The TV Character I Want For My BFF

Have you ever watched a show and thought, OMG why can't I be in the show because I would so be that character's friend?

C'mon now, you know you have!

This is the character I want for my BFF

Abigail "Abby" Sciuto from NCIS.

How can you not love her? She's absolutely adorable. The happiest goth girl anywhere! Plus what really made me laugh is that the actress that plays her is 41. I was all OMGWTF! She looks like she's only in her mid-twenties. Well, at least to me she does! Maybe because she's only about 5 years older than me.

Hmmm

I would totally want to be her BFF. Plus I wouldn't mind hanging out with the NCIS crew because DiNozzo is hot! Yeah, it always helps when there are a couple of hot guys around. Come to think of it, Gibbs is hot too.

But seriously, how can you not love her!

Things I'm Sick Of Hearing About

The media believes in overkill. If it didn't it wouldn't be the media. However sometimes overkill is really annoying, especially if that overkill is dealing with something you already find distasteful.

Such as:

~ Twilight: OK, people, the books were lame. The acting lame. The author a total wackadoodle and of course, it inspires cult like behavior, only not fun cult like behavior a'la Rocky Horror. No it inspires NUT JOBS!

~ Michael Jackson: He's been dead a year now. GIVE IT A REST!

~ The Anti-Toy In Happy Meal people: Oh for fuck's sake you losers, go jump in the gulf, please. The toy doesn't make kids fat, parents that feed their kids happy meals for lunch and dinner 7 days a week, make their kids fat. ASSHATS!

~ Sarah Palin and all those fucking Tea Party asshats. Makes me want to drink lots of coffee and boycot tea.

~ Elvis Costello: For releasing another freaking best of and some live albums instead of new material.

Cracker Barrel: Triadelphia, WV

On our way from Oglebay Park in Wheeling, WV, my friend, her daughter and I decided to stop for dinner near Cabela's. There are a lot of chain restaurants in the area, but she hadn't been to a Cracker Barrel.

How can this be?

I decided we must rectify the situation.

We both ordered the new summer menu item, Campfire Chicken. Its a foil wrapped packaged of goodness, filled with wonderful chicken, carrots, red pepper and even a tomato for flavor. We also had some lemonade that was perfectly tart and refreshing.

The food arrived almost instantly and I have to say that everything was absolutely delicious. This was comfort food at its best. It is definitely a must try. Oh and did I mention that it only cost about $10.00 for the whole meal with a drink? It really doesn't get much better than this.

Sometimes The News Is So Unbelievable

Did any of you see the article about the freaks in CA that tried to sell their baby at Walmart for $25!!

It is obvious they were druggies.

But still, WTF! They were selling their baby for $25.00 and the dude was getting pissy that one of the women he accosted to buy the kid wouldn't take it.

Talk about a hard sell.

But dude, just $25.00!

Drugs are that cheap?

I think I read that both the guy and the girl were strung out on meth. To which I can only think, Poor little baby.

Oh and the other kicker in this story, the dude is 38 (and butt-freaking ugly) and the girl is 20.

~shakes head sadly~

And now there's a poor baby that's been breast fed by this druggie who will be lost in the system.

Thankfully the parents were arrested, but still, this poor infant doesn't stand much of a chance.

The world is an ugly ugly place.

Bucketlist, part 2

In a previous post, I took a look back at various bucket lists I'd made in my younger years. Today I'm going to make a new one. Here's my top Things to Do Before I Die, direct from my brain and not censored for ridiculousness or unattainable-ness.

1. Host and/or perform on SNL
2. See a Red Wings game in Detroit
3. See the following acts in concert: (a) Elvis Costello (b) the White Stripes (c) Fiona Apple
   (d) Brian Setzer
   
4. Visit Japan
5. Make a world-beloved cult classic movie
6. See the Aurora Borealis
7. Learn to play guitar and accordion
   
8. Record an album that other people hear
9. Have a touring band
10. own a red Mini Cooper with the custom ska drop-top

Okay, your turn!

Robert Pattinson Cousin Of Dracula

There are some things that really make me shake my head. This is one of them. I logged into my home page and this was the article in one of the headlines

Robert Pattinson and Dracula are distant relatives

Genealogists actually spent time researching his family tree to discover he was related VERY DISTANTLY to Vlad The Impaler.

I'm sure Vlad would be thrilled to know that this half-assed actor who plays a freaking sparkly vampire to make his millions is somewhat related.

He'd probably bite his neck and have done with it. You know how creatures of the night should act.

I really wish Robert would have done some major acting before this film, because I don't know that I could ever look at him and not think of him as Edward from the books that dislike almost as much as I dislike V. C. Andrews.

Oh and not to worry, Stephanie Meyer is related too. I'm pretty sure there's something incestuous about all of this!

Do people have anything better to do with their time?

I wonder if Tom Cruise is related as well, after all he played Lestat (albeit badly), but at least that was a REAL vampire and not any of that sparkly crap.

RIP Video Stores

Lately I've been missing video rental stores. I think they're becoming extinct.

Back when I was a bachelorette, there was a really awesome store called Video Images that was directly under my awful studio apartment. It was mostly VHS but had a mind-boggling selection. There was a "cult/indie" aisle, a "musical/music doc" shelf, and a decent foreign film collection. Its 80s-riffic horror section was constant fodder for my friends' weekly Shitty Movie Night. If it wasn't for that store, I might not have seen Everything Is Illuminated, The Reflecting Skin, or the cinematic classic Rock N Roll Nightmare. A world without Jon Mikl Thor's mighty pecs is a sad one indeed.

Needless to say I was heartbroken when the owner retired. I bought some of my favorite tapes, but I felt like a vulture. At least then there was Blockbuster, which even if the hapless employees couldn't recommend me a movie, you could find something there. Now there isn't an honest-to-blog video store within a 45 minute radius, if that. All our Blockbusters went under, and now we have a few redbox kiosks scattered across the city.

So you might ask why a video store is even necessary in 2010. Hell, the word "video" is in the title - who the hell needs a dusty VHS when you've got Netflix? I guess I'll go with my old curmudgeonly battle cry "it's just not the same!" There's nothing that really replicates the feeling of going into a video store and grabbing a DVD or VHS based on the cover alone. Netflix is almost too good at pinpointing what I'd like; I kind of miss being underwhelmed by an awful B-movie.

Mostly, though, it just weirds me out that generations of kids are going to grow up and have never set foot in a video rental store, that some culture landmark of my childhood is going to be completely foreign to everyone after me. Millions of slumbers parties are going to be denied an older sibling renting Monkey Shines and the nightmares that follow.

Books To TV

Its rather interesting to see how many TV shows are based on books these days. We all know that True Blood is based on Charlaine Harris' Sookie books aka The Southern Vampires. And of course last years comedy Accidentally On Purpose was based on the memoirs of Mary Pols. Of course there's The Vampire Diaries and Gossip Girl too.

But did you know that two shows on Fox were based on novels? The now defunct Past Life was based on the M.J. Rose books, The Reincarnationist, The Hypnotist and The Memorist. Oh and Bones? There's a whole series of books by Kathy Reichs that inspired Bones. And how can you not love Bones!

Wowzas.

I've got a lot of reading to do. The question is, where to start?

Itso Cubes Rock My World

I'm always looking for new storage units that can do multiple things and they should be cheap as I'm on a very tight budget. I discovered Itso Cubes at Target a few months ago and they are awesome.

The price is based on how fancy you want your cube to be. I have three cubes with shelves which were about $16.00. I'm totally amazed at how many CDs and paperbacks these cubes can store nicely.

Plus you can add doors or bins or little silver legs, and they come in a lot of cute colors.

Do I sound like an ad for Itso cubes yet?

I should. I love these things. My three cubes hold CDs and books and occasionally a cat or two. That's another interesting use for Itsos, cat play area. Its cheaper than a kitty tower too!

Two Of The Best Chicken Salads You'll Ever Eat

I have to admit it, I love food. I even love cooking it every now and then, but this post isn't about cooking, its about eating out and salads.

I love a good salad with grilled chicken and I've found two reasonably priced eateries that have stellar salads that won't make you too round after eating them.

For those of you that are lucky enough to have the Eat N' Park chain in your area, this chain has a wonderful strawberry chicken salad. This is a perfect summer salad with lots of sliced berries, almonds, and tasty chicken all on a bed of spinach with poppy seed dressing to make it extra nommy. It's served with a really good brown bread and is only $7.99.

I recommend this one as a lunch salad, because even though its exceptionally tasty, its not filling enough to eat as a meal without ordering something extra like a cup of soup or chili.

The next salad that you must eat can be found at Cracker Barrel. Its a Grilled Chicken Pineapple Salad. I can only use silly words like Rachael Ray would use to describe this salad, that's how good it is.

This salad has iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, pineapple and Cracker Barrel's incredible chicken along with a pineapple ranch dressing.

OMG! This produces saladgasms!

Its definitely a great salad for lunch or a light dinner and the dressing is so good you will want to lick the little bowl clean rather than discard any.

Oh and for dessert, have the strawberry icebox pie. OMG so good too.

I Hate When This Happens

ABC has a few shows coming out tomorrow and one is The Gates. From what I've been hearing its kind of a cross between Desperate Housewives and The Vampire Dairies.

OK, that's fine with me.

I can go for a little fluff tv in the summer. Actually I can go for fluff tv anytime. I just hate when the shows get reviewed before they air.

Why should shows be panned before they even air? Shouldn't the viewing public have a chance to decide whether we like something or not?

Plus the poor show is on Sunday nights at 10 o'clock!

Who watches TV then?

I mean why can't we have some cheesy network TV? Why do all the shows have to be about cops/lawyers/doctors or rich women getting laid?

This show will likely have the women and men getting laid, but it will have some bite too! Yay vampires! And even bigger yay if these creatures of the night don't fucking sparkle!!!! Barnabas Collins didn't sparkle and he was way cooler than Edward Cullen.

Let's hope the show is better than the media is making it out to be. I need some vampires in my life that aren't teenagers!!!

Rialto Cafe: Greensburg, PA

When setting out for meal I sometimes like to steer clear of the many chain restaurants that populate our area. Local restaurants usually offer something different, and that's why I was excited to go to Rialto Cafe in Greensburg, when we were there for the Gordon Lightfoot concert.

Rialto's is a really quaint little place with very little seating. If you want to sit in the main restaurant, call ahead for reservations, otherwise, be prepared to sit in the bar area. It is a bit noisy but you get the same menu.

I ordered the Baked Rigatoni, which was reasonably priced at $10.99 and I got a Blue Moon beer, which was draft. The bar has a great selection, to those of you that like to get the warm fuzzies while eating.

The meal came with a small salad which was rather interesting. Interesting in that the salad was just lettuce, cheese and chopped beets. It doesn't sound like much for a salad but it was really tasty. I liked the chopped cheese better than grated. I'm still at a loss for how they did that.

The meal was fantastic. The rigatoni was covered in ooey gooey cheese. This dish truly brings the old catch phrase "Behold the power of cheese" to mind. The sauce was great and the pasta cooked perfectly. Oh and then there was the big meatball in the center. That meatball was pure heaven.

My sister ordered the spinach ravioli and we both remarked that we had never seen ravioli so big before.

Rialto's has a small menu in comparison to a lot of restaurants but when you taste the food, you have to admit that sometimes its better to specialize. At a glance I saw some people with appetizers and sandwiches (those were all bigger than the avg head too and come with steak fries) and I wouldn't hesitate to order either. Their Reuban has won an award from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

This is definitely going to be my place to stop when I go to the Palace for any events in the future.

Pay attention to song meanings Part 1

Hey Wenches, long time no see. I got a little wrapped up in real life things, very good real life things (a promotion and a film-related project) that took up most of my free time. But now I'm back... to let you know... I can really shake 'em down?

Speaking of dancing music, today I'm thinking about the true meaning of some pop songs. Were you aware, for instance, that REM's "The One I Love*" is a song about abusive relationships? or that the Police's "Every Breath You Take" is about stalking?

I figure you folks already knew those factoids, but you'd be surprised how many people don't. I've heard "Every Breath You Take" at weddings, which really skeeves me out. And Michael Stipe has expressed his confusion in several interviews how people can not only miss the point of "The One I Love" but go so far as to make it their song, as in their lovey dovey couples song.

Once I even saw "Yesterday" on a master song list for a wedding band. Yesterday? Yeah, that's a pleasant sentiment for a wedding. "Why'd she have to go" indeed!

So I can concede that art is subjective, but that only goes so far. At some point you're just suspending disbelief and/or feigning ignorance. The latter is what I did at my wedding when I played "Hey Ya" at the reception. If you pay close attention to the lyrics, you'll figure out it's a breakup song. It's hard to pay attention to lyrics while you're dancing, though, and sometimes it's more important to get asses on the dancefloor.

*also, holy shit, did you know the Director of Photography for this music video was ALTON BROWN?!? God bless Wikipedia.

Annoying Commericals

It has been quite awhile since I did an annoying commercials post. Lately there has been only one that has really got on my nerves every time I hear it. It is the AT & T commercial that uses the song Pure Imagination that was made famous in the film, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.



The commercial doesn't bother me so much as the song. I've never liked Willy Wonka, though I love Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It doesn't make it any better that this AT & T commercial seems to be on during every commercial break. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

I'd almost rather they go back to them showing that they aren't as bad on the MAP as Verizon points them out to be. And those were some pretty annoying commercials too.

The One Facebook Group You Should Join

I've bitched about all the hate groups on Facebook, but if you want to hate on BP, than I'm with you 100% of the way.

That's why I think any self respecting human should belong to the Boycott BP on Facebook.

Its not a hatemongering site, though by the time you read through some of the stuff posted you will be angry. But how can you not be, when our coast is being destroyed. Its hard not to be angry at everyone involved including the current administration, which took a little too long in my book to jump in club them over the head with a big stick.

However there's another group on Facebook that may just have the answer to how to stop the spill: Stop the oil spill by stuffing BP executives into the leaking pipe. If it weren't for that cruel and unusual punishment thing in the constitution I think this would be a viable solution. The ego of the CEO alone should be enough to plug that pipe!

I don't know how we can calmly sit by when so much of our planet is being destroyed by this company's carelessness. For the love of god, send them a message, don't buy their gasoline. Here are some of the BP Brands to Boycott: Castrol, Arco, Aral, am/pm, Amoco, Wild Bean Cafe and, Safeway Gas.

Make this company learn and make them accountable!

Just Call Me Imelda

Suddenly I'm having a love affair with shoes. Thankfully right now, cheap shoes or rather not so expensive shoes.

I want a pair of those Sketchers Fitness knock offs that Champion is making. I found a pair of black ones @ Payless for $35 and they are kind of cute. Plus anything that will motivate me to get off my butt and walk is a good thing right now. I've grown terribly lazy lately.

They even make a flip flop that helps you tone as you walk.

I want these shoes.

However getting both pairs, even with the sale that is going on at Payless will set me back around $50.

~Big Sigh~

I imagine that I'll have to wait until I get my birthday money in a few weeks to buy them. By then the Buy On Get One 1/2 off sale will be over and I'll have to pay more for them.

Concert T-Shirts = Evil

I've been to my share of concerts and I've shelled out hundreds of dollars in merchandise too. What pisses me off is how poorly made some of the shirts are, and we all know how much those puppies cost at a show, right?

Some cost $30.00 or more. For a fucking t-shirt!!

Well I was going through my cabinets and I found my Elvis Costello shirt from The Delivery Man Tour. "The Monkey speaks his mind!"

Guess what?

There was a hole in the shirt.

WTF!

There are no moths in my bedroom dresser drawers. I've only worn the shirt once or twice. WTF! A hole!

I know this shirt cost a small fortune too, because:

1. Its a ladies baby doll shirt.

2. All the shirts at the show were ridiculously priced.

I have shirts from The Monkees' 20th Anniversary tour that don't have holes in them and they are over 20 years old! (And were worn EVERYWHERE!)

I'm seriously angry about this. And its not as if Elvis Costello is one of the overpriced concerts coming to the Burgh this summer.

Ruined For Castle

The other night mom, the nephew and I, watched Doctor Horrible's Sing-A-Long blog. Shortly after watching my mom declared that she would never watch Castle in the way way again, because of Nathan Fillion's part as Captain Hammer.

Understandable.

There really are some roles that stick with an actor and its hard to look at them in other parts. That's why so many of the actor's that played Doctor Who wanted to leave after only a few seasons. They didn't want to be type cast, however talented.

Sadly this wasn't really the case here. It was more of an OMG I can't believe this guy is playing such a goofy part for no good reason.

Yet, as most of us know Doctor Horrible is really full of LOLS.

I was surprised to hear my mom laughing at it so much. At 76, she doesn't always find the same things funny that we do.

Come to think of it, I don't know if I'm going to be able to look at Nathan Fillion in the same way.

In Defense Of Crocs

I have a love/hate relationship with crocs. The standard issue shoes are the most butt ugly creations I've ever seen in my life. They are, however the most comfortable shoes ever! So were those jelly sandals that were so big in the 80s. (And they only cost $5.00)

The thing is, most people just look at those ugly beach shoes.

They don't see the super cute shoes like these



Pardon me while I drool!

Cute shoes, that are super comfortable.

The only drawback to crocs, is the price. They really are too damn expensive unless you can find them on sale. I've been lucky that I found a few pairs at Ollie's Bargain Outlet and at an awesome store in Hartville, OH.

So before you totally diss crocs, take a look at some of the other styles they offer.

One from the Vaults: Marmaduke

Yesterday the Duke was loosened upon the earth as scores of eager fans lined up to plunk down two hours worth of minimum wage pay for their own personal In-Duke-Pendence Day.

Honestly? Any conventional review I'm going to give will do a huge disservice to both the movie and the loyal readers (or service, depending on how you look at things). You already know the plot: a big talking dog learns life lessons with lots of fart jokes and sight gags that its target audience is too young to understand. (I mean, seriously, did the screenwriters at least consider that the underagers were in diapers at best when the OC was airing?)

Instead, I've decided to create a highlights reel of all the WTF moments your accurate plot guessing will leave out:

• dogs on hallucinogens!
• Marmaduke rollin' in a Mini Cooper listening to Tupac!
• George Lopez as a side kick in his second batshit weird movie about talking dogs in two years!
• shade tippin'!
• William H. Macy doing his best to pretend he's in another Mamet production, weird speech pattern and all!
• A very vigilant dog catcher who's willing to go into a large thicket of bushes near a train yard close to midnight in the pouring rain!
• a dog jumps from a shed into a pool shouting "I AM A GOLDEN DOG!!!"
• a flashback to presumably the 1950s when the Duke was a puppy!
• CGI dog dance sequence!
• Racism in the guise of adorable dogs!
• "A classic OC-style rager!"
• A toddler that appears and disappears at convenient plot intervals!
• Surfing dogs! Cowa-doga!

There are many more highlights, but at this point the muscle relaxants are wearing off, so I can't remember them. And really, I couldn't make a better summary than IMDB user turok818, who states it so succinctly: "amazing movie, haters kill yourself."

PS remember in that last post, when I asked what audience the Marmaduke branding would attract that wouldn't have already been attracted by a talking dog picture? Old people, that's who. The theater was about 1/4 people without children over the age of 65.

Why Is Weight Loss So Damn Expensive

I'm fighting the battle of the bulge and I really hate talking about it. I hate talking about exercise as much as I hate actual exercise. Have I mentioned that I don't find it in the least bit fun?

But what really gets me is how anything that is healthy or better for you or promotes weight loss etc costs a small fortune.

I'm lucky my gym membership is only $19.00.

But its the food that really gets me.

Have you seen the price of stuff like Fiber One muffins? $5.00 for 4 little muffins that are in no way going to fill me up, I don't care how much fiber they put in them. That's the same with Weight Watchers TV Dinners and Lean Cuisine, both brands I buy on a regular basis, but crikey, if you can't get them on sale they cost an arm and a leg in comparison to other frozen meals.

6 Slim Fast shakes cost $5.00 too. (Technically if you follow their meal plan you should drink 2 a day with 2 snacks and a 500 calorie dinner) The snack bars cost the same as the shakes. That can be damn expensive.

Why is it that healthy items cost more? Take notice of the price of Baked Lays from Regular Lays? Or soy milk from regular milk. Or better yet, charge us more for portion control. I love 100 calorie packs but it would be cheaper to buy the stuff in the regular sized package, but then again how can we stop shoveling oreos or cheese nips down our pie holes if Nabisco doesn't conveniently package them for us?

It really makes me wonder why I don't just deal with what I weigh and give up. Oh yeah, it's bathing suit season.

The Duke Is Loose

So as you probably gathered, I'm a big fan of crappy movies. For every good, actually good movie I watch, there's five St. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Bands (the movie, mind you, not the album). There's this odd sense of respect I have for them (well, all of them except Sgt. Pepper's). It kind of goes beyond watching them ironically back to actually enjoying them.

All this is to set up the fact that my friends and I are going opening night to see Marmaduke. And by "see," I mean we've been leaving goofy messages to each other online and are having a big party beforehand. We're all like-minded and pumped because this movie really looks like the crap of the crop. (1) George Lopez automatically bumps any movie into Million Dollar B movie territory (2) They use Ke$ha in the trailer (3) why the fuck do you make a Marmaduke movie 40 years after its peak?

I guess that last question is what's weighing on my mind. Marmaduke's prime, if it had one, was back when shag carpets were fashionable and people actually read newspapers, let alone newspaper comics. Marmaduke didn't talk and certainly didn't have a sassy cat sidekick. The comics aren't even jokes! They're sentences that you assume are jokes because they're in a comic panel! (kind of like Lopez's stand up formula - random statement + I laugh = you laugh)

I've gotta think the Hollywood pitch meeting went something like this: "Yeah guys, we have an AWESOME talking dog movie for the summer with Owen Wilson, but I don't think that can carry it on its own. We need some kind of big name franchising association like Marmaduke. Yeah, that's it, Marmaduke! Nobody's optioned that, right?"

On the other hand, I can see it kind of like V for Vendetta, the scorn of many an internet anarchist. If you filmed it verbatim from the comic, it'd be seven hours long and boring as all hell. Any cinematic ridiculousness is just going to add to the premise.

Anyway, gang, expect a full write up when the Duke is finally loosened upon the earth this weekend.

Things That Both Scare And Annoy Me

~ BP and the Government: Why hasn't the Gov't stepped in and taken over and fined the fuck out of this company. Oh and if you aren't boycotting BP gasoline, WTF is wrong with you?

~ Stephanie Meyers: Shouldn't this lady be moving on and away from the whole Twilight thing or at least moving far far away to live off the millions she made on those really crappy books. Again, VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!

~ My love of characters like Gene Hunt from Ashes To Ashes and The Eleventh Doctor. I really don't need to love any more fictitious things. I need to step away from the telly.

~ The calorie content of all the food at The Cheesecake Factory.

~ I can't mention this enough: SARAH PALIN! Fuck it, the whole Republican Party.

~ The cost of DVDs for shows like Doctor Who, Sarah Jane Adventures and The Tudors. Crikey! I'm not made of money.

~ The length of time its going to take to pay off my 2006 Ford Focus.