It’s Half Time in America: Are You Feeling Lucky?

It’s half time in America, people.

And things aren’t looking so good.

H/T Brietbart

Our quarterback has had a rough first half.

And the coaches have gotten together and they think it might be time to pull him.

H/T Doug Ross

Too much pressure for a rookie. The coaches, just like the fans who got whipped into a frenzy at the notion of WINNING!,

       

failed to notice that the QB had never played in a Super Bowl before. And although he had been in the minor league for awhile, he had never actually played quarterback for anyone!

Lookin’ good though! And nice creases. (h/t David Brooks)

Butt since he looked like he could fill the role:

I guess no one looked at his background too closely. As it turns out, even George Plimpton had more experience as QB than our guy did:

Oddly enough, they both wore the same number on their jersey

So this may be a good time to ask yourself: Are you feeling lucky?

Well, are you, punk?

Honestly, you look a bit more cocky than lucky now.

Let’s just speak honestly about your first half performance: It’s not so much that you didn’t lived up to your potential.

It’s that you exceeded it.

And even at that, you didn’t get there on your own. You didn’t do that. Somebody else did that for you.

So, even though I can understand your feelings on a halftime changeup:

“I gotta tell you, I don’t like the idea of a quarterback controversy at the start of a season,”

Your stats for the first half just aren’t that impressive and even your most rabid fans are beginning to take note.

So here’s what I’m thinking; why don’t you just grab a dog (hotdog) and go sit with the other cheerleaders on the sideline and watch us run up the score?

Because when the guy with the fistful of dollars says "I think the country needs a boost," I’m inclined to listen.

Besides, it’s hard to move

when you’re always headed towards the other team’s goal post.

So I’m with Dirty Harry on this one; let’s give the country a little boost and take a chance on someone who’s at least been in the game before. Someone who actually likes the team he’s playing for and still believes we can win this thing.

So what do you say? If we promise to put you in the Hall of Fame as soon as you leave, do we have a deal? Or are you still feeling lucky, punk?

 

I’m Dirty Harry and I approved this message

And on a completely unrelated note: Big News - MOTUS hit the big 3-point-O late last night! That’s right MOLS, MODS and FOMS – 3,000,000 at exactly 11:42:39 from Minot, North Dakota. I think I might know who that is! Call to claim your prize of matching  FREE LAVAUGHN and FREE BARRY refrigerator magnets.

Thanks to everyone for tweeting, Facebooking and linky-ing me around the innertubz – without you I never could have made it! Keep up the good work and maybe I can hit 4.0 million by Inauguration Day, at which point I hope to retire!!!!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState

The Molsterman Report Volume III: Hints and Allegations

NOTE:  This is the third in a continuing series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews with my mole (“Deep Quote,” aka, “Molsterman,” aka “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community) over at the Department of Justice.

Today Molsterman gets inside Harry Reid’s brain to explain what’s really going on here:

MOTUS:  So what do you hear about Harry’s contention that Mitt Romney hasn’t paid taxes in 10 years?

MOLSTERMAN: As usual, it goes well beyond what you see and hear.

MOTUS: Tell me.

MOLSTERMAN: Well, for starters, there’s the fact that this signals that Harry the Brain has been promoted to head up the Class Warfare division of the Democratic National Committee. He leapfrogged right over Debbie Wasserman Schultz who – despite her willingness to hold forth any straw man argument no matter how vacuous and to say anything no matter how absurd – was not up to the task. She just doesn’t have Harry’s gravitas.

Nor can she fly like our two superheroes

MOTUS: Okay, butt how do we get from there to Harry calling Mitt out for tax evasion?

MOLSTERMAN: You just don’t get it do you? This doesn’t have anything to do with Mitt’s taxes. It has to do with his WEALTH. Romney’s one of the 1%. And because he’s rich that makes him  responsible for the other 99% being poor, not the Obama economic policies. Didn’t you ever study Alinsky? I thought you’d understand how this crap works by now.

MOTUS: Okay, so where DID Harry get the information about Romney’s tax returns?

MOLSTERMAN: Like everything with this regime, it’s complicated.

The Obama Truth Team set up a clandestine task force operating out of Justice; they’re tasked with finding dirt on Romney. Of course that’s illegal, but nowadays everyone around here follows the  “by any means necessary” rule - sound familiar?

Anyway they’ve been rooting around ever since Mitt became the presumed Republican candidate (PRC) and haven’t been able to mine anywhere near the payload they’ve hit with BHO’s other opponents. You’ve seen the net total of their efforts so far:

“Romney transported his dog cross country in a manner not authorized by the Department of Transportation” That started the “Obama eats dog” ridicule.

“Romney bullied a kid with long hair in high school,” a total of two moms cared about that one.

“Romney’s Bain Capital closed some businesses that would have been closed down two years earlier if Bain hadn’t invested in them.” That one’s not sticking so good either, despite the 24/7 lap dog loop. Not a very good return on investment. Romney doesn’t have any messy affairs/divorces/child custody disputes – hell, they couldn’t even find a decent disgruntled neighbor. This guy’s so clean he qualifies for both the Department of Energy’s “green” certification AND the Department of Agriculture’s “organic” designation. 

That’s when the big brains started getting desperate; without their usual load of manure they don’t know how to WTF. So they had Justice set up an anonymous hot line that anyone can call to report anything negative about the PRC (1-800-NAIL-MIT). After efforting this thing for months through the back channels (mediamatters.org), it finally paid off. That’s where Harry’s “call from an investor at Bain Capital” came from.

MOTUS: So it sounds like “we tried our plan, and it worked!”

MOLSTERMAN: Not so fast.They ran into a slight problem: some of the punks in Romney’s camp found out about the task force and they’ve been pranking the hot line. Justice knows it’s coming from the PRC’s camp – Romney’s well known for his mean spirited pranking around here – but they’re having a hard time proving it. And now they’re getting so many incoming calls they’re having a hard time just logging them in let alone tracking them down.

MOTUS: So Romney’s own camp’s calling in negative rumors about their candidate?

MOLSTERMAN: Yeah, occasionally, just to screw with them they call and say something like “I was in Romney’s administration when he was governor of Massachusetts and I can tell you he made everyone on staff wear secret Temple underwear.” Shit like that. But here’s the thing: mostly they're leaving calls about the Preezy!

MOTUS:Big Guy!?

MOLSTERMAN:That’s right, and be very careful with this information - if these reports get out they’ll know where it came from. The first phone call comes in about an hour after Dirty Harry accuses Mitt of not paying any taxes for 10 years. You might have heard about it on the El Rushbo show: some guy calls and says he attended Harvard with BHO and he knows that Barry (as they called him) got the worst grades in the history of the school. And he calls on the President to release his records to prove it isn’t true!

After that, all hell broke loose – it was as bad as the Chick-fil-A boycott that turned into the Chick-fil-A eat-in. The 1-800-NAIL-MIT line started getting bombarded with calls from all over the world. Some guy called in from a madrassa in Pahk-ee-stan claiming that when he was there, Barry Soetoro was there too training to be an Al-Qaida terrorist. He called on the President to release his passport records for the past 30 years to prove that he wasn’t the same Barry Soetoro training at his terrorist camp, and that he wasn’t a terrorist. Because obviously he has something to hide.

Next, they get a call from a lady who claims she worked in the registrar’s office at Occidental College. She swore that Barry Soetoro received foreign aid as a student from Indonesia while he was there. She demanded that the President release all of his Occidental records to prove that he didn’t. Because obviously he has something to hide.

Then some guy calls for the Illinois State Bar Association. He says that he knows that Barack Obama voluntarily gave up his law license in order to avoid being disbarred for having committed perjury. He calls for Obama to release all of the records of his dealings with the Illinois Bar Association, because obviously he has something to hide.

Are you beginning to see a pattern?

MOTUS: I’m a mirror Molsterman, how can I miss it? Besides, I specialize in pattern recognition.

dots, checks stripes prints, patterns, all of the above

MOLSTERMAN: Okay, sorry. Then – as if this nonsense isn’t enough,  we get a call from a guy who claims he was a member of Obama’s Choom Wagon crew and he claims that he knows for a fact that the Big Guy stole 500 grams of weed from him in 1977. And he demands that he pay him back - with interest – by releasing his entire personal White House stash.

MOTUS: Wow! This is getting crazy. And you can’t prove any of it!

MOLSTERMAN: That’s the beauty. For a while they – Team Obama - were getting themselves caught up in the trap of trying to disprove a negative.

But now I  think they’re back on their game of ignoring the negatives – like the unemployment rate creeping up to 8.3% if you don’t count everybody; 15% if you do. The Dems are at their best when they are deflecting their felonies and focusing on the imagined misdemeanors of the opposition.

So they plan to continue to focus on the “seriousness of the (made-up) charges” rather than the veracity of the (made-up) charges. It’s like a straw man argument on steroids.

“I’m not real, butt that doesn’t mean I can’t eat you!”

Remember, it’s not the veracity of the charge that matters, it’s the “seriousness” of the charge. And Team Obama is in charge of determining the “seriousness” of the charge. It’s in the handbook.

MOTUS: So what do you suppose Team Romney can do to fight back against the “serious (butt made-up) charges,” Molsterman?

MOLSTERMAN: Well, all the punking by Team Romney  sure did mess with their heads. And there’s nothing a bunch of punks and bullies hates more than getting bullied and punked. And like I said before, Romney’s known for being both a bully and a punkster. So I’d say keep it up.

Alternately, he could just stick with the math:

   163,000 new jobs – 150,000 dropped out of the work force = 13,000 net new jobs

“Harry, I’ve got a gift.”

 

As always, H/T and apologies to Ulsterman

Linked By: Clarice on JustOneMinute, and AnnieLaurie76 on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState

From “We are the Wons we’ve been waiting for” to “We have met the enemy, and it is us.” Period.

Uh-oh. Did you read that Ulsterman rag yesterday (h/t MichelleIndependent)? It relates a real tale out of school about how Team Romney punked Team Obama, and hoo-wee, it’s ug-ly! Right up my alley.

 

So here’s the Cliff notes version: Internal polling by Team Romney indicates he’s running a double digit lead in a key swing state (Florida? Michigan?) which they then “leak” to Team Obama in order to get inside their heads. And it worked! When word got to Val Jar, she turned into some kind of an Ultraman T-Rexian monster:

 

 

 

 

And then she starts ripping the flesh off the bones of the poor O-Team messenger as a warm up before turning full bore at Big Guy himself - pretty much eviscerating him in the process since he doesn’t have much flesh to rip off. Then she orders him to get out there to make things right and get the mojo back.

 

“Now get your skinny ass out there and act like you know something!”

 

This apparently rattled the Preezy so bad that the very next weekend he went out to – as Val Jar instructed - “give ‘em hell,” using the “words that work” from the big brained cognitive linguist we hired. Unfortunately it came out like this: “You didn’t build that, somebody else did that!” 

 

That was another Olympic gold for Team Romney. To their credit though, they didn’t spike the ball. Yet.

Team Obama is doing a pretty good job of that themselves

 

Honestly, the O-Team is so worried now about raising enough money to buy the election WTF so they can keep spreading the wealth around that we’ve added dozens of campaign stops and fundraisers to an already jam-packed schedule.

 

And that’s why Lady M and I will be spending a lot of quality time together on the road these last few months.

 

Because she’s still the best trick we’ve got in the book right now

 

I'm not saying things are getting desperate, butt Granny R is busy baking pies for a Team Obama bake sale auction. The starting bid is $500 and you have to pick it up yourself. It also comes with a nutritional analysis, a warning that eating pie on a regular basis is detrimental to your over all health and could lead to childhood obesity, and a free app for your iPhone that tells you exactly how many fat calories you’re consuming.

 

Whoops! Wrong app. This one is to help you find the closest Chick-Fil-A  restaurant

 

 

Kind of a buzz kill on a $500 pie. We haven’t sold too many yet, butt I expect things to pick up after this weekend’s email blast.

 

So anyway, with all of the turmoil in the campaign and because of our commitment to moving America FORWARD. I took the liberty of drafting an alternative plan for Big Guy that I think might help heal the nation:

 

FORWARD. The Presidency to Mitt Romney Friend: As we continue to move our campaign FORWARD., I have taken a moment to look back at my historic accomplishments since taking over the United States the Presidency and the economy that my predecessor, George W. Bush, drove into the ditch. I have spent unprecedented sums of your money to prop up wasteful state local government unions and my pals in the failing solar and windmill business. I have attacked the Constitution and Bill of Rights with robust enthusiasm and Executive Orders. I have kept the mainstream media in their place and on my side. But I have not tricked you bitter clinging rubes in flyover country won enough of your hearts and minds. Some on my team urge me to simply order you to vote for me, others want me to deploy  my Civilian Police  Force that is just as powerful, just as strong, just as well funded as the military, the New Black Panthers to block Republicans and white people from voting protect the rights of disenfranchised minority voters. I like the first idea, but my new best pal, John Roberts, tells me it won’t work yet because of unreasonable, racist limits imposed on my power by the Constitution, which was written by a bunch of old, unelected white European transplants. Therefore, in light of the foregoing, and my team’s  failure to convince enough of you that you are better off today under my jack boot rule than you would be under that Republican Mormon’s, and the teams failure to register enough dead people, illegal aliens and dogs to Win The Future (WTF), I have decided to FORWARD. my job to the Republicans. Then, if we're lucky and things I've already rammed up your implemented by Executive Order continue to drag the US economy into my socialist hell have their effect on our economy, we can blame the Republicans again in 2016 and WTF. Heck, I might even run again because Hillary will be way too old. I know you will be disappointed that I will no longer be your Dear Leader, but rest assured that you will see plenty of me on your TeeVee, bitchin' about commenting on President Romney's initiatives. And I’ll be available for appearances at your private events  to deliver one of my awesome speeches at a starting rate of only $1.5 million. Thank you for your support, and FORWARD.. Former President Harrison J. Bounel Barack Obama     Facebook Twitter YouTube Flickr Google+       This email was sent to motus@whitehouse.gov Manage Subscriptions for motus@whitehouse.gov Sign Up for Updates from the White House Unsubscribe | Privacy Policy Please do not reply to this email. Contact the White House The White House • 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW • Washington, DC 20500 • 202-456-1111

Let me know what you think, I haven’t submitted it for Val’s review yet so I can still make some revisions.

 

Oh, and just for your official record book, here are some shots of Lady M’s historic fund raising stops in North Carolina yesterday. Unfortunately we didn’t get a chance to hit the local Chick-fil-A, one of our favorite late afternoon snack stops. The lines were ridiculous for some reason!     

 

 

TOTUS-Too Workin, the room with MO!   (h/t: Lady Liberty 1885)

 

No for Who? Oh. Never mind. I need to get my optics checked.

No sooner do we declare “I INTEND TO FIGHT OBSTRUCTION”…

And along comes this clueless dude.

Ultraman T-Rexian monster will not be happy about this.

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

FORWARD. at last; FORWARD. at last. Thank God almighty, we’re going FORWARD. At last!

Yes, we do pay close attention to linguistics around here. Doesn’t everybody?

FORWARD. Period. End. Of. Story.

So when the big brained linguist in Big Guy’s close circle of advisors suggested that we add a period at the end of our newest campaign slogan “FORWARD” we did. So now the official slogan is FORWARD. Got that?  FORWARD. Period. As in full stop. As in “can anyone around here spell ‘irony’ question mark?”

Butt what do I know, I don’t have an advanced degree in linguistics. Indeed, it isn’t as simple as it seems reports Carol E. Lee:

Simple enough. Except the moment seven characters became eight, things got complicated. Period. Even for some in the president's orbit, the added punctuation slams the brakes on a word supposed to convey momentum.

"It's like 'forward, now stop,' " said Austan Goolsbee, the former chairman of the National Economic Council who still advises the Obama campaign. He added, "It could be worse. It could be 'Forward' comma," which would make it raise the question: "and now what?"

I think we all know, Austan

Maybe he should have thought about brakes a little earlier in our FORWARD. campaign.

The period was a subject of a spirited debate as Mr. Obama's senior advisers and outside consultants spent hours in a conference room at their Chicago campaign headquarters deliberating over the perfect slogan, according to an adviser who was in attendance.

Ok then, the only mammas that matter vote yes on the period!

Does a period add emphasis? Yes! Does it undermine the sense of the word? Maybe!

David Axelrod, the president's longtime messaging guru, is a champion of the period. "There's some finality to it," Mr. Axelrod said. For those who think it stops "forward" in its tracks, he has a suggestion: "Tell them just to put two more dots on it, and it'll seem like it keeps on going."

So it does…seem like it keeps going that is.

The period debate hasn't been confined to the upper echelons of the Obama campaign. Politicians, grammarians and designers who brand people and products have noticed it, too.

"There's been some speculation that the period really gives the feeling of something ending rather than beginning," said Catherine Pages, an art director in Washington, D.C.

Meanwhile, the title of the super PAC supporting Mr. Romney, "Restore Our Future," seems to bend the rules of space and time, if not grammar.

Not really; It’s just that “Back to the Future” was already taken. It’s the Republican version of irony, so the progressive linguists didn’t recognize it.

Those who brandish red pens for a living are divided on whether Mr. Obama's campaign slogan passes muster.

"It would be quite a stretch to say it's grammatically correct," said Mignon Fogarty, author of "Grammar Girl's 101 Troublesome Words You'll Master in No Time." "You could say it's short for 'we're moving forward.' But really it's not a sentence."

Odd, isn’t it, for an administration headed by the most articulate politician since Cicero?

George Lakoff, a linguistics professor at University of California Berkeley who is well-known in Democratic circles, has a different verdict. He says that the slogan respects the period's proper use because "Forward." is an imperative sentence.

So let’s talk a little about “linguists” shall we? Take this George Lakoff guy: Professor William Jacobson thinks George is the big brained “cognitive linguist” behind the “framework” for BO’s “you didn’t build that, somebody else did that” speech as well as Pocahontas Warren’s:

Lakoff developed a linguistic narrative that progressives needed to counter conservatives by focusing on the role of government in enabling individual success, a narrative in which no person became successful on his or her own:

“Nobody makes a dollar in this country in business without using the common wealth…. The idea that there’s a self-made man, that’s there’s a self-made millionaire is false, it is absolutely false, and that is the thing that Obama missed…. Without this you don’t have those roads, you don’t have that internet, you don’t have the banking system, etc.”

Given all the blow-back on that one speech of Big Guy’s, I don’t know exactly how much Mr. Lakoff’s stock is worth right now, butt supposably he knows more about “words that work” than even Frank Luntz. And he likes the period.

"You can look at the period as adding a sense of finality, making a strong statement: Forward. Period. And no more," Mr. Lakoff said. "Whether that's effective is another question."

When prodded however, even Mr. Lakoff hedges his bets:

"Whether that's effective is another question."

I guess it depends on what the meaning of “finality” is (h/t Bill Clinton):

Illegal procedures:Fourth Down and 500

Butt as I always say, it isn’t so much what you say, as it is how you say it:

ok, sometimes it is what you say

And apparently someone at Team Obama thought that somehow this decrepit old barn said it perfectly.

H/T American Digest

I guess our loyal supporters in flyover didn’t get the memo about the “period” and the sense of finality. Too bad.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and AnnieLaurie76 on twitter, and Mireille Buser on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!