Lessons and Mishaps
OR
A Funny Thing
Happened on the Way to the Monastery
OR
A Day in the Life of
a Little Carmelite Postulant
as experienced &
written by:
God’s Little Goofball
aka: Michele Morris
A Carmelite
priest told me my first week in the Monastery: “To be a Carmelite, one must
have three bones—the Wishbone, the Backbone, and the Funnybone.” I can certainly attest that this is so very
true. I can also attest that any
pre-conceived notions we have about living the cloistered life need to be
stripped away. What we think it is (or
how we think it should be) and the reality of how it actually plays out is
often quite different. And, that, my
friends, is the true transitional challenge.
The best advice I can give to those discerning the religious life: Let
go of expectations! Easier said than
done, I know, I know. And not just
letting go of how monastic life “should” be, but more importantly, letting go
of how you yourself, should be. The Lord
God wants, desires the real you—the
you He made you to be. The Lord God
wants, desires, your whole,
vulnerable, feeble, weak, little self. There
is no hiding from Him or the sisters (despite the fact that we are living a
“hidden” life). Yes, it is hard—in very unexpected ways. Yes, there are struggles. However, the road to self-discovery and union
with God is actually…well…quite funny! Of
the three bones the Carmelite priest mentioned, I would have to say that the
Funnybone is the most important. The
gift of laughter and the ability to laugh at yourself is truly the strength
behind wishes in the Wishbone and perseverance in the Backbone.
PLEASE NOTE: Every community is different.
The experiences I share and my thoughts about them are strictly from one
particular little postulant in one particular little community.
DISCLAIMER: No nuns were injured during these “Lessons and Mishaps,”
though one little postulant’s pride has been significantly diminished.
ACT I
scene i: I did climb a tree (okay, 2). Gathering all of you in my heart, I sang
(quietly): “How do you solve a problem like Michele.” That was my first prayer offering to God for
all of your intentions. J
scene ii: My dress does not have a tear
(yet). I did, though, get tree sap all
over it. Paint thinner gets out tree
sap.
scene iii: I got tipsy.
I set off the fire
alarm.
The 2 incidents are
unrelated.
scene iv: Twice I discovered ashes on my
veil. Both times happened right after my
personal prayers. Before jumping to the
conclusion I was having some sort of bizarre mystical experience, I asked the
sisters: “How did I get ashes on my veil?” Ah.
Apparently, I was standing too close to the incinerator* upon lighting
it. Real—non-mystical—ashes alighted my
head.
*Garbage is either composted,
recycled, trashed, or burned in the incinerator. Either I burned something I thought was
burnable but wasn’t or I didn’t check the ventilation or both. Intense smoke filled the basement and first
floor setting off the fire alarm. No
fire. Building still standing. Nuns okay.
scene v: I
taught the sisters the chicken dance.
scene vi: The sisters have worms for
compost. They are fed veggies and fruit
(no citrus). Their favorite food is
bananas (the worms’ not the sisters’). I
got to play with them and feed them (the worms.
Though I do play with the sisters, too.
I haven’t fed them, yet.) I also rescued a salamander. Actually I rescued a sister from the
salamander. The gardens have a variety of frogs and on multiple occasions I’ve
tried catching them—to no avail. The
little kid in me is quite chuffed!
Chuffed: Scottish term meaning “pleased.”
scene vii I
crashed into a Crucifix nearly knocking myself out.
INTERMISSION
LADIES and gentlemen!!! BOYS and girls!! Children of AAAAAALLL Ages!!!!
WELCOME to Modern
Technology of the 1980s
This letter is being
typed on the one…the only…
BROTHER
EM-411!!!
“The
outstanding features of the EM-411 will take away all the chores of typing that
seem to come with other typewriters, thus making your life at work that much
happier!” –instruction manual
Yes,
folks. I am typing this on an electric
typewriter purchased in 1986. Typing on this
treasured artifact is not half as funny as reading the instruction manual. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am in stitches reading through this
booklet! I so wish I could type up the
many hysterical comments and instructions, but then this letter would turn into
a novel. If you can find it online (if
it exists) oh take the time to read through it!
Just TOO FUNNY!
So, I humbly beg you to forgive any typing/formatting
mistakes. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to retype this letter. This has to be my final “printing” if I want
to get this out in time for Christmas! I
must say, however, that after a few days of refusing to either pull my hair out
or throwing this thing into the sea, Brother EM-411 and I have become fast
friends.
Stubbornness
prevails! Perseverance wins!
(Think of this letter as one huge text)
ACT II
scene i
or
Lessons in Teresian Spirituality:
There is a
Crucifix hanging on the wall of each stairwell.
Whenever we pass by one, we’re to kiss the feet of Jesus. Now, this was the end of my first week and I
had not yet mastered the art of taking my time.
Not wanting to be late for Choir (Office of Hours), I flew down the
stairs. As I reached the bottom step, I
gasped: “OH NO!!! I forgot to kiss Jesus’ feet!” So I rushed back up the stairs, gaining so
much momentum I couldn’t stop—
CRASH! BANG! CLANK!
oomph.
After a
moment, my eyes fluttered open and I found myself in the following position:
arms and hands spread-eagle against the wall, brow banged up and pressed into
Jesus’ knees, nose smooshed between His legs, teeth clanked up against His feet
(I think I drooled on Him). I began
giggling. I couldn’t help it! I couldn’t move! I’m plastered up against the wall and
Crucifix giggling! I finally managed to
regain some composure and peeled myself away from the wall and Crucifix. With a sheepish grin, I gave Jesus a slight
nod and SLOWLY descended the stairs. I
made it to Choir unscathed. I was the
first one there.
Now, yes,
indeed God does desire to draw us closer to Him, and St. Teresa of Avila shares
marvelous insights on how this might be achieved. Somehow I don’t think crashing into His
crucified Son is what either of them had in mind.
scene ii
or
Lessons in Fasting and Feasting and Sacrifice—Oh My!!:
Carmelites know how to fast. They also know how to feast! Between Sundays, Feasts and Solemnities (days
on which fasting is broken) I am struggling a bit with knowing when exactly we
are fasting. In addition to scrumptious
food and delectable dessert options, we are served wine and beer (at dinner on
Sundays, Feasts and Solemnities). And
that, my friends, is how I got tipsy my first Sunday here. I only had 1/2 a bottle of beer. sigh.
Anyhoo…within a couple weeks, I
began worrying about the “table of plenty” I’ve been blessed with. Not just with all the glorious food, but the
beauty and grandness of Carmel. I’m a
little pauper living in a palace. God is
showering me with all sorts of goodies and it’s just like me to muck it up with
thoughts of how undeserving I am, but also how to fast more. Or rather, what sacrifices should I
be…well…sacrificing. My mind took off
racing. What could I do?” What can a little pauper do for Him? ...
AH-HA!! I know!!
I would deny myself Oreo cookies!
I had been delighting in them all week.
I decided I wouldn’t have any at dinner (our midday meal). But then I thought: “WAIT! If God wants to
shower me with Love, Grace, Mercy, and Blessings—am I hurting Him? He, after all, is the Perfect Gentleman—the
Great Romancer—and I am rejecting His courtship! Well, the thought of hurting Him hurt me so
by-gosh-darnit I was NOT going to have just ONE Oreo cookie, I was going to have FIVE! Yes, five!
An overabundance of gratitude for an overabundance of grace and
blessings. I proceeded to pour my
signature drink: milk with ice. Then, I
picked up the Oreo cookie bag…and…woah…empty?
No! Wait! I looked again. Ha-ha!
There was ONE Oreo cookie left in the bag. God, in a single moment, allowed me both to
fast and feast! I looked out the window,
smirked at God and enjoyed my 1 Oreo cookie. J
---God cannot be outdone in gift-giving
---God not only loves us, but is in love with us. He wants to love on us. He desires to court each and every one of
us.
---The best sacrifice we can give
God is our 100% best, especially in our praise and thanksgiving. And, quite frankly, the best place to give
our 100% best in praise and thanksgiving is Mass. Get thee to a church! J
---As for other sacrifices and
penances, well there is only 1 Cross and that belongs to Our Lord Jesus
Christ. So, let Him, He who knows our
hearts and our desires, who knows what we need to grow in faith, trust and virtue,
who knows what each individual can handle, let HIM dole out our burdens—our individual crosses—we don’t need to
make more for ourselves. AND!! Whatever He gives us, He’ll provide the means
for perseverance and dependence on Him.
He’s resourceful that way.
scene iii
or
Lessons in Humility
---Voice
lessons and singing practices.
-
apparently I can hit most of the notes.
-
I’m told I have potential.
---Anything
related to domesticity lessons.
-
I know how to knit. Sort of.
-
I know how to thread a needle.
What to do with the threaded needle? …well…
-
I’m getting the hang of ironing.
But then, I’ve only been assigned to napkins.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
FINALE
You can take Michele away from the
theatre, but you can’t take the theatre away from Michele. By the time you read this, I’ll have
performed my play “Teresita” twice—once for visiting Carmelite nuns and once
for the sisters in my community. I’ve
also performed for the sisters some of the stories I wrote and performed at the
Science Museum of Virginia. I also came
up with a “Cast List” to help me figure out and understand the roles of each
sister. I chuckled quite a bit when
putting this list together and I do continue to chuckle. J I do hope this helps you as much as it has
helped me. At least it might for those
with some theatre knowledge. I think I
might develop this list for a more in-depth insight.
I dedicate this “Cast List” to all
my theatre family…
“Here’s
prayin’ for you kid”
ENCORE!!!
*** Rejoice
in hope, patient in trials, persevere in prayer!
Romans 12:12
*** Rejecting God or running away from Him
because we are wallowing in our past sins and miseries thereby convincing
ourselves we can not only do things on our own, but we can do things better. God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness are bigger
and better than we can possible imagine.
God delights in us and is by far the Greatest Playmate ever! He can’t play with us if our ego keeps
getting in the way.
*** The Lord Jesus is TRULY and Uniquely
present in the Eucharist and is ALWAYS
hiding in the same place—the Tabernacle.
This makes playing hide-and-seek with Him no fun.
*** The following question came up during
recreation: “What would you do if you
were on the boat with Jesus when the storm hit?”
Me?
I would rush to where He was sleeping, jump in beside Him, wrap His arms
around me good and tight and stay snuggled close to Him safe and secure until
the storm passed.
That or tell Him: “We’re going to
need a bigger boat.”
*** The greatest temptation I’m fighting
against:
poking my head out through the
Oratory grille and exclaiming, “BOO!” at the parishioners.
Lights Out
CURTAIN
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Playwright……………………………………………………………………………………God
Artistic Producing Director………………………………………………………………….Jesus
Dramaturge…………………………………………………………………………….Holy Spirit
Director…………………………………………………………………………....Mother Prioress
Stage Manager………………………………………………………………………...Sub Prioress
Assistant Director…………………………………………………………………Novice Mistress
Assistant Stage Manager/s…………………………………………………………...Extern
Nun/s
Tech Design/Construction…………………………………………………….Lay and Choir
Nuns
Running Crew……………………………………………………………………………...Novices
Auditionees………………………………………………………………………………Postulants
Best Supporting,
Nurturing, Loving, Encouraging Stage Parents:
Mary and Joseph
Extra Assistance and
Support:
Angels, Saints and
Martyrs
