Run, Bride. Run.

(don't you just love/adore this movie? I can't stand how much I love it.)

Well...
In six weeks I become his "mrs".
(that is not a typo...it's really just 6...and this is my announcement of that date.).
I can't really even believe I'm here.
I wake up most mornings pinching myself.
Making sure the ring is still in the ringbox.
Hearing the whistle of his "good morning" text.
It's real.
I'm here.
And I just couldn't be happier.

But, this wasn't supposed to ever be able to happen.
Not with me where I am right now.
And there is a powerful lesson in that.

You see...I've always known my weight and my body...and how I felt about my body...got in the way of my relationships. I dated guys who were bothered by their weight...so I knew they were bothered by mine. But, even with that, I often told my close friends how important it was to me that I meet my husband before my weight-loss journey was done because I didn't want to connect my weight-loss with finally finding true love but I also worried about meeting him before I finished what I started.

And then he showed up.

He learned early on (before we actually met) where I was in my journey and the anxiety I felt about that. And the story and the conversations we had about that? Connected me to him in a way I can't express. But, even then, I remember when we met live and started dating fighting the thought "he's only into you because he trusts you're going to lose the rest of your weight and he's willing to take the risk".


Then I got mono and I was sure that would be it. I wouldn't be able to run and so I wouldn't be able to lose weight and so he wouldn't be able to love me.

And then life got away from me and I remember waking up one morning (the morning we ended up getting engaged) and looking in the mirror and telling myself I still had time...he wasn't proposing for a while...I could still get back to it.

And then we got engaged (that very night) and I took comfort in knowing that there were some things we needed to do to get clearance for the date. We had been told it could take a couple of months and so I knew I still had time. But, I had tweaked my back over the holiday and my chiropractor still hadn't cleared me to run (I was walking like an 80 yr old woman so that might have something to do with it...no offense to any 80 yr old women) and I my progress was stopped yet again.

And then we found out we could set a date and we decided on a date...that's now in 6 weeks (from today. Did I mention that?). And I knew that wasn't enough time to do anything significant to my body.

And then I realized something really powerful.

I realized he knew that too.

And I knew that I'm enough.

He see all of me, including who I want to be.
He sees my weaknesses and my strengths and he loves me.
As me.
It's a remarkable thing.

And it has forced me to acknowledge that I've held on to my weight as a comfort. It's been my safety net. My excuse. It's what I've known.

But it's not who I am.

And as I started running again the last couple of weeks (albeit slowly and out of breath...I've lost so much stamina), that familiar feeling I used to love has been soaring through my body and my spirit.

I am a runner. I am.
And that doesn't mean I'm at my goal weight and it doesn't mean I'm an athlete and it doesn't mean I'm fast.

But it means I'm strong
& determined
& courageous
& believing
& capable
& pretty
& sexy
& tenacious
& spiritual
& on and on and on.
That's who I am when I run.
That's who I am to him.

He is, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And so...
Today is the day I commit to myself and my future mr to be at peace with my body.
With where my body is today.
With how I will look in our pictures.
With what I see when I stand in front of the mirror.

Today is the day I believe everytime he says, "you're beautiful."
Or tells me I'm sexy
Or comments on how good I look
Or encourages me to run because I feel better...not because I need to be better.

And today is the day I promise my little self I won't give up on this journey.
I might not need to do this any longer to get what I want.
But, I need to do it because I deserve to do it.

You know what you deserve?
To make peace with your body.
Give that to yourself.
You deserve that.
It's a powerful thing.

(PS Because we are doing this so quickly the public celebration will be happening a few weeks after the happy day. Let me know if you'd like to join in. It's going to be a little event for an organization we care about. Stay tuned...)