Five Point Five @ Ten

I guess we’ve already done enough for J.Crew’s stock this quarter, so we went the designer-recycle route last night on JayL’o in our fav Thakoon floral dress.

And just stop, all of you. I can already hear it: “Did she snatch that table cloth out from under the vase of flowers behind her?” and “What’s up with the Halloween Death Bow on her left shoulder? Is it symbolic?” Even stupid Joey B weighed in with “Do you really think she should be wearing any designer with a “koon” in it?” – that’s not how you spell the bad word,Joey, you maroon.

Can we not cut a break here? It’s a very important designer dress, and we should get extra credit for recycling,

 

 

as well as for imaginatively changing up the black tights and gloves for a black (signature) bow.

 

 

 

 

As far as the “rapid fire question round” of “Ten at Ten”, what a bust. Watch it if you must, but trust me, it was not Jay’s best effort ever. Stupid questions, and Mo’s writers were instructed by Toes to display a softer, gentler MO –  better for peddling healthcare porn later.

Here were MO’s original answers to Jay’s dumb questions, before we had to follow the “Good Housekeeping Gold Seal of Approval” script:

1. What are Sasha and Malia dressing up as for Halloween?   The H1N1 virus and Nurse Ratchet
2. Who disciplines the kids more, you or the President?  To be honest, we’ve both been focusing on Bo lately. He gets all we-weed up just like they do over at FOX. I just hope we can break him of that habit so we won’t have to ban him from the White House too.
3. Can you name all 6 Brady bunch kids in 10 seconds? Sure, but did you notice that all of them were white?
4. What do you whisper to the President after one of his great speeches? TOTUS did a good job that time, honey.
5. What’s on your iPod? Well of course I still have all of Barack’s speeches, as well as all of Ludacris’ wonderful Raps, especially “Obama is Here”
6. Would the President rather have world peace or the White Sox win the World Series? Ha, ha ha. You’re kidding right,Jay? “White” Sox? You crack me up.
7. Have you ever been nervous meeting someone for the first time, if so who? Nervous? No, not really, but Carla Bruni did elicit some other strong emotions.
8. What’s the President’s most annoying habit? Well, I don’t really like it when he brings TOTUS into the bedroom. Other than that he’s perfect.
9. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Standing next to Carla.
10. How did you celebrate Bo’s (the dog)  birthday? We let him poop on Air Force One.

Technorati Tags: Michelle Obama,Jay Leno,Thakoon,TOTUS

Looking Good and Sounding Good for Leno

It’s been a busy morning around here.  We had a meeting with breast cancer survivors early this morning. Lady M wore her little pink ribbon and listened to how these moms and grandmas were denied coverage for their cancers by Big Insurance. Under the circumstances, we were lucky to have so many survivors in attendance to tell their stories, don’t you think? I guess they must have gone to Cuba for treatment.We are just glad they are alive, and think the evil Insurance companies should just go away and let Nancy Pelosi decide how to handle medical treatment. She’s certainly had enough of it to be considered an expert around here.

Then Mo told the group how Big Guy’s health care plan will leave no victim behind, saying that:

enacting changes President Barack Obama wants would make a difference for breast cancer survivors, those living with cancer and anyone who may have the disease but not know it because they cannot afford to pay for a mammogram.

Although we can’t really promise that last part about the mammograms since the American Cancer Society now reports that screening for cancers such as breast and prostate aren’t that helpful after all. Certainly not for what it would cost the new National Health Care Plan to treat all those cancers. I mean, if you actually find cancer, patients are probably going to start demanding all sorts of treatments. Do you have any idea how much that would cost?

Since the BCS meeting wrapped up, we’ve had writers from 30 Rock and Curb Your Enthusiasm (who hasn’t?) running in and out, finishing up Lady M’s answers to JayL’o’s  rapid-fire question segment, "Ten @ Ten". She rejected the first round of answers: some were too politically incorrect, some were too racist and some just weren’t funny enough for her. We want to knock their socks off. You know - to give Jay’s ratings a little boost. I suppose ours could stand a little boost too, but that’s not why we’re doing the show. Anyway, the funny kids are still working on the answers and MO is practicing to make it sound like she just came up with them off the top of her intelligent head.

We do have to get to work pretty soon now on what to wear. We aren’t actually going to be on the set like we were last year when we wowed the crowd. But we’re doing a televised feed from the Big White, so the peeps at home won’t hardly know the dif.

The stylists have been stomping in and out between the comedy writers, pitching their clients clothes to MO as “puurr-fect for the show.” But Lady M hasn’t decided yet, so I can’t tell you which it will be. For sure, no more argyle and, as I told you, the bondage belt is no longer available.

I’m betting on a J.Crew outfit. It’s not too threatening and not too expensive: after all we’re in the middle of a depression that we inherited from George W. Bush. So, either the J.Crew or one of Franciso’s special creations designed just for Lady M – I mean, we are representing the Democrats American people, and want to look nice.

Technorati Tags: Breast Cancer,Michelle Obama,Jay Leno,Ten @ Ten,J.Crew,Franciso Rodriguez

Does This Body Make My Head Look Big?

While I think MO has the Annie Hall thing nailed, I’m afraid Big Guy as Alvy just isn’t going to cut it - its just a little too creepy. I tried my best, but projecting Big Guy’s big head on Woody Allen’s frail little liberal frame is a no-fly zone. It could be that BO just isn’t right for the part of a whiney, neurotic New York Jew.

He might work better as a whiney, narcissistic Chicago Atheist, but anyone can typecast talent. Besides, Bill Ayers pretty much has that roll locked up.

This could still work out though. As you may recall, ‘fashion-forward’ these days does tend to favor the big headed look. So perhaps like other fads that look odd at first (shoulder pads and boob belts, for example) we’ll just adjust our sensitivities and accept BO’s disproportioned head for what it is: just another vacuous fashion statement. That way we can enjoy it while it’s here, knowing that it will be discarded in no time.

 

 

Regardless of anyone’s head size, I don’t think Lady M is going to want BO associating with that RL stick chick at all. Do you see how big her boobs are? And given the size of her feet, she might prove to be even more dangerous to dance with than Thalia (buy a last name, you little tramp).

Technorati Tags: Annie Hall,Woody Allen,Thalia,fashion,obama

Fashion Forward Takes a Look Back

I will admit it. When one of my faithful readers suggested that we go for an Annie Hall look for Lady M, I choked. It just seemed so wrong. But then, I remembered the first time I saw that movie. I was still a pile of sand when it first came out, but I caught it on HBO with Nancy R.in 1985: that was a good year. We had quite a hoot,laughing at the funky fashions and the whacky bunch of left-wing neurotics.

Then it hit me!  MO is already channeling Annie!

See? Check out this outfit she picked out last spring.

 All I had to do was trans-image a tie, and voila! Does MO have an innate sense of AH fashion or what?

Plus, are the O’s not perfect for the lead rolls in the post-racial version of the Alvy and Annie neurotic lefty romp? Can’t you just see them performing these memorable lines from the movie:

Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy Singer: On what?
Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy Singer: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy Singer: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.

or these gems:

Alvy Singer: What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.

Alvy Singer: Lyndon Johnson is a politician, you know the ethics those guys have. It's like a notch underneath child molester.

Alvy Singer: Hey, Harvard makes mistakes too! Kissinger taught there!

Here’s the original iconic Annie:

Here’s what I think Lady M would look like, cast as Annie:

I think there might even be some commercial potential here. I’m going to talk to Toes about it tomorrow. What do you think?

Or, for those of you with Photoshop, how about a virtual paper doll game?

Here. Have some fun and download your own kit. Consider it an early trick or treat.

Click on the picture below to download your own Lady M Dress-up Kit – Annie Hall Edition.If it’s as much fun for you as it is for me, I might add additional outfits to the kit in the future.

Technorati Tags: michelle obama action figures,annie hall

Hula Hoop Hell

Reason number 142 “Why grown women shouldn’t do dumb things like Zumba dancing and Hula Hoop.”

 

Ah well, at least it wasn’t pole dancing.

H/T Newsbird

Joey and the Pirates

I wish they’d put Joey B back in his box for awhile. He’s starting to annoy me. For example yesterday, when he saw poor old Kathleen Sebelius testifying at the Senate Hearings about Big Guy’s legacy, all he could do was snicker like a 12 year old.

Honestly. Here’s Kathleen, recuperating from what was undoubtedly traumatic skin cancer surgery, and Joey B and Gibbsy are passing notes about inviting her to participate in next year’s Talk Like a Pirate Day. I think that’s why she took her eye patch off.

Boys. They’re pathetic.

Living With Recession: It’s a Cinch

Want to know how you can tell we’re in the worst economic mess the country’s been in since the great depression? It isn’t because the deficit more than doubled since last year, languishing now around $1.4 trillion dollars (pre-healthcare, pre-second stimulus economic booster shot). It’s not even that Joey B shot his mouth off again - when we temporarily removed the gag - letting everyone know that the recession is now officially a depression.

No, silly. It’s because Lady M is being very frugal. Not only are we growing our own veggies (Which go for $24 a pound at the organic market. Regrettably we’ll have to pay that now that the growing season is over, unless we can build a White House greenhouse!), but we’re also recycling fashion accessories. For example, this morning we wore the same old boring black belt we’ve worn a thousand times before.

Here’s our new outfit that we wore it with today,

We headed over to the Veteran’s Affairs Department to thank all the hard working people over there for being proud of their country, even though their husbands haven’t been elected to the Presidency.

And here’s a zillion other times we’ve worn the same belt, starting on the campaign trail way last year!

View Full Album

You know, I hadn’t noticed this until now; but it looks like I need to get my trans-imaging lenses realigned. It looks like we’ve gained a little weight. And we know that’s not likely to be the case during a depression, so it must be me.

I hope you like this belt, because it looks like we’re stuck with it. Some jackass in the motor pool reinstalled the bondage belt in Bruno’s Hummer, so we won’t be able to cinch things up with that any more.

Technorati Tags: motus,michelle obama,veterans affairs,recession

Out FOXed

I know most of you just assumed that Rahmbo and Axe-man were behind Big White’s ban of Big FOX. But if you take a close look at this picture it might explain who’s really pulling the strings around here.

You’ll note that I’m standing on the left, projecting Lady M’s extraordinarily svelte silhouette. However some jackass from FOX slipped behind my security zone line and snapped this photo, clearly revealing the bottom heavy nature of my super-secret work.

Before the Secret Service could confiscate his chip he’d already uploaded it and now it’s been blasted all across the internet.

I’m meeting with Toes later today to discuss some language we might want to include in the “Net Neutrality” regulations that are being drafted over at the FCC.

PS If you want to see vintage footage of my buddy TOTUS on that non-supportive media channel before net neutrality takes him down, click here.

Technorati Tags: michelle obama,FOX News,net neutrality

Hope For Polls We Can Believe In

Stop already with the “Hillary is more popular” than Big Guy talk. We have enough to deal with around here without these incessant polls proving how racist Americans really are. If this keeps up, MO is not going to be proud of her country again.

We know that millions lots of you out there wanted to vote for Hillary. And you could have if she had won the primary. But thanks to the Chicago Diversity-in-Voting-Effort, funded and administered by ACORN,  Rahmbo and Ax-man were able to bus half the windy city homeless dudes into Iowa for the caucus, clinching it for Big Guy. The rest is history. 

I love Hillary, and would have been proud to serve her again, this time as MOTUS to POTUS instead of FLOTUS (assuming we could have worked something out on her cankle issue that didn’t involve cutting my legs off again) But apparently you all wanted “Change You Can Believe In.”

So the way I see it, these poll results make no sense what-so-ever. Big Guy is working hard to ram through deliver the change you thought you could believe in last year when you still had a job and a house.

So buck up. BO’s delivering on what he promised and Hillary’s perfectly happy carrying Senior Secretary of State Richard Holbrook’s briefcase. Besides, we’ve already seen the Bill and Hill show and while it was fun it was, well, so ‘90’s.

Time to move on to something a little more progressive, don’t you think?

It’s refreshing to have a Nobel Peace Prize winner in the oval office who can use all the latest electronic devices. And who can minimize the benefit to the free world having a fashion forward first lady at the helm provides?

So let’s be a little more circumspect when you respond to those racist polls next time, OK?

Technorati Tags: Hillary Clinton,Barack Obama,polls