Reality Check

This is going to be an open and honest post about myself. I received a serious reality check last night about my body and weight. I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I attended the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition taping that they did here locally for the Veterans Day special they will be airing. I even got to go on stage as a Veteran. One of my dear friends snapped lots of pictures of me standing on the stage. When I looked at them today I was HORRIFIED. I know I am overweight and I know that there are parts of my flawed body that certain styles just won't hide. I am absolutely embarrassed at my choice of outfit yesterday. All I can think of is that I have a seriously distorted view of myself. I look fat and gross with big flubby belly and seriously saggy boobs...really, why doesn't my mirror show how seriously flabby I looked yesterday. And now I have a high chance of being on TV being portrayed as a Veteran, I am seriously disgusted with myself.

I admit I am currently at my highest pant size EVER in my life and while I haven't weighed myself, I'm pretty sure I am at my highest weight outside of pregnancy (and maybe even higher than). I know that I do not always look grotesquely obese like the pictures I saw this morning show me to be but I think I really needed that reality check.

I need to do something and change my lifestyle. While I do eat junk food and drink some soda, it's not an everyday thing. I don't even overeat. I know part of my problem is that I don't take in enough calories a day so my body stores them (had a lovely doctor tell me once that if I ate more I wouldn't be as fat..talk about confusing!). I do not exercise as much as I should. I have some issues with crappy body parts thanks to the U.S. Army but I have always tried my best to not use that as an excuse to be lazy. I try to be up and moving around as much but obviously that is not enough. I do pretty good when I walk/jog but I'm not consistent.

I allow my own insecurities get the best of me about going to the gym and working out with some of the ladies from my church group. They are all way cute in their workout outfits and super fit. I don't want to be the bumpy, fat girl next to them.

I need to be accountable for myself. I am grateful that I am not super unhealthy yet considering my weight and laziness. I need to set a plan and put it into action.

I am a fat girl..there is no denying it, there are pictures to prove it. I don't need to be a size 2, I just need to be healthy and I'm not.

So there it is...a serious reality check. I'll even post a picture when I upload the pictures from my camera or you can watch EMHE on Veterans Day. I won't even have to tell you which one to look for, you'll just know!