite speaker also told the group that I "really love women", I felt the need to stand later and make sure they knew that while that was true, "I really really love men. I'm an aquarius and if you know anyone my phone number is..."

...I called my parents AGAIN before they called me first for the Sunday check-in phone call

...I saw a space ship

...I had a 3 hour crush

...I tasted the most amazing french fry I have EVER had

...I bought a ped-egg (as seen on TV) and used it right before being on my feet in a cement floor exhibit hall for 2 days because I am so smart and now I have the mother of all blisters

...I tasted of the goodness of God (which was better than the french fry)

...I felt pretty

...I cried

...I prayed

...I ran

And I'm going to be out doing it again this week...but I might be blogging too.

As honest as it gets

(I have gone back and forth about sharing this. I know I had to write something because I needed to be able to put words to it. But, share it? Well, that's another story. But, the truth is that it's my pride that would be stopping me from sharing. And I guess I worry a little that this kind of honesty will discount somehow the positive side of other things I share. But since there is a part of me who needed to know someone else "got it", well, that is why I share. Just in case I can be that "someone else" for you.)

Have you ever had the experience of being "on"...so "on" that you know the Lord is using you...that you are exactly where you are supposed to be...that you've spent a weekend where you've given but you've also been filled & bouyed & blessed...and you are grateful...SO grateful. But when its all said & done and you're walking back to the hotel alone at night and the stark realization that you still don't have someone to come home & share it with...really share it with...is just too much...and you are crying before you even get to your room...

And you know you're tired & hungry & surely that has a lot to do with it and you're almost ashamed to so quickly lose the euphoria of what the Lord let you feel all weekend or appear to be turning your back on what just a couple of hours ago you were so grateful for...but just the same, its all just too much...

And you find yourself collapsed in your room in a puddle of exhausted tears...

And you know all the things you should do in that moment. You know that spiritually speaking you are not as "alone" as you feel. But, in that moment, the crushing weight of not having that "someone" is almost too much. And you can't breathe. And you can't see past that moment because you can't see past the tears...

And so you kneel...and you cry...and you plead...and you talk...
and you listen.
And then you fall asleep trusting that everything will be okay.
And of course it will be...

And then it is.
Of course it is.

But...
not before you know,
once again,
that we were not meant to be alone.
We just weren't.

So, while there are SO MANY THINGS about this life of mine that I treasure and love and appreciate and am grateful for, it does not take the place of...and will never take the place of...that "someone"...MY someone.

And that's about as honest as it gets.