Doctor has no life is it?

Salam Ramadhan. Hey, all of a sudden just now, I have this thought about what am I gonna be a year later? Am I going to be a good doctor who treats patients well? Or am I gonna regret of getting into medical school? Or am I gonna complain about every single things that a doctor will face like lack of sleep, lack of nice food, and tonnes of works to be done? At this point of time, I don't have any idea what doctor I will become. Actually, LESS THAN A YEAR, I will be a doctor and I will be having Dr. title in front of my name. Dr. Nurul Fitrilina Bt Mustapa. What kind of doctor I will become, only Allah knows. I just hope and pray that I can be a very good doctor, never put a sigh in everything I do, keep on remembering THE ONE up there even in a busy day and do this job with an open heart and maintain the honesty. I know it's going to be hard, in fact if, Allah's will and I will be getting married even before housemanship, and by the time I will become a doctor, I will have to sacrifice a lot. Despite of busy works at the hospital with the on-call and all, I have to take care of my husband, make sure he gets what he needs, loves him and never tired of my responsibility. And again if Allah's will, if I get pregnant during housemanship too, a lot of things I have to bear. With my tired body with the baby kicking inside, I still have to take care of the patients too, never ever regret of what has destined.

Ya Allah, I know it is going to be hard, based on seniors' experiences I have seen, what they have put in their facebook statuses telling about how busy everyday is and how regret they entered medical school before, I can never give up. please Ya Allah give me strength and courage, to bear with this, and to hold this responsibilities as a doctor, as a Muslim in a good way possible, not only me but of course to my future husband too(insyaALLAH) so that we can be strong facing the hard time in future about the busy life as doctors and your slaves. I know, in fact, even now I have to get used to this busy life, make sure I don't mix the emotions with the works and I really have to do that, as I am known person who is so emotionally attached.

May Allah ease our journey, to my future husband and my friends too, so that we can be very good Muslim doctors in future to help ummah. Amin :)

Dysmenorrhea and infertility? Or no period pain may cause infertility?

Assalamualaikum I bid to everybody. It's 1946 in the evening, and actually at this time, I am supposed to break my fast but since I am not fasting (exception for women during ttttteettt period), so I am still lavishly blogging without even taking my bath yet. Never mind, after I take a bath later, lists of things I have to do actually.

• Tidy up my room and unpack things I bought in mydin just now.
• Lipat all my clothes that have dried.
• Open up a Paediatrics book and start studying. 

Well, yeah , a lot of things actually to be done for tonight. What for dinner? Hmm, I had just finished eating Dominos pizza at around 430 pm after I came back from shopping for food in Mydin. So, right now, my stomach is still full. And I bet, it will make a noise of hunger when it is around 11 pm at night later, and during the time, maybe snacks will do :)

Yeah, actually, the point I'm gonna write today is about one topic my friend suddenly made a statement when I talked to her about my back pain during menstrual period in which previously, I have never experienced any period pain. Her statement is like this, "Bagus la kan ko dah ada period pain, kalau xde period pain kan tak subur.." I made one kind of weird face all of a sudden, trying to object what she said. 'Monolog dalaman' in my heart goes like this, "Errr, ko nak cakap aku tak subur ke, sebab terang- terang memang aku tak perrnah ada period pain kot".. But, I replied in a firm and confident way. "Eh, x la, mana ada, even mak aku n adik beradik aku  yang lain tak pernah experienced period pain kot. Beranak je kat kitorang 5 beradik." And well yeah, my mom, didn't even have any period pain BEFORE. I have asked her, because I knew it is kinda weird cz most of my friends have period pain but I didn't. But then my mother replied, "Mak tak pernah ada period pain pun tiap kali period." Then I feel a bit relieved. Oh, okay hahaha. It is actually genetic kot, I made an assumption. 

And suddenly I think about something. Actually, those with severe period pain (dysmenorrhea) may have some kind of problems (not all, but just a small percentage of it), like endometriosis or adenomyosis in which in this condition, they may have very sever dysmenorrhea and sometimes dyspareunia (pain during sexual intercourse). And even those without any symptoms also can have these mentioned conditions. And even while googling, I tried to type, "Does those without dysmenorrhea may have infertility' and yet most articles turn out that questions people ask whether or not dysmenorrhea may cause infertility. 

That's all I'm gonna explain. Moral of the story: Don't worry if you have or don't have dysmenorrhea, it does not affect your infertility unless there is underlying problems. :)

Exam politic?

Salam. Just want to update a little, I have finished my end posting examination just left the case power point presentation. Hmm, I was a bit afraid actually because early in the morning, I felt a bit lethargic, tired and there was one episode of vomiting, but nothing came out. It hurts me so much, I couldn't even flip a page in the morning before going for exam in the MGH. This was really a tawakal for me ..:") During the case presentation, I was paired up with the Fara, my groupmate. We started finding the case from Ward 4, however, no good cases were seen. Mostly all because of fractures and have already on fixators. ( It will made hard for us to examine). Then we went to one ward below, there was one case of osteoarthrosis, with kind of a good I may say, plus the Chinese uncle looked very cooperative. On inspection what I noticed, there was swelling seen on the anterior part of right knee, however, he had undergone TKR (Total Knee Replacement) on the left side. We tried to get the history, fara and I alternately asked, and during the time, I was feeling giddeness, and I had this headache. My eyes were wide, searching for a chair at least to sit, but around the nice uncle, the chair was occupied. Then I had to sit just on the floor, squatting to be precise. Then I felt a bit better. Korek and korek to get the history, it turned out that this uncle have come for exam for manipal student many time previously. I tried to ask for symptoms OA but he never mentioned it, yeah it was true he said he's having knee pain but, that was only right after I asked him thou. He kept on saying doctors said he was having infections in the bone. I was a bit confused, and with the unwell state of me, I looked at Fara, then we decided to find other cases because for now, even the examination findings were perfect, but I couldn't dig so much yet, the history. Then, to simplify, we clerked a case of diabetic foot ulcer, a Malay lady, who is also nice and cooperative. The same feelings came to me,, the unwell part then I just squatted asking the permission from the lady. Eventually, Dr. Sendeep came to take our exam, which supposed to be Dr. Nirmal. I presented the history, while Fara presented the examination findings. I couldn't bear with  the smell and maybe at any time I may throw up, better asked her, rather than I closed my nose, it looked inappropriate. And yeah he asked us questions unrelated to DFU, only a little bit about management he did asked. He asked more on Physiology, Anatomy and Microbiology which I had read 4 years back. T_T. Just hope that the results will come out just fine ;)


And one more thing I'm gonna touch today. I rarely speak about politics in my blog, I think never for what I remember, but today I'm gonna speak up a bit. I knew, I seldom read about politics, don't even care to register for voting ( realised when it has closed, couldn't register, too late;p), I knew very very little about politics, even you can ask him how he laughed at me, when I didn't know what's the difference between so called 'parlimen' and 'dun' one time and when I had misinterpretation on usage of ink on the nail. I knew all of that, but, thinking that I didn't know anything I sometimes, just follow and see what's going on, about the issues they've been talking and all. YES, I know that when we talked about PR, we are definitely not going to say PAS and PKR only, so we included the DAP too, they are Malaysians too. What I knew most of Malaysians currently want to diminish all the corruptions in the government, all of us want that. But, as a Muslim, what I really want to, and of course other Muslims too, we want the leaders who can apply all those Islamic rules and lead Malaysia in a Islamic manner, with no corruptions and better nations.

"TGNA should have long back retired, what our Tun M has done, he was too old for that, and let new faces lead the Kelantan."
Maybe the statement is correct at one angle, yes, let the new faces lead Kelantan, but don't you know that Kelantanese were so sad for the retirement of TGNA? They were so so sad. And they deserved too. They are Kelantanese. TGNA has become MB of Kelantan for about 22 years. They live in Kelantan. So they are well aware of that, VERY WELL AWARE of that. And plus, it shows that TGNA has leaded Kelantan in a very good way, they feel sad for the retirement.

Don't simply make a statement about something but you don't actually in their shoes. Yes, you may have your rights to say, your proofs, but still, you are not in the people shoes. Even those who are in the shoes they have other opinions, they are more deserved.

I am attracted to another statement.

"Even Rasulullah s.a.w becomes a leader till the end of his life." Yes, true. I agree with that. Maybe, he was too old for the post previously before the retirement, but as long as he think he could lead the state without any problems, ( and yes, not much of a problems it seems), that's why maybe he decided to continue. Then when he thought of letting other new faces to lead, he retired. :) It is as easy as that.

I am not trying to pro or anti any parties. But, just think. An ulama like that, with new generations, leading our country one day, with Allah's help, insyaAllah Islam will rise again. :) Don't raise any issues on racism or anything. You may think that when other races are on top one day, they may displace Malay's speciality slowly. But, think in a bright side, Allah itu ada. Allah maha melihat. A country with a ulama leader, insyaAllah will make ease by Allah :) Amin. 

Gather the pieces.

And with this weather, my feeling follows it, as always. True to them who say that weather affects your mood. To be precise, the current weather is a bit gloomy, cold, ready to pour the rain onto the lovely land. I close my eyes for a while, trying to focus with the sounds of the birds chirping, and trying to feel the breezes and the wind dancing, it is so calm I can assure you. Then, my thought focus on one thing, about the choices of life. To be specific even more, about choosing medicine as my future career. I am halfway the journey, actually about three quarter to reach the final end, Alhamdulillah I have made this far, and thanks to Allah for easing my ways and my friends. However, not all the good things remain. Throughout this journey, a lot of obstacles I have to face, I previously had to gather back the strength to continue after so many things happened, break the pieces of the dreams I have made, I bent a bit, taking each and every pieces, trying to resolve the broken dreams, and make sure it is still there, till the end. I knew, I have wasted a lot of tears, a lot of times, with a lot of small matters, but if it weren't because of all that 'small' matters, I don't think I can make it this far.

And since I have at this very end to the journey, a sigh or regret-fullness of what I chose shouldn't be there. I should be strong, stay calm and add up with the hardwork efforts to make sure that I manage to reach the end with a good trace and effect. To You , I pray Ya Allah, please help me in achieving my aims and goals, not only me, but to my friends out there, please ease our way. We really need YOU for this battle and battle afterwards.

About the other one matter, I would be lying if I didn't think about it everyday, yes, I admit I think about it almost every day and night, I keep thinking about what will happen to us, will we be strong as we are previously when we were tested with so many things? Will we be brave enough to cross the hurdles in front of us later, when we share our life together? Yes, true that, a lot more to come, what I can do now is PRAY days and nights wishing that we really are for each other till Jannah. Amin. And I pray that, for whatever happens, we have to be a matured fellow, resolving things in a matured way.

And thanks to this gloomy day, it glooms my mood so that I can think in an adult way at least la kan, not a childish post babbling about things happened in school. Hehehe. :)

As- salam .:)

me mature? or me childish?

Salam to all. When I tweeted about I wanted to change from childish thought to a mature one, two people commented. So, I am just thinking, am I too childish before, or the kind of response, 'you REALLY SHOULD be MORE MATURED afterwards', or there were just comments? Well, I admit myself that I am one kind of person who act childish, think childish and speak childishly. Even I am the eldest in the family, that doesn't mean I talk like adults. Some people even compare me with my little sister ( 1 year younger than me) saying that, she is more matured than me, is she? For the first impression of people towards me, usually, they'll never say I am the eldest one, and MOST of them say, I am the youngest! Can you imagine that? Yeah, I know, that's quite hurting you know, when you wish to be labelled the same age that you are now, but it turns out to be that, you are labelled far way younger than that.

And I knew the other one reason why people used to have the thought like that: I CRY a lot, even a simple thing, I get nervous when I lost my things, I can't think properly when it comes to an urgent situation, I prefer to follow what my heart says at the very first time, even I know that is not the right decision to follow. I make a lot of mistakes. I get easily stumbled, and one obvious thing, I am too dependent to people, I can't make decision myself. But, honestly, about the last part, I am getting to be independent day by day. I think I changed a lot since I noticed about my dependent-ness to others especially my family. Now, I can make decision my own, I don't mind about mistakes anymore, but one thing I can't change: I still love love love love to cry over simple things. Those days I used to cry alone, nobody even cares but I felt kinda calm because whatever happened HE is always there to listen.:") These days, I have you, yeah you know who you are. You are always there when I need you.

Speaking about changing my attitude to a mature one, well I really meant it. Maybe the time has come. ( Serious la pulak bunyi nya. :P) But, anyway, I am serious. I am 23 already, I have to be firm about this, considering that now I am in the 'class of adult' already.

I am not changing my old me, I mean, my characters, I just want to change the way I look at something, before this maybe I tend to take simple thing lightly, laugh a lot, but maybe after this even a simple thing I have to consider good and bad, up and down.

And actually, one other MAIN reason I want to be more matured is because of one other secret reason. Yeah , as the name suggest, SECRET, I am so not gonna tell it here. ;P.

Owh, by the way, I already bought P sticker, yeah P! I know it doesn't seem so cool, but, I still have to pretend to be uncool for a while, or else, hot. Haha. 2 years I have to live with this P, but ahhh never mind, 2 YEARS ONLY! :)))

Owh, since I have not yet uploaded pictures regarding my ortho posting, here some of the pictures, I wish to share. :)

Notice me. Haha. Nak gak enterprem. Dekat fisioterapi.

me so TEMBAM!!!

Dr. Amit yang cool .:)

Learnt the techniques of casting

dengan abang physiotherapist yang pelat R tapi comel. ;p

alia with her cute smile ;)

toys for paediatric group in physiotherapy

Flaw Vs. Talent

Salaam everybody. How's the day treating you guys? I just hope that everything goes very well okay?:) Yeah, today, I want to talk about something kinda serious, err not so serious actually, but a bit away from the things that I usually posted in my blog, something related to the human nature, or truth is human fact, that nobody can change that, because like common saying that we've been heard so many times, NOBODY'S PERFECT.

Actually, what I am about to tell, is something that happened today, to me and my friends. I just didn't understand, why some people are acting so weird, although they are living in a community, they are actually supposed to mingle and try to fit the environment of society, not to condemn and act like the society which belong to all, is actually theirs only, not anyone else. I'm guessing that, you are still not understand my point, right? hehe, well, to make thing easier, let me straight to the point. The society actually refers to the hostel while some people , refer to the students, who live in the hostel, who happen to be part of my friends indeed. Some people that I've mentioned earlier are mad, over a noisy sound (referring to the people chit-chatting while waking along the hostel's rooms) just outside their rooms, which their responses were like, making 'ssshhhh' sound as if, WE WERE ALL IN THE LIBRARY. Oh, come on! You was making 'sshhhh' sound at the evening around 5.30 p.m which was usually, the time students got back from hospital posting, and usually the time WE ( including) wanted to go out to play! Not like you, staying in your room, sleeping. It's actually acceptable, if the noises come out during the night, in which maybe you want to study but since it was IN THE EVENING, it is so irrelevant! This was not the first time. It had happened so many times, before, but I just shut my mouth up, just trying to be nice, but since it happened again, I can't  tolerate more. I really feel like knocking her door, telling her, to stop sleeping in the evening, or if you are really that desperate to sleep, do that, without shouting back at us, who are just passing by your room, to play, or to get back to our room after the hospital posting. And this group of ladies have some kind of disturbing attitude during the class, that's why I was so crossing them or mean word, ANNOYED because of their 'shhhh' act. Their attitude in class was so so relevant if we were trying to be mad. Shouting, laughing out loud while the lecturer was teaching in front was so immature. Come on, if you are' that mature 'to make the 'shhh' sound, think back about your attitude in class, don't you think that lecturer might be offended? These people really get my nerves. Cannot tolerate anymore.

Second situation: Not my situation, but my friend's. She was trying to make a conversation with somebody about something that require the help from that somebody, and this somebody happens to be one of the high committee member, good at sports, beautiful and good in academics. But, surprisingly, her response was like, 'so not good!' She made an unpleasant response, like, 'what the hell you want from me???" My friend was like, errr it's okay, she then made her move, away from her, pissing off a bit, she really didn't expect her response was like that, since she is one of the person who hold people's respect. That's so weird right? Why don't you say something nice, people will label you as good person, you will be prayed, and you will have that advantages in barakah. Hmm.

That were the two situation. Reflecting back about the topic, nobody is perfect, manusia itu tidak sempurna, then I try to think positive. Although you think that you are too perfect for everything, just remember, in between the perfectness, there lies the flaws that you may not even realized. And I believe that I do have flaws, and I'm sorry for all the unnoticed flaws. =)

restless when I blanked and blurred.

I had a thought block this morning, I didn't know how it happened, it just did. It started when we were trying to do the dispersion exercises given by the lecturer. We had to find the answer for standard deviation, variance, standard error etc. which we have already learned during the school days and also A - level. It was fun, because, it involved so much calculations and I really love it.

Back to the point, about how I got this thought block. It started when Zaty asked me on how to calculate the variance. I explained to her the formula, and I have done it and got the answer. To make things easier, you have to know the mean value and saved it somewhere in the calculator either as A, B, C, etc values, so you didn't have to put the value many times. Then she asked me on how to insert the value either as A, B or C. When I was about to tell her, I suddenly blanked, like REALLY REALLY BLANKED. I felt so idiotic that time because it's not that I didn't know, it just that I forgot to do it during that particular time, even when Zaty asked I've already have the answer in my answer sheet. The way I inserted the value was done and triggered by my subconscious mind, and if I tried to recall one by one on how I did it, I just couldn't do it. I stucked for a while, just watching over the paper.

I am kinda person who will be so unmotivated if something I know it very well just slip from my mind like that, like that that eventhough before that, I am so mastered to do it. To continue the next question, I was so not into it. My mind was really working that time, trying to recall but I couldn't. When I got back to my room, I called my sister, Farina to teach me, yeah she did thought me but it was not the way I usually did to enter the value as it was quite complicated for me. Then I called my other sister, Najwa and Alhamdullilah, she really did it the way I did it. I got back the way! No more thought block! Immediately, I rushed to Zaty's room and told her the correct way about it. You know what, when I have already known the answer to my missing memories, I was so so so relieved and happy. :)

From here, the conclusion I can make is that, yeah I am the one who is so eager to know something that I used to know that I forget it just like that. I don'tknow about others, but that's how I feel. And if I couldn't find the answer, I will be restless and can't do anything else which I suppose to do. Just thinking, whether is a good thing or not? Haishhhh T_T

elective per say

Salam. A great opening, now and back then. It's already late,actually, but since I have slept for about 1 hour around 730pm, and now I just couldn't close my eyes for more, feeling fresh and good. If the class is on now, I am willingly to go. :p. Today, not much is there to be talked about, I don't have any idea, just thought about doing 'elective' later after final 4th year examination known as P2S1 examination. Owh, before I begin, I would like to tell, what elective means. 

Elective is the term used by us, MMMC student in which it defines as the compulsory hospital attends that you need to accomplish during the three-weeks holidays after P2S1 examination. It is kinda cool actually, where ever you want to go, and which department you prefer. Yeah, I knew that this topic has started to arise among my batchmates, and most of them prefer to do outside of Malaysia like Australia, Japan, Korea and the lists go on, but for moderate student like me, I can't afford to go there, even yeah I did have the thought to go somewhere else apart from Malaysia, but never mind, being in Malaysia to do elective is preferable, cost-saving, and practical since we are going to serve for government of Malaysia, so why choose overseas right?:)
 
And plus, going for elective as the same place as you is what I hoped for such a long time, if and only if everything is just possible without difficulties regardless the departments which we gonna take, it depends of him and depends on me too. I've been thinking to try out the surgery or medicine department since these are the busiest departments of all, and I could learn a lot during the time. It is just a thought, maybe I might change it as the time comes. So far, the hospital in mind is hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star, Kedah, but well, again these are all the thoughts. ;)


Other arising matter is that, tomorrow there will be blood donation campaign at my college, MMMC. I've been thinking about donating my blood, owh yeah, my blood type is B+ :). If I manage to donate blood this time, this gonna be the third time I successfully donated blood so far, two times in Manipal, back then. Since I am Malaysian, why not I try to donate for my own country right?:) yeah, will see again because at the same time, I am thinking to fast tomorrow, not the compulsory one, but just an optional or best termed as 'puasa sunat'. :) I just planned, but everything depends on Him up there, He have fated things to be in the correct way, hopefully, things will go smoother tomorrow, errmmm by tomorrow I mean today since it passed 12midnight already. :) 


Okay, gotta sleep now. Ttlyl. Salam.


P/S: Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, thanks! You know what I mean ;)

just found this picture of Mak and Ecah when she was about 1 year old maybe. I miss her talkativeness. ;)

moulds. you! :D

It's already 12.20 in the midnight. Okay, now again, I wasted my night. and this is because of that damn moulds stucked on my white-white walls. Actually, I did realized about the presence of that moulds back then, when I came back to my room after one week of holidays. And that moulds were there because of the cold temperature of my room due to the aircond which was still turned on after I left my room. The humidity of the room plus, the absence of sunlight into my room triggered the moulds to form their colonies. Okay, you are too bad, moulds! :S. I have tried so hard to remove it by using 'kain buruk' but then it was just hopeless, they just remained there. Then, I suddenly thought about using an eraser to remove the moulds, yeah I know it sounds pretty weird, but that's how I got the idea at the very first place. I tried to rub the eraser against the wall, and it seemed to be working! Told ya, my idea wasn't that bad after all. The view is better than before, even not all of the moulds that I can get rid of. Just let the remaining moulds remain there, and I'm gonna chase you out from my room very soon! Padan muka!

By the way, I have browsed a little bit from mr google to find out ways on how to get rid of the moulds from the walls. And these are the few suggestions:

this is the simplest way. okay, not bad, can try this one.

I don't have this. So, this is thrown away from the list of suggestions.

and this one. Nah. Seems too much to wear like this, not gonna get infected, am I?

this is what will be if I just left the moulds to become populated and produce their offsprings!

Okay, and actually it turns out to be like this. I just use this: ERASER! or in layman term is 'pemadan' or rubber or getah pemadam? Whatever. The most important thing is that, it works!;))

never mind. I can suggest this to others. :) spare lots of erasers okay! :) you might never know when you gonna use them, hahahaah.

Baby?

It seems that this ground floor will be filled up by new juniors. Yeah, tak la sunyi sangat time weekend kan. Hee:) What I mean by junior, is yeah our junior, Batch 25, they are actually the same batch as us, but, the are in the different batch. Welcome to the house of MMMC. Just come here, and feel it by yourselves. Don't trust everything seniors said, because sometimes they just overrated. :p.

By the way, today, it didn't seem smooth like yesterday. Quite disappointed with myself actually, because I expected I could become at least better than yesterday already:( Never mind, I just try for the best. T_T

I watched HOUSE again today. Yeah, kinda my routine these days, all because of Lina's fault for giving me the series, up to seventh season. Hihi, sorry Lina, it is actually my fault for finding you up to 4th floor just to get the series. :). Every episode seems to give me a lot of lesson, maybe, and for the episode 13 season 5 today, it was about how a busy doctor, a administrator of Princeton Hospital managed herself with busy life and her adopted small little baby at the same time. It is actually quite difficult, it needs a lot of patience and courage to bear through all those difficulties, messed life, and smelly house because the baby will keep on pooping. If you know what I mean. ;) Pampers here and there, crying is child's best friend, and plus, you gonna have to wake up early in the morning if in case the baby cries all of a sudden and you just have to prepare for the baby's milk. Sounds horrible and messy right? But, that's how I am going to face later in life. Because I know, being a doctor isn't like any other profession in which you have plenty of times with your family, lots of holidays to spend together, just list all the places you wish to go and furthermore, doctor doesn't work like an office hour, and if it does, you have to work the whole office hours plus the additional hours( additional hours here mean on-call). Ohhh, just have to prepare my mind, mentally and physically to accept this fact of torturing life which I'm surely gonna face.

But hey, who said that it is so bad? Who said that being doctor is too bad? You don't have time with your family? Yeah maybe that's definitely true, but in a positive side to think about it is that, the less hour you spend with your family, the more you gonna miss your family much, and it strengthens the relationship you know. Because some say that, if you are in a distance away from your loved ones( distance here can be in time, in kilometres and whatsoever that comes in your mind at this time), your love gonna get bloomed and it gives you the chance to miss them, doesn't it seem cute and sweet? :) *I'm actually trying to convince myself here, okay, ;p*

But, just come hell or high water, just come the torturing life or annoying cries of the babies, I wouldn't mind, because I know when I am in that position myself, having to take care of my husband and my babies, things will gonna change. Having babies and family is just a wonderful thing in life, yeah I know I do not experience it myself yet, but I have had the examples from my root family: my abah, mak and sisters with brothers. It's actually pretty sweet and cool you know, when the gathering time comes after so long everyone had busy life before, that gathering time is the time in which you know that, you love them a lot and you will appreciate the time a lot. :)

So, to my future hubby, just don't worry. We will try to make it as best as we can okay, just have faith in each other. Maybe, life will be a little bit tougher at the beginning, but we just have to cross the hurdles, and just remember good things that awaits us in future. insyaAllah, we have faith in Him too, Amin:)

lame.

okay. I have like half an hour to blog. Noted. Hehe. Yeah, gotta divide time wisely now. Tak boleh main- main dah kan. today is friday which means tomorrow is a holiday which means I am free to wake up late which means I just forget that I have driving class which again makes me realize that I can't wake up late! Argh lame! Demit. Huhhhh takpe.. Orang cakap, kalau bangun awal, rezeki senang nak masuk. and truth is I am not sure about the possibility of it to be correct. Haha! Biasa lah, ayat- ayat orang tua. ;)

one thing I just realized. I can't stay in my room alone. I mean like, I really don't like staying in a room alone without a roommate. yeah, tak biasa. :(. rasa sunyi sangat. because even in my house I stay in a room with my other two little sisters, except that if I wanted privacy then they will understand then they will automatically went out from the room for a while. Then when I was in a boarding school, I stayed in a room with the other three roommates and again in KTT, I stayed with my friend Dayah. To prove that I really prefer to stay with somebody else in a room, then again in Manipal, I stayed in the master bedroom with Izzati. See? now I am all alone. Even during the night if I am gonna sleep, I have to switch the lamp on because I am scared of sleeping alone. :(. Missing my little sisters suddenly. T_T


Okay dahhh enough. Now I want to have my dinner. Mee Sedap. Instant again. Sorry. >.<. Hee, happy dinner!


P/s: Jersey batch dah dapat. Yeay!! ;)

Troy!

It is raining outside, not a heavy one, just enough to make you feel like getting into the bed and curl up like a lazy prawn beneath the thick comforter. So heaven. The wall clock is tickling, showing that it is already 5.02 pm in the evening. I don't know what is my mood now, just neutral I guess. But, regarding the rain, yeahh I love the raindrops and love watching over the rain. If you guys ever read my tweet, let's climb to the roof, so that we can feel the raindrops together very close:)*mode:It's raining!!!! =)
Hey, facepalm! Dreaming again, huh nurul fitrilina? =p. I turn around and look the condition of my room. So messy, but you know why? It wasn't my fault! Haha, today I was posted to Muar Hospital, so I had to wake up earllyyyy in the morning, and thus I had to rush and went for the bus, so the room was messy as I couldn't tidy up my room first before going out. Will do it later, but now, I want to enjoy this rain. :)



Sessional examination is just around the corner. As everybody has noticed and aware, the exam schedule is as follows:

I am not really in the 'ready ready ready mode'. yeah it is true. :( I do studying but it's too much to be covered up all within one week duration. ( actually less than one week to be exact.). But well, at least I have had the spirit to work hard, it is just okay already right? :) I don't want to score distinction as some students wish, but at least getting the mark within the passing rate is just a good achievement to me. Medicine is not about you passing high marks, it's more of either you pass or fail. Hmm, I know it sounds like scary when I stress the word FAIL, but hell yeah just DON'T GIVE UP dude! 


Study hard as maximum as you can, struggle and just semangat3 as infinity as you can. Allah swt has mentioned in the Al- Quran,



Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib suatu kaum kecuali kaum itu sendiri yang mengubah apa apa yang pada diri mereka ; surah ar-ra'd : 11.

So, let's change and be hardworking from now on! ;) It's not easy to gain what you want, if you really wish to get that, you will put so much efforts to finally grab what you want and make them yours. :)

It can be many things. Success is one of it. The one you love can also be the next example. I will not explain details about this, because most of us has experienced this right. Tepuk dada tanyalah hati awak- awak semua. :)

Okay, enough babbling, now we move on to the thing that I have promised you guys before. Regarding the pictures of a 'thing' I bought in Pasar Malam that day! Heee, yeahhh it is actually an alive FISH! and I already have the name for it after thinking and thinking for so many times and after discussing with him, I finally came out to the conclusion to name my fish as 'TROY'. teeheee, Troy suits him best. The handsome one, the charming one, and the cool one. :) Here's the picture.:)

meet my Troy. ;)

That's all for today. See you guys again. Salam.:)

flawless. them not me.

OMG. So bored of studying, about 2 hours I stucked with the thick thick books like Bailey and Love. :(. Yeah, blogging is on of my way to chillax. ;).

Today's topic is nothing but skin. You know what? I am so jealous with those who have very baby-like skin, soft and smooth. Very pretty! :) If I saw one, I was like, "Cantiknyaa lahaaaai orang ni, untung laaa dia.. ". =.-. Well, not everybody knows that actually I have a very senstive skin, very very sensitive I would say. Mak said that, when she was carrying me in her womb, she refused to eat lots of vegetables and fruits because yeah she was diagnosed to have hyperemesis gravidarum( excessive vomiting in pregnancy). She suffered that for about up to 6 months carrying me. Huuu, and she said sorry because of that, my skin isn't that perfect, in a way that it is so sensitive. I didn't blame mak. Hee don't worry.:). I am the eldest, yeah maybe there was exaggeration of morning sickness kot, never mind. :) Speaking about those sensitive skins that I own, even a slight rub maybe due to a mosquito bites, it leaves a mark, quite prominent anyway.. Huaaa, pity me kan? dah la, truth is, mosquitoes love me lot kot! Haihhh everywhere I go, they will tend to attack me first compared to others! Maybe 'darah manis' kot. hahaahha, okay habis dah. ;p. And yet, because of that, I am the winner with multiple mosquito bite marks. Sedih okkkkay tak tipuuuu...I tried so many products and there wasn't any improvement. Maybe a little, but yeah it still looks ugly mugly uggliiiiesssstt okieyhhhhh sobsobbb.. :(..

Even I have a thought to do skin laser to remove all of that, you know, hmm but yeah there are too many complications can be listed because of the laser. Tak cantik pun takpela, at least I am safe from those complications. :). And if one day I am pregnant, I will will will make sure that I eat food fruit and vegetables a lot, and to my future hubby who is reading this, please mark. And remind me in case I forget it. :) If I don't have that soft, perfect, baby-like skin without those mosquito marks, maybe I can make my babies have that. :)

untung lah kulit flawless:(

*p/s: saya memang tak chantik takde kulit yang lawa cun melecun, tapi saya bersyukur saya masih hidup lagi thanks Allah:)

=)

ATTENTION: To my family, friends and you know who you are, this post doesn't mean for you guys. And not to accidental visitor too. I don't mind if I've got visitors.Welcome:) These are what blog means for. I am talking about others who don't have any relation to me, but yeah maybe a little relation still they love to stalk my posts if not everyday, every three days or yeah a week can be counted too.-.-

Yeah to you, in front of your lappy reading my posts.

Happy enough to stalk me?

Stop stalking me if your intentions are just to monitor me , my life.

If you come visited to learn something or maybe for the sake of seeking knowledge( if I do posted notes/ lessons) I really don't mind. But, somehow, there are these groups of people who stalk me because they aren't happy with my life. :( . Stop finding and searching the pasts that has gone somewhere else. Just let go and start your new life back. Sometimes things happen for a reason and it meant to happen. Don't be sad because many good things are there in front of you, maybe you just don't realise it. I don't want to accuse anybody, I am tired of guessing and watching over the LIFE TRAFFIC FEED and suddenly it pops up your name in my mind based on the place shown there. Not good you know. :( I also don't like to guess about something unsure.

Leave this alone. Do visit for other purposes like I've mentioned before, I don't mind. But please not because to monitor my life. Don't take into your hearts. :) Be happy and keep smiling. Salam:)

I Should Have Known

Salam Sabtu.. Sabtu eyh? :) Well, yeah, it's 9.37am in the morning in the beloved Malaysia. And truth is I just woke up about 20 minutes ago. :P. Yeah I know it is kinda late for an anak dara like me, but who cares since it's WEEKEND!! Tidur la sepuasnya kan.. *hands up if you agree..*;p.

What topic to be told today? Or maybe to be discussed? It's about Palestine. Yeah Palestine, the story that we keep on uttering and sympathizing to them because of the things that happened to their country. Actually the things that are still happening.

Last night, I had this so- called 'Sister Gathering' here in Melaka, not far actually, at the area of Bukit Beruang with my usrah-mate with their friends whom I just get to know them last night. :). At first we cooked, talked, laughed and spent time together. It was so much fun since I love doing things with people like cooking because I love teasing and sometimes people love to tease me like Ariffah did. ;p.. And then the programme continued and we ate around 930pm after the dulang- dinner.

Then, came the tazkirah given by the one of the student from University of Newcastles, Australia and she's not Australian, she's Malaysian la. A girl one year younger than me.:). She talked and talked and suddenly it came to the story of Palestine. She asked all of us, "What do you girls know about Palestine?" My reaction was like, blinking three to four times, watching each others, trying to make the gyrus to work. Pity gyrus, because I actually, don't really have the knowledge of what is really the reason for the chaos happened in Palestine. Kesian kan:(. Padahal it is one of the story we keep on talking. We pitied them, sometimes some of us cried watching over the videos showing the suffering of Ummah there but, do we know the reasons for the chaos? Hmm. And 'we' here includes me myself. I know about the story but I don't dig, I don't find although I know it's one of my things to do( finding about what happened to Palestine) because we are Muslims and those that are suffering are our brothers and sisters. :"(.

Yeah maybe I have to start dig and dig and dig. I might not help much but at least I know what is happening to them. With the knowledge maybe something can be done, we never know. Wallahualam. Selamat mencari tentang Palestine. :)

Drama manusia

Salam. One topic, about the matters of fact, why people love to stalk your life, judge you and tell others about the story of
yours which is NOT TRUE at all? I don't know what's on these people's mind. Talking behind someone's back is actually
what we love to do. I said WE cause sometimes I do the same. But, one thing I am so not okay is, when you talk about
someone's behind his/her back but after that you tend to tell others about that particular someone which is CLEARLY not
true whom you know that these 'others' may reveal the story to the subject back..  Can you imagine how this subject's
feeling would be when others talk about him/her about something that is not true at all. Yeah, maybe it sounds a little
complicated, but this is what I really mean. If I was the subject, I may feel sad either. :'(. Tak nak cakap banyak. People and their dramas. They may look innocent by their innocent looks, but don't be too comfort for that. :)


p/s: New name for my baby. Audry. Welcome to the world, Audry! <3<3<3

Minah di sebelah kiri suka berdrama gak. Tapi bdrama comel. :) Rindu wawa. :( She will be registering to new school, INTEC next week. Good luck dear sis! (^_^)

layman.

I know I am not a good human being. I am not noble, not even great person. I am a common somebody who don't have anything to be proud of so far. I have a typical daily routine that I follow that have nothing to be satisfied about. Sometimes I talk about others behind, sometimes I say bad things, sometimes I am so not grateful of what I already have. I am me.

Even in studies, most of the time I sigh a lot, I comment about the hectic medical student life, I comment about the lecturers even I know I am not supposed to do so.:( My mom once said to me:
"Kak, cikgu ni pekerjaan paling mulia. Apa pun yang kadang-kadang depa buat, macam terpukul, termarah, tertinggi suara, depa buat untuk kebaikan anak-anak didik dia. Sebab depa ada mission. Nak semua students depa cemerlang dan jadi orang berguna masa depan." Those times, I didn't appreciate of all what she said. Even now, sometimes I do comment about lecturers, I get mad to the lecturers. Owh, how bad I am.:( And thankful to Him, I still have the thought that what I did was wrong. I have the thought that I want to change the part that I suppose to change about myself. I wish to not even sigh in studies when it comes to thousands of works to be done esp. in this medical field because I realise that life is still long. There are millions of obstacles are waiting along the journey. Life will never be the same. Later, I will get MBBS degree
( insyaALLAH) and that time, the responsibilities will be even more like hard time during work, etc.Hopefully, I don't treat the responsibilities as some kind of burden. Hopefully.

Then, in relationship, I shall say, I am not a perfect-noble-great woman in terms of qualities. I easily get jealous, tend to have bad thoughts when I keep thinking about futures and etc. Especially the jealousy part, I can't help it. I am so jealous even a little thing. I know, sometimes I have to be matured enough and be professional. But, yeah, things happen and we just can't help it.:(  maybe after this, I'll try my best to be as professional as I should be. =.=.  Maybe this time, tolerate and understanding between both is important. Don't worry, I will try my best.:)

All in all, I know maybe people may say back to me: Nobody is perfect, accept of who you are. I agree with that, but from some points I hope all my negative thoughts will revert to positive someday. All of these are for my own good and people around me. By the way, just so you know, I love you all and will always do. :)

I love my memories. Do you? :)

Hello sunshine. ;) Meet again, here, nowhere but Cekelat. As time passes by, I've learnt too many things. From A to Z, then reverse from Z to A, then again M in between and back to G somehow. It is a learning process, and it is routine and a norm that we all have done even till today. Learning and memorizing things are two common terms that are so familiar in the world of medicine. Memorizing what you have learnt is a must. Understanding what you have been taught is a priority but then again when the exam is just around the corner, you tend to memorize things. I am talking about medical students to be specific. No one should deny it, cause we all do the same, now and then. Memorizing about drugs, pathologies and physiological changes in one's life are common things we do. But, have you ever wondered, about certain MEMORIES either sweet or the other way round, are they stucked in the head because we keep memorizing them, or they stuck in the head, because we can't control them and they stuck whenever they want? Do I make myself clear? Yeah. MEMORIES.

You don't invent the memories, they came and attached to our lives as time passed by. Easy, let me simplify for you guys. Let's say for example: One day, you gave one of your friend a gift. Not really special but the gift was something that she like the most. For you, maybe yeah it was just a gift, it didn't worth much, only costed about RS120, but you know how much it meant to your friend? It means something. It means everything. It is enough for your friend to write in the diary about her/his appreciation due to the gift you gave them. That is the MEMORY. Even they sometimes keep the wrapping papers till now. MEMORY mustn't always be so permanent, sometimes it fades with time. Memory may fades if the persons that involved in the memory were no longer exist or they purposely fades the memory away because sometimes they get hurt or they don't want to linger their lives to the past, it maybe goes that way. But, the real and unforgettable memory is the one that keep hanging on the walls of heart till your last breath. That MEMORY is the real one, undeniable, unshakable and enough to make you smile for the whole day if it strikes the heart all of a sudden. :)

I do have my memories too. Memories that are long lasting, unforgettable, sweet and irresistible. I bet all of you have one at least. Just want to let you guys know that, whatever the memories are, and whoever the memories related to, just APPRECIATE the memories that you have. Sometimes, they don't repeat. They are sweet and they tend to make you diabetic but, appreciate those memories. :) Even it is only a small thing that maybe you think as time passes by, you may erase that memory away. But, please don't. Please keep them in the heart.

Someday and some other fine days, you may sit somewhere with your loved one, reminiscing back the memories that you have instilled with him/ her together that were too sweet to be described in words. Appreciate each and every day you have, and store the memories in the heart, and don't let them buried deep in the oceans. (^_^)

And one more thing I learnt today, we are made in couples( Allah jadikan manusia ni berpasangan.). One has certain positives and certain negatives, and same goes to the other one. Both complete one another. You maybe good in A but I maybe even better in B than you. That makes life sweet and that creates the memories. * back to the main topic, memories.*:)

By the way, now I just realise I am in third year, and too many things have passed and some stay and some have gone. I appreciate those who stay and goodbye to those who leave, maybe there are certain hikmah in all of these. Maybe, it's the fate that make some stay and some leave. I love my life. Hope you do too. ;)

Hangin on, gal.

Fuh.

It's a very free weekend. Free kah? Neways, actually I've got lot of things to be settled, like for example:

* settle my Journalss which are increasing day by day
* check out regarding MSP Poster.
* Studyyinggg.

But, I've done nothing on the last. In fact, I did something which weren't good enuf like:

* chatting n talking non-stop
* movie: Recently watched: Letter to Juliet.
* Eating and eating till I guess I've gained some weight. urghh. pretty cool! =.=

Whatever it is, gotta have d spirit and momentum to start struggling again.
I keep telling myself.
"At the end of this year, Imma have Unis exam. Please set that in mind. Fail? Mintak simpang sangat. :/. Cuak, of coz.

SO, Fit and all her friends, please realise that biggie thing is comin up and don't just waste your time doin something you pretty well know that it is just wasted time.

BEST OF LUCK all. =)

Mungkinkah?

Hey all. Salam. Nothing much, just want to steal maximum 15 minutes to create this post. It's nothing much like I said before, just want to release my burden, my brain's burden for these few days. Too much studying make you feel like stunned. I don't know whether the word 'stunned' is actually suits the situation or not, it is just that it looks nice to be written down. haha. whatever. Today, the topic is HEART. yeah, HEART. Simple, as simple as XYZ. :)

::heart:;

Have you ever thought of clearing your heart from all sorts of bad things that might get deposited on the wall of it? Some kind of 'things' that finally can lead to MI( Myocardial Infarction) or infective endocarditis if it involves the valves? Anyway, let's get cleared off about something. It's not that MI that we learn in medical school.( I specially point this to all medstu if any medstu who reads this post and for those who don't understand just let it be. haha. complicated kan?;p) Let's get back to the track. I don't know why the hell I simply HATE people so much. I experienced one disorder, yeah I called it as disorder anyway. Sometimes, I can turn into someone who always get mad without any specific reasons lie behind it towards somebody.What's the use to shout and scream here and there to others when you don't even know the point why you are doing so. Yeah I'm saying that to myself. Frankly speaking, there are so many times when I hate somebody without him/her doing so-called bad things to me. How cruel I am. (=.=) But, I don't know, I just can't stand with it, maybe you guys have experienced this. When you don't even know that person, but you simply can't get along with that person even you tried so hard to do so. I wish this disorder will end. As what the heart is concerned, I want to cleanse my heart. Yeah, there is no harm in changing to a better person right? *fullstop*