Um, it's here...

THIS is in!
(it's still a little weird)

SO, if'n you participated in this
and you didn't ever email me your contact info,
please do so now (I only have a few left.)
laurelDOTchristensenATgmailDOTcom

The rest are going in the mail.
Really.
They are.

Hope you like it.

LYF really is GUD.

China2: The Forbidden City

EPIC.

That is really truly the ONLY word for this "home" of The Emperer that dates back to 1406.

EPIC...
and stunning.

(and many of you might be interested to know what I have learned since returning...inside the Forbidden City is a garden. It was in this garden that David O. McKay dedicated the land of China for the eventual preaching of the Gospel.)
EPIC...
and stunning...
and sacred.

China1:Tiananmem Square

(Do you see that little red bridge? I'm completely in love...IN LOVE with this picture...and yes, I took it. YAY me and my Canon Powershot!)

I'm so totally overwhelmed with the thought of trying to capture the experience I had...but also know I need to just start somewhere or it will suddenly seem too far away.

There is just something about being oh so far away and oh so disconnected from life that is just oh so good for the soul.

And I'll sprinkle the "good for the soul" moments amidst the "look at these great pictures" moments amidst the "fascinating history" moments.

I was completely intrigued by our very first stop, Tiananmen SquareErin & I went the first morning, without a guide (well, to be fair, Erin was a pretty great guide).
(For those of you who might want a brief history lesson from 1989)
(Let's just forget about the fact that I later engaged our tour guide in a discussion about the incident. It was fascintating. We also discussed the Cultural Revolution and Chairman Mao (He is still EVERYWHERE)The presence and just the feel of the military and police created an atmophere I've not experienced before (and I found myself really hoping none of them read my blog).(Erin is obviously completely unphased by said military presence.)
The square is bigger than I imagined.And we were absolutely the only non-Chinese there.(It's a little "Where's Waldo?". Can you see me? Double click.)

It fascinated me.
The history.
The feeling.
The people.

The Square was a great way to start this new experience in this new place I quickly grew to love (and, I'm not too proud to say, was wrong about in SO many ways.)

Wide awake with China

I've tried to fall back to sleep for the last hour.
I SO want to reorient myself (no pun intended) to Utah sleep time.
I think it will happen fairly easily, but for now I'm wide awake with thoughts of this dream I had.

A dream I spent 2 weeks in China.

And if I HAD, here are some of the things I would have learned:

-For some reason, beggers in Beijing are drawn to me and couldn't give a flying fig about my friend Erin.

-If you pride yourself on having NEVER had a Big Mac, it's pretty cool to say the first one you ever had was in China.

-"Learning Experiences" is just a fancy China phrase for "Tourist Traps".

-Even though you only save like 30 cents when you barter bottled water down from 5 RNB to 3 RNB, it still feels good to barter.

-One of the most beautiful words I've ever heard is "Vickie's Shoes"...oh, wait...that was two words.

-When you see a family of 4 able to get by on one Moped, it kind of makes you stop & think about what is "enough".

-The game of "Frogger" is much more fun played out live on the streets of Xi'an.

-I'm pretty darn sure God speaks Cantonese. Actually I know He does.

-There are soft beds and then there are hard beds. And then there are hard as rock beds and then there are China 4 star hotel beds.

-I absolutely adore ADORE ADORE China MTV and a Korean group called "Super Junior".

-If you want to learn to master eating with chopsticks on your 2nd day in China, don't think about it. Just start asking your guide questions (albeit maybe illegal ones) about the Cultural Revolution during dinner and while you're talking you will discover you have magically learned to eat with chopsticks.

-When someone has heard you on KSL all the way in China, it's kind of cool.

-You're not supposed to talk about religion in China so openly and so when asked questions, and you respond and then you're guide says, "I think I am Mormon", pretend like nothing ever happened.

-There are few things as sweet as seeing old retired Chinese senior citizens dancing on the sidewalks at night with a flute and a drum to accompany them. One sweeter thing is when one of the old retired Chinese senior citizens notices your look of total enjoyment as you watch and then he invites you to join in on the dance.

-In a city of 17 million people, God hears simple prayers at 1:00 in the morning and answers in clear and distinct ways so that you can never ever again doubt His power or your access to His power.

Pictures & more "learnings" to come throughout the day...
(unless I fall back to sleep)

Feeling the void

What happens to a girl like me when my life slows down?

I wouldn't know that very well.
Because I don't let it slow down.

And there's a reason for that.

I used to think that I could label that reason as "single".
But, I've had some great conversations in the last few months with some of my married friends who are caught in the "life is so busy" trap that I sometimes seem to be in.

So, I know it's not just about me being single.
There has to be more to it than that.

So much of what I spend my time doing is good...
and even connected to my life's mission (I truly believe that).

But, it's not what I'm doing...it's sometimes WHY I'm doing it.
You see, I think I am starting to understand that, more often than not, I am choosing to live the life...this crazy, overscheduled, overcommitted life... I live in an attempt to fill the void...the "gap"...the "empty space"...the "vacancy" (all definitions of "void")...that exists. It does.

And what if the "void" isn't just because I'm single?
And what if that void isn't meant to be filled by all the things I'm filling it with?

After the celebration, I turned to someone I'd been working with and we both kind of said together, "Holy Cow. What will we do now?" (translated: "I'm losing this 'thing' that is filling my time to overflowing and giving me purpose...helping me not ever have 'quiet time'. If I don't have this 'thing', I might be forced to slow down and have 'quiet time'. If I have 'quiet time', I might have to feel what I work so hard to never feel.")

And while I often fill that void with prayer and the temple and scriptures and speaking opportunities, I also fill that void with facebook and my BlackBerry and my blog and texts and phone calls. Anything sometimes to fill the silence...the void.

I FILL it
so I don't have to FEEL it.

Ouch. Just typing that hurt a little.

BUT...
Another definition of "void" is "opening, as in a wall".
Hmmm.

What if the void I feel (that I try to fill) isn't a gap or an empty space.
What if, instead, it IS an opening.
An opening for a new opportunity--
A new experience--
A new corner...

And so, for me...while these next two weeks (yes, TWO WEEKS...as you read this, I'm enroute to China) will be filled with marvelous places and people and experiences...it will also be filled with no facebook, no BlackBerry, no blog, no texts, no phones calls.

And so I'm counting on it being filled...I'm PRAYING for it to be filled... with FEELING and thinking and acknowledging some of the things I work too hard avoiding as I fill the void.

Because I sense that NOW...
NOW, it's time to FEEL it.

Here's to believing something else is just around this corner.


(Oh, and please don't forget about me while I'm gone. and if you could miss me a little, that would be great too. xoxo)

My new favorite word

I started with "me".
And then there was "you".

You+Me is starting to look like it could be a "we".

I've always wanted to be part of a "we".

I think "we" might be
my new favorite word.

Marry Him. Final Thoughts.

At Chrislyn's super happy wedding, the sealer said something that stuck with me...

"Make sure you put each other's happiness above your own."

And, well when those words were STILL going through my mind a month later, I realized my little spirit was sort of itching to live that principle.

And so, even without a permanent "other", I started choosing people to be the "other" whenever I got the chance.

You see, one of my biggest fears about being single is being selfish. Singleness by it's very nature has to be a little selfish...
The person taking care of my temporal responsibilities? Me. Myself. & I.
The person bringing home the paycheck? Me. Myself. & I.
The person making all the decisions? Me. Myself. & I.
The person who most needs my time when I get home from work or a trip? Me. Myself. & I.
The person setting the spiritual tone in my life? Me. Myself. & I.

And I don't want it to be just about me anymore.
(B&Bs and China trips notwithstanding.)

And I guess that's what has opened my mind...
changed my paradigm...
made me more practical...

about "marry him".

I'm not sure there is a "him" right now.
Well, there might be A him.
I just don't know if he's THE him.

BUT...

When I read the article originally, there were a couple of thoughts that jumped out at me:

"Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business."

"Marriage isn't ultimately about cosmic connection--it's about having a teammate, even if he's not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all."

"We grew up thinking that marriage meant feeling some kind of divine spark, and so we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy in the context of a family."

I didn't like all of what I read...but wanted to think about it.
And thus, in my attempt to discover MY answer, came
Truth #1
Truth #2
Truth #3
Amidst the discovery of the four questions.

And I started to think about what it means to "settle".

According to the dictionary,
"settle" means:
-to decide
-to come to rest (ooh, I love that)
-to become fixed in a particular place, direction
-to become firm
even "settle for" means:
-to be satisfied with

There was a time when I wanted to be married so much I even wanted to marry someone who didn't love me as much as I loved him. Marriage WAS more important than love.
I think that's a different kind of settling.

But now I AM ready to "settle" by any of the definitions above.
Settle WITH (not for):

-Someone who wants to be married as much as I want to be married.

-Someone who loves me as much as I love him.

-Someone who I respect.

-Someone who helps me learn what I can't learn alone.

So, when Ms. Gottlieb poses the question:
"Where's the line between compromising and settling, and at what age does that line seem to fade away?"

I don't know what that line is.
I don't know when that line fades.

All I know is that this 37 year old chaquita is NOT compromising.
Nor am I settling for...
anything less than what I need.
Which is way more important than what I thought I always wanted.

So now, I'm looking for what I need.
...to be continued.

(and for those of you who have emailed recently, now is your turn to share YOUR final thoughts. Now I'M the one who's waiting...)

Perfecsh-INN

This is a totally unimportant post.
Forgive me.

But, a couple of years ago, I became a "BnB" girl.
That's Bed and Breakfast.

Now, I don't stay at them all the time, but when I can, I do.
They are often cheaper (or at least as well priced) as local hotels.
The food is YUM.
And the ambiance?

Perfection.

And I think this is the best so far.

If you ever have reason to go to Louisville, KY, need a perfect girls weekend (or want to take me there on a romantic get away), you MUST check out The Inn at Woodhaven.

DEEEE-VINE








We have our (gulp) twenty year (did I just say that out loud?) high school reunion next year.
We're already planning our return to Woodhaven.

Did I mention it was perfect?
PERFECSH-INN.