Something Other than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It

Prepare to be inspired by Something Other than God.  Oh, wait, Jennifer Fulwiler already tried that approach, and it didn’t go at all the way she planned.  The high-powered job, racy sports car, fancy house, decadent parties, and expensive vacations she thought were essential to be content in life weren’t enough.    

    
Fulwiler relentlessly pursued wealth and the finer things.  She met and married someone as ambitious and single-minded as she was when it came to work and worldly measures of success.  They were on the way up the corporate ladder to the penthouse suite when the arrival of a small, helpless human being changed everything.  It was more than sleep deprivation and the weight of being responsible for the safety and well-being of a newborn that made her question all aspects of her life up to that point.  Though she fought against such introspection, she was most distraught over losing her grasp of atheism.

    
Raised as an atheist who made fun of the many Christians around her trying to talk her into accepting Christ as her personal Savior, she was horrified to find herself being drawn to answers that were beyond her understanding and comfort level—ones certainly above her pay-grade.  She became obsessed with reading about Christianity, the Bible, researching as much as she could, and questioning everything along the way. 

    
As you can imagine, there are some very amusing scenarios that factor into Fulwiler’s full-blown existential crisis.  Conversion Diary, the blog she began so she could ask the tough questions about Christianity, morality, ethics, and get responses from people who were willing to answer her questions and concerns on both an intellectual level as well as a spiritual one remains tremendously popular.  What started as a hobby as she was seeking Truth, opened her up to the Catholic faith and a vocation of sharing her journey with others through her humorous writing, harrowing, often humbling tales of motherhood, and her struggle against her tendencies to be a mostly inert introvert.

    
There are a number of people I’ve thought of whom I’d love to have read Something Other than God.  Fulwiler writes in a compelling way that brings to light the many questions she grappled with and the answers she came to over time.  This memoir is an account of how one woman set out to achieve worldly success and how, through the grace of God, she discovered a greater longing, a deeper void, which nothing and no one other than God can fill.  Fulwiler slaved over this memoir while raising several young children, dodging dubious scorpions, inadvertently providing exercise entertainment for her neighbors, and attempting creative ways to corral her children enough to maintain her sanity (most of the time), so the least you can do is buy it, read it, and recommend it to all your friends—atheist or otherwise. 

     
For more information about this book or to order your copy, click here.  To read more about Jennifer Fulwiler's current life events, funny happenings, and daily struggles, check out her blog Conversion Diary.  I received a free copy of this book from Aquinas and More in exchange for an honest review.

Why Can’t You Just Be Grateful?

That’s a very good question!  One I have struggled with quite a bit.  When someone (usually my husband) asks me this very same thing, I feel even more overwhelmed, frustrated, and discouraged that I can never seem to just do it: be grateful without any other sentiments muddying the waters. 

  
Kevin has developed an uncanny ability to speak out loud what I most fear and am worried about. When he does this, I often feel that he’s also asking what’s wrong with you and why can’t you figure this thing out.  Part of the issue is that I have a tendency to think others are upset with me and/or blaming me for whatever problems exist even when they are simply stating the issue or conflict is there. 

  
As you can imagine, my response to Kevin pinpointing what’s bothering me and even the implications of inquiring as to why I haven’t made sense of it, yet, more often makes me exasperated than grateful that someone gets what I’m fretting over.    

So Many Blessings

I know I have a number of blessings for which to be grateful.  I think of them and thank God for them regularly.  I’m usually pretty good about saying thank you to people.  For example, I always thank Kevin each and every time he does the grocery shopping, makes dinner, does the laundry, washes the dishes, or does any of the daily grind sorts of tasks.  He thanks me each time for taking care of the same sort of necessary chores. 

 
A while ago I wrote a post called Cop an Attitude of Gratitude because appreciation is so important and powerful.  When I hear, see, and read about the devastation in the Philippines and/or the poverty nearby, I feel embarrassed that I am ever anything but grateful.  The question returns to me time and again: why can’t you just be grateful for having clean water, food, shelter, clothes, people who love you and whom you love, faith in God, and a desire to do His Will…?  There’s a part of me that says if I feel any longing, sense of something missing, sorrow or loss, that I’m being an ungrateful wretch when I have so much that others are literally dying because they’re without.

Running on Empty

I’m reminded of the last few years of my dad’s life, when his health declined rapidly.  Suddenly, he needed help with things.  It got to the point at which it was too exhausting for him to do his own grocery shopping, so I’d usually take care of it.  Just walking around his little apartment, he’d get out of breath, though, he wore oxygen all the time. 

Sometimes when I’d come home feeling tired after running errands for him, I felt guilty.  I wanted to feel only privileged and grateful to have that time with him and be able to do things for him he could no longer take care of himself, but I couldn’t always manage to keep that attitude of gratitude.

  
When worn down and exhausted from other things Kevin and I were dealing with in addition to having two family members in hospice at the same time, I would get bogged down by all that I wasn’t doing or ways I was lacking.  It’s so easy to focus on the negatives when fatigue sets in.  Other days, I would rejoice and be glad for blessings I had often taken for granted: the ability to breathe without difficulty, to walk, run errands, help those suffering to smile and laugh, and affirm the Presence of God in others.

We're Only Human

Maybe it just means that we’re still human when we feel hurt, pain, and sorrow mixed in with our gratitude and/or perhaps it indicates that we aren’t as close to the Lord as we could be.  I don’t know.  I know some very strong, courageous, grateful people who have felt discouraged, downtrodden, and frustrated.  What if it’s not an either/or but a both/and?   We can be both grateful for what we do have and still have a tug in our heart for an area of our lives that is missing, lost, or painful. 

  
Longings and hopes can often be part of God nudging us towards other blessings He wants to give us or make more obvious in our lives.  It actually makes sense that we continue to want more in this life, because we aren’t really whole and one with God until we enter into eternal life.  There’s a big difference between greed and an awareness from the Holy Spirit of an area in our lives where we aren’t fulfilled.  Part of gratitude, I believe, is being generous with what we have.  No matter what happens, we always have something to offer others, even when we feel that we are at our lowest and most useless.  Fortunately, God can and often does work in and through people who are certain they have nothing left to give. 

Thank God in Advance

A dear family friend of ours from Kenya who came here with her children many years ago is one person who really impressed upon me the importance of thanking God in advance for what we have asked Him to do in our lives. 

I admire a faith so strong and sure of the Lord it hopes when it seems all reason for hope has gone.  I still marvel at the ways the Lord has walked in and through this powerful prayer warrior to demonstrate that hope in Jesus Christ is never a mistake.  Nothing is impossible with God.  Nothing at all.

     
In the midst of the deepest desires and most fervent longings God places on our hearts and guides us to work and hope for, we can be grateful for the prayers, blessings, and graces He gives us this day.  Though knowing we are lacking, we can share what we do have with open arms and hearts, confident that the Lord loves and rewards a cheerful giver.

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 119)

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Book Lovers Unite! I absolutely love, love, love books!  I read a whole stack of them while we were up in Rochester on vacation, and it was great!  I could enjoy each one, devour one after another, and I didn't have to write a single review.  I could just enjoy, write in my journal if I wanted, and open the next one in the stack.  There was one book in particular that I was especially taken by that I do believe I'll write a review of in the days to come.

Stuck in Neutral is a short Young Adult novel that is incredibly well-written, riveting, and thought-provoking.  It was serendipitous that I even came across the book.  I found it on the shelf of award-winning young adult novels in the used book shop they have in the library nearby the cottage.  I am always so incredibly excited to find truly well-written books I probably wouldn't have heard of had I not happened upon that little shop.  

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Love is… Kevin cleaning up the kitchen after I spilled most of the smoothie I'd just made on myself, the cupboards and the floor, letting me go and change into pants and socks that weren’t spattered in mixed berry (I generally prefer to arrive at work not covered in stains, even if after 9+ hours with three small children make it virtually impossible that’s how I will leave).  Later in the day, Kevin came to visit me and the girls and brought me a huge smoothie, my favorite kind the Cherry Picker from Smoothie King (other than those I make myself and manage to consume without incident).
   
What's funny is that he went to get a blended coffee drink out that same morning and the girl working there told him she couldn't make it because they couldn't find the top to the blender.  Throughout the day, Kevin was calling me “Smoovie.”  A judge on America’s Best Dance Crew used to crack us up when she told people they were “smoove” as opposed to smooth.

All of the above made me think of one of many great quotes from the 1992 comedy movie My Cousin Vinny: “Oh yeah, you blend!”  Here’s the link to the movie clip.

-3-

How are you feeling?! Kevin and both I have both been feeling what he calls "grumbly." It's a combination of feeling crummy, grumpy, and like grumbling. He's feeling this way due to the job situation (he lost his job on Labor Day), and I am because I have the nasty cold/virus (whatever it is that the girls have been passing around) and by late afternoon, I feel pretty awful. At least Kevin and I are still kind and loving to each other and can make each other laugh from time to time. Lord, please continue to bless our mess!

-4-

God is Working Even Now I started singing a song by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir with these lyrics in it to Kevin the other day when he was telling me about having talked with someone who might be a good connection in his job search.  Kevin’s familiar with the song, and waited for me to finish singing: “God is working.  He’s still working.  God is working even now…” before he quipped: “Well, that’s good, cause I’m out of a job.”

     
Here’s the song and video in its entirety.  It’s a good one. I love me some Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir praise and worship music! 

   -5-

Climbing to New Heights I knew the time would come and probably sooner than later for these two, but oh-my-goodness, watch the heck out, the twins are climbing and scaling stuff!  By the time I’ve taken one of their trays into the kitchen, someone’s usually standing up on the sofa or the recliner trying to launch herself over the top of it.  This week the twins have become proficient in climbing up into their highchairs, the recliner, the sofa, chairs, and if given the chance, will begin to scale them.  It’s time to batten down the hatches, put plug covers in every socket that isn’t being used, lock-up the poisonous substances, latch the heavy furniture to the walls, and thank the Lord for guardian angels. For the full scoop on the climbing phenomenon, the latest entry in My Nanny Diary, click here.

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Snot Slingers Extraordinaire I’ve been sick this week with a nasty cold or virus.  It’s no fun being sick and having to take care of three little ones, two of whom are not only sick, but also teething.  I brought over a box of Puffs Plus tissues with lotion (we buy them in bulk), so my nose isn’t completely red and raw by the end of the day, just on its way to a Rudolph-like glow.  I wasn’t surprised that the girls didn’t respond any better to having their noses wiped with softer, gentler tissue than they usually do.  You’d think I was using sandpaper to wipe off their faces the way they protest.  If the neighbors aren’t familiar with young children, they probably think I’m actually torturing them by the way the scream and shriek like banshees when snuck up on or ambushed with a tissue.
    
The Lord gave me special grace this week and helped me through by having Kevin be available and willing to come hang out with us for a while even though we’re all extra snotty right now.  He’s always interested in hearing about the girls’ latest tricks and escapades, and he’s also been incredibly understanding when I get home in the evenings ready to collapse. 
    
I’ve found it humbling and entertaining that one little pumpkin has become quite adept at imitating the sounds with her mouth that I make when blowing my nose.  I’m glad my being snotty can somehow amuse and encourage her in her language/sound effects learning process.    
    

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Walking with Mary A truly inspiring book came out this past week, and I am one of the bloggers on the Virtual Book Tour taking place at this time.  I will post my reflections of the book on Tuesday, September 17, so please check back.  For more info about Walking with Mary and to read the other reviews on the Blog Tour, click here.

                  

Check out Jen Fulwiler’s tradition of 7 Quick Takes Friday at her tremendously popular blog Conversion Diary.