Paul Ryan gets in Obama’s kitchen

Woo-hoo! Romney’s got a new VP pick! It’s official, Romney-Ryan, or R² as I call it.

I guess it could have been worse. The only thing I know for sure is that Big Guy is not a big fan of that young whippersnapper Paul Ryan. In fact, you might say Pauly “get’s in his kitchen:” (h/t: Dennis Miller)

VP Pick, Paul Ryan gets in Obama’s Kitchen

Dennis Miller’s “We are in their kitchen” Rant (More free rants here)

(Subscribe to the DMZ here. I did!) Note: this is an unpaid ad

Anyway, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. After all, Vice Presidential picks aren’t really all that important, unless you’re Sarah Palin, in which case it’s the only thing. Butt look at Big Guy’s pick: he’s really just there to balance out Big Guy’s big brain power in order to prevent a complete core meltdown.

Whew! That back flash is fierce!

Oh sure,Team Obama will get onboard with the media elites who are already accusing Paul Ryan of having no private industry experience. Of course that will be before some lunk head on the right points out that the current leader of the free world doesn’t either. And that his pick for VP is a career bureaucrat who hasn’t had a job in the private sector since Gerald Ford’s presidency, and even then I think it was serving ice cream:

soft-serve, of course: vanilla

It’s not that Joey B didn’t contemplate other careers before deciding to serve the people of Delaware for 39 years in Washington.

Other career paths Joey looked at included engineer,

band leader,

secret agent man,

policeman,

and fireman:

before settling on his perfect fit as a politician.

When Joey heard that Paul Ryan was Romney’s VP he was ecstatic, just thinking about the Vice Presidential debate.

We can’t wait either Joey!

This is going to make for some great political theatre: Team Obama vs. Team Romney. I’m in. Are you in?

BRING IT R²!

“That doesn’t mean the private equity guys are bad guys. They are not. But that no more qualifies you to be president than being a plumber. And by the way, there are a lot of awful smart plumbers.” Joe Biden May 22, 2012

 

Joe the Plumber for Congress

Oh yeah! Team Romney is in their kitchen. They’re rattling the pots and pans and cooking up some really good chow. So bring it, guys. Because We Can’t Wait!

PS Between Ann and Janna, I don’t really think the next administration is going to need my trans-imaging services much.

R² bumper stickers coming soon!

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Flopping Aces

Hi Bob! Hi Joe!

Is it just me or is Joe Soptic a dead ringer for Bob Newhart?

A real live, separated-at-birth twin of the famous stoic comedian?

And if that’s the case, why isn’t he funny? Like his brother Bob?

I leave it to the pundits to determine the veracity of Joe Soptic’s claim that Mitt Romney killed his (first) wife by heartlessly offering him a buy out from his job as a steelworker – that he refused – before closing the steel mill that Bain bought in 1993 and operated for 8 years before it succumbed to the harsh economic realities of high labor costs (not helped by the 10 week union strike in 1997) making them uncompetitive against cheap Chinese steel that continues to this day to be dumped in America.

Likewise, I’ll let the business analysts point out that operating at a loss is generally not a sustainable business model (unless you get government subsidies, in which case all bets are off).

Subsidized, and sold to the highest bidder (China) at a loss

Nor is it my place to point out that if you’re sick in America, whether you have health insurance or not, you can still get health care – just ask any illegal alien living in the shadows. In addition to Medicaid, Medicare and just showing up at any emergency room, there’s still that old fashioned concept of pay-as-you-go. Sure, you may end up deep in debt; that’s the risk you run when you chose not to buy the health insurance your new employer offered. Butt it’s not as if Americans are averse to burying themselves under debt, look who we elected Prezzy. Heck back in the 2000’s when Joe’s plant closed, you could even buy a house without a job! (Thank you Barney Frank and Chris Dodd) Student’s could - and still can – borrow $100 thousand+ without a job or any HOPE of finding one!

And I guess I needn’t point out that’s all irrelevant anyway since CNN “reported” that the late Mrs. Soptic the 1st had her own health care insurance from her own employer after Mitt fired Joe. She still lost the insurance that Joe got from the steel mill, right? So isn’t that the point? Once again, we have to ask, just who’s side is CNN on anyway?

Butt like I said, none of that is my business. I’m just wondering why Joe can’t be a little more stoic about life, you know, like his famous twin brother?

For example, when CBS pulled the plug on Bob’s gig as a clinical psychologist after only 6 years – not even long enough to pay back his student loans – did he whine about it to everybody? 

The Bob Newhart Show gang, before the boom was lowered

Did he blame the CBS brass for killing his ratings? No, he took a temporary job before he could get back on his feet.

Then he found a new wife and moved to Vermont to open a B&B and write how-to books. Say, that’s not a bad idea! Maybe I should write a “how to trans-image” book for political wannabees.

My target audience

After the initial adjustment, Bob transitioned quite readily to life in the north woods.

New life at the Stratford Inn

That’s the good old can-do, get on with it, American spirit we’re looking for here, Joe.  Why can’t you be more like your brother Bob, or your brother Darryl or even your other brother Darryl, and get on with your life without finding someone you dislike to blame it on? 

Oh wait…I take that back, it looks like genes will out. Following Bob’s lead, after a 30  year career as a steelworker Joe did move on!  He remarried shortly after Mrs. Soptic the first passed, and found a new gig as a political spokes-mouth attack dog for the DNC. The pay’s not that good butt the bennies are great! That’s a real Chicago style recovery. Good on ‘ya Joe-baby. You’ve got a great political career ahead of you – maybe even heading up a phone bank for the DNC.

I hear there’s an opening in the “Dirty Tricks Hot Line” office

The moral of the story is “life goes on.” So while Lady M is doing her best to bring back the magic by recycling the fashion forward dress she first worn on The View in 2008 – back when HOPE was still alive and CHANGE was only a vague threat:

Somehow things seem a little more intense this time.

 

We’re going to go full Chicago this time: you bring the long knives, and Lady M will bring her guns.

 

So look Joe, I know it was tough leaving the good life and good times at the steel mill behind:

By all means, continue your monthly breakfast with the boys. Butt let’s give up all that singing and dancing, okay? It really isn’t good image. And now that you have your political future to consider, you really have to think about that.

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Corporate Wives: Doing their Fair Share in order to get a Fair Shot

I have to make it quick today – I have an appointment over at Langley to re-qualify for my concealed carry permit and Super-Secret Service Double-Agent badge.

I leave you to contemplate this blockbuster revelation from Big Guy: Lady M is not getting compensated fairly for her many First Lady responsibilities! I guess it’s part of the Republicans’ War on Women.

"...I wanna make sure that when she's working she is getting paid the same as men, I gotta say that First Ladies right now don't, even though that's a tough job!"

No kidding: being First Lady is waaay tougher than that job as VP of Community Relations at the University of Chicago. And Lady M made $317,000 (plus perks) for her services there, after Senator Big Guy got UC a $1 million earmark. 

Don’t tell anyone, butt I’m afraid this is indicative of how little BO actually knows about how private industry works; and how could he since he’s dedicated his life to public service rather than corporate greed. So he has no idea that, as unfair as it is, and as indispensible as they are, the corporate wife gig never involves a paycheck. Even if she is a well paid professional in her own right, as many are these days, she still doesn’t get paid for all of the additional corporate wife responsibilities that come with her husband’s job.

And make no mistake, these duties are wide ranging and time consuming.

Being a corporate “wife” (aka partner/spouse/companion if we don’t wish to be sexist in addition to unfair) includes everything from volunteer work at local charities,

to co-hosting corporate conferences,

socializing with clients,

being charming to people you barely know and have little in common with,

Interacting with global partners,

posing for publicity shots,

and ensuring the CEO is properly groomed at all times.

A corporate wife’s job is never done.

And never compensated.

At least not directly.

Well, I really must run now.

Butt since I’m getting my concealed carry permit renewed, I leave you with this question: could this video expose the real reason Lady M wears boob belts? Because while she may not be getting paid, I’m pretty sure she’s still packin’.

H/T Instapundit

Carrying concealed in a dress with a boob belt?

Note: this next option does NOT require a boob belt, butt it does require Boobs!

  H/T American Digest                                                   (Caution: Crappy Audio)

 

Anyway, wish me luck. I’ll report back tomorrow.

 

Super-Secret Service Double-Agent MOTUS

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Composite Fund Raising: 24/7

Wow! Look at all those Julias and Julians who have already donated to our campaign chest! And still – all those composites only add up to one Sheldon Adelson (currently being investigated by Ricky’s DOJ – no connection, just a coincidence).

Don’t worry though. Team Obama’s campaign manager is totally copasetic with Team Romney out-raising them on the campaign trail these last few months (possibly due to the $300 million head start).

Don’t worry folks: it’s Howdy Doody time!

In his latest email blast Howdy Messina told the troops not to worry, because he’s okay with the “Romney money juggernaut.”  Maybe it’s because that “juggernaut” is technically a lie a bit of an exaggeration, as Team O actually has a $300 million advantage to date and is well on track for reaching our historic $1 billion campaign kitty. Wow! If only Team O could translate that money handling prowess to writing a federal budget, or reducing the federal deficit!

Anyway, with that kind of money we should be able to make up a few more felonies to pin onto Mitt’s wrap sheet before November 6. That should be enough to deflect everything away from our, ahem, “record” and put Willard away permanently.

Honestly, although we’ve already raised more money than Fort Knox from the “I Hate America” crowd (yes Sean, I’m talking about you),

we’re going to continue fundraising and playing the underdog card. Because, honestly, what  better way to go up against a rich white guy who hates women and wants them to die of cancer?

That of course means that we will continue to spend the next 3 months lining our coffers. We want to make sure we have enough left over for a really swell victory party and a well-earned holiday vacay as far away from here as we can get.

So last night Big Guy shut down the city again to attend a $40k per head bash at the swanky W hotel (ironic, no?).

President Barack Obama is holding a private fundraiser at a hotel near the White House to bolster his re-election effort.

The Obama campaign says the fundraiser at the W Hotel is with about 20 supporters paying $40,000 a person to attend. The campaign said the president was also giving a campaign update to 25 supporters before the fundraiser.

The money will benefit the Obama Victory Fund, a joint fundraising committee of the Obama campaign, the Democratic National Committee and several state Democratic parties. Both events were closed to reporters.

Obama has trailed Republican candidate Mitt Romney in fundraising during the past three months. Obama and the DNC raised $75 million in July, well below the $101 million that Romney and the Republican National Committee raised during the month.

And whether that “W” stands for “George W” or “Willard,” I’ve heard that Big Guy’s going to sign an executive order right after the reelection requiring them to change it to the “O” Hotel. He’d do it now, butt he doesn’t want to be accused of an abuse of power before the reelection.

Getting back to the campaign though, you’ve probably noticed that there’s been a lot of heated rhetoric being used in campaign ads lately. You’ll be glad to hear that Jay Jay took the high road yesterday and said categorically that “this advertisement is categorically false and it is blatantly dishonest.” 

I don’t know what ad he WAS talking about, only that he was NOT talking about the “Romney killed this man’s wife” ad. That was put out by Big Guy’s Super PAC so naturally, no one – and I mean NO ONE - on the O Team knows ANYTHING about it:

Shark alert around around 3:20! Who the heck is Babe Buchanan, and does she have a sister at home? OK then, a brother?

Hmmm. It looks like, along with everything else on our plate, we’re going to have to get our CNN lapdogs back in line. What the heck do they think they’re doing over there? We’ve already got one “fair and balanced” cable network and that’s one more than we need.

So, don’t forget to send us some money today. We need it to fight against the 1% - who want to poison the air, push granny over the cliff, deny women health care, take food out of your mouth and kill your babies. Oh, and increase your taxes in order to spread it around to the rest of the 1%. 

Please, I’m begging you. Help us close this gap today.

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