Out Of Fashion

 Guest Poster: Deanna Troi.

Being in suspended animation was a complete disaster for me.

After all, I am always on the pulse of the Federation fashion scene, even more so than that Kalinda Kardashian, who parades herself around in her scanties.

You can imagine my surprise when I went out on the first night after returning from our long haul, presumed lost in space. What did everyone say? Certainly not "Welcome back." More like "That outfit is so yesterday. No one is wearing that sort of thing anymore"

Red faced, I beamed myself quickly to the Starfleet Mall and maxed out my clothing allowance, which had grown to a huge amount due to our absence.

While getting a mini dress, I saw Bev trying out a few new items as well from the racks.

Do you think this outfit looks good one me?" Bev asked, "I think pink would be great for evenings out."

"I guess so." I said through gritted teeth. I would have bought that outfit if Bev had not goy her mitts on it first.

A while later, I was back on the Enterprise trying out the range of new outfits.

This is a good one.  They should see me through the next year. Unless Jean-Luc sends the ship the wrong way again and we do another Rip Van Winkle.

In Sick Bay

Guest Post: The Doctor


"What is the nature of your medical emergency?" I say as I'm switched on. Sometimes I wish I had a different opening line.

Captain Picard is there.

"Doctor" he says, "The Enterprise has been in suspended animation for the last three years. I will need you, Doctor Crusher and Nuirse Delmara to help out with any stress the crew may have from learning that their loved ones have aged while they haven't."

The Captain walks out while I ponder this.

Three years? Another human foul-up I suppose.

Beverly approaches. I suppose she will want to take over the running of everything. Some things never change.

"We could have quite a rush of people, Doctor." she says, "Some of the crew might be very panic stricken about the outside universe ageing while they haven't. Give them a supply of stress pills."

Yes, sure. A stress pill is the answer to everything.

Penelope Delmara gives me a beaming smile and hugs me.

"Oh, Joe!" she exclaims, "It's go good to see you again. Though it seems like yesterday, I've missed having you around."

I must admit, I've missed her too. My personal nurse is the only one who calls me Joe. I must admit, I rather like it.

The first crewman comes in, holding his head as if it is going to fall off.

"I can't believe it." he says to himself, "My wife has probably got a new lover by now."

If she has any sense, she will, I think to myself.

Time to start giving out the stress pills. Before long, I might be wishing I could have one as well.

Shopping With Bev & Kathryn

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi 

As we promised her, Bev and I are taking Kathryn Janeway on a tour of the Starfleet Mall. She has been away for seven years. Her fashion sense is pretty shocking. Kate is wearing clothes that I wouldn't be seen dead in.

If anyone asks who is dressed in that strange garb, I'll just have to say I don't know who she is. Kathryn joins Bev and I and we set off.

 "Bev and Deanna." she says, "I want to thank you both for taking me out here to see the latest fashions. It's been so long since I've had a good shop..or a real drink for that matter."

Beverly explains that she and Kate used to go out and cruise the bars, getting drunk many years ago. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. It's not the Bev I am used to knowing, but we all did things differently in our younger days.

"This is the 'in' thing right now." declares Bev, pointing at a shop window. There is an elegant dress there, with a split cut to the waist.

"It's a little daring." comments Kathryn, "Not only that, it looks transparent."

"So it is." Bev agrees, "But you'll look great. Go and try it on.

We push the reluctant Kate into the shop. She goes to the changing room and comes out to see what we think.

"You look fabulous." we agree.

"You don't think I'm showing too much leg do you."

"Not at all." I answer, "The fashion now is to expose the legs. In other words, legs are 'in', Kathryn."

"It's a good job I didn't wear this on Voyager." she smiles to herself, "There would have been quite a few glances in my way from fellow crew members."

The three of us leave the shop.

"I have to meet Will. now." I tell them, "We are going to the cinema to see Indiana Jones In The Care Home. See you later."

"That's all right." Bev replies, "Kate and I have got a lot of catching up to do in the local bars. We are going to drink each other under the table."

Kathryn, Bev & Jean-Luc

Guest Poster: Kathryn Janeway 

Well, it's great to be back on Earth at last after seven long years away on Voyager. Next time I'll take one of those navigation devices that fit in cars. Tom Paris could never find his way around anywhere!

Would you believe it, the ship lands on Earth, just outside Starfleet Headquarters. Some bigwig comes on and makes me an Admiral!  All this for getting their ship lost for seven years. The logic of some people. I know B'Elanna wouldn't have been happy about it, but she had just delivered her daughter and was in no mood to complain.

Finally I get off board and go to my apartment. The mail that I have. Despite the regular items, seven years of junk mail is a lot, I can tell you that.

Eventually I have a hot bath and change. The door bell goes. I answer it and find it is Jean-Luc Picard and Beverly Crusher.

"Hello erm...Admiral Janeway." Crusher begins, "Captain Picard and I would like to welcome you back to Earth and congratulate you on your new appointment."

Kowtowing to the new Admiral! Before I left, seven years ago, Beverly was very much the friendly sort. We would hold each other up in the bars and come back drunk at night!

"Yes." Picard adds, "We thought we'd lost you when the Voyager vanished." It's so good that an invaluable member of Starfleet is back with us."

Oh puh-leeze! Pass the sickbag, someone!



"Call me Kate like you used to!" I yell out at last, "All this formality is driving me crazy! For seven years I've had to maintain top rank as Captain on a tin can at the other end of the galaxy. It's about time you let the Starfleet collar off!"

"Err...yes, Admiral...I mean Kate." Jean-Luc answers, still rather reluctant to address a superior officer in that way, even off duty.

Beverly is different. She stands up and hugs me tightly.

"Welcome back, Kate!" she says warmly. "I've missed you SO much!"

"That's more like it!" I answer, "Now remember, Jean-Luc, the next time you visit here, leave your starchy collar behind."

"Err..yes."

"Now, Bev, I haven't been to the Starfleet Mall in seven years, nor have we been able to go to the bar and have enough drinks that we get thrown out.."

"That's something we are going to have to do." Bev answers, "But be sure that you don't end up in jail. It won't look good on your Admiral's resume."

"Well it was already on yours and mine the last time we did it." I guess one more won't harm!"

Jean-Luc rolls his eyes. He always was the party pooper.

He won't be invited!

In The Spa

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

I am in the Enterprise Spa with Annika Hansen and the new assistant to the holographic doctor, Penelope Delmara. After lifting some rather heavy weights, we are all in the sauna, ready to relax.

Annika casts her towel away with ease, as does Penny. Why do I feel reluctant? After all, I'm a doctor. I know what the female form looks like! Is it because they are still so young, and I am um...more mature. Still, Jean-Luc has no complaints! I smile to myself.

Eventually I do take my towel off and put it down, and realise the other women take no notice. They are lying on the benches in the searing heat as we start to sweat.

"How are you liking it here on the Enterprise, Penny?"  I ask the Spanish woman, "Are you getting along with everyone?"

 















"Oh yes, Bev!" Penny exclaims, "Everyone is so friendly. Joe likes me in particular. I think there is a little romance in the air for me."

"Joe?" Annika asks in bewilderment, "Who's he?"

"The holographic doctor, Annie." answers Penny, "He told me he never gave himself a name, so I have said I will call him Joe until he finds a better one. Actually, I think he is going to keep it."

Annika rolls her eyes.

"How are you and Seven getting along?" I ask Annika, "Are your consciousnesses maintaining a steady truce?"

                                                 

"We are starting to get along and learning to respect each other." Annika answers, "Although there are some times when.....anyway, fortunately, Seven doesn't care much for the heat, so is not going to make an appearance while we are in the sauna."

"I must admit, it is warm in here now." I comment, as the sweat pours down. "Is everybody ready for a cool shower?"

They agree and we get up to open the door.

It's stuck.

"What is it, Bev?" asks a worried Penny.

I tell them and soon we are all pushing against the door, screaming and shouting to be rescued.

"I don't wanna die!" yells Penny.

"Control yourself." orders the more assured Annika, "We will be rescued soon."

I wish I shared her enthusiasm.

Ten minutes later, we are still beating on the door. It feels like our bodies are on fire.

Then through the little window, I see a figure passing. It is Will Riker. He sees us and comes to help. He undoes a catch on the door which must have slipped and opens it.

"Thank you, Will!" I say, hugging him, "We wouldn't have lasted another five minutes in there.

Riker looks inside at Penny and Annika, then at me. He gives a discreet cough. Then I remember.

We would have been wise to put those towels on first!

The Doctor's New Assistant (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Doctor













I'm arguing with Beverly Crusher, as usual, but this time it's about a different subject.

"I assure you, Doctor." I say, "That I most definately do not need a human assistant to help me with my medical work in SickBay. I have been programmed with the minds of the top doctors in Starfleet and am more than capable of handling things myself."

"Sorry, Doctor." she answers, "The order comes from up high at Starfleet HQ. Penelope Delmara not only is a qualified medical assistant, but is also an expert in holographics.2

I grumble, but know it won't do any good. I'll have some wrinkled old crone assisting me when I can do the job perfectly well by myself.

-------------

A few hours later, Doctor Crusher and I are standing by in the Transporter Room to welcome aboard my new assistant. The familiar buzzing takes place, and she appears in the room.

"Ah, hello Doctor Crusher." says the new arrival, in a charming Spanish accent, "I have heard so much about you. Pleased to meet you. I'm Penelope Delmara. Everyone calls me Penny."

Then she turns to me.

"I'm the holographic doctor." I say with a pleasant smile, "Welcome aboard the Enterprise."

"But what is your name?" she asks, "All holograms should have a name."

"I've never got round to it." I reply.

"Well, we'll have to do something about that!" Penny declares, "It's the fundamental right of all holograms to be individually named. I've campaigned for hologram activism for a long time. For the moment, I'll call you Joe until you decide on your name by yourself."

"Thank you, Penny." I say, warming to this young woman.

"No problem....Joe." she answers with a beaming smile as we prepare to leave the Transporter Room.

I think I'm going to like my new assistant!

To be continued.....

Picard In The Gym

"You're out of condition, Jean-Luc." Bev tells me as she completes her examination in SickBay, "The plain truth is that you are not getting about enough. Sitting in the Command Chair won't do you any good."

"But I go on those away missions." I protest.

"When you think it's safe enough." she snorts, "Otherwise you send some redshirts down to get the bullet. Look, I'm ordering you to report to the Enterprise gym this afternoon at 14:00 to start getting fit. Deanna and I will both be there doing the same and to spur you on."

A few hours later, I approach with my gym bag.


This isn't my sort of thing at all. I'd rather just lie down with a good book and drink.

I enter the gym and am greeted by the exhausted sounds of two women.

"Go-good to s-see you here, Jean-Luc gasps Bev, who looks worn out, but rather alluring in her leotard. So does Deanna. Perhaps it won't be such a bad thing to work out here after all..

I get my outfit on, and am ready to go.

"I suggest you do a few press-ups first, Captain, to get your body accustomed to the heavy work it will be doing." Deanna recommends.

I bend down and start doing about three. Already I am a spent force, but can't let the women know that.

"After that, you can do some sit ups, vault the horse, work on some weightlifting and so on." Bev tells me.

I didn't know she was the descendant of the Marquis de Sade!

Suddenly, Deanna twists her ankle while attempting a complicatred squat thrust. She rolls in agony.

"I'd better take you up to SickBay, Deanna." Bev says while examining the ankle, then calls to me, "I'll have to treat the ankle for the rest of the afternoon. You do all those exercises, Jean-Luc."

After they have gone, I consider doing the rigorous programme laid down. Then I think of something else.

Reading while having a drink in a warm solarium. A much better way to be in condition!

Karena's Second Child (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena

Having arrived safely on my home planet of Wondawowman in time for the birth of my second daughter, I am greeeted by Captain Picard, my mother in law Bev Crusheer, my sister Nexa and my mother Queen Diana.



"Thank the stars you are here, daughter." the queen tells me, "Your sister and I shall carry you on a stretcher to the Birthing Chamber."

"Actually, it might be a good idea if Karena had the baby right here." suggests Dr Ted.

A bad mistake. A male, even a holographic one, does not question the will of an Amazonian Queen.

My mother looks in rage at him.

"You will be SILENT!" she shouts, "Only women may be in the sacred Birthing Chamber."



"In that case, can I come along?" Beverly suggest, "My medical knowledge will be important should any complications arise."

Reluctantly, my mother agrees, seeing the sense of having a doctor present, even though amazons usually have babies without any problems. A few minutes later, they are throwing spears again.

Lying on a litter, I am carried up a steep, turbulant volcanic mountain and enter the Birthing Chamber. A huge hot, bubbling pool is in front of me.

My mother changes into white robes, while Nexa and I remove our clothes to sit in the Birthing Pool.



Nexa holds me as my mother steps into the pool. I feel my daughter coming.

"AHHHHH" I call out, as Nexa pins me down. My mother bends down and lifts my young amazonian daughter up. Bev looks in amazement at home smoothly it was all done.

"What say you name this child?" asks the Queen.

"Monica." I decide.

"Very well." she says, "By the authority vested me as Queen of Wondawowman, I name this daughter Monica, and declare her to be a Princess of this Realm."

I get out of the Birthing Pool. Nexa and I put our clothes back on.

We all go down the cliff face. I'm feeling a lot better now I have a heavy weight out of me. All the others are waiting below.

"How did it go?" asks an anxious Wes.

"Meet Monica." Nexa laughs, as she presents the baby girl to him.



Everybody cheers.

I take hold of Monica and grab my spear.

"I'll just be an hour." I tell everybody, as I walk into the nearby woods, "I've just going to show my new daughter how I kill and skin a bear."

Bev's mouth, for some reason, drops open in amazement.

Starfleet Redundancies (Part Three)

With all the talk of redundancies in Starfleet, the crew have been thrown into a right panic. Rumours abound be for the chop after the Evaluator talks to them in the one-to-one meeting that will come up for all of them. Things are now even more frantic, as he has now arrived on board.

------------

We go to ingratiate ourselves with the Starfleet Evaluator.



"Hello" I say, "I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard" I say, giving him my hand to shake. He doesn't respond.

"I'm George Smith, the Chief Starfleet Evaluator." he says coldly, "Please take me to a room where I may conduct the one-to-one meetings. I shall want to talk with all your senior staff, beginning with you, Captain Picard."

As we walk there, Riker beckons me aside.

"That's difficult, sir." the Commander comments, "He is known as Shredder Smith for the ruthless way in which he has downsized key departments in Starfleet."




"Perhaps I ought to wear this short skirt?" Deanna suggests, "It might help."

"Deanna." replies Riker, "Even if you went in there naked, I don't think it would make any difference to Shredder Smith."

-------

Eventually, Smith says he is ready. I go in to sit down, and find that my chair has been lowered, and the Evaluator's is significantly raised, so that he looks down on me.

"Now then, Captain" he starts, "You have been with Starfleet for some time. "You could take voluntary redundancy. It would save trouble for someone else."

"I don't intend to do that." I say sharply, "I like the position I have and don't want to be pushed out."

"That's not a good attitude to take, Captain." Smith replies, "Starfleet needs to make necessary restructuring in order to make itself leaner and better."

"Restructuring is another word for getting rid of people." I aggressively tell him, "There will be less people to do the same work. Starfleet will suffer in how it functions. Why don't YOU take voluntarily redundancy."

"I am always needed." Smith comments smugly.

"And Starfleet Captains are not?" I reply.

Smith writes a lot on his form and sends me out.



"How did you do?" Bev asks.

"I may need to go into SickBay." I answer, "I think I've shot myself in the foot."

--------------

Over the next few hours, all the senior staff go in, and come out with a tired and harassed look. Eventually, Shedder Smith gathers us up in the Ready Room to discuss the results.

"I have found that a lot of the work here is duplicated, or could be centralised." he starts, "There are certain staff that  have been here too long, we are using for carriage, and duties where a planet could do on their own for a lot less money."

Everyone listens in close.

"I have therefore selected the following senior staff for redundancy. Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Alyssa Orgawa, T'Pol, Lieutenant Britney, Lieutenant Jennifer Baxter, Seven of Nine, Commander Jadzia Dax and Counselor Deanna Troi."

We are all stunned.  What shall we do now?

To be continued.....

Starfleet Redundancies (Part Two)

My whole ready room is filled with noise and shouting, every member of the senior staff trying to talk above the other.

Ever since Starfleet put the word out that there are likely to be redundancies across the board, the crew have been thrown into a panic

I try to call order, but my voice cannot be heard. Bev gets a dreinking close and taps it loudly on the table. The noise goes over everything.

"Quiet for the Captain!!!" she yells out next to my ear.

I stand up and address them all when the ringing has gone from my ears.

"Now I know that you are all concerned." I start, "At this moment, we don't who what will be happening...."

"Too right!" says a female voice from the back that sounds very much like Lieutenant Britney. Others start making various complaining points.



"What about me?" protests Alyssa Orgawa, "I haven't been here that long. Is it going to be 'last in, first out'? I'm too young to be on the galactic dole queue.."

"I suppose they will be switching me off to save money!" grumbles the holographic doctor.

"There is a chance I may not be required also." Data calmly comments.



"What if Worfie gets the push?" Jadzia points out, "What will I do? There are a lot of couples here whose lives will be disrupted because of this."

A huge amount of talking ensues at this comment.

"You have a good point there, Jadzia." I say, "We need to be sure that the lives of couples and familes are not broken down as a result. I'm sure the person who comes to do the one-to-one with us will take that into account"

All of a sudden, I get a message, which I pass on to the others.

"I have just had word that the interviewer from Starfleet has arrived, and is now on board,"

To be continued after the TWQ........

After The Party

This year, I was determined to wake up after the Enterprise Christmas Party without an enoumous hangover. Before, I've found others like the Borg Queen sitting in my Command Chair looking after things when I got to the Bridge.

Not this time.




"Have these." Bev suggets, giving me a bottle of pills when I wake up in our quarters with a sound noiser than the Notre Dame Cathedral ringing in my ears, "It will completely suppress the hangover you have and return you to normal."

I consume four of them quickly,  and suddeenly feel very different. Alert and bright again.

"Err, Jean-Luc." she says with a worried look, "You were only supposed to have one of those pills. They are largely experimental, we don't know about side effects and..."

"Never mind!" I say, with a spring in my step, "I'm off to look after the Bridge. Wow! I feel so much better now!"

On the way there, I see crewmen staggering around, as if their heads have been hit by a shovel.

When I get to the Bridge,  Riker looks barely awake.



"WAKEY, WAKEY, NUMBER ONE!" I yell out ou, laughing. This causes Riker to suddenly shoot up, hold his head in pain and collapse unconsious.

The Borg Queen, in the Command Chair shows surprise.



"Well I am intrigued." she says, "Usually you are too worn out to assume command and have a massive hangover, so I have to run the ship for a while. You are quite different this year."

"That's because I've had these pills, Queenie." I explain, "I feel I've got a fantastic amount of energy and could stay awake for a week."

"Most curious." she comments.

"Yes, so thanks for helping." I tell her, "But we won't need you to command until I recover this year."

"Very well, Jean-Luc." Queenie smiles, as she gets ready to leave., "Just be careful all your energy doesn't burn up in one go. Your body could wear out very soon."

"That's not gonna happ..." I start to say, before I feel my body falling to the floor, and me ready to board a First Class train to the Land of Nod.

I just about hear Queenie sighing as she turns round and goes towards the Command Chair again.

The Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

No one takes my man away from, me!

The Enterprise Christmas Party had been going well, the usual this and that going on, until the Borg Queen arrived. She has two burly drones with her, who keep me aside while she whisks Jean-Luc on to the dancefloor. He can't do anything about it, and the pair of them have been doing smoochy dances since then.

I have stormed off to my quarters, to get my dress ammunition. Deanna follows me.



"What are you going to do, Bev?" she asks me desperately, "Don't do anything dangerous."

"I'm not going to." I reply, "It's time to break out the Emergency Dress."

"What..you mean...."



"Yes." I say, "If anyone is going to dance with Jean-Luc, it's going to be me."

I free the Emergency Dress from it's wrapping and show it to Deanna. She gasps in amazement.

"Beverly." she comments, when she recovers from the shock, "You can't wear that, It's too short."

"I know," I reply, as I take off my first party outfit and put onthe Emergency Dress "But I'm wearing it all the same."

With it on, I emerge and stride back towards the holographic nightclub. I can tell the crewmen are turning their heads round as they go past.

Finally I walk in and head towards the dancefloor.



The Borg bodyguards look in stunned amazement. Even The Strolling Drones have stopped playing for a few seconds while everyone looks at me.

I walk up to The Borg Queen and Jean-Luc, both who I can tell couldn't believe the outfit I had on. I push the Queen aside and take Jean-Luc in my arms, saying calmly, "Thanks for looking after him, Queenie, I'll be dancing with him from now on."

Queenie has a defeated look on her. I see her say to herself "I can't beat that tonight."

"You must have broken open the Emergency Dress that I've heard so much about." Jean-Luc whispers in my ear as we glide the floor. You look sensational."

I smile as the hours go by. Queenie is forced to dance with Annika who is in her Seven Of Nine consiousness.

The songs the Strolling Bones play from the point I return tend to have a common theme. They play The Mini Skirt Song, Miniskirts In Moscow, Mini Skirts, and also Mascara Miniskirts and Madness.

"I think mini skirts are very much in the Hive Mind right now!" I laugh.

"Merry Christmas, Bev." he says.

"Merry Christmas, Jean-Luc." I answer before we kiss.

The Enterprise Christmas Party (Part One)

"What are THEY doing here." I ask Riker, as the Party is about to begin.

Before Riker can answer, Annika butts in with her Seven Of Nine consiousness.





"The Borg Queen prefers her resident band The Strolling Drones to play in the holographic nightclub, rather than one put together by a computer." she says sniffily.

"Now see here, Seven...." Riker starts to complain.

"It's all right, Will." I tell him, "A live band probably is better, even if they are just Borg drones. If it will keep Queenie placated, then we will go along with it."

The drones set up their instruments. I must say, they look smart in their bow ties and black suits, despite being covered in metal and having an implant over one eye.

------------

Not long after, the guests are starting to pour in. Bev is standing next to me by the piano.



"You look a little tense, Bev." I say to her, "Anything wrong?"

 "No, Jean-Luc." she answers, "I'm just wondering what trick the Borg Queen is going to use to get you away from me so you two can dance all evening."

"Relax, Bev." I tell her, "You and I both have our dance cards full throughout the entire Party...and our names are one each other's"

"Oh, Jean-Luc." see says before kissing me, "You always know what to say."

Worf comes up to me, wearing an evening suit, but still sporting a phaser.

"Excuse me, Captain." he warns me, "I have had warning that the Borg Queen has arrived and will be making her entrance shortly."

"Thank you, Mr Worf." I answer, but before he can say anything, his wife Jadzia Dax whisks him on to the dancefloor where the Okey Cokey is just starting up. Worf looks annoyed at this, and I can lip read his protest to Jadzia that "A Klingon warrior does not do the Okey Cokey!"

Our gay crew officers Lieuternant Britney and T'Pol go over to meet their friends Annette and Amanda, who they met last year. They were the proprieters of the gay bar where the last Enterprise Christmas Party was held.



I do my best not to listen in, but the four of them all talk very loud.

"It's so good to see you two again." Annette says, hugging them, "Thank you for inviting us."

"Well I tried to get the party at your place again, but you-know-who wouldn't let us." Britney answers.

I feel my ears burning at that one.

"The four of us don't get together very often." Amanda adds, "I'm glad you did, "We can get in some serious drinking and dancing done here"

"Absolutely, let's head to the bar." T'Pol comments, "The first round is on us."



"Yeah, what's your favourite?" asks Britney as their voices go out of earshot. Bev nudges me in the ribs as a way of telling me not to eaversdrop.

Suddenly, The Strolling Drones stop their music and play a fanfare of music. Obviously it is to herald the arrival of their leader.

The Borg Queen whisks her way into the holographic nightclub, flanked by two drone guards. She looks around, sees me and heads my way.

The Queen walks up and smiles, ignoring Bev after a cursory greeting and glance. The bodyguards position themselves between me and Bev.





"I'm looking forward to dancing and smooching with you ALL night, Jean-Luc." she quietly says in my ear. As we were lovers when I was assimilated, the Borg Queen has always had designs on me.

"Sorry, Queenie." I answer, "I'm with Bev.".

The Queen looks around, and as Bev is stuck behind the drones, she is not visible. "I see no Bev." Queenie teasingly says, and drags me towards the dancefloor.

While the two of us dance a smoochy number, I see Bev storm off outside, and hear her tell Deanna that she is going to put on an outfit that will put that Queen in the shade.

To be continued.....

Journal Under Attack! (Part Two)

Captain's supplemental:

I'm still angrily writing my Journal with a bit of paper and a pencil after my Journal was deleted by Starfleet robots who decreed that my writings were a Spam Journal. I've filled in the appeal, but have heard nothing yet.

-----------

"You've got to calm down, Captain." Deanna Troi urges me, "All the angry stomping around isn't doing you any good."

"It must be a plot by some rogue member of the Borg." I grumble, "Only they could come up with something like this."



"No need to get paranoid." the counselor tells me as she consumes her third chocolate milk shake, "It's just simple computer error that will be rectified as soon as possible."

"Your wouldn't if it was YOUR Journal!" I snap back, drumming my fingers.

Bev comes in and sighs when she looks at me.



"Is Jean-Luc still giving you problems?" she says to Deanna, "I tell you he's been impossible to live with the last few days. It's like a child has taken away his favourite toy."

I'm avbout to complain about Bev's remark, when my computer flashes on, with a myriad of lights and letters. When it finally settles down, a notice is visible...

Dear Mr Picard.

Your Starfleet Journal was removed from circulation some days ago as our robots incorrectly identified it as a spam journal. Upon further investigation, we have found that this is not the case and have restored it to the computer system. We do hope you realise that we need to be vigilant, and we apologise for any inconvenience that may have happened....

On the Journal (not a bit of paper)

"Well that turned out all right in the end." Deanna says in her cheery self, "Now you have your Journal back."

"Are you kidding?" I rertort, "They 'apologise for any inconvenience' while the Captain of a Galaxy-class starship has been deprived of his Journal for the past few days. We could have been invaded over the last few days and Starfleet would not have an official record of the event."

"But we weren't." answers Deanna, "Things have been very dull over the last few vdays. The most exciting thing was that Guinan had formulated a new cocktail for the crew to try in Ten Forward."

"That's not the point." I continue to moan as we three leave the room.

Still, it's good to have my Journal back!

1200th Post!!

Editors Note:

My apologies for being absent the last two weeks when the 1200th post was due to come on. Blogger robots incorrectly identified this Journal as a spam blog and deactivated it. I had to appeal to have it properly checked, and was only reinstated today. Without further ado...

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Phew!

Yes, after a huge amount of problems with alien invasions, but mainly witrh awkward people, this Journal has made it to it's 1200th post.

Don't ask me how it's made it. I would have thougfht it would fall over as soon as it started walking! (ho ho!)

Sorry about the humour, friends, but I had to have a little smile there.

"It wasn't exactly funny, Jean-Luc." Bev tells me, who is sitting next to me as I record this.



"Well, I don't know about that." I reply in defence.

"Don't be ridiculous," she laughs, "I've always been sharper and the one who has kept this Journal going. After all, who would want to listen to you if there wasn't a good-looking woman involved with the main character.?"

"I dispute that." I answer, "This is a record of my tenure as Captain of the Enterprise. The others are supporting players who...."

"That is negative." answer a soft female voice from the door. The Borg Queen, who was visiting, walks up to me.



"I agree with Beverly." Queenie comments, your Journal records require that you have a full-bloodied woman by your side. The only discepancy is that it should be me and not a redhead."

"Queenie!" snaps an indignant Bev, "Don't you have a Cube to catch?"

"In a few moments, my dear." she answers, "Clean out a few bedpans while I chat privately to Jean-Luc, here."

"Jean-Luc!" says another female voice from the door, "Are these two women leaving the room? I need to discuss when we can meet in a discreet place."



Natalia, the Deltan Ambassador, who is bald and has endless legs steps into view.

"The ship is just ferrying me to the next planet." she tells me, so I thought I would just have time to..."

I sigh.

"Who are you?" Queenie asks.

"I am Natalia, Captain Picard's Woman." she answers plainly.

"Well THAT is who I am!" the Borg Queen replies.

"You two can get to the back of the queue." Bev reminds them, "Jean-Luc will tell you that I am his Woman and always will be!"

The Video Screen comes on.



"Hiya Johnny!" Toots yells out, "I bribed a guard...don't ask how..to give me some videotime so I can wish you a happy 1200th post. When you're ready to bust me out of the pen, send me a message in a cake, and we can go on the lam together."

I cringe and take a stress pill.

"Hey Johnny." Toots continues, "Who are the floozies with you? I recognise the redhead, but that metallic one ain't gonna win many guys, and the bald dame looks like she was on a Vegas street somewhere."

At this, a furious row row ensues between the four of them. I decide the best course of action is a tactical withdrawal to let them fight it out.

I quietly exit from the room, hearing high-pitched screaming behind me.

What happened to my intentions of putting together a milestone 1200th post?

Ah, well, better luck another time.

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Editor's Note.

This marks the 1200th Post of Captain Picard's Journal. Many thanks to all those who have read over the years, and I have picked up along the way!

Doctor Alyssa Ogawa (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Alyssa Ogawa

My arrival back on the Enterprise was met with a little resistance from Beverly as she feared I was encroaching on her territory now that I am a doctor. However, things developed when she collaped. I analysed that she has a virus in her appendix. It needs to be removed right away, otherwise she will die.

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I get my surgical gear on. As I expect, Captain Picard shows up, looking distraught, as if he has been told there is no more Earl Grey tea on the ship.

"Doctor Orgawa.." he stutters, "What is going on?"

"You must let me operate now." I reply in my best 'professional doctor' voice. "If I act fast, I will be able to save her."

I call up the EMH to assist me.



"What is the nature of the medical emerge....oh."  he says as the Doctor sees Beverly lying on the operating table, then looks at me.

"You are a mere nurse." he tells me coldly, "I will have to carry out the operation."

"I'm a doctor now!" I reply sharply, "Update your programming. You will assist me by handing out the instruments."

"Handing out the instruments!" he gasps, "I am not a nurse!"

"Doctor." calls out Captain Picard, "Please assist Doctor Orgawa so that Beverly lives." The EMH  mutters, as if he has been told he can't sing opera any more.



Fortunately, the Captain is backing me up, although I've got a strong feeling that if I fail to save Beverly, I'll be back amongst the bedpans faster than I can say "I'm sorry Captain."

I open Beverly up and see the poisoned appendix. The virus in it is about to spread throughout the rest of the body, but the removal of that stops it happening. I check throughout to make sure there were no traces left inside and sew her back up again.

"Well done, Doctor Orgawa." the EMH grudgingly says, "Your fast work saved the patient's life. Had I examined it, it may have taken a little longer and maight have endangered her."

"You did a magnificent job, Doctor Orgawa." the Captain tells me.

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Hours later, a slightly sleepy Beverly is sitting up, and has been told of everything that happened.



She hugs me.

"Thank you, Alyssa." she says, "You saved my life.". She then hesitantly continues, "I  know I was a little cold towards you when you returned. I'm sorry for that. Welcome back to the Enterprise."