Disconnected

Sometimes after so long of disconnecting, you try to reconnect with those once close to you. Sometimes you succeed, sometimes you don't. And usually when I fall into the latter category, I sometimes wish I can at least convey my heart's feelings, so that they know that my heart is saying,

"You're worth my time and I am sorry for not keeping in touch for so long. But the fact that I still want to contact you, doesn't that mean anything?"

You cannot expect them to understand. If they do, perhaps things wouldn't be that difficult and reconnecting would be a breeze. They are drowned in their anger, and still, in their disappointment towards me. But I'll keep on trying, even if it will make me look pathetic. After all, stooping low is better than feeling all high and mighty. Through this I learn the meaning of loving unconditionally, because when rejected again and again, you might want to give up and exactly at that moment, perhaps you may need to ask yourself this question,

"Why am I doing this?" And you will find your strength through your answer,

"Because I love them, and I want them to know that."

Even after years of disconnecting, keep on trying, because in the same way time hardens the heart of men, in the very same way they can also heal. 

Picture of me, self-taken at Masjid Ipoh, Ramadhan 2011.

Trying to reconnect also gives you a sense of weakness, and that is also when you realize you are just a human, and you need to hold on strong to ask for His help and guidance.

Even when you find yourself feeling defeated, persevere, because one day, Allah will give you a reason to say, 

"All that I did, it's worth it. It's really worth it."