The Rocking Hijab

As I write this, I am also having a bad day myself. It was so bad that I fell into depression.The next thing that you're going to ask is, "Why? What happened?" I wish I can answer that.  That's the thing with depression; you never know when it will hit you. It sneaks up on you, and when you realized, it's already too late. I have never admitted this but today I am going to face it straight on.  For those who are in the medical field, I have bipolar disorder type II, and for my laymen readers, I have a mood disorder. You can say that what I have is a mental illness but, let me stop you there; I am definitely NOT crazy.  This is the stigma that I have been trying to avoid. Mental illnesses are almost always associated with psychosis. Psychosis is when you have delusions or hallucinations that caused you to behave differently than the normal person would, So what I have is actually more to what you call as an 'unstable mood'. 

Lately, I have been more tired than the usual. Perhaps my battle with my illness has been more of a futile effort than a fruitful one. Funny how when I told the doctor that I felt more stable and the next day I suddenly went almost out of control for the whole day. I don't know, but I wonder if I should agree on increasing my dosage, again. I almost gave up, thinking I might not heal but then again, those meds are just one of the many ways to cure me. Only Allah is the Healer, I should really trust Him more on this, but really, when 'it' hits me, I couldn't really think as straight as I do right now.  Putting my personal problem aside, I have been thinking about what I have been doing with my life ever since I became a Muslim. I have been doing nothing but become an advocate of Islam ever since then and only now do I understand the reason for me doing this, after all these years. True, I do not have to work this hard, now that I think about it, I bet I did less

*HD = High Definition Remember Surah Al-Ikhlas(The Sincerity)? Which, in case you did not know, and if I am not mistaken, is the sole surah that do not have the name of the surah mentioned in the verses. But perhaps you might want to know the reason behind such discrepancy? Before that, let's see what the surah talks about : Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,  Allah , the Eternal Refuge. He neither begets nor is born, Nor is there to Him any equivalent." (112:1-4) So what does it have to do with this surah? Based on the tafseer fi zilal by Sayyid Qutb rahimahullah, he said that " the Arabic term, aĥad, used here to refer to God’s oneness is much more precise than the more frequently used term, wāĥid, which means ‘one’. Aĥad has the added connotations of absolute and continuous unity and an absence of equals . " Click here  for the rest of the tafseer. If you understand the meaning of  absolute and continuous unity and an absen

1) Understanding with the heart/qalb This is due to the known fact that what is felt in the heart will bring forth to actions, and the condition of our heart will affect our behavior. Simply said, our behavior is the outcome of what we understand with our heart. More than often we see people acting out what they feel, rather than what they know. The heart is important as it governs us as said in a narration that many of us are familiar with, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said:  ”Unquestionably, in the body there is a lump of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt, and behold, it is the heart.” [Bukhāri and Muslim] So if we understand the Qur'an with our hearts, rather than with our mind, inshaAllah, we will further appreciate the messages within the Qur'an itself, and of course, we hope that we will not just read but also practise the messages in the Qur'an as the Qur'an is sent to us as a

Indeed We have explained to mankind, in this Qur'an, every kind of lesson.  Yet most people refuse to accept anything other than disbelief. {Al-Isra':89} Their limited perception has failed to appreciate the inimitability of the Qur'an. Therefore, they started asking for material miracles, enlisting absurd requests that only betrayed their childish thinking. Or they spoke with impudence about God Himself. They did not benefit by the expounding of cases and examples in the Qur'an, nor were they satisfied with the wide variety of styles and approaches the Qur'an employed in explaining its concepts, so as to be understood by the people of different standards and faculties. Hence, " most people refuse to accept anything other than unbelief ." (Verse 89) -Tafsir Fi Zilal, Surah Al-Isra' Verse 89 I just feel like sharing this verse because I was so drawn by it. It really made me reflect on how foolish we sometimes are, asking for absurd

60. And (remember) when Musa said to his boy-servant: "I will not give up until I reach the junction of the two seas or a Huqub passes.''  61. But when they reached the junction of the two seas, they forgot their fish, and it took its way through the sea as in a tunnel. 62. So when they passed further on, Musa said to his boy-servant: "Bring us our morning meal; truly, we have suffered Nasaban in this, our journey.'' 63. He said: "Do you remember when we betook ourselves to the rock I indeed forgot the fish; none but Shaytan made me forget to remember it. It took its course into the sea in a strange (way) 64. Musa ﴾said: "That is what we have been seeking.'' So they went back retracing their footsteps. 65. Then they found one of Our servants, on whom We had bestowed mercy from Us, and whom We had taught knowledge from Us. 66. Musa said to him: "May I follow you so that you teach me something of that knowledge which yo

  Whoever disbelieves in Allah after his belief... except for one who is forced [to renounce his religion] while his heart is secure in faith. But those who [willingly] open their breasts to disbelief, upon them is wrath from Allah , and for them is a great punishment; {An-Nahl, 16:106} To be honest, I have never encountered this verse before, but the reason for it's descend (the asbabun nuzul ) is because of the tale of Ammar bin Yasir. I'm sure everyone have heard of this story. The musyrikin were torturing Ammar's parents, Sumayyah and Yasir, and as a result, they die as martyrs and when the musyriks came upon Ammar, he immediately blurted out that he is a non-believer to save his life. Ammar went to Rasulullah (peace be upon him) later to inquiry about his state. The Prophet simply replied, "How was your heart when you utter such words? Does your heart agree?" Ammar said, "No." then thus, came the ayah/verse.  Whoever disbelieves in Allah af

Hatred POEM VERSES 32-33 Another disease is hatred for other than the sake of [God] the  Exalted. Its cure is to pray for the one despised. This is with the understanding that you have not done wrong if you are repulsed by the hatred you harbor and do not act in  accordance with it [to harm the person]. Definition and Treatment The next disease is hatred (bughd). In itself, hatred is not necessarily negative. It is commendable to hate corruption,  evil, disbelief, murder, lewdness, and anything else that God has exposed as despicable. The Prophet never  disliked things because of their essences, but because of what they manifested. Hatred or strong dislike of a person for no legitimate reason is the disease of bughd. The Prophet once said to his  Companions, "Do you want to see a man of Paradise?" A man then passed by and the Prophet said, "That man is  one of the people of Paradise." So a Companion of the Prophet decided to learn what i

So is my exam. *crumbles* Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Allah said, 'All the deeds of Adam's sons (people) are for them, except fasting which is for Me, and I will give the reward for it.' Fasting is a shield or protection from the fire and from committing sins. If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarreling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, 'I am fasting.' By Him in Whose Hands my soul is' The unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. There are two pleasures for the fasting person, one at the time of breaking his fast, and the other at the time when he will meet his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting."  {Bukhari, 128}   I am getting anxious for two things at the moment : my coming medical exam which will comprise of 4 systems (Musculoskeletal, Haematology, Endoc

Say, [O Muhammad], "If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people." {At-Tawbah, 9:24} I came upon this verse this morning and I fell into a metaphorical warp hole and I found myself back to that  night of 14th of November 2008 in an apartment, 8-3-A1 back in Kolej Teknologi Timur, Sepang. I was there with 3 other girls, Kak Lia, Suriani and Syakirah, we were sitting in a circle. The atmosphere was tense and I was asking about all sorts of things that you can think of about what will happen should I decide to become a Muslim. Then came a moment of anticipation but we were silent, as silent as the night.  They were staring at me and I was thinking deepl

I was just done with Endocrine block so today is the first day of the new block, Genitourinary system, which is also the last block before my exam.  In the Endocrine block, I have learned that diabetes mellitus is a totally on the must avoid disease list. It all started with hyperglycaemia which means high blood sugar due to some problems with your B-cells of your pancreas that produces insulin which helps lower your blood sugar. If you don't control your blood sugar now, for people who is already diabetic, the next thing you know your big toe will get amputated because of infections or the next thing you know is that you already have heart failure, and it all begins with too much of that sugary goodness in your blood.  Start controlling what you eat today or you might risk having chronic diseases when you're older which is when your immune system is much, much weaker.  O mankind, eat from whatever is on earth [that is] lawful and good and do not follow the f

I just did my first planking for 2 minutes and I feel like I've been jogging for 30 minutes. I did it in two halves so one minute each with a few seconds rest in between(more like panting, gasping for air). I feel that I need to strengthen myself which is the sole reason I'm starting on this exercise. It's worth the pain. Give it a try.  (pausing because my arms hurt like hell) So. This morning I received a call from Aisyah Syakirah (she's a famous vlogger in case you didn't know) and we were chatting and all when I suddenly felt the urge to tell her about my inner conflicts regarding my book. Basically all anxiety is far reduced now. Alhamdulillah. I just need to see the bigger picture I guess. Sometimes, I feel that I don't get why people are flocking to my blog just to read what I write. I feel useless as a Muslim and I feel so lacking in knowledge that I feel that my entries are of no benefit to the people who reads it. But I guess, it seems t

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds, and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran *** [ Caution : A very lengthy post. Don't say I didn't warn ya.] The photo has nothing to do with the post. Credits to the husband. In my family's point of view, I have always been the one who is a bit...off. Enough to give them a terrible headache. Having someone like me in the family is perhaps a little bit challenging.  As you all know, I went on and made the decision to become a Muslim, even when I know my parents strongly objects to that idea. And then I got married. So yes, my life has been pretty much me making decisions on my own, and going with what I think is right. My reason for doing so is that I am not good at handling regrets. I do not like to live with regrets so I went on with it, despite how crazy it may sound. D

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds, and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran *** So, I'm back to my old format of writing.  Anyway, I thought of this a while ago and the reason for my talking about this is because it seems that this issue is quite redundant now that it has been appearing on my news feed quite recently. I actually feel slightly unsettled with what I saw regarding what people think of us reverts, saying that we are so much better Muslims in general, simply because of the fact that, again I stress, in general, we acquire Islam the hard way. In general, it may seem to be case but actually, a lot of us manage to become a Muslim easily, some without any obstruction at all. So you see it is quite inaccurate to say that because I have seen even born Muslims have a hard time being a Muslim, and we can see t