Looking forward

Yesterday, a young 21-year-old guy (who's been home from him mission for 4 months) gave one of the best talks I think I've ever heard about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. And it was one of those moments when I heard things that weren't even being said. The Lord used that time to teach me...

And then, at the end his talk, he said he wanted to share his favorite scripture. And I don't quite know how to explain it but I knew what scripture he was getting ready to share. It was like the spirit was talking just 10 seconds ahead of him. And I felt one of those "listen up" invitations that the spirit can be so good at giving.

"And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62)

I'm not quite ready to go there, I thought.
It's time, came the reply.

And I had to acknowledge that recently I too put my hand to the plough.
I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.
But, I've spent a lot of time the last several weeks "looking back".
And I realized as he shared that scripture that the "looking back" is holding me back.

And then today, my mind has reflected on one of the great talks by Elder Holland that he gave a year ago at BYU, Remember Lot's Wife

"To yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now; to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future; to miss the here-and-now-and-tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there-and-then-and-yesterday—these are some of the sins, if we may call them that, of...Lot’s wife..."

And while I don't think I'm "dissatisfied with my present circumstances", nor do I "have only a dismal view of the future", I have been yearing to go back...worried I made a mistake...needing reassurance that I didn't.
I've been looking back.

Elder Holland continues:"Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us..."

I know that I still have some things to figure out.
I know I still have much to learn.
And I am aware I have a bit of a journey still ahead.

But...that's just it...it's AHEAD.

And so, that's where I'm going.
Because I can't look back anymore.
I won't look back anymore.