Make it enough, Lord.

I had an experience Thursday morning that is still lingering with me and that is one of the ways I know of its truth.
Truth for me, perhaps.
But, truth worth sharing.

I've talked before about the hole in my heart.

Well, it's still ever present.
But, I'm okay with that because I believe it's supposed to be.

And it hasn't been making me sad necessarily.
But it's been making me feel...
...
...
I don't know quite how to articulate it,
but do you know what I mean?

And Thursday morning as I was spending a little more time on my knees (because that's what I really needed that morning), I was talking to God about it.

And I was actually thinking about ways that hole could be filled in 2009.
All of the amazing ways.
And I started getting ready to share those ways with Him.

But, I was stopped.
I wasn't stopped by any force or any power.
I'm not saying that at all.
But, it was as if my spirit stopped talking right before my body caught up.
I'm a believer that when we listen to THE Spirit...or even just OUR spirit...we pray differently than when we are just talking.

And for some reason, I felt that the things I was getting ready to pray for weren't right. And it's not that they weren't righteous or worthy...they just weren't right.

Because I needed to pray for something else.

And these are words that first left my lips about a month ago while I was in the temple.
But I didn't really understand fully what it meant for me.

And so maybe that's why I needed to say the prayer again.

"Make it enough."

I must have said it three or four times.
And then, while still in prayer, I thought about the widow of Zarephath.
And while I've always liked her story, she hasn't often made it into my prayer.
And then, before I could fully process that, I thought of the miracle of the loaves and the fishes.

"Make it enough. Please just make my life enough right now."

While still kneeling, I grabbed my scriptures...something I haven't done nearly enough lately but have felt prompted...invited...no, compelled...to do lately.

And I reread the story in 1 Kings 17.
I think I always thought the cruse of oil and the barrel of meal just kept multiplying in order to make it enough.
But, it doesn't say that.

And so then, I read Matthew 14. And the same accounts recorded by Mark...and Luke...and John.
And I think I always thought the 5 loaves and the 2 small fishes were multiplied in order to make them enough.
But, it doesn't say that either.

Go ahead and read it all for yourself.

It's not that the Lord gave them MORE.
Maybe He did.
Maybe He did.
But, it doesn't say that.

All we know is that He took what they had
be it oil
or meal
or bread
or fish;
He took what was already there and just made it ENOUGH.

I don't need MORE in my life.
I have meaningful relationships.
I have a faith that sustains me.
I have great friends.
I have a job I'm passionate about.
I have incredible and plentiful opportunities for service.
Frankly, I don't have room or time for MORE.
I just need what I have...the blessed life I have...
I just need it to be ENOUGH.

Enough to fill the hole.
Enough to feel content.
Just for now,
I need it to be enough...
so that I can feel...
whatever it is He wants to teach me.

Ah...now I get it.

This morning I rediscovered this 1973 gem:

MAY YOU HAVE...
Enough happiness to keep you sweet,
Enough trials to keep you strong,
Enough sorrow to keep you human,
Enough hope to keep you happy,
Enough failure to keep you humble,
Enough success to keep you eager,
Enough wealth to meet your needs,
Enough enthusiasm to look forward,
Enough friends to give you comfort,
Enough faith to banish depression,
Enough determination to make each date better than yesterday.

Make it enough, Lord.

Thank You...for making it enough.