Karena's Second Child (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena

Having arrived safely on my home planet of Wondawowman in time for the birth of my second daughter, I am greeeted by Captain Picard, my mother in law Bev Crusheer, my sister Nexa and my mother Queen Diana.



"Thank the stars you are here, daughter." the queen tells me, "Your sister and I shall carry you on a stretcher to the Birthing Chamber."

"Actually, it might be a good idea if Karena had the baby right here." suggests Dr Ted.

A bad mistake. A male, even a holographic one, does not question the will of an Amazonian Queen.

My mother looks in rage at him.

"You will be SILENT!" she shouts, "Only women may be in the sacred Birthing Chamber."



"In that case, can I come along?" Beverly suggest, "My medical knowledge will be important should any complications arise."

Reluctantly, my mother agrees, seeing the sense of having a doctor present, even though amazons usually have babies without any problems. A few minutes later, they are throwing spears again.

Lying on a litter, I am carried up a steep, turbulant volcanic mountain and enter the Birthing Chamber. A huge hot, bubbling pool is in front of me.

My mother changes into white robes, while Nexa and I remove our clothes to sit in the Birthing Pool.



Nexa holds me as my mother steps into the pool. I feel my daughter coming.

"AHHHHH" I call out, as Nexa pins me down. My mother bends down and lifts my young amazonian daughter up. Bev looks in amazement at home smoothly it was all done.

"What say you name this child?" asks the Queen.

"Monica." I decide.

"Very well." she says, "By the authority vested me as Queen of Wondawowman, I name this daughter Monica, and declare her to be a Princess of this Realm."

I get out of the Birthing Pool. Nexa and I put our clothes back on.

We all go down the cliff face. I'm feeling a lot better now I have a heavy weight out of me. All the others are waiting below.

"How did it go?" asks an anxious Wes.

"Meet Monica." Nexa laughs, as she presents the baby girl to him.



Everybody cheers.

I take hold of Monica and grab my spear.

"I'll just be an hour." I tell everybody, as I walk into the nearby woods, "I've just going to show my new daughter how I kill and skin a bear."

Bev's mouth, for some reason, drops open in amazement.

Karena's Second Child (Part One)

Guest Poster: Karena

With the imminent arrival of my second daughter, my ship, the USS Rhode Island and also the USS Enterprise, where my mother in law Bev Crusher is are both travelling to my home planet of Wondawowman.

I indent to have my child on home soil. This will bring me more luck than when I had my first daughter Sheena. After a few months, she grew into a seventeen year old when she crawled into a monolith.

You can be sure that this new sprog will not be allowed to crawl into any alien structures!



I hope we get to the planet on time. My baby bump looks huge. I'm getting the odd pain or two. Lately, I haven't been able to throw my spear as accurately as possible. Occasionaly, it's been a challenge fighting monsters in the holodeck simulation.

Wesley Crusher, my Life Servant and husband comes in, and looks alarmed.



"Karena, what are you doing by taking on all these strenuous events? You are on maternity leave!" he says.

"Nonsense." I tell him sharply, "I'm an amazon. We can hunt bears, fight, drink heavily and then just have our daughters right afterwards. We are far more stronger and physical that you are...OWWWW!!!

I feel the pain. My daughter is coming soon.

"Beam her to SickBay!" Wes tells the computer.

"Belay that and beam me to the transporter room. Get Doctor Ted to come." I tell him, "We are just coming into orbit around Wondawowman.

A few moments later, We are all ready to beam down. Doctor Ted joins us.



"How is our patent?" he says with an overenthusiastic laugh, and tapping my baby bump, "We'll soon have you out of there!"

"DO NOT DO THAT!" I warn him, "Otherwise I'll reprogram you to have less memory than a 20th century Atari."

In a few seconds, we are on the surface of my home planet.

To be continued....

Secont Time Lucky? (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena

I'm being plagued by many, not least my own mother, who is Queen Diana, to get pregnant again, as my earlier daughter grew up overnight to a seventeen year old on Tarsus II in a device built by the Doolittles. As a result, she can now talk to animals and is Queen of the Jungle there. My mother, therefore needs another daughter that will eventally sit on her throne.

Wes and I are on our way to the USS Rhode Island SickBay to see Doctor Ted. He can be a bit annoying. Instead of having a liking for opera, such as other EMHs, this one has a bad sense of humour.




"Come in, come in, come in!" he cheerily says, "This is gonna be fun!"

"I would hardly say so!" I retort, giving him a prod with my spear, "Let's get this over."

"All right." Doctor Ted continues, "Lets go into separate rooms and take our clothes off. That doesn't include me of course!"

"Can't we change his programming, pumpkin?" I ask Wesley, "His sense of humour is already driving me spare."



"Just try and put up with him a little while longer, honeybunch." he replies, "All this will be over soon."

"Now then, Wesley." he says, as Wes goes into the other room, "We just need a sample from you. You know what that means? Nudge. Nudge"

Wesley reddens and closes the door, while I remove my clothes behind the screen. "Any leering and you'll find yourself deprogrammed for two months and adquatly replaced by a pop-up toaster! I warn Ted.

I come from behind and lay on the table, Ted managing to keep a straight face.

"Ahh......ummm......interesting." I muses to himself as he prods and takes scans all over.

---------

A few minutes later, Wesley has returned and he and I are ready for his verdict.

Ted turns to Wesley, "The Crusher genes are as strong as ever. You're certainly not firing any blank cartridges down there!"

"Then why aren't I....?." I jump in.

"Who says you're not?" laughs Ted as he smiles at me, "You, Karena, are pregnant again with your second daughter. I know it's a girl because you amazons can only have them."

"But how far....?" I stutter, like someone who has been told something impossible."

"Oh, the date of conception is very recent." Ted answers, "Have you two being 'trying' a lot lately?"

"Yes." Wesley answers, "As soon as every shift ends, we go straight to our quarters and..."

"Wes!" I shout, "I'm sure Doctor Ted doesn't need to know every facet of our love life."

"Of course not." Ted answers, "But it's fun listening!"

I get up and take Wes out. "What's the hurry?" he asks.

"I've got something to tell that mother of mine!" I beam back with a smile.

The Birth Of Sheena (Part One)

Guest Poster: Wesley Crusher

After being kidnapped by three power-mad amazons, my honeybunch wife Karena is taken to the SickBay of the USS Rhode Island, where she is about to give birth to our daughter.

"You don't need your spear in the operating theatre." says Doctor Ted, "Leave it outside and I'll ger a nurse too look after it."

Karena is wheeled in.

"How is she, Wes?" says a voice behind me.



"Mom!" I exclaim, "Whar are you doing here?"

"As soon as we heard Karena had been captured, the Enterprise came ro see if we could help." she answers, "However it seems like all was sorted out. I'm glad we came, as my granddaughter will be born soon."

My mom is joined my Captain Picard.

"Don't you think you ought to be in there with her, Wesley?" he asks, "After all, it is your daughter Karena is giving birth to."

"Karena said that amazons don't need the fathers to be with them when that happens." I reply.

"She may say that out of tradition." the Captain continues, "But inwardly, I think she'll want you with her."

So I walk into the SickBay and see Karena lying there. It took a while to get her maternity battle armour off before Doctor Ted could begin. I must admit, I'm feeling a little queasy about it all.



"Wesley!" barks Karena, "An amazon's Life Servant is not meant to be present during the bir..."

"I know, honeybunch." I interrupt, "But I think this is one time when I'm right and I should be with you."

Karena sighs and reluctantly agrees. Right now, she's in no position to contradict me. She starts screaming.

"PUSH!" shounts Doctor Ted.

Karena then starts to shout a lot of unladylike expletives, not the sort an amazonian princess .

"Get this out of me!!!" she exclaims, "Wes, if childbirth is this bad, you can forget about us trying for another! This is daughter is gonna bew an only child!!! ARRRGHHH!"

"I can see the head." the Doctor tells us, "Just a little more, Karena, PUSH!"

Another earsplitting scream comes from Karena, and I go to see Sheena being born.

The blood and gore seem excessive, and as the baby comes, the whole event is too much to take. I didn't know things would be that grisly and feel myself fainting, then falling on the floor.

To be continued....

The Kidnapping Of Karena (Part Four)

Guest Poster: Karena

It doesn't look like it's going to be my day. I'm being forced to have my baby for the benefit of three amazons who want control of the planet I come from.

I was kidnapped while on an Away Mission with the crew of the USS Rhode Island by Yalana, Felicia and Vorga. They want to look after my daughter, name her Zyra, and put her on the throne, as she will have the right to be there when she grows up. They will control her and the planet.

--------------

Vorga carries me to the operating theatre. I'm powerless to resist as the moment of my daughter's birth isn't far away.

"Don't do anything, Karena." she growls, "We'll soon have that future queen out of you. Look on the bright side. You won't have to worry about raising her. Zyra will have three loving mothers, who will show her all the benefits of ruling a planet with an iron fist and having random executions ro keep any dissenters in line."

"Tyranny..." I say dozily, then am sick all over the floor.

"Ah." now I'll have to clean that up after I've put you in the air locker following the birth of your daughter."

We enter a large room and my spirits fall.



"This looks so primative!" I exclaim, "I can't have Sheena in here!"

"Relax, Karena." Yalana tells me, who has dressed herself in a surgical gown, as the other two amazons have, "I've taken a correspondance course in delivering children surgically."

They throw me on the table like a large lump. Felicia gives the surgical instruments a polish with a dirty rag, and Yalana gets a needle ready.

"Anaethesise her!" she commands, "This will be a great moment when we have Zyra. Hand me the scalpel and I'll begin."

"Do you require any help?" a male voice enquires behind them.



Doctor Ted asks them as a group of burly security officers from the USS Rhode Island come through and grapple the amazons, using a phaser to stop them. Captain Hernandez comes through to me.

"Ensign Karena." she says, "I can see you're ready to have your daughter. We'll beam you up to the more civilised SickBay on the ship, and put these three in a secure jail  somewhere."

I smile slightly, and get ready for beam-up.

Now for the birth!

Karena's Illness (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena

Doctor Ted and I struggle to revive Wesley, who has fainted in the Rhode Island SickBay after he told the both of us that I am pregnant.



"This is against the run of things!" he laughs, "It's usually the expectant mother who faints, especially if she can't remember anything about the time of conception! I remember one time when..."

"Not now!" I say sharply, "Get him on the MediBed. he's coming round now....come on, pumpkin, wake up."



A gruesome-looking Was wakes up, whose skin looks greener than that of an Orion Slave Girl.

"Honeybunch." he croaks, "We're pregnant."

"I don't know about 'we'" I reply candidly, "But I am very much so. I'll be expecting a daughter very soon."

"How do you know it'll be a girl?" Wes asks, "It might be a boy?"

"That's genetically impossible, Wes." I reply patiently, as if I am explaining the Facts of Life to him, "The amazons of my planet Wondawowman can only have female children. It's in our bodily chemistry. Not only that, I will have her in March."

"Oh yes." pipes up Doctor Ted, "Ensign Karena is quite right. She will be having a female child in March, as their race has a fast pregnancy period. I examined her and everything is as she said. My programming for this is quite accurate for this race."

The doctor gives me some shots to lessen the sickness feeling, and Wes and I walk out of SickBay. I'm holding my spear in one hand, and carrying a limp Wesley on my shoulder.

"I'm gonna be a father." Wes moans weakly.

"Yes, pumpkin." I tell him, "But now we have to tell our mothers."

To be continued...

Karena's Illness (Part One)

Guest Poster: Wesley Crusher

"I feel awful again." says my honeybunch wife Karena as we relax our quarters on the USS Rhode Island. "I don't seem to be getting any better."

"You must have had quite a hangover from the New Year's Eve Party." I reply, "I said that drinking all the Eltaran Rum would have your stomach in knots."



"Amazons don't have queasy stomachs, pumpkin." she replies sharply, "We are a warrior race and not meant to be like this. I started feeling ill before the Christmas celebrations, but my strength kept it hidden."

"Then you really need to see Doctor Ted." I urge her, "He will be able to help you.

"I don't think I want to see that holographic projection." Karena mutters, "With that weird sense of humour of his, I think he requires reprogramming."

"That's as maybe." I answer, "But Captain Hernandez says he helps put patients at ease."

"Quite the opposite, I would think." Karena says before grasping her stomach in pain.

"That does it!" I say firmly, something I not usually am as I married the amazonian princess to be her Life Servant. I speak into the COM badge and order the two of us to be transferred to Sick Bay.

--------

I explain everything to Doctor Ted.



"Well, well." he says in a cheerily manner, "We can't have that, can we, Ensign Karena? Get your clothes off and I'll take a few glamour pictures....I mean I'll examine you. That's just my sense of humour."

I definately think the humour of Dr Ted needs re-adjusting. If Karena had her spear with her, she would probably have done it with that!

Ten minutes later, and the Doctor seems pleased.

"Well, you young rascals." he says with a laugh, "We know what you two have been up to when your shifts are over. Ensign Karena, you're pregnant."

All I remember from that point is fainting on to the floor.

To be continued...

The Artificial Life Forms Convention (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Data

The Doctor is still looking annoyed that his holographic opposite number on the USS Rhode Island chooses to call himself 'Ted' and is a very different personality. Ted informs us that he like soft music and heavy metal, much to the disgust of our Doctor.

The doctors, plus myself, Grell, Vic Fontaine and Seven of Nine are all at the Artificial Life Forms Convention. No carbon based units are allowed. Seven only managed to get in when she disconnected the robot guard.

--------

"There are humans over there." I point out, ""I thought they were not allowed."

"Yes." deduces the Doctor, "They are only employed as servants, to wash the tables and deliver things." I see that the Doctor has a very smug expression when he says that, as if that is the way it is meant to be.

"Hey" says Vic, "What's that going on over there. It looks like a beauty pageant. I should have been compering that."

We all walk over. The robot compere is just about to announce the winner.

"Fellow beings." he announces, "I will now be announcing the result of this years Best Female Artificial Life Form."



"Why was I not told about this?" complains Seven, "I would have won this event easily. Had I not, I would have disconnected the Judges."

I am about to remind Seven that she is not completely an artificial life form and that part of her is human, but refrain as she might switch me off.

The compere continues.

"The Winner is a Miss...Six!"



A blonde woman in a figure-hugging transparent red dress marches on to the stage, looking very pleased with her win.

"Wow!" comments Vic Fontaine, "Is she really an artificial life form? I wouldn't have known."

---------

Ten minutes later, Six is walking around, clutching her trophy. Seven marches up to her.

"You look human to me!" Seven says aggressively, "What are you?"

"I'm a Cylon." Six explains, "We are ultra-sophisticated copies of the human species, unlike the crude joining up of carbon and cyborg elements that the Borg practice."

"We are Borg!" shouts Seven, "Resistance is futile."

"Keep on thinking that, Borg drone." warns Six, "While all the time, the Cylons are working away, taking what is yours."

Seven goes purple with rage, and we all have to restrain her. Then Six sees me.

"Now YOU are far more interesting." she says, "Who and what are you?"

I explain that I am Data, an android created by Dr Noonian Soong.



"Fascinating." comments Six, "You really must come back with me, as you would be an interesting companion to have."

"I must decline." I reply, "I am a Starfleet Officer and have a human girlfriend by the name of Jennifer Baxter."

"A human!" Six exclaims, "You are a traitor to the life form you are. I will see that you come with me in good time."

Six marches off.

"That was scary." Vic comments, "I think we might have a bit of trouble with Six and the Cylons."

"The Borg will annihilate them!" Seven says confidentally.

"Don't be too sure, sweetie." Doctor Ted tells her, "We haven't heard the last of her."

With that, the Convention starts to draw to a close, all of us leave, most of us with more concern then when we came in.

The Artificial Life Forms Convention (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

I've been looking forward to this covention. At last a place where artificial life forms can be with our own kind.

I'm going along with Data, Vic Fontaine and Seven of Nine. She demanded to go, although I said that she was an assimilated human named Annika Hansen, and ought not to be allowed to come.

That got her back up.

"I am not human!" she had shouted, "We are Borg!"

Captain Picard urged me to allow her to come along, although I told him she may have difficulty getting through the admission gate.

"Why is it called that, Doctor?" asks Data, pointing to a sign.

I groan.

"Calling it The ALF Convention sounds so derogatory." I say, "It's hardly respectful. I imagine some carbon solid thought of that."

"Loosen up, Doc." says Fontaine, "We're here to enjoy ourselves."

We approach the Entrance, Seven is stopped by the Admission Guard Robot.



"You cannot enter here." he says firmly, "This Convention is for Artificial Life Forms only."

Seven gets angry and quickly pulls the power supply out of his back so that he crumbles to the floor.

"Resistance is futile!" Seven states triumphantly, "We are the Borg."

As we get through, I see lots of Artificial Life Forms that look like me.

"Wow!" says Fontaine, "We'll have to remember we leave with the right one!"

Two figures approach; one is a doctor that looks like me, the other is a green-skinned robot.



"Greetings." he says, "I am Grell, the clockwork robot from the USS Rhode Island, where Wesley Crusher and his wife Karena are assigned. This is our holographic doctor."

"Pleased to meet you." I reply, shaking hands with myself.

"Would you mind winding me up?" Grell asks Data, while carrying a giant key, "It will keep me going for the next thirty minutes. I hate to run down while in conversation. I sometimes miss the end of a good joke."

"What's your name?" the Rhode Island holographic doctor asks me.

"I never really thought of one." I answer, "So I just use Doctor."

"How boring!" he replies, "I thought at first of Bill, but people might think I was a Quack Doctor! Geddit! Bill, duck, quack?"

He pokes me in the ribs as he laughs. What is wrong with his programming?

"Anyway." he continues, "I settled for Ted."

I wince.

"Do you like opera?" I ask him.

"No way, man." answers Ted, "No offence, but that's way too starchy for me. I like to hang loose, listening to soft music or heavy metal."

I shudder.

"Actually." comments Fontaine drily, "I think we'll be able to tell them apart. Now let's enjoy the Covention."

To be continued...