Baby Fever

All the men in the senior staff have taken refuge in Ten Forward. Following the birth of Sheena, Karena's daughter, the women have talked incessantly about it, and as a result, we are all seeking sanctuary together.



"It's been tough." complains Riker, "Deanna has been asking me when we can take leave to visit Sheena and her mother. She wants to cuddle the baby."

"You think you've had problems, Number One?" I point out, "Beverly is the child's grandmother, and as a result, she wants to know where the USS Rhode Island is at all times so we can be there to help. Karena has sent lot of pictures to the Enterprise, and with each new photo Beverly nudges me in the ribs and says "Isn't she gorgeous." or something like that. My ribs now have bruises."

"A Klingon warrior is not interested in baby pictures." states Worf firmly, "In the Empire, a warrior's woman has her child and they grow up healthy and strong. There are no baby showers or such things."

"Don't Klingon women get tiogether to talk about their children?" Geordi asks with a sly smile.

"They may do." Worf grudgingly admits, "But only to talk about how their child will be a fine addition to the Empire."

"Yeah, sure." Geordi replies drily.



"I must admit." begins Data, "That I might like to be a babysitter."

We look round in amazement, as if we have a traitor in our midst.

"Do you really think you would be good at it, Data." Riker asks.

"I think so." he answers, "After all, my program consists of all the major babycare journals, techniqies and..."

"It takes a lot more than jusr knowledge from a book to get that right." I tell him, "Experience is essential. It's the vital difference between being a good and bad babysitter."



"I think I'd sing the young baby one of my songs" says the hologram Vic Fontaine.

"Well, that would certainly send Sheena to sleep." Geordi comments, which raises a laugh from all, except Vic.

"Even Seven of Nine has got baby fever." I tell them, "She has sent some photos off to the Borg Queen who wants to see more.

"Maybe it will all calm down soon?" Data suggests.

"I think you'll have a few more years to wait there." I reply.

With that, we all leave Ten Forward and join our baby-mad women.

New Year's Eve Party

"Are you looking forward to the New Year's Eve Party, Captain?" Riker asks me as we the two of us walk to the Bridge.

"Another party?" I reply, "It seems that's all we have lately on this vessel, Number One. If we're not careful, the Admirals will start investigating us and insist we explore space more, like our directive tells us to."



"I don't think that's likely, sir." he laughs, "Starfleet Headquarters has been closed for two weeks while the Admirals go on a round of parties, such as the pre-Christmas, Christmas, Admiral's and now New Year Party. I think they've had the idea of combining it into one whole event."

"You're right." I say, "Let's enjoy ourselves."

-------------

In Ten Forward, we are all gathered, with Guinan serving out drink, telling everybody to form an orderly queue.



"Look!" she shouts, "I'll tell you for the last time. Either wait for your drink or get a substandard one from the replicator machine. It's your choice!"

"Time for a dance, Jean-Luc?" says Beverly's voice behind me, "My dancecard is full, and it has your name on every one." She had been keeping her choice of party outfit from me for some time.



Bev looks ravishing with her red hair in curls, and wearing a very low cut dress that would suitable in an Arthurian setting.

"You look great, Bev." I say, "Let's catch that waltz. It's particularly smoochy."

All of us get on the floor for this, as Vic Fontaine does his Strangers In The Night song. At the end of it, everybody kisses then heads to get some Klingon bloodwine. If anything loosens inhibitions and gets people in the mood it's that.

"Go, Brit!" I hear T'Pol shouting from the edge of the dancefloor as her girlfriend Britney attempts to do a breakdance routine, while wearing a black lace outfit and six inch heels.



I politely applaud as everyone cheers when she finishes. It gets the evening in a real party atmosphere as the troublesome two attempt the drink the Andorian Brandy punchbowl dry between themselves.

After a couple of hours, the time approaches for twelve midnight.

"All right, everybody!" Vic says, "It's nearly time. Get your partners ready and welcome in the New Year....ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one....HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!


For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.


"Happy New Year, Jean-Luc" Bev says with a smile as she kisses me.

"Happy New Year, Bev." I reply.

Here's to another year of alien invasions, conspiracies, arguments, undercover missions and love matches!

----------------

Editor's Note:

May I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Emergency Command Hologram (Part Three)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

With me running the Enterprise as Emergency Command Hologram, things were supposed to be running smoothly.

I've come up with what might me a problem.

With the rest of the crew in stasis while the ship travels through a large poison gas cloud in order to deliver medical supplies, Vic Fontaine, the holographic night club singer and I find a ship is heading in our direction.

------------

"What shall we do?" I say to Fontaine.

"Well, we don't know if it's hostile or not." he replies, "How about a friendly greeting?"



"It doesn't look too friendly." I say, "It's a warship."

Nevertheless, I give out the bright cheery greeting, welcoming them. They reply by hailing us.



When we are on visual, I see the strange image of a figure in a silver pressure suit. Not a pretty sight.

"This is the USS..." I start to say

"You should not be functioning!" the figure shouts loudly, "I am Commander Falas of the Breen race. We sent this poison cloud across this sector."

I am about to tell him I am a hologram, but Fontaine jumps up and tells him we are impervious to it. Despite the Breen Commander wearing a pressure suit, I can tell when someone is frustrated.

"We have superior weapons capability, Doctor." Fontaine tells me.

"Very well." I say smugly, as if I am about to assign bedpan duty to Beverly Crusher, "Use a torpedo to take out their weapons array."

We do so, and leave them stranded.

We both sing The Toreador Song, followed by I've Got You Under my Skin!

----------------

Some hours later, we have gone through the gas cloud. All the crew come out of stasis, and I tell the Captain what happened.

"We may have to watch out for the Breen in future." he tells me, "There aren't that many presssure suited aliens around. Well done, Doctor. Time to change you back."

I think I may like the times I'm ECH. Red looks so much better than blue!

Emergency Command Hologram (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

Anyone seeing my picture above will note a distinct difference. The red in it means I am now an Emergency Command Hologram, and can start being in control.

What has happened is that Picard and the other solids have to pass through a poison gas cloud in the Enterprise so that they can deliver medical supplies to Vasilon IV. They will all have to be placed in stasis pods for the journey. Even the android Data has to go in one. I'll be running the ship when that happens!

-------------

"Well, that's it, Doctor." Picard tells me as he stands next to his stasis pod, "Once I get in, you'll be in charge of the Enterprise. I'll see you on the other side of the gas cloud."



He jumps in, and looks and Beverly Crusher's pod. I think he wishes the pods were made for two. As it slides shut, the mist goes over, and the Captain falls asleep.

"Right." I say to myself, "Now we have a decent person running the ship, I'll make sure it's running properly.

I go up to the Bridge, and find the Captain's seat already occupied.



"Hiya, Doc." Vic Fontaine says cheerily, "How are things?"

"You're in my seat, Mr Fontaine!" I point out sharply, "I'm the Emergency Command Hologram. See the red uniform? It means I'm in charge. You're around in case I need anything doing. Is that clear?"

"Whoah, Doc." Fontaine replies, "Keep your hair on...I mean stay calm. I was just keeping the place running until you got here."

"All right." I tell him, "As long as you understand that."

"Yeah, sure. Boy, this voyage in the cloud is gonna seem like an eternity." he says to himself sarcastically.

-----

We have been travelling a while in the poison cloud. I'm in the Captain's Chair, and Fontaine is on the Com. He starts humming I've Got You Under My Skin before eventually singing it.

"Do you mind?" I tell him, "You are getting under MY skin singing that. Kindly keep quiet!"

"And I'm supposed to keep quiet while you sing out The Toreador Song?" Fontaine answers, "Frankly I find opera very boring."

"BORING?" I say aghast, "Clearly when you were programmed, taste wasn't included. Opera is one of the most beautiful forms of..."

"Hold on!" interrupts Fontaine, "There is something on the sensors. An alien ship is approaching us in the poison gas cloud."

To be continued...

The Artificial Life Forms Convention (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Data

The Doctor is still looking annoyed that his holographic opposite number on the USS Rhode Island chooses to call himself 'Ted' and is a very different personality. Ted informs us that he like soft music and heavy metal, much to the disgust of our Doctor.

The doctors, plus myself, Grell, Vic Fontaine and Seven of Nine are all at the Artificial Life Forms Convention. No carbon based units are allowed. Seven only managed to get in when she disconnected the robot guard.

--------

"There are humans over there." I point out, ""I thought they were not allowed."

"Yes." deduces the Doctor, "They are only employed as servants, to wash the tables and deliver things." I see that the Doctor has a very smug expression when he says that, as if that is the way it is meant to be.

"Hey" says Vic, "What's that going on over there. It looks like a beauty pageant. I should have been compering that."

We all walk over. The robot compere is just about to announce the winner.

"Fellow beings." he announces, "I will now be announcing the result of this years Best Female Artificial Life Form."



"Why was I not told about this?" complains Seven, "I would have won this event easily. Had I not, I would have disconnected the Judges."

I am about to remind Seven that she is not completely an artificial life form and that part of her is human, but refrain as she might switch me off.

The compere continues.

"The Winner is a Miss...Six!"



A blonde woman in a figure-hugging transparent red dress marches on to the stage, looking very pleased with her win.

"Wow!" comments Vic Fontaine, "Is she really an artificial life form? I wouldn't have known."

---------

Ten minutes later, Six is walking around, clutching her trophy. Seven marches up to her.

"You look human to me!" Seven says aggressively, "What are you?"

"I'm a Cylon." Six explains, "We are ultra-sophisticated copies of the human species, unlike the crude joining up of carbon and cyborg elements that the Borg practice."

"We are Borg!" shouts Seven, "Resistance is futile."

"Keep on thinking that, Borg drone." warns Six, "While all the time, the Cylons are working away, taking what is yours."

Seven goes purple with rage, and we all have to restrain her. Then Six sees me.

"Now YOU are far more interesting." she says, "Who and what are you?"

I explain that I am Data, an android created by Dr Noonian Soong.



"Fascinating." comments Six, "You really must come back with me, as you would be an interesting companion to have."

"I must decline." I reply, "I am a Starfleet Officer and have a human girlfriend by the name of Jennifer Baxter."

"A human!" Six exclaims, "You are a traitor to the life form you are. I will see that you come with me in good time."

Six marches off.

"That was scary." Vic comments, "I think we might have a bit of trouble with Six and the Cylons."

"The Borg will annihilate them!" Seven says confidentally.

"Don't be too sure, sweetie." Doctor Ted tells her, "We haven't heard the last of her."

With that, the Convention starts to draw to a close, all of us leave, most of us with more concern then when we came in.

The Artificial Life Forms Convention (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

I've been looking forward to this covention. At last a place where artificial life forms can be with our own kind.

I'm going along with Data, Vic Fontaine and Seven of Nine. She demanded to go, although I said that she was an assimilated human named Annika Hansen, and ought not to be allowed to come.

That got her back up.

"I am not human!" she had shouted, "We are Borg!"

Captain Picard urged me to allow her to come along, although I told him she may have difficulty getting through the admission gate.

"Why is it called that, Doctor?" asks Data, pointing to a sign.

I groan.

"Calling it The ALF Convention sounds so derogatory." I say, "It's hardly respectful. I imagine some carbon solid thought of that."

"Loosen up, Doc." says Fontaine, "We're here to enjoy ourselves."

We approach the Entrance, Seven is stopped by the Admission Guard Robot.



"You cannot enter here." he says firmly, "This Convention is for Artificial Life Forms only."

Seven gets angry and quickly pulls the power supply out of his back so that he crumbles to the floor.

"Resistance is futile!" Seven states triumphantly, "We are the Borg."

As we get through, I see lots of Artificial Life Forms that look like me.

"Wow!" says Fontaine, "We'll have to remember we leave with the right one!"

Two figures approach; one is a doctor that looks like me, the other is a green-skinned robot.



"Greetings." he says, "I am Grell, the clockwork robot from the USS Rhode Island, where Wesley Crusher and his wife Karena are assigned. This is our holographic doctor."

"Pleased to meet you." I reply, shaking hands with myself.

"Would you mind winding me up?" Grell asks Data, while carrying a giant key, "It will keep me going for the next thirty minutes. I hate to run down while in conversation. I sometimes miss the end of a good joke."

"What's your name?" the Rhode Island holographic doctor asks me.

"I never really thought of one." I answer, "So I just use Doctor."

"How boring!" he replies, "I thought at first of Bill, but people might think I was a Quack Doctor! Geddit! Bill, duck, quack?"

He pokes me in the ribs as he laughs. What is wrong with his programming?

"Anyway." he continues, "I settled for Ted."

I wince.

"Do you like opera?" I ask him.

"No way, man." answers Ted, "No offence, but that's way too starchy for me. I like to hang loose, listening to soft music or heavy metal."

I shudder.

"Actually." comments Fontaine drily, "I think we'll be able to tell them apart. Now let's enjoy the Covention."

To be continued...

Enterprise For The Scrapheap? (Part Three)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

With the entire Enterprise staff beamed on to another planet, the holo entertainer Vic Fontaine and I are trying to save the ship from being taken to a scrapheap by the Myranians, a most unpleasant race who really only want the metal and parts for their own use.

Personally I wouldn't mind, but my program is embedded in the ship, and I have been promoted to Emergency Command Hologram for this mission. A status I rather like, as I can boss someone around, even if it is just a holographic singer.

----------

"What are we going to do?" shouts Fontaine in desperation, "If we don't take out the other five Myranians, us and the ship will be sold as scrap to a merchant."



"Then we have to act quickly." I answer, "Let's go to Engineering."

We open the doors to see two of them working on a screen. They turn round and fire powerful weapons at us. They pass right through us, but both of us start to flicker.

The holo emitter was hit! Isn't that always the way? Why are they put in such prominent places.

Fortunately, our disruptors strike them and finish them off, and we run out of Engineering before we disappear.

"We just made it into the corridor." I say, "Let's get the other three. This will be the most difficult, there being so many."

"I'd rather be singing I've Got You Under My Skin right now." complains Fontaine.

"You're getting under my skin right now." I retort, "Let's get the job done."

It's sometimes hard being in command when your subordinates are troublesome and whine a lot.
Instead of taking the turbolift, we decide to use the element of surprise and beam ourselves in with guns blazing, like cowboys and their six-shooters in the saloon.

-----------

We both appear on the Bridge, firing our disruptors at anything that moves.



"What..." the Myranian sitting in Captain Picard's seat said as he turned round.

It turned out to be the last thing he said. The other two get destroyed with ease with our six shooters...I mean disruptors.

--------------------------

Several hours later, we arrive at the planet where the beaming signal came from, and all the crew are returned to the ship.

"Well done, Doctor and Mr Fontaine." says the Captain, "You did an excellent job of saving the ship, "Had we lost the ship, we would have had to pay for a new one out of our salaries."

Never mind that I would have ceased to exist!

Doctor Crusher approaches.

"You did really well." she says with praise, "The Captain will put you back to being a normal EMH again. The burden of responsibility is tough. I know you wouldn't like to be a permant ECH."

Thanks for asking! As if I have any say.

"Jean-Luc....I mean the Captain and I will be going to the cinema tonight." she continues, "So you'll be on bedpan duty during that time."

Sure. That's what all heroes have to do!

-----------------------------

Authors's Note:

Mimi sent me a meme regarding her 'Message In A Bottle'. See her blog for the rules. This is my bottle:




Author's Note:

This is the 599th Post. Be here for the next one, which is a combined TWQ and 600th Post!

Enterprise For The Scrapheap? (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Docter

What is the nature of your medical emergency?

That's typical. That call me up and then there's no one around.

It's strange, though, as the Sick Bay is empty. Dr Crusher is usually ordering people around.

Suddenly a holo- image of Captain Picard appears in front of me.

"Doctor." he says, "We have an urgent mission for you. The Myranians have beamed us all of this ship. The Enterprise is being taken to one of their scrapyards to be destroyed and useful parts taken. You must stop them before it's too late. Enlist the help of Vic Fontaine, the holo singer. I'm giving you the status for this mission of ECH...Emergency Command Hologram. You will be able to locate us by the beeper signal Commander Data has within him. Good luck."

It's like a tape should be burning at this point like a 1970's tv series at this point.

My uniform changes to Command Red.

Now they want me. Doctor Crusher keeps giving me the drudging jobs like sweeping the floor and cleaning the bedpans. The mood soon changes when they need me.

I decide to call the computer.

"How many Myranians are there on board the Enterprise?"

"There are six. Three on the Bridge, two in Engineering and one in Ten Forward."

Next I'll get Vic Fontaine.

I go to the Holodeck where The Sands nightclub is,. Fortunately holo emitters have been installed throughout the ship, so I can move freely.

Opening the door, I see Fontaine rehearsing, singing I Get A Kick Out Of You. I explain the situation.



"That's tough." Fontaine muses, "It's not much use if I don't have an audience to sing to every night."

I roll my eyes in despair. "That's not all. Our programs will be destroyed when the Enterprise is scrapped."

"Okay, Doctor." he says, "We've got a big problem. Now what I suggest is..."

"I'm in charge!" I remind Fontaine sharply, "See the red on the uniform? I'm the ECH. The C stands for Command, now you have to do what I tell you."

"Yeah, sure." he replies, "Keep your hair on, fellah. You're the boss man."

"Good." I say with a satisfied air, "We'll go to Ten Forward and take out the Myranian who is on his own, hopefully without alerting the others. "

"What about weapons?" Fontaine reminds me, as if I've forgotten.

"I know about them." I say, "The armoury happens to be on the way there."

----------

We get kitted out so that we look like a pair of Rambos. Disruptor phasers shouldn't make too much noise, but it'll make a great impression on a Myranian when we fire.

The two of us enter Ten Forward. The Myranian turns round in surprise and we ventilate him with our disruptors.

"One down, five to go, Doctor." Fontaine comments.

I look outside and see a planet with scraps of starships flying around.

"We've arrived at the scrapyard." I say in alarm, and take a look on the surface with our scanner.



"We'll have to work quickly." I comment, "Otherwise that will be us. I don't fancy being the spare part of an old alien starship."

To be continued...

Party Aftermath

Why does my head feel like a hammer is striking it constantly?

I close down the Christmas Party on the Sands holodeck and stagger towards the Bridge in a dazed manner. All the drew are walking around in a state of semi-consiousness as if they are a group of zombies on the march.

I reach the turbolift and mumble where I wish to go. Hopefully Data is manning the ship while the crew are recovering from the Party.

"Please repeat." says the computer.

Struggling, I pick myself up from the floor and find a wall to hold on to.

"Take-me-to-the-Bridge." I say slowly and methodically.

"Affirmative"

The turbolift opens at the Bridge and I fall out on to the floor.

"Hello, Captain"

"Hello, Captain."

"Greetings, Locutus."

The trio of voices is not those I was expecting to hear, and I look up to see who they are.

In the Captain's chair is the Doctor in his Emergency Command Hologram setting; to his right, in the ship's com chair is Vic Fontaine, and in Riker's Chair is the Borg Queen, who is still wearing her blue paper hat from a Christmas cracker.

"Just what is going on?" I ask before I fall on the floor again, "Where is Lieutenant Commander Data?"



"I regret to inform you that Commander Data is not capable of functioning right now." the Doctor tells me, "He is currently undergoing recharging after the excess energy that was used during the Party."

"I know how he feels" I reply, "Right now, I am not capable of functioning, and require recharging as well."

"As a result." the Doctor continues snootily, "I took it upon myself to change to the Emergency Command Function so that I may run the ship."



"No matter that I am better at running the ship." interrupts the Borg Queen, "As the Queen in charge of Unimatrix 01, I have more experience at command than you do."

"You are a Borg." the Doctor tells her, "I am qualified to run a Starship when in this Mode.

"I would have assimilated you had you not been a hologram!" the Borg Queen says angrily.

They continue to argue.

"It's been like this since the three of us came on the Bridge, Captain." Vic Fontaine tells me, "Both think they are better at leadership."

"Not only that, Captain." the Doctor tells me, "I have had to hear Mr Fontaine singing away to himself, with tunes like 'Fly Me To The Moon' and 'I've Got You Under My Skin.' Well I can tell you, Mr Fontaine, you got under MY skin!"

"What about you, Doctor?" Vic retorts, "You've been singing pieces of opera all the time. It's worse than hearing nails scrape down a blackboard."

"I've had to listen to BOTH of them, Locutus." the Borg Queen tells me, "Which is more than anyone should endure."

"ALL RIGHT!!" I shout. My head was throbbing enough before, but now it is falling apart at the seams.

I motion the Doctor to move off the Captain's chair and then slump on it; then I turn to the Borg Queen.

"Thank you for helping to look after the ship." I tell her.

"My pleasure, Locutus." she says with a smile, "I look forward to seeing you at the Party next year, or when we assimilate you. Whichever comes first."

I'm not sure whether she was joking there. The Borg transporter beam takes her away.

"Take us to Starbase 4" I command, "Make it so."

That's the last thing I remember before falling asleep.

-----------------

And now a meme!

Splotchy's Story Meme



I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

"That's strange," I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. "What the..." again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room.(FranIAm)

I half noticed at first glimpse that there was something odd amidst the solidified apple sauce as I reached for the broom and the dust pan. As I knelt down to clean up the frozen mess, I could clearly see a tiny figure within the goopy mess. It was a human eye, with tiny arms and legs! I resisted my initial urge to pick it up with my hand, and then reached down to scoop it up with the dustpan. The eye looked up at me in horror and gave out a frightening high pitched screech as it ran for the living room.

I was dumbfounded by this turn of events. I didn't even like applesauce - And I had guests coming for dinner! It would not be proper to have a homunculus eyeball running around during the appetizer - I had to think fast. I crept into the living room so as to not startle the small creature. The eyeball was under the coffee table, peeking out from behind one of table legs. When I approached, it quickly darted under the couch!

I got on my hands and knees to look under the couch, but I could not see the eye through all of the old newspapers and dust bunnies that had accumulated under there. I had to hurry! the guests were coming at seven o'clock, and I had not even started the buffalo chicken skewers with blue cheese dipping sauce yet! Not to mention the couscous and the broccoli noodle salad. (Zaius Nation)

I shook my head and leaned back against the wall. Surely this couldn’t be happening, surely there isn’t an anthropomorphic eyeball running around under my couch. It just couldn’t be real, could it?

“Ahem,” a little voice squeaked. “Ahem.”

I looked all around for the source of the voice. I finally found that it was from the eyeball peering around the back of the couch. I leaned in and looked at it closer. It still appeared to be uneasy (I mean, I’m sure that’s how it appeared, but then again I’m not all that certain about behavior patterns of walking eyeballs.

“Did you say something?” I asked it.

“You’re not going to poke me are you?” it asked. “I hate getting poked.”

“Uh no,” I answered dumbfounded. “I won’t poke you.”

“And you’re not going to lock me away in a jar of applesauce are you?”

“No, I’m not going to do that,” I replied, still bewildered by the sight in front of me.

“OK.” He made the eyeball equivalent of a nod, hitched up a pair of nonexistent trousers, adjusted the chimerical hat on his head, and walked up to me. “I am forever in debt to you, sir, for freeing me from the confines of that jar.”

“OK, sure,” I smiled lamely. “How’d you get in there?”

“The evil wizard trapped me in there,” he answered. “He knows the only way to trap a geneye is to use a jar of applesause.”

“You’re… you’re a geneye,” I managed to blurt out. I may not get the appetizers done, but this may be one heckuva party anyways.

“At you service,” it bowed. “And to thank you for freeing me, I would like to reward you with two wishes.”

“Oh, so you’re like a genie.” It all started to make sense to me now. No, not really.

“Yes,” it rolled its eye. “Like a genie, only we’re geneyes. They sure do know how to warp a good story in Hollywood, don’t they?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, again dumbfoundedly. “So I get two wishes? What about three?”

“Ugh!” the geneye slapped the top of its head, or the top of its eyeball at least. “You get two. Two. Only two. That’s how it works. And no wishing for more wishes, we’re onto that. Aladdin tried that once, it wasn’t pretty.”

“OK, so I get two, let me think,” I said thoughtfully. Screw the party, this is way more interesting.

“Yeah, hurry up, I don’t have all day,” the magical homunculus eyeball tapped it’s foot. “I’ve got places to go.”

“OK, OK,” I answered. Well, I could always wish for a lot of money, except that never works in the stories. The villain always wishes for riches and gets trapped in the cave with the gold, or sent to the bottom of the sea with it or audited by the IRS because of it. As much as I’d like to pay off the mortgage, I don’t think I can.

“Well?” it asked impatiently.

“I want peace on Earth and good will toward men,” I say with a forfeiting shrug.

“Peace on Earth and good will toward men?” it repeated. “Is that one wish or two?”

“One,” I replied. “You know, ‘tis the season and all.”

“Nice choice,” it nodded. Then the geneye snapped its fingers. “It is done.”

I felt it. For one moment, I felt nothing but peace and joy all around me. Others felt it, too but no one would ever be able to explain it. All around the world, people stopped what they were doing and just enjoyed the moment. Evil men stopped thinking evil thoughts and just smiled nicely. The hurt, the sick, and all who were in pain be it physical, mental, or spiritual, felt the warmth of a brief reprieve. Bells rang. Angels sang. Then I felt it end.

“Hey, that was nice,” I said. “Why didn’t it last?”

“Come on,” the magical being snorted. “I’m not that powerful. You got one more wish.”

One more wish. What should I wish for? Hmmm. (Jon, Intergalactic Gladiator )

"How about 'as many wishes as I'd like?"

"Hey! That's cheating." the Eye said, "It's not allowed in the Geneye Code Of Conduct. It's one wish only, and that's your lot."

"How about 'trying to understand the opposite sex?'" I suggested.

"Too tough" it replied, "No being is as capable of such an undertaking."

I sighed and thought. This was going to be harder than I imagined. I wanted this wish to be a good one that was value for money.

Suddenly I thought about it. Friendship.

"How about friendship?"

"It's possible." said the Eye.

"Would it last a long time?"

"Oh, sure." the Eye replied, "It's not like that peace and goodwill one where it applies to all. A wish like that means you'd always have good friends."

"That sounds great." I said, "I'll select as my other wish to always have friends, and no enemies,"

"Fair enough" and the Eye clapped his fingers.

Suddenly the telephone started ringing.... Captain Picard

This is an installment of Splotchy's Story Meme. According to Splotchy, "Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out." You can read all of the details here

The following people may wish to try it themselves: you are under no obligation.
Eastcoastlife
Serina Hope
Curmudgeon
Titania Starlight

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Five)

The Fifth and final day is about to start. Everybody is starting to look a little weary after all this partying.

Which guests haven't we spotted yet?

One who is very eye-catching is Vampirella



It's A Wonderful Xmas Enterprise

An invitation Materialized...

"It is for Captain Picard's Christmas Party.." I tell Mirai...

"Do you want to go?" He asks and I nodded...

"Definitely."

Do you really think I would miss it... Especially this one... I love Vic Fontaine and his music... I could listen to him sing forever...

Every year I bring a gift... This year I just bought Xmas Orchid corsages for the Ladies and xmas boutonnières for the men

After I gave the crew their gifts and we were escorted to the Sands Nightclub... I took Mirai by the hand and danced...



"Hello Guys and Dolls... and Merry Christmas... so do we have any requests tonight..." He gestures to the crowd... Since no one is speaking up, I do.

"Winter Wonderland" I ask.

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
in the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
we're happy tonight,
walking in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is the bluebird,
here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song,
as we go along,
walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married?
we'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
when you're in town.

Later on, we'll conspire,
as we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
the plans that we've made,
walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
and pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
until the other kids knock him down.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
walking in a winter wonderland.

Walking in a winter wonderland,
walking in a winter wonderland.

After several wonderful songs we stop to say hello and have some Bloodwine... (actual blood wine not the Klingon stuff)

Bev and Jean-Luc walk up... "Vampi, we have a special gift for you."

I blush, "Oh you didn't have too.." As I open the flat present, the Captain waves Vic to come over...

"Oh My it's a Vic Fontaine CD..." I blush again

"I hear you really dig my sound." Vic says and then with a wink offers to sign my CD...

After he returns my CD signed he looks at my husband and points to his purple hair, "Crazy man."

Then Vic returns to sing and I and Mirai go back to dancing...

I look over to my son dancing with his girlfriend and my daughter dancing and having fun with Vic... "Glad we brought the kids?" Mirai asks...

"Yes Christmas is about sharing and being together... It is about family, at least it is for me.." I say...

I dance with the Captain for a dance while Mirai dances one with Bev during which I took the opportunity to ask Jean-Luc, "Why is Worf dress like an elf?"

I asked Vic for a nice slow song and I pulled my husband close. Mirai and I looked up at the sound of bells and magically mistletoe appeared...

"Didn't this happen last year?" I ask and he nodded and pointed.. Sure enough there was Novy shaking her hi-ni and saying...

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Mirai and I kissed and continued to dance...

-------------------

Curmudgeon has been circulating....

I was pleased, at first, to receive the Captain’s invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party (I’d had such a good time last year, even with the Borg waitstaff), but my initial elation quickly subsided when I noticed that this year’s party would be conducted in the Holodeck.

Although I am Captain Picard’s guest, and have my own assigned quarters, I am somehow able to move back and forth readily between the ship and 21st Century Chicago. I am not certain how this works; I am simply grateful that it does work.

It has, in fact, been my observation that most 24th Century technology works very well indeed, with hardly ever a malfunction. The Holodeck, however, does not conform to this pattern. I’ve never been inside before – the Holodeck is for crew recreation and training – but I’ve been on board the ship when it’s gone berserk: Red Alert is sounded and I have to run back to my quarters and hide under the bunk until the klaxons stop. I’ve researched it in the ship’s computer, but I can’t find proof that the Holodeck is made by some corporate successor to Microsoft. This, however, remains my suspicion.



I ran into Commander LaForge soon after I received the invite and I tried to explain my concerns to him. Unfortunately, the conversation didn’t go too well. I tried to be nonchalant about it. “So, Geordi,” I said, “I hear the Christmas Party will be in the Holodeck this year.”

“Yes,” he said, “isn’t it exciting? Trisha – Ensign Lewis – is replicating a ‘little black dress’ for the occasion and I’m to wear a tuxedo. I think in the 20th Century it was sometimes called a ‘monkey suit’ and sometimes a ‘penguin suit,’ isn’t that right, Curmudgeon?”

As I started to confirm that, Commander Data, who was walking in the corridor with LaForge, interrupted. “I am quite sure that even in the 20th Century it was well understood that there was only the most tenuous taxonomic connection between monkeys and penguins; therefore, I fail to see why such very different appellations were applied to that particular garment, although –” He broke off in mid-sentence when Geordi turned and glared at him. I can’t explain how I knew he was glaring behind that visor of his, but I could tell. So could Data. “Sorry,” he said.

“I’m sorry, gentlemen,” I tried again, “I know you’re both very busy. It’s just, well, Commander LaForge, surely you’ve noticed that there are problems sometimes with the Holodeck – I was thinking, could I make a contribution to the Engineering Department coffee fund so that you could put an extra crewman or two on a thorough check –?”

I stopped in mid-sentence, too, because LaForge was now glaring at me. “Curmudgeon,” he said, rather brusquely, “we don’t use money in the 24th Century and we don’t need ‘incentives’ to do the best job possible.” He paused then, and his aspect softened just a bit; perhaps he realized that the service record of the Holodeck has been less than exemplary. “Maybe,” he conceded, “it wouldn’t hurt to have someone do an additional diagnostic. I’ll get Barclay to do it – yes, thank you for the suggestion, Curmudgeon.”

With that dismissal, LaForge and Data continued on. I remained behind wondering if I hadn’t made a bad situation even worse: Barclay!

Rumor had it that Ensign Britney and Mirror T’Pol and some Starfleet big-shot, Ted Albright, were going to be steered to a separate “VIP Lounge” for the duration of the real party – the “lounge” being a cell in the Brig redecorated for the occasion – and I seriously considered going there instead. But only for a little while. I grew up listening to singers like Bobby Darin – his recording of “Mack the Knife” was on every jukebox in any decent saloon – and this Vic Fontaine fellow – well, if he’s not the spitting image of Bobby Darin, he could be his brother. I really did want to see him live and in person – or at least as live and in person as one can be if one is a self-aware hologram.

I got my tux out of mothballs.

The doors to the Holodeck were wide open when I rounded the corner. I almost bumped into Empress Bee. “They’ll have chocolate here, won’t they, Curmy?” she asked. “If Troi had anything to do with the menu planning they will,” I assured her. Then I had a question. “Do you think they’ll keep these doors open all night?” That would make me feel better, I thought, as I stepped through the doorway.

The Sands was magnificent. The band was swinging, but not overpowering. I didn’t see any actual gaming tables, but it sure seemed as if someone must be losing their nest egg in the room next door to this lounge. And surely Frank and Dino and Sammy and Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop would stop by before long. Guinan was tending bar.

“Merry Christmas, Guinan,” I said, as I ordered my vodka on the rocks. “Has the Captain arrived yet?” She indicated a table across the way where a manageable line of guests had queued up to pay their respects to the Captain and Dr. Crusher. I took my drink intending to join the line. But I wondered if Guinan knew: “Do you know if they’re planning to keep those doors open all night, Guinan?” Guinan just shrugged enigmatically. She does that a lot, I’ve noticed. So I took my leave, making sure, as I crossed the room, that the doors were still open.

That’s how I almost spilled my drink on Ellee Seymour. I apologized for not watching where I was going. She introduced me to one of her sons – he has aspirations of making it in show business, she reminded me, and she thought this would be a good experience for him. I wished them both a Merry Christmas – which I quickly amended to Happy Christmas – because I understand the English prefer that.

I didn’t sneak another glance at the doorway until I was safely in line. Lois Lane was in front of me, chatting with Ladeedah. Jadzia Dax and Worf got in line behind me. I greeted them all, sipping my drink and feeling my tension subside a bit with each sip. My progress toward relaxation was slowed somewhat by Worf’s response to my Christmas greeting: “It is a good day to die,” he growled. But then, I rationalized, he always says that.

I finally got to the front of the line. Dr. Crusher favored me with a peck on the cheek and I blushed. Picard shook my hand. “Thank you for coming,” he said. “Thank you for inviting me,” I said and then – well, I was about to thank him for leaving the doors to the Holodeck open – when, from the corner of my eye, I saw the doors close. And everyone saw the lights flicker.

I started looking for somewhere to hide.

----------------------

Here that well known space traveller and Presidential Candidate, Jon, Intergalactic Gladiator



My wife and I rocketed into warp and fired through time towards the Enterprise Christmas party. The trip was uneventful (as warping through space and time typically is), but my wife, who is unaccustomed to such journeys was very impressed.

“Oooh, the colors,” she said as she looked out the window. “I haven’t seen anything like this since college.”

I chuckled at her comment as we dropped out of warp and aimed for the shuttle bay of the starship. After the ramp of the Danger Sled clanged to the deck, we exited my space plane and were immediately met by the scowling face of Lt. Worf.

“Welcome to the Enterprise,” the security chief growled. “Please follow me to the party but I must warn you about getting into any altercations like last year. Don’t do it.”

“Altercations?” Patricia looked at me. “You were in an altercation?”

“Hudson,” I explained.

“Oh,” she nodded understandingly.

“Don’t worry, Lieutenant,” I said. “I left the troublemaker behind. I give you my word as an Intergalactic Gladiator that I will not cause any trouble on board your ship.”

Worf seemed unconvinced.

“Don’t worry,” my wife said. “If he causes any trouble, he’ll have to answer to me.”

“Very well,” the Klingon cracked a slight grin as he ushered us into the holodeck. “Enjoy the festivities.”

Patricia’s jaw dropped as she looked around the place.

“Wow, it looks just like a casino in here,” she said. “And this is all holograms?”

“Yep.”

“How do people keep from bumping into each other if the room isn’t as big as it looks?”

“I have no idea,” I said. Then something caught my eye. It appeared to be a brain floating in a jar of some kind of liquid. Lt. Commander Data was standing next to it and seemed to be talking to it as well.

A woman dressed like a 20’s-style gangster with a slightly bored look on her face was standing next to the two.

“Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, nice to meet you,” Commander Riker pumped my hand excitedly. “And who is the good looking mol you got here?”

“Commander Riker, this is my wife Patricia. Patricia, this is Commander Riker.”

They shook hands and exchanged greetings before Riker turned back to me. “Jon, I have to warn you. Have a good time, but don’t start anything with any of the other guests.”

“It’s OK,” I explained. “I left Hudson at home.”

“Oh, OK,” Riker grinned. “By all means, enjoy the party.”

“One thing,” I said. “Can you tell me what that brain in a jar is over there? Is it some kind of Klingon war trophy or something?”

“Not quite,” Riker laughed. “That brain is Dr. Nemonok. He’s from your time and is apparently the galaxy’s greatest psychiatrist. Or was, I’m not sure. The woman with him is related to of one of our crew members.”

“Distant relative, I bet,” I laughed back. Something’s not right here. “Why are they looking at me like that? At least she is, I can’t quite tell what that brain’s doing.”

“Jon, don’t start anything,” Patricia warned. “We haven’t even had a chance to dance yet.”

“Hey don’t worry,” I gave her my best roguish grin. “I won’t. It’s Christmas.”

I strapped on my friendliest smile as I walked towards the unusual duo. If I could make a guess, I would say that the brain was agitated about something. They appeared to be conversing and the woman was talking to him quietly through her teeth.

“Hi, I’m Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” I said as amiably as possible. “I noticed you two from over there. Do I know you?”

“Please, I am sure that you know of me,” the brain replied with just a hint of disdain. “I am Dr. Nemonok.”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” I shook my head. Then the significance of his name dawned on me. “Normally, I don’t forget a face. Uh, no offense.”

“None taken, of course,” he replied. Wow, if a brain could sneer I’d be looking at it right now. “I am sure we never met before, but as your reputation precedes you, I was certain that mine preceded me.”

“Right,” I said. He’s definitely with Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord. I have to play this cool, though. “Oh yeah sure, I know you. You’re a psychiatrist, right? Didn’t you lose your license?”

“Yes of course. It was taken away from me,” Nemonok replied, endeavoring to contain his tension. “You know how these government bodies are. All red tape, heh heh.”

“Tell me about it,” I chuckled back as disarmingly as possible. “Hey, you’re on that Who Wants to be a Supervillain show too, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am on that show,” he answered cautiously.

“Ha ha, I love that show! You guys are too much,” I laughed. “Well, I have to get going, if I don’t dance with my wife, she’ll skin me alive.”

----------------------

With the Party now is
>Nic



When I got the communiqué from Captain Picard for this year's Christmas Party I started making all sorts of grand plans. After all, the last two years had been very good to me. and I could hardly wait to see what was in store for this year. Little did I know that circumstances here on Earth would change my point of view about Christmas this year . . . I'm afraid that I arrived in a bit of a bitter mood but Captain Picard, dear soul that he is, had a bit of a surprise in store for me.

-------------------

"What do you mean you're not going?"

I couldn't believe my ears. The man I had been seeing had just told me that not only was he not going to the Enterprise Christmas Party with me, a first since I had never invited anyone to go with me before, but that he had been seeing someone else other than me and had decided that he was going to continue seeing her – and not me. He had been the first guy I'd dated in a long time. What I fool I'd been to open myself up. GAH!

"I'm sorry for not being forthcoming with you but I wanted to keep my options open until I was sure. " The little weasel had the temerity to look uncomfortable as he was gauging me for a reaction. He had better be wary.

"So in other words you're telling me that you decided you weren't sure about me . . . you lied to me. "

"I wouldn't call it lying, I just . . . didn't tell you. "

I arched my left eyebrow and looked down my nose at him. Anyone who knew me knew that two things I really hated were lying and cheating and here was someone who had done both. "You lied by omission. You never told me that this was some sort of competition for your affections " I spat out. "Well, she can have you because I no longer want you. Get. Out. Now."

I sighed. I had just lied to myself there. Of course I still wanted him. We had been great together and all of our mutual friends thought we were the perfect couple. I just didn't get it.

"I don't want to hurt you – "

"Too late for that", I spat out. "No, be honest, it's not that you didn't want to hurt me, it's that you just didn't want me. GET. OUT. NOW!" My blood was starting to boil. Nobody knew the dark me inside that I kept under strict lock and key but he was coming dangerously close to finding out. I reached for the side pocket in my camo pants. He picked the wrong day to tell me that he was choosing someone else. Someone I didn't even know I had been sharing this man with.

I had practiced with my throwing knives earlier in the day and was about to use him as a target. Something in my voice, or maybe my face, made him think better of sticking around and trying to explain more. All that would have served to do was put more fuel on the fire.

"You're a great girl, really awesome, wonderful . . . I . . . I'm sorry. "

"GET! OUT! NOW! "

As he hurried out the door I hurled a blade in his direction and it hit the door frame where his head had just been. He looked back at me with a white face and gulped as he realized just how serious I was.

Sometimes with these oblivious military men, you have to do something extreme to make a point and I hoped I had made mine that I wasn't someone to mess with. I sank down to the sofa cushions as the door closed and put my face in my hands. Four months I had wasted on that sorry sack of . . . well, no matter. Thanks to him my party mood was ruined but I couldn't let my dear Captain Picard down.

Somehow, I didn't think this year's party would be quite as fun as the previous years. *SIGH*

============



As I exited the transporter, I was escorted by one of the red-shirts, you know, the expendable crew, to the Sands night club. In keeping with the theme of the Sands, I decided to wear a short, tight, black patent leather dress with black, knee-high go-go boots. Though I felt dangerous, almost Emma Peel-ish, my hair and makeup was more of the Audrey Hepburn "Breakfast At Tiffany's" style. The dangerous feeling was a fun feeling for once and my adrenaline was exceptionally high. Anything could happen tonight.

"Nic, there you are. I was afraid you weren't going to make it after hearing what happened to you. "

I turned in the direction of the booming voice that came from my lovely friend. Picard was there with Bev, who looked resplendent in a revealing red wraparound dress with a rose.

"Now Captain, you know I wouldn't miss the party come hell, high water or jerks. " I gave the Captain a huge hug, glad to see him again. He had always been one of my biggest supporters, encouragers and dearest friends. It might seem out of character for him to some but then again, I always knew a different side to him.

Beverly came forward and wrapped me in a strong, prolonged hug, which greatly surprised me. "After all you did to calm the melee from last year's party, we are so glad that you showed up. Chin up, dear. Never let them see you cry. "

"Who me?" I laughed at that one. "I don't cry. I don't allow myself to cry. "

Beverly flashed a look of concern to Picard that I pretended not to notice.

"Yes, well, come in, let's get you some refreshments. After your trip from Earth, you must be thirsty. Italian Margarita, if memory serves me correctly." Captain Picard started to guide me toward the bar.

"Actually, I'm in the mood for some dirty house tequila shooters tonight. " Thinking about being solo, yet again, I needed something strong to keep the bad girl inside of me under control.

"Er, um, sure thing Nic. Right this way. "

As I got to the bar I saw my old bartender friend Isaac again. He already had some shooters rimmed with salt and some sliced limes lined up for me.

"How did – ?"

"Heeeyyyyyy! Yeah, they gave me a special implant for tonight that allows me to pick up people drink requests automatically. "

Hmmmm, I wonder if it would work for other things.

One tequila, two tequila, three, tequila . . . floor

Ok, well, not floor, but my mood was steadily improving through the haze of the tart tequila and limes though I still felt dangerous. I turned to look around and saw for the first time the opulence of the Sands.

Vic Fontaine was singing the classic Christmas standard, "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree " and speaking of the tree . . . it stood at a massive 15 feet tall at least and was done in the white plastic branches that were actually popular in the 60's. The ornaments were old style balls and the little bubble lights and tinsel hung from everywhere. Presents were piled high all around and it seemed that there was one for everyone in attendance. I was curious to see what Picard would have for me.

Guinan had a massive feast set up that reminded me of that once scene in the movie, "A Christmas Carol " where the Ghost of Christmas Present is sitting next to a table laden to the ceiling with food. It was going to be some good eats for everyone tonight.

The later it got, the louder the people and the music got and I needed some more tequila to deal with the hullabaloo. I mingled with the crew. Chatted with Deanna and Will. Believe it or not, I think Will lost a few pounds from last year. I mentioned it to Deanna.

"Girdle."

"What? Really? " That wasn't something one heard every day.

"Oh yeah. He's a little vain, as you know, and he can't keep away from the donuts so he needs a little help to keep up the façade of being in shape. It's a real pain to tighten it. I barely have the strength to keep the girth contained." She sighed and looked over at Worf. I felt a little uncomfortable as her eyes virtually undressed him from across the room, so I left and walked over to the tree again to see if I could find my present.

I was mesmerized once again by the soft glow of the lights. What would have been horribly tacky in some other place was beautiful here at the Sands. Some of the kids had gathered around the tree and it made me wistful for my own daughter who was staying with my mom tonight so that I could be here. She would really have loved this. My eyes started to get misty and the lights on the tree sparkled even brighter under the tears. I furiously fanned my eyes to get them to disappear. I. Don't. Cry.

*SMACK*

Without blinking I whipped around and whoever had slapped my rear end hard was on the ground faster than one could say, "Jack Sprat"; the knife I had slipped from my boot against their neck.

"I. Hate. My. Rear. Being. Smacked." I forced the words through my gritted teeth.

"Hey, back off! I can do what I want because it's Britney, bi– "



I cuffed her temple hard and knocked her out. "That's enough of that. Filthy language at a Christmas Party around kids. I think NOT!"

Picard came over with a look of concern on his face. "Oh dear. I let Ensign Britney out for a few minutes because she promised she would behave if I would let her be part of the festivities for once. "

"And you believed her?" I shook my head.

"Don't worry, she's going back in the brig." Captain Picard motioned for security droids to come and take her away.

After watching them exit he looked at me and smiled and said, "Now, it's time for presents. "

"But aren't you Santa every year?"

"Yes, but I felt this year that Will's, ahem, belly shook more like jelly than mine. " He ran his hands over his trim waist and I laughed.

-------------------

After all the presents had been given out, and there were some really neat ones, I still had not been given mine yet. I wasn't going to say anything though because that would be petty.

"I'll bet you're wondering where your gift is" , Beverly said with a kind tone to her voice. I didn't say anything and the gentleness of her voice was grating on my nerves causing my fists to clench. NOT! GOOD!

Vic was singing "Blue Christmas" now and it sure did seem like one.

"Every year you show up here alone and you have fun and enjoy yourself, especially last year, but this year you had a bit of a shock to your heart right before coming so we thought we would do something special for you. " Deanna looked at me with understanding in her eyes and I started to calm down a bit.

I looked around and saw all of my Enterprise friends had moved in and I started to get a little concerned at just what they had planned.

"Close your eyes, Nic." The way that Captain Picard had phrased it made it clear it was an order and not a request. I was hesitant but I did it anyway and waited.

"Mommy!"

My heart leapt in my chest and I opened my eyes. There was my daughter all dressed up in a beautiful holiday dress with her beautiful, thick hair cascading down her back in curls.

She ran to me and hugged me with all the love her little 6 year old arms could muster.

Suddenly the back up singers burst out with the Mariah Carey version of "All I Want for Christmas is You " and, dammit, my eyes started tearing up.

I looked at Captain Picard. "How– How did you know? "

"Christmas is a time to spend with family and friends. Those you love. I couldn't think of a better gift to give you than to have your daughter be here with you this year at the party instead of being home while you're here alone. " My dear Captain smiled and came forward to give me a hug and then he slipped me a handkerchief to wipe my tears away.

"Thank you. Thank all of you! This is the very best present I could have been given this year. A reminder of what real love is about."

I hugged my little girl for several seconds and gave her kisses and then she and I went out to dance on the floor as holographic snow started to fall.

It had turned out to be a wonderful party after all!

----------------

What a way to end the guests viewpoints!

-----------------

Just time now for my own!

Things have been tough to maintain. The brig has been starting to fill up. Britney and T'Pol have occupied it. Even when I let the tearaway Ensign out, who was wearing her Dr Martens boots and black PVC mini dress she was back in within half an hour.

There have been dancing duels between Riker and Worf. At least it brought a lot of entertainment.

I must say, there have been a few unexpected guests. The Borg Queen turned up, but fortunately Reg Barclay managed to keep her entertained, and she now happily dances the Foxtrot with him.

I'm not sure what has happened to Seven Of Nine and Sky. We expected trouble from them, but they vanished for a while.. Two young women who nobody recognises appeared later though.

Very strange.

Bev's outfit for the Party could be called my Christmas present.



A beautiful woolen red dress; she even bought a rose to give me. I'll be sure to find that mistletoe this evening!

I heard something about Riker being attacked by a giant donut earlier, but thought I must have misheard, due to the high amount of Klingon Bloodwine and Romulan Ale I had consumed.

"All right, everybody." says Vic, "The Party will soon be coming to a close. Time to dance with those you care about."

Riker holds Deanna, Karena brings Wesley on to the floor, Trisha Lewis and Geordi are ready, Data gets Jennifer Baxter, Britney picks her best friend T'Pol, Worf holds Jadzia, Ro Laren takes Reg Barclay, which annoys the Borg Queen, Seven Of Nine chooses Sky, and I have a smiling Beverly.

The band plays a slow version of "White Christmas."

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

Vic then sings a slow, moochy version of 'Have Yourselves A Merry Little Christmas'

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

-----

"Happy Christmas everybody!" Vic calls out.

Beverly and I kiss.

"Happy Christmas, Jean-Luc."

"Happy Christmas, Beverly."


Beverly gives me the rose, which I wear.

Time to find that mistletoe!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!
---------------

Seven Of Nine Dates Reg Barclay (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Reg Barclay

What did I let myself in for?

Seven Of Nine has ordered that she and I go on a d-date at The Sands holographic nightglub so that she can start a relationship and learn about human behaviour.

I-I was so t-taken by surprise I could not say no; as the date is tonight, I'm p-panic stricken.

I talk to Deanna. She is always a good person who can help me.

"You do have a problem, Reg." she says, "Why don't you just be yourself? I'll admit that Seven isn't your average woman, but she is a human under all those implants."

"I s-see what you mean, Deanna." I reply.

"Just compliment her, Reg." she continues, "Don't think she might assimilate you when when the night is over."

This makes me even more terrified. Deanna tells me not to worry, and I leave her office.

I'm sure I heard the sound of Betazoid laughter after I closed the door.

------------

A few hours later, I show up at Seven's door with a bunch of flowers. She opens the door.



"Hello Reg Barclay." she states firmly, "What are these flowers for?"

"T-They're for you, S-Seven." I say hesitantly, "A man likes to give a woman flowers, especially on a first date."

This provokes some anger from her.

"I am not a woman, but a member of the Borg." she dictates, "The Borg are supreme."

"Y-y-yes" I reply, "But you are learning about human behaviour."

Seven considers this.

"You are correct, Reg Barclay." she says, "Thank you for flowers,"

"Y-you're welcome, Seven." I tell her, "You look very err.... pretty tonight."

-------------

We make our way to The Sands, where the hologram Vic Fontaine is playing a set tonight. Everybody stares at us in amazement.

"Stop staring at us, or you will be assimilated!" Seven tells them.

I must admit, I smiled to myself about this one.

Vic Fontaine sings a couple of numbers and comes over to us.



"Hi, lovebirds" he says to us, "It's always a pleasure to see romantic couples here at The Sands."
I go bright red, and Seven stands up.

"We are only on our first date." she tells Vic "We are not yet 'lovebirds' as you call it."

"Whoa!" he replies, "I'm sure you two just need a song to get you started."

He signals the band, and they play 'Strangers In The Night.'

Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wondring in the night
What were the chances wed be sharing love
Before the night was through.

Something in your eyes was so inviting,
Something in you smile was so exciting,
Something in my heart,
Told me I must have you.

Strangers in the night, two lonely people
We were strangers in the night
Up to the moment
When we said our first hello.
Little did we know
Love was just a glance away,
A warm embracing dance away and -

Ever since that night weve been together.
Lovers at first sight, in love forever.
It turned out so right,
For strangers in the night.

--------------

Later, Seven gets up to leave with me.

"This has been a satisfactory date, Reg Barclay." she tells me, "We shall have to decide where to go for our second date."

I start to look panic stricken.

"Err..w-well, S-Seven." I tell her, "Maybe we w-will someday when we've g-got the t-time."

"We shall make the time." Seven replies, "Incidentally, when I mentioned to Commander Riker about our date, he started talking in baseball terminology about first base and second base. Do you know what he meant?"

I panic again.

"I-I really h-have n-no idea." I manage to reply.

Seven kisses me, her eye implant almost poking my eye out.

"Goodnight, Reg Barclay." she says.

I stagger to my quarters and manage to get to bed before I pass out.

Ten Forward & The Sands

Guest Poster: Guinan

I'm getting a little worried about business here in Ten Forward. Over the last couple of days, the place has become very quiet. It used to be a very active place, but now it's more like people were expecting Data to give a poetry recital.

That's not it, of course; the real reason is Vic Fontaine and the Sands nightclub.

Ever since that continually running program was installed in Holodeck 6, people have flocked to see Fontaine and his nightly shows. As a result, Ten Forward is very empty.

It's no use going to Jean-Luc. He will just say that the crew need a place to relax and enjoy when their shift is over. They have a choice of where to go.

Besides that, he and Beverly go and get the best seats in The Sands every night.

The only way to tackle this is to talk to Fontaine himself.

-----------------

As I step in, Fontaine and his band have just finished rehearsing a number. He sees me, smiles and walks over.



"Guinan!" he says with a smile, as he takes me hand and kisses it, "I've heard so much about you; I had no idea you were so beautiful."

This sure disarms someone who was about to complain about their business being taken away!

"Look, Mr Fontaine..." I start, "I need to talk to you about.."

"Call me Vic, I insist." he replies, "Come over here and we'll chat for a while." He calls to his band that they should take a break for ten minutes.

I tell Vic about the problem I am having, and he looks very apologetic.

"Guinan." he tells me, "I had no idea this situation would occur; if I knew, I would have set up another arrangement. Perhaps we can work together at this."

"How do you mean?"

"Well." he replies, "How would you like to be co-owner of the Sands as well as Ten Forward?"

I smile; Vic is a shrewd businessman. He would have done well in the 20th century; better than that guy named Gates.

"I like how you think, Vic." I tell him, "We could promote each other's business."

"Exactly!" Vic says with a smile, "The holographic bands could guest in Ten Forward, and any solid artists could come to The Sands."

"Quid Pro Quo." we say together, and seal the deal with a kiss.

"Careful." I say, "I am well over 500 years old."

"...and I'm a hologram!" Vic replies, "There are some unusual couples in the universe."

Vic goes up to the band, tells them something and they start singing.

That old black magic has me in its spell
That old black magic that you weave so well
Icy fingers up
and down my spine
The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine

The same old tingle that I feel
inside
When that elevator starts its ride
Down and down I go, round and round I go
Like a leaf that's
caught in the tide

I should stay away but what can I do
I hear your name, and I'm aflame
Aflame with
such a burning desire
That only your kiss can put out the fire

You are the lover that I've waited for

The mate that fate had me created for
And every time your lips meet mine....

I smile, and leave the club. Even a 500 year old can still charm them!

This visit of complaint didn't turn out too bad after all!

Vic Fontaine

On a recent visit to Deep Space Nine, I was very impressed with the self-aware holographic lounge singer Vic Fontaine that they have there. I asked Captain Sisko if he could send us a copy of his program so we could install him om one of our holodecks.

-------------

Geordi and Data have been working on the installation and we are ready to go.

"Well, Captain." says Geordi, "As you know, Vic will be aware he's a hologram, like the EMH Doctor."

Fortunately, Vic won't have the annoying mannerisms of the EMH, but instead will be able to sing a lot better.

"Perhaps I'll be able to play my trombone in the band?" suggests Riker.

I hope not; that will empty the nightclub faster than a fire alarm or the sound of General Quarters.

The program is activated, and a holographic nightclub comes to life; the flashing sign, 'The Sands' is above, and characters are watching the stage. The band is playing and Vic is at the front.



He looks over to us.

"Hi fellas!" he calls out, "Glad to be playing for a season on the Enterprise. Here's an opening number for you."

Come fly with me, let’s fly let’s fly away
If you can use, some exotic booze
There’s a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me, we’ll fly we’ll fly away

Come fly with me, let’s float down to Peru
In llama land, there’s a one man band
And he’ll toot his flute for you
Come fly with me, we’ll float down in the blue

Once I get you up there, where the air is rarefied
We’ll just glide, starry eyed
Once I get you up there, I’ll be holding you so near
You may here, angels cheer - because were together

Weather wise it’s such a lovely day
You just say the words, and we’ll beat the birds
Down to acapulco bay
It’s perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say
Come fly with me, we’ll fly we’ll fly away

Worf looks slightly annoyed.

"Is this holographic character going to do this every time we switch the program on, sir" he complains.

"Mr Worf." I tell him, "Vic will know how to run this program himself. Holodeck 6 will now bcome known as 'The Sands', and crew will be able to drop in whenever they are off duty to listen to Vic and his band play."

"It is no good for discipline." he comments to himself.

"Don't be a downer, Worfie." chides Jadzia, giving him a playful slap on the arm, which he appears to like, "It is good for the morale of the crew to have somewhere else to relax besides Ten Forward."

Vic tells the band to take five; this phrase leaves Data somewhat confused for a moment until he seaches his memory files. Then he gives an odd laugh.

"Hi everybody." says Vic, "Glad to meet you all. Don't forget, if there's any numbers you want me to do for you, just holler and the band will play them for you."

Deanna names a weird Betazoid song that no one has ever heard of; Vic looks puzzled.

"That's a tough one, Miss Troi." he says, "Still if Geordi puts it into my programming, the band and I will do it without a problem."

"How about 'Torn Between Two Lovers' instead?" comments Worf, with a sarcastic tone, "I'm sure that would be more appropriate."

"What's that supposed to mean?" shouts Deanna.

"Yes Worf." adds Riker, "I think that was uncalled for."

Worf and Jadzia leave with smiles on their faces.

I hope we're not going to have too much trouble at The Sands; people are supposed to relax, not open up old wounds!

Beverly reminds me to get a good seat at The Sands tonight.

"Bev" I tell her, "I think as Captain, I will always somehow manage to get a good seat!"