Supplementals

I'm entering into a new realm of vitamins and the help they can provide. For the past several years, I've recognized that despite eating healthy I still need supplemental support.

I'm currently exploring a few new options for vitamins, ones that target hormonal support in particular.

I'm slightly imbalanced (haha) with the hormones and have known that this as well as a few other issues lead to us having difficulty conceiving previously. We are praying for the gift of more children for our family, and I hope that by addressing the need for better supplements, that I can get my body back to where it needs to be. Because of the imbalance, I suffer from mood swings at certain times of the cycle. Unfortunately this can lead into borderline depression. I DON'T want to go there.

I came across a great resource, Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon.

Reading this book, both her previous work and this 4th edition, really assured me that I wasn't crazy (well...) and that the symptoms I experience can be addressed by proper nutritional care.

Our doctor is trained in the Creighton Method of Natural Family Planning and really understands our beliefs. He has provided great support in the past and I'm confident that he will continue to help guide us.

Thank you for your prayers.

The Beginning

This afternoon we have an appointment with our primary physician who is trained within the Creighton Method of NFP. He is a Catholic doctor who fully upholds Catholic Moral Ethics by not prescribing birth control and is trained to work with couples to use Natural Family Planning in their discernment of delaying or achieving pregnancy.

I spoke with him a few months ago about meeting about our infertility. He had said to come in after a year of hoping to achieve pregnancy. We've hit that mark and then some, so we've decided to meet with him to get a starting point.

Please continue to pray for us during this journey of infertility. Thank you.

Recognition

Last night, I came to recognize my need for space, time, and prayer when dealing with our infertility.

Needing space from others who make insensitive comments about children, families without children, and assuming they contracept.

Needing time to process another's pregnancy who conceived within a month of marriage.

Needing prayer to give over my feelings of grief, barrenness, sterility, and impatience.

Lord, you alone are my desire, my lover, He who satisfies all my hearts longings. Help me to see You in every moment of my day, Draw me closer to Your Sacred Heart.

PMS and Depression

Always on the study and research side of infertility, PMS, and depression, I recently discovered an item of note.

B6!

After reading Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon, I saw that it was listed for women suffering from PMS to take more B6 vitamins, anywhere from 100 to 800mg a day.

I noticed that my multi-vitamin was only giving me 10mg a day!

So with this past cycle, I added some additional B6. Besides my multi-vitamin, I also took a 100mg of B6 in the morning with breakfast. About 5 days before the start of the next cycle, I also added another 100mg of B6 to take at dinner time.

So I was still only consuming 210 mg, but what a difference!

That 5th day before I could feel myself starting to slip into the PMS depression, so I added the B6 at night. The next day I felt more energized and myself in terms of the depression I normally face. This continued all the way through the rest of the cycle. I never sunk into the depression and my other symptons were lessened.

There were many prayers of Thanksgiving prayed in the last few days at our house:)

I wanted to post this in case other women also face these issues and are seeking relief. Maybe this can aid them as well.

Event in PA

Many Roman Catholic couples facing infertility issues are confused about their options and whether reproductive technologies comply with church teachings, church officials say.

"I regularly encounter couples having problems with infertility. They seek spiritual guidance for how to deal with the heartaches and disappointments of not being able to conceive a child," said the Rev. John Skirtich, pastor of St. Maurice Parish in Forest Hills.

In an effort to end that confusion, the Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh this month will host its first-ever workshop on infertility and reproductive technology...


Diocesan Workshop on Infertility to be held in Pittsburgh, PA

Sometimes Music does fit

Lyrics

"Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan came on the stereo while we were driving back from visiting the in-laws. It was a rough weekend with infertility issues. The depression that occurs at the end and beginning of each cycle is really heavy and sometimes feels unbearable.

This was the song that seemed to fit my state of mind on Sunday.

On Mondays, DH and I have a holy hour at a local parish. Last night, I spent my hour pouring my heart out to the Lord. I won't go into the rant/rage that made it's way from my heart into my journal, but I will share a closing piece of what I wrote.

I know that as a woman, I am called to be Bride and Mother. Right now I only feel like half of that equation. Where am I called to be mother? I see emptiness...barreness ahead of me. Whom else can I love? Whom else can I love with my mother's heart? Teach me true motherhood, Lord. I don't have the eyes to see it. Guide me, tell me, help me. Lord, I am helpless now and weak...

Today, the sky is brightening a bit. (Inspite of the rain all day:) I can see some light at the end of this tunnel. I don't know about tomorrow, but today there is brightness. The song for today would be "Pressing On" by Relient K.
Lyrics

Marian Sweetness

Well, I'm through my first week at the new job. Praise God for his Goodness. This week went by very well. There is a lot to learn as I go along, but so far so good. I just pray that He continues to guide our steps.

A nice surprise is that I've had the opportunity to go to Eucharistic Adoration 3 times this week!! We have our scheduled Holy Hour on Monday nights. On thurs. evening our Campus Ministry hosted an hour of adoration at their center. Then when we got home, I had an email asking if we could sub for an hour today (Friday). Sweet!

So this evening, the DH and I headed back north to the parish 30 minutes from here which offers adoration to cover that hour. We were pleasantly surprised when the couple we have our Monday hour with showed up unexpectedly:)

I have been "chewing" on one book for awhile now and I am almost completed (sad to say since it is so good). Here is my latest nugget of Marian Sweetness. Note: This spoke to my heart in particular with our infertility. Leave your own reflections in the comment box, if desired.

The Mother and Prayer

"When she met the angel while in contemplation, her Son's life was already in her; her prayer itself was, so to speak, the first bearer, the spiritual womb of the Word of the Father in her, even before her body's womb carried the Incarnate One. Her spirit is so completely possessed and fructified by God that this fruitfulness extends even to her body, and her womb is allotted the duty of bearing the physical Son..."

Handmaid of the Lord by Adrienne Von Speyr

Recent Reads

I recently finished two books that I consider worth reviewing.


The first is Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake.










This is a christian book written about infertility, miscarriage, and adoption loss. Having looked at many books in this genre, I settled on this one because of the catch phrase, "seeking God's Heart..." I was pleased to see that there was indeed an attitude of prayer within the entirety of the book.

Good things: Scripture citations, personal reflections, added reflections from others couples, further thoughts about specific virtues (or lack thereof), and each chapter includes a section for the "burden bearers," those friends and family of couples facing infertility, for how to love on those couples appropriately with utmost sensitivity.

Bad things: Because the author is christian and not Catholic, she does mention methods, etc. that do not fall into Catholic Moral Ethics. She isn't pushy, but they are mentioned.

Overall, I thought that Ms. Saake did an excellent job covering the emotional issues associated with infertility. This area is one that is generally glossed over, either in bitterness or an attitude of "ok, what procedure is next!" so I was surprised and grateful that she delves right in, and with a christian empathy.

The second book for review is Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset.











"A landmark among historical novels, Kristin Lavransdatter is part of the body of work that won Sigrid Undset the Nobel Prize for 1928. This trilogy of more than one thousand pages follows its title character through her life in fourteenth-century Scandinavia. It is a novel full of big and dramatic happenings: romantic intrigues, political schemes, and spiritual debates. It is also a novel about one woman's life."
Review by Erica Bauermeister


I would further add that this work is a catholic piece, one that chronicles this woman's life, from her falling into sin to her stuggle for ongoing conversion. That is the key throughout this novel, to see in this woman's life those moments of Grace.

I get the point

These past few days as I lead into a new cycle, I have seen and heard the Lord speaking to me in a variety of ways.

Friday's Gospel reading speaks of being "under the fig tree." This phrase traditionally alludes to a person of utmost faithfulness to the Law and the Love of God. Fr. Rex spoke of "being under the fig tree" no matter what the sufferings or trials we face.

Over at Small Treasures, Kristen reflects on waiting for a child who was to be her Gianna.

Today's Gospel reading speaks of discipline which initially appears to describe suffering, but ends with thoughts of righteousness and hope.

The same message is being brought into my head and heart in a variety of ways. Lord, cast out all doubts, all blame, all pity and sorrow...all lies from the evil one. Fill me with strength and peace. Gird my loins in TRUTH!! Praise you, Lord!

Constant Surrender

Normally, I just get hit with the hardcore infertility emotions at the start of a new cycle, but I find myself in the middle of the cycle really struggling today.

I think this was spurred by a friend's bridal shower today, which was lovely, but brought back memories from ours. Just those well wishes, winks, and nods for a large family. Thinking back to ours when I went along with all the ribbing and I think, assumed that we would have a child in that first year. Not even hope, but assumption. How arrogant and presumptous of me!

Lord, take these doubts, this self-pity, this emptiness, this sadness, this burden, all thoughts not from you and TRANSFORM me. Lord, I cannot change this on my own. Help me surrender.

Reflections on Sirach

My son, when you come to serve the LORD, prepare yourself for trials.
Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity.
Cling to him, forsake him not; thus will your future be great.
accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient;
For in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation.
Trust God and he will help you; make straight your ways and hope in him.
You who fear the LORD, wait for his mercy, turn not away lest you fall.
You who fear the LORD, trust him, and your reward will not be lost.
You who fear the LORD, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy.
Study the generations long past and understand; has anyone hoped in the LORD and been disappointed? Has anyone persevered in his fear and been forsaken? has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?
Compassionate and merciful is the LORD; he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble.

2 Woe to craven hearts and drooping hands, to the sinner who treads a double path!
Woe to the faint of heart who trust not, who therefore will have no shelter!
Woe to you who have lost hope! what will you do at the visitation of the LORD?
Those who fear the LORD disobey not his words; those who love him keep his ways.
Those who fear the LORD seek to please him, those who love him are filled with his law.
Those who fear the LORD prepare their hearts and humble themselves before him.
Let us fall into the hands of the LORD and not into the hands of men, For equal to his majesty is the mercy that he shows.

This was the passage that my women's group reflected on tonight. Normally, I do give quite a bit of my own reflections. Tonight, however, this passage really struck close to my heart.

As of the past 5 months or so, I feel like I have been in the midst of trials. Definitely discouraged...not despair...but close. I know that I need more prayer on my life and I am working towards that.

But a bit of my own musings, if you will.

1) Accept whatever befalls you--okay, acceptance. Been working on that one and I feel like I am accepting whatever befalls me. When I share this with a select few, though, they say that I am too negative. I don't like to put God "in a box," by expecting Him to meet my desires. Yes, they are good desires (ie: children). But I'm looking at track records here. There are many infertile couples. Yes, children are a good, but that doesn't mean that God is obligated to give them. That's why they are called a gift.

2) For in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation--wow...this one is the bam, baby of the verses of this text for me. Within this, I reflect on two things. a. Worthy men: I see this as being worthy of the gift/honor/passing the test. b. The Crucible of humiliation[crucible--A severe test, as of patience or belief; a trial.]: I have spoken to others suffering with infertility as having to grieve each month without conception. But when I see those words, I also see in myself the humiliation of infertility. Those are strong words, I know. Being a practicing Catholic, one who loves the Church and lives (tries to live) the Truth and to the full, loves children and family life, desires to have a large family, etc. this is in a sense a "humiliation." When others look at you and see no children--to be questioned on your beliefs, speculations to your sexual ethics, seen as hypocritical. That is humiliation...knowing the truth of the situation and yet feeling powerless. Wanting to be a witness to true Catholic family life and instead having to sit back.

This is the crucible of humiliation...at least for me tonight.

I am strengthened by the remaining verses focusing on hope. I am strengthened.

Forum

This morning, I again am grateful for the Catholic Answers Forum regarding infertility. For the men and women there who share with such honesty their situations and sufferings.

Infertility is definitely a silent cross and it is difficult to share with many in my daily life, but on the forum, I meet people that are also struggling with what I struggle with, question what I question, and pray unceasingly for each other.

What a witness to the church militant!

Wow! What an article

Until I get the side bar going.

A link to a sweet article.

Babies Deserve Better