The Rocking Hijab

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem.  Salam alayk. I have been on a hiatus, for not that long I guess, but still, it was a profound hiatus for me. The reason for my going to Kuching was no more than an 'escape' apart from the original reason that brought me there.  In Kuching, I thought a lot and I came through a lot of self-discovery, and for the last few days, I attended ustaz Nouman Ali Khan's Divine Speech and it was really awesome to be there. Alhamdulillah.  He said some things that answers most of my life questions and it was during the in between breaks of the seminar that I made this decision; that is, to make The Rocking Hijab a history. So I made a new blog , using my other google account. If you want to, you can go check it out, because that's where I'll write from now on.  Of course, I did say these kind of things back in the past, but trust me, this one's different. I am REALLY moving on.  My reason for this new blog is that it i

Nak gambar! Bagi yang berkenaan. Hehe. Had a blast with u guys today. Alhamdulillah. All the best in life :) Ciao. And peace out.

So what was I doing in Kuching? To be honest, I don't really have a specific objective but here's what I did for the past 11 days. Week 1 1st of June 2014 : Touchdown at Kuching International Airport at 1700 hours. Host family fetched me. 2nd of June : Went to The Summer Mall, Kota Samarahan. 3 : Went to the library. 4 : Home. 5 : Home. 6 : Meet up with Wenny. Went to The Springs Mall-Plaza Merdeka-Kompleks Islam 7 : Meet up with ex-schoolmates back in Primary School. Lunch at Rumah Hijau. Week 2 8 : Went to Sampadi, Lundu. Meet up with As and she brought me to the Waterfront. 9 : Home. 10 : Home. 11 : Bowling at Riverside Mall. Shopping at Boulevard. 12 :

Death.  It is never fun to talk about death. Talking about it immediately saps you away from your enjoyment, or whatever you think that you did that is worth living for.  I attended my first funeral today. She was not related to me but may Allah bless her soul for being the reason to awaken my dormant heart. I have felt nothing, until now.  She was 26, and were just recently married, last January they said. She was on her way back from her driving lessons, and the van she was in were overturned in that accident. I saw the van earlier that evening, and it shocked me to know that the person involved were living just a few houses from my host's house.  I am almost 24, and the girl who died were almost the same age as me, and she were just recently married. Her death shook me, even more than the death of the famous people who were claimed to have the kind of death that enlightens people. I never felt this way about death, and I guess it shook my core simply because I h

Alhamdulillah I just received my result yesterday and The Rocking Hijab is finally a 4th year Dental student! It means, I am done with my pre-clinical years and it is time to do more serious stuffs! Basically 4th and 5th year are for Dentist-in-training so I will start treating real patients under our specialists' supervision of course. So now I have 3 months of break until early of September when I will begin my journey as a clinical year student. I am so glad that I am finally able to ditch my Medical studies, though not thoroughly, as we also have medical postings for one/two months in the early part of my 4th academic year. I can now totally focus on my dental knowledge, which is rusty to a point of almost no return by the way, so yeah, really, alhamdulillah. :) There's a lot of things for me to look forward to this 3 months break: Kuching(1-20th June)-Divine Speech Seminar by Ustaz NOUMAN ALI KHAN(20-22nd of June)-to be planned There's a lot

We all have bad habits we're trying to ditch.  Mine is my temper, and a lot of times I wished I could go one week (I say one week because I manage to survive one day before so yeah) without thinking of strangling anyone. Yes, strangle. You read that right. I have issues with my temper, meaning with what ticks me off. I get annoyed at people who do not mean what they say. I have issues with people who don't use their common sense, or their brains to think. I get ticked off at people who are all talk and no walk. I get angry at people who took my seat when their seat is just the next aisle. Simply said, ignorant people annoy me, which constitutes most of Malaysians, which also means, I get angry. A lot.  So yeah, I am somewhat a She-Hulk, but it doesn't mean that I go around scowling at people. Most of the time I don't show my expressions, because I never gave myself an excuse to show my anger towards people who are not even involved because that's just pla

Salam alayk all. Alhamdulillah I am now enjoying my freedom from finals exam since a day ago and I have started writing the manuscript for my next book (it's in English!) today inshaAllah. I have written 5 out of 300 pages this morning and I will record my progress. Just so that I could stress myself out to get it over as soon as I can. 24th of May 2014 : 5 pages (295 more pages to go!) *** I will be in Kuching from the 1st of June until the 20th inshaAllah. I can't wait for the Divine Speech seminar by Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan, who is, by the way, my favourite ustadz. :D Can't wait to learn from him! See you there !

Whenever anyone wanted to purchase my book, I would always make it my duty to ask them whether they would like to request for signature or words, anything, and almost always, they would tell me to write something motivational, revolving around the theme "how to be a good Muslim since I made it look so easy". To be honest, it's not.  Imagine yourself as a young lady, at age 18 years old, being the rebellious type to suddenly embrace a religion that reeks submission. Technically, well, Islam IS a religion where you submit to your Creator. I am a person who hates authority with my guts. I don't like it when people tell me what to do. I don't like it when I am expected to apologize when the other person was the one who is in the wrong. I don't like to listen to advice unless I ask for it. Basically, I am one independent alpha female who loves to authorize, not the other way around. So  how did I turn into this obedient, asking for forgiveness from thi

I find people around me, tethers on their toes whenever they want to speak to me, calculating whenever they wanted to express a thought near me, even my own family, and when I asked my husband why that is so, he told me it is obvious that I am like an egg, having a tough exterior but easily broken. I appear strong but I also look like I might break down any second.  That is unfortunately true, I have a heart which gives too much when loving, and a heart that easily forgives no matter how many times a person, the same person, may stab me in the back. I am the kind of person who turns her back to let them stab me in the front instead. I am too generous with my heart, but I denied them in public to lie to myself, so that perhaps I may believe that I am not as soft as I actually am.  I am misunderstood most of the time, because when someone hurt me I tend to avoid them, as if I don't forgive them, but what they don't know is that I feel the need to be out of their sight, b

Leverage is my favourite TV show by far,(the only one that I followed) simply because it has really little romance in it and a lot of actually using your brains.  This is how I rank my favourite characters: Parker (Thief) Eliot Spencer (Hitter) Alec Hardison (Hacker) Nathan Ford (Mastermind) Sophie Deveraux (Grifter) *** Oh yay I got Eliot!!!! Which 'Leverage' Character Are You? More on Leverage . Created by BuddyTV

Selanjar 1 RESPI 1-Pneumonia 2-TB 3-Asthma 4-COAD( emphysema ) 5-lung Ca 6-Bronchiectasis CVS 1-MI 2-CCF 3-IE 4-HPT 5-RHD 6-CHD (Coronary/congenital) 7-Valvular heart dz 8-Peripheral vascular dz GIT 1-Peptic Ulcer 2-Appendicitis 3-Hernia 4-Intestinal obstruction w2 5-Acute abdomen (peritonitis)w1 6-Chronic Liver disease (Jaundice)w4 7-Viral hepatitis w3 8-GI Ca (*Colorectal Ca) w5 9-Inflammatory bowel disease 10-Varicose Vein (portal hypertension) 11-Panceatic dz Selanjar 2 GUT 1-Nephrotic 2-Nephritic 3-Gallstone 4-UTI 5-Prostate Cancer/BPH 6-CRF 7-Scrotal Mass MUSCULO 1-Fracture 2-Tumor 3-Arthritis 4-OM 5-Diabetic Foot 6-TB Spine HAEMATO 1-Anaemia 2-Thalassemia 3-Haemophilia 4-Leukaemia 5-Lymphoma ENDOCRINE DM 1-Thyroid 2-Cushing 3-Acromegaly Selanjar 3 CNS 1-Stroke 2-Epilepsy 3-SOL 4-meningitis 5-Parkinson dz 6-Myasthenia gravis 7-Cranial nerve palsy 8-Peripheral nerve palsy COMMU

I am faced with choices today; choices I never dared to make : 1) Go on, and suffer the vicious cycle. Suffer from the reactions, the disappointments. 2) Make change, perhaps I'll be happier, and face the aftermath from everyone. There were two choices, and choosing either one will either change me towards the better, or for worse. I'm still choosing, considering, thinking that perhaps the idea that I have a choice would calm me, but I know this will be temporary. I need to make a choice, and my only hope is to go to Him, because I already know what I want to do. This is my life. I have a responsibility to live well, or live hell.

You know that song? I wonder if anyone who were born more than the 90's would know about it, but anywho, this is my MAJOR problem. Always. Even since I was a kid. Like, really. What, you think kids have no ego? I remember we have English that day, this was back in 2002 I think. Yeah. UPSR. So anyway, my teacher decided to play a game(?) to kill time and she told us to write something to our friend, but we will be anonymous, see? This is way before blogspot and Facebook. So after we wrote down what we wanted to say, our teacher collected our 'letters' and in turn, everyone will pick randomly and read it out loud. Boy, I was so nervous! It happens that I got one anonymous letter and I was really happy about that, because yeah I felt that someone acknowledges me. Yeah, I have been pathetic as long as I can remember.  So what this anon said, I am kind etc etc and all that but really, is it really that hard for me to apologize? That last sentence caught me off-g

(this is me facing the exam)

I get it, you don't want to do this. You tell yourself you're going to go on but deep inside you keep on wanting to quit, and that kills you, doing what you hate. You feel burdened, by the responsibility that you need to shoulder. You keep on thinking of the possible consequences if you quit now; your parents will feel disappointed in you because you're disappointing them(again), your parents-in-law will feel disappointed in you too, your brothers will not respect you(again).  True, you might hate the attention at first but you'll be happy because you're finally free, but then again, you're still doubting yourself; do you really want that life? Being pressured by requirements? Being pressured by exams? You hate it, and you admit it.  But life is also a test, and life is not a test you can call quits on, unless you decide to go straight to Hell by jumping off a building. You are not a quitter; you need to face this test, and the test is to finish wha

So I was watching this video of a 9 years old girl who can sing the opera very well. Like, so well to a point that all my hairs stood on their ends through out the video. I am not going to write about that anyway, but seriously, she was sooo good.  Notice my key word : 9 years old, which is related to what I am going to write today.  I feel that people are, in general, easily amused by young age; the younger the achiever, the awesome-er their achievements. Put a 9 years old and a 20 years old playing an electric guitar to a Metallica song, and you will find yourself more amazed at the 9 years old person. Or put a 15 years old revert besides a 40 years old revert, you will find people flocking to share about the 15 years old rather than the latter.  What is the significance of 'age' anyway? Which is why I find Allah's statement that He will measure a person only by 'taqwa', very comforting, because I know, He doesn't care that I embraced Islam a

So I had a dream today. I was dreaming about me, my mom, my younger brother numero deux(that's number 2 for you non-francophone-ers) and baby brother. What made me sad wasn't the dream, but the realization that, in my dreams, my brothers (no. 2 and youngest) always appear at the same age that I left them last time I came home, 10 years old and the youngest, at 3 years old.  When I spoke of my journey before and after I become a Muslim, I always spoke of it lightly and I managed to make the audience feel that I faced it easy peasy. Of course, I couldn't really cry as I did when I first time spoke of it because since then I have shed so many tears and faced too many frustrations, and one of them is not being able to be by my brothers' side when they were growing up. I babied them more than my brother after me simply because the last two brothers arrived when I am mature enough to take care of them, especially the youngest. I felt more like their mother rather tha

Just took this personality test here and I got a Guardian Protector personality. So here's my result explanation: We are lucky that Protectors make up as much as ten percent the population , because their primary interest is in the safety and security of those they care about - their family, their circle of friends, their students, their patients, their boss, their fellow-workers, or their employees. Protectors have an extraordinary sense of loyalty and responsibility in their makeup, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can shield others from the dirt and dangers of the world. Speculating and experimenting do not intrigue Protectors, who prefer to make do with time-honored and time-tested products and procedures rather than change to new. At work Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing , or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. For their part, Protectors value tradition, both in the culture and in their

I have known all kinds of sadness; abandoned, unwanted, rejected, isolated, ousted, ostracized. I wish I could stay as that innocent young girl, unknowing of the life that I will lead, unknowing of the torment that my heart would feel, unknowing of the reality as cruel as a beast, and unknowing of the ugliness of defeat. Deep in my heart, I will always be that innocent young girl, pure at heart, ready to believe, ready to accept the good in people, ready to forgive, though how cold my mask I set on me, fragile and easily broken, because the truth is, I never really grew up because I couldn't. I just couldn't. I am the same as the day I was born, lonely and alone.

"Wide? That's NOT WIDE!" "This hijab is not hijab at all, it's see-through!" "I want to cover my aurah, but I don't wanna look like an old lady." "This hijab is too extravagant, I need something simple." If you found yourself saying these at one point of your life, then worry not and don't lose hope!  I am in fact one of those muslimah who find it hard to be groovy and cover properly at the same time with the abundance of so-called muslimah clothing when in fact it is nothing near muslimah at all. Remember this well: wrapping your awrah is NOT THE SAME as covering your awrah. Alhamdulillah USWAH Islamic Clothing provides clothing for muslimah who wants to cover their awrah and look updated as fitting to the shop's tagline, "Modesty. Exclusive. Contemporary." Type: halfmoon shaped hijab Material :   Soft crepe, lightweight, non transparent, soft   ( comfortable, non transparent

Well, honestly, I might not be the best person to talk about this, I mean, it has only been 1 and a half year but inshaAllah I will try my best to give you some insights on what to do and what not to do . I assume everyone here wants to get married, the difference is whether you want it early or much later in life. I have nothing against those who decide to marry later, I mean, that's totally up to you but me, personally, the reason why I wanted to get married early was because I feel like settling down. There will be one point in life, no matter at what age you felt it, that you feel that you are bored being single and what's left to do is get married. So first up is, 1. Get married when you're ready Don't get married just because everyone else is. Marriage is not about who's next and being married is not a big deal at all. Get your intentions straight and you will hear this coming from me; there is nothing to be ashamed of for getting married to make your r

Don't miss it! Featuring me and Afiq Sazlan of Hamasah As-Syabab.

Lately, I have been more tired than the usual. Perhaps my battle with my illness has been more of a futile effort than a fruitful one. Funny how when I told the doctor that I felt more stable and the next day I suddenly went almost out of control for the whole day. I don't know, but I wonder if I should agree on increasing my dosage, again. I almost gave up, thinking I might not heal but then again, those meds are just one of the many ways to cure me. Only Allah is the Healer, I should really trust Him more on this, but really, when 'it' hits me, I couldn't really think as straight as I do right now.  Putting my personal problem aside, I have been thinking about what I have been doing with my life ever since I became a Muslim. I have been doing nothing but become an advocate of Islam ever since then and only now do I understand the reason for me doing this, after all these years. True, I do not have to work this hard, now that I think about it, I bet I did less

*HD = High Definition Remember Surah Al-Ikhlas(The Sincerity)? Which, in case you did not know, and if I am not mistaken, is the sole surah that do not have the name of the surah mentioned in the verses. But perhaps you might want to know the reason behind such discrepancy? Before that, let's see what the surah talks about : Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,  Allah , the Eternal Refuge. He neither begets nor is born, Nor is there to Him any equivalent." (112:1-4) So what does it have to do with this surah? Based on the tafseer fi zilal by Sayyid Qutb rahimahullah, he said that " the Arabic term, aĥad, used here to refer to God’s oneness is much more precise than the more frequently used term, wāĥid, which means ‘one’. Aĥad has the added connotations of absolute and continuous unity and an absence of equals . " Click here  for the rest of the tafseer. If you understand the meaning of  absolute and continuous unity and an absen

1) Understanding with the heart/qalb This is due to the known fact that what is felt in the heart will bring forth to actions, and the condition of our heart will affect our behavior. Simply said, our behavior is the outcome of what we understand with our heart. More than often we see people acting out what they feel, rather than what they know. The heart is important as it governs us as said in a narration that many of us are familiar with, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said:  ”Unquestionably, in the body there is a lump of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt, and behold, it is the heart.” [Bukhāri and Muslim] So if we understand the Qur'an with our hearts, rather than with our mind, inshaAllah, we will further appreciate the messages within the Qur'an itself, and of course, we hope that we will not just read but also practise the messages in the Qur'an as the Qur'an is sent to us as a

I want the Qur'an to be my best friend.  In order to do that, I must learn to understand it, both the language and in great depth(Tafsir), and finally, memorize it. I must make the time to read EVERY day. I must make the time to write EVERY day. You can't edit a blank draft. I must adhere to my study schedule. I must become a better Muslim. I must also make the time to read tarbiyyah book/website to help me to become a better murabbi. I must decrease my time on social networks. I must learn how to love myself.  I hope, this time I can at least force myself to make these a habit. La hawla wala quwwata illa billah. 

*copypasted from my Facebook page I'm a revert; I guess pretty much everyone knows that now. I have been a Muslim since 14th of November 2008, at the age of 18.  I hid my reversion from my family until 2010, which meant I lived as a Muslim secretly for 2 years. I didn't wear the hijab, I picked my food, I prayed behind locked doors, I kept my internet history clean; I did whatever I can to keep my new faith because I was alone at that time, far away from my Muslim friends since I was living in Sarawak. That was my jihad to protect my syahadah, because I was afraid I might be forced to convert to my former religion. Then came 2010, I was forced to confess to my parents about my reversion. My mum got upset, my dad disowned me, my other family who I thought would support me turned against me. I was alone, with no one to refer to, and no one cared. I was turned away by Islamic offices when I wanted to claim what was rightfully mine because I had no financial suppor

You know, I have conflicts and I mean, inner conflicts, to whatever I am doing with my life now. I keep on thinking, "Why can't I be better?". To be honest, I am just an average daie.  I'm averagely well-known; which means I have lots of readers and followers but not really that many to be considered a popular or famous Islamic blogger. I am also an average muwajjih/speaker; which means that I can talk to save my life but I'm not that good to be invited for an encore and no one would even recommend me. I can draw/sketch but only just a little because I never take the time to actually hone my skills. I can sing, but not that I can use it for da'wah now can I? Since the voice is awrah after all. I am also an average writer; which translates into, yeah, I can write but not to a point that my book is going for a bestseller.  So do you see what my problem is? I have very high expectations of myself and I hoped to be the best in everythi