Latest Sparks

Hey blog, it has been awhile. I've had a lot of changes happen since we last saw each other. The biggest being that I hit the job lottery and life is pretty fuckin' awesome in that capacity. I'll come back to elaborate later because that's a cult post in itself.  I'm here now because, I miss you.  You're like an old lover. I miss you most when something bad happens and I don't know who to talk it through with. You will let me talk about it as much as I need without getting sick of me. Thank you for that.

So let's get right to it. I had another seizure. It had been about eight months since my last one and I was probably getting a little careless. Eight months is the longest I've gone since developing epilepsy in my twenties. It happened last Friday night. I think it was probably around 11pm because I was still up and walking around my apartment. I remember standing in front of my door, looking at my hands, and thinking "oh shit this is really a seizure this time" before blacking out. I usually am able to get to bed or the floor or something. Not this time. I usually remember most of the seizure and the pain. This time I only know that when I started to regain awareness I was cleaning a puddle up off of my floor and then going to bed. I don't know if that puddle was urine or blood.

When I was up again a little while later I was talking to my boyfriend very lighthearted. I think he thought I was okay but I was still out of it. I don't even know if we were texting or Skyping. At some point I felt my head and realized it was covered in blood. The hair was clumping up in scabs. I fell asleep again. The next day I got up, showered and cleaned my head, then went to rehearsal for the band. I know I thought I was okay at the time. I was having some sort of adrenaline rush. It was so strange. I went home that night and fell asleep early. Slept all Sunday. Monday I finally asked someone to look at my head. It looks like I collapsed on to the corner baseboard and scraped from my ear up my scalp. Then there are several other scrapes where I apparently beat it into the corner. Lot's of bruising all over my body and a strange numbness under my tongue due to nerve damage in my head. Frankly the recovery this time wasn't so bad. It's the emotional shit that creeps up on me days later that is torturing me.

What is wrong with my brain? I'm FREAKED out by my own weird behavior and things I talk about before the seizure. Why was I bringing it up out of nowhere with my coworkers? Why do people suddenly seem really familiar like I've known them before somehow even though we've clearly never met? Total strangers whose faces I know better than my family members. Why does it feel like my life is overlapping with other storylines and I'm getting caught in the deja vu blips? WHAT THE CRAP IS HAPPENING? Do you have any idea what it's like to lose large pieces of memory? What am I supposed to do when out of nowhere I get overwhelmed with panic and emotion but I'm not able to explain myself to anyone? I need to feel grounded and this is not the pathway.

Writing that last paragraph gave me a bit of a panic attack. I'm glad I still have this venue to release my insanity in. If I find out I'm in a sci-fi movie I'll let you know.

Things.

It’s my birthday week. I will turn 28 on Thursday.

I spent Memorial Day weekend roller skating and cleaning my apartment.

I spent $50 at CVS on cleaning supplies. That’s how gross my apartment was.

This weekend I was told, “I think you are an idiot for not wanting to be with me.” Twice.

I bought a ticket to a Turkish bath this morning.

I’m feeling incredibly melancholy and I’m not sure if it’s the guilt of the ex or the birthday blues.

Hopefully my annual party in the park this Saturday will be as awesome as prior years.

Okay, that isn’t my party. That is an anti-war sit in. It’s in the same location though.

My day job got weird. Last week I found myself folding the underwear of a 15 year old girl.

Today I work on getting quotes for a woodworking project.

I dyed my eyelashes yesterday. I’ve never done that before and I probably risked blinding myself.

I’m always surrounded by people and yet I feel lonely.

The first waxing of the season is seriously painful.

I never did finish my tattoo design. I will though. Too bad I didn’t make the deadline.

Why can’t I find black flowers? I wanted to get myself a birthday flower but bodegas don’t carry my color.

I just got a craving for a cigar. If only I were a male advertising executive in the 1950’s. Then I would already be smoking one.

That is all.

2:30 AM

It's time for another (or maybe it's the first) late night stream of conscious post.

This is coming at you after only one glass of Voignier (a white wine) which means I am sober even if this entire entry is confusing and pointless.

First of all I would like to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes and whatnot. I heart you all for your continued support even though I rarely post these days. Unemployment is such a bitch.

Speaking of the whole lack of job thing, I have some sort of meeting at 10:30am tomorrow but the letter I got in the mail saying I had to go or I would lose unemployment benefits didn't say what the meeting was for or about. Is it sad that my biggest concern is what to wear? I highly doubt the government is going to give me much help in finding a job. I do think I might be getting some idea of what I would like to that works with my skill set. That is the benefit of constantly job hunting as your day job. I'll stop talking about it before I get depressing.

I'm watching a Roseanne marathon on TV Land right now. It's so strange to me how much I like this show. I think it's because the way Roseanne talks (with constant sarcasm) reminds me of my mom. Honestly it reminds me a bit of myself as well. My mother was visiting me last week. I always enjoy when she is here. It's disturbing to say but either I'm rapidly turning into her or we are turning into each other. I think it's the latter.

There is some sort of note chain on Facebook that basically all my friends keep tagging me on. It's the first one I ever wanted to do myself but I decided I would rather put it here. Now hang on while I go look up the exact wording .....

Okay, here we go.

15 Books

Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.

1. Of Human Bondage - W. Somerset Maugham
2. 1984 - George Orwell
3. Night - Elie Wiesel
4. Dry - Augusten Burroughs
5. Zorba The Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis
6. Without Feathers - Woody Allen
7. The Stand - Stephen King
8. Rat Pack Confidential - Shawn Levy
9. Where The Sidewalk Ends - Shel Silverstein
10. The Stranger - Albert Camus
11. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
12. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
13. The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
14. Foundations of Psychopathology - John C. Nemiah, M.D.
15. Inferno - Dante Alighieri

I tried to be quick and pick a variety of books I know have affected me in some way and I know will always stay with me. At least parts of them. I do have a horrible memory after all. Right now I am reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand and I've only just bitten into the first hundred pages of seven hundred and something. I have a feeling it would be on this list if I had already finished it. Anyone want to recommend anything? I love recommendations.


I burned my hand with the iron today. It looks all shiny and cool. I don't think it will leave a scar. Damn. Off to New Jersey this weekend with the girls. I don't really have a group I call "the girls" so nobody in my life should know what that means. Hell, I could be talking about my boobs. But I'm not. A few of us were going to stay in a house by the beach but it won't stop raining so I guess it will be lots of bowling in another state. Whoo hoo. Toss me a beer.

No, I’m not dead yet.

I needed a break. I needed a big break. A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. For starters, Casey (TLJ) and I are no longer in a relationship. This isn’t something I intend to write about on my blog but I will say that we remain friends and are on good terms. Shortly after that we went through another round of layoffs at the office. This time I got the axe and a severance package that won’t last much longer. I am worried about money but I hated my soul sucking job so much I was actually relieved to be rid of the place forever. Now I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. Which direction should I go? What is my life?

My fantastic friend Jason hooked me up with a last minute temp gig at his office for a couple weeks. That is what I’m doing now. It’s seriously an answer the phone and read a magazine type job so I can finally force myself to update you all on my whereabouts. I’m really thankful he helped me out because any income is good, right? They were really great about working around the small issue that I will be vacationing in Florida the first weekend of April. Yeah, I know vacationing when you have no job is a dumb idea but I’m going with my mother and she set it all up before any of this happened.

I’m singing at the Algonquin Cabaret on Monday. You should come and see it. Okay, almost none of the people that read my blog live anywhere near New York but you are missing all the fun! At least I hope it will be fun. I got a nasty cold and lost my voice over the past week. It isn’t fully back yet. If it doesn’t come back I will sound like shit. That will suck a lot. A LOT I tell you!

This job just got so much more interesting. I was just asked to do a simple task of cutting out pictures that children drew. The place I am temping at services the autism community and the drawings these autistic children made are so unusual. I wish there was some way I could share them with you.

This post is already too long so I’ll just leave this where it is and maybe pick it up tomorrow? We shall see.

It's Probably Time

As you may or may not know, it is part of my job to watch commercials and keep up with new campaigns. Yesterday I was watching Super Bowl ads set to launch this weekend. This one seems to be speaking directly to me in every way.



Yeah, it's time.

Inadequate Equipment

I either have cramps or my soul is dying. I'm betting it's my soul.

I've been in the office for nine hours now and it's at least another hour before I will be able to leave. At one point I walked down to the lunch area and got some shitty coffee with animal crackers out of a vending machine. That was my four minute lunch. I think if I don't get out of this chair more often I will turn into a hunchback. That's really going to piss me off because I have no idea where hunchbacks are supposed to shop for clothes. Wait, maybe that is a business opportunity just waiting to be tapped into. Are there enough people out there in need of that extra back space to justify starting a clothing line? Can you tell how desperate I am for any change of scenery whatsoever?

I have some sort of freakish e-mail addiction. I have to check my mail constantly or I get a little manic over what I could be missing. Just my personal accounts of course. I have no real desire to constantly check my work mail. Not only is my work mail consistently providing more crap to the pile but it also has the ability to make me feel like less of a man. When I sat down at my desk this morning I had several messages from my own e-mail address and this is what I was greeted with in the subject lines of my unread mail:

Don’t lack confidence if front of women
Never be lonely again
Every girl will beg you for more
Denise rode me to ectasy all night
Never be lonely again
Ashamed of your small tool?
Never be lonely again
Want to put on the inches?
Nothing like a big steel rod in her
She’ll always want to go down on you
Give it to her big time
Make her bring you home
Show off your new longer rod ASAP
Growing big is super easy
Grow massive with ease

I'm a little creeped out. It appears I am the only person in the office with this spamming issue. I obviously don't have to worry about this problem but if I did I would certainly want to know who was spreading the word of how inadequate my equipment is. Actually I think the most disturbing part is how often I appear to tell myself to never be lonely again. It sneaks in there a lot. *That's what she said.* Showing off my longer rod ASAP did make me laugh. Something about getting it out ASAP seems really inappropriate while I'm at work.

What Am I Doing?

Today marks five years at my current job. Five years of my youth. Five years of ideas. Five years best left unacknowledged.

Sharks and Serenades

Going back to work sucks! Two people from my group called out sick today and another is coming in a few hours late. It's just me and Brad covering the desks. Sadly this is normal here. Thanks to the fact that our website runs slow I'm able to write a little while I wait for things to load and leave voice mails. Hopefully all the business will make the day go by faster and the next thing I know I'll be at the beer garden eating kielbasa. Mmmmm.

I promised Matt-Man a picture of the tan. I'm pretty sure he was hoping to see a little more than back but this is all you get today.

You can see how pale I used to be in this old WWC post.

I promised Spazoid Mike a shark. Here is one from the Atlantis Aquarium. He was nice.

Speaking of sharks. They scare the crap out of me. Casey wanted to swim with them and I think he is bat-shit crazy. At the water park they had a predator aquarium with two slides that went through it. They were great. One was a body slide that from the top as you get on looks like a huge drop directly into a pool of sharks. Of course it just takes you through a clear tunnel in the middle of the shark pool. It went so fast you couldn't really see the sharks surrounding you. The second slide required an innertube. You went down a drop and at the bottom it goes really slow through the clear tube and you see sharks swimming all around you. Not a good idea if you are claustrophobic. Some were lying right on top of the tube about a foot from our heads. That was pretty cool.

Last night I went to a Singer/songwriter showcase. It's a free weekly song club that a co-worker friend of mine is guest hosting this month. I had to check it out because Gustavo is one of those unfairly talented people that can do everything. Just a couple of years ago I was at his movie premier and last night I sat in the back of the crowd with my beer while he amazed the room. Not only can this guy play some guitar like you wouldn't believe he has an incredible voice. Sometimes it's a little Elvis Costello, sometimes it's Elvis Presley, most of the time it's unique Gustavo vocals. When the featured artist of the night started playing Gus jumped up to do some great harmonies and tambourine. His talent never caps.

The best part of the evening was when he announced the next song was for a friend that came out and it would be a late birthday gift. Next thing I know, he breaks into a beautiful rendition of Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime! That's right! He sang DEAN MARTIN'S biggest hit for my birthday gift! He did an amazing job. The whole time I had a huge smile on my face. I looked like a little kid. Good thing I was sitting behind everyone else so they didn't see how insane I looked. That was so unbelievably cool of Gus. It made my entire week.

Anybody want to go next week?

Damn I'm tired.

It's been really busy recently. My most recent post was last Friday. How did a week pass so fast? My life:

Friday- After Work, Bohemian Beer Garden for burgers and pitchers. After that, gay bar in Hell's Kitchen for drinking and dancing. Don't know when I got home.

Saturday- Shopping in Harlem. Offered Braids, Perfume and Cigarettes a few hundred times. Pedicure. Worst manicure of all time. Dinner at Mama Mexico. They accidentally gave me chicken. EWWW. Kiwi Margaritas Mmmm. Back to my place for screw drivers.

Sunday- Drank too much Saturday. Skip brunch. Make Sangria for party in the magical land of Bay Ridge Brooklyn. Spend half of life getting there. Totally worth it.

Monday- Meet lover boy's Mom, Step Dad, Sister, and Nephew for first time. Find out they are AWESOME. Have a great brunch with them. Walk twenty blocks in four inch heels to get a cake. Ruin feet forever. Go to lover boy's graduation party with previously mentioned cake. Have wonderful night with wonderful friends at previously mentioned party.

Tuesday- Work :( Then off to see Wicked the musical with lover boy's family. Meet Uncle, Aunt, and Cousin for first time. Uncle is seriously cool. Some David kid that just lost American Idol was in the audience. Boooo. Evil monkey's flew over my head and didn't throw feces, yay!

Wednesday- Work :( Watch the clock until the minute I can leave. Throw on cute dress and run to Lover Boy's graduation. Meet brother and Sister in Law for first time. Realllly nice people. Watch hot boyfriend get pinned and give shockingly good speech. He thanked Barry Manilow. *Shakes head*.

Thursday- Work :( I got here early today so I can leave early and still be late to fancy dinner. *Single tear*. Tonight I meet Lover Boy's Dad, Step Mom, and Little Brother. We are eating at 5:30 so I have not had anything but coffee today. 5:30 is usually when I stop eating brunch. Can you tell I'm going mad? Still one more day of work. NOOOOOOO. Supposed to see Duran Duran this weekend but Casey might have to bail. That blows. My birthday party is this Sunday. Is this whirlwind spiraling into my birthday an omen of what the year to come will be? Ah!

A few things on my mind.

*I need to go to the gym tonight. Why can't the gym be conveniently located in my building? I hate having to change clothes just for the trip to and from a place only eight blocks away.

*I only have one tanning session left. I bought four in the hopes that I would get a little bit of color to start me off and then the sun would be out on weekends. Then I wouldn't have to worry so much about burning when I go to the Bahamas. Three sessions in I've noticed it hasn't helped much and still the sun refuses to make a worthwhile appearance on the weekends.

* I'm going to the Bahamas in three weeks! I hope it doesn't rain the whole time. I'm such an optimist aren't I? Mmmm, beach, island fun, and Casey. I can't wait.

* In a little over a week I'm meeting Casey's entire family for the first time. I'm scared and excited. I'm cool right? They'll like me. Won't they? In all honesty I'm mostly excited. For any newer readers that haven't figured it out yet, I'm dating Casey. Casey is a he not a she.

* That Rock Band post went over surprisingly well. I figured I have a lot more people defending it. I still maintain that it is evil. Is "still maintain" redundant? I think it is.

* Two people quit today at work. I'm jealous.

*I need to buy a bathing suite for previously mentioned Bahamas trip. This has proven to be an obnoxious venture. First of all, you need to try bathing suites on to make sure you don't look odd. I don't want to try them on because I don't know who put it on before me and if they read the little sticker in the crotch that reminds you to keep your underwear on for sanitary purposes. Also, it's kind of a smack to your ego when you realize, hmm, that didn't look like that last year. Or did it?

*I sent out my birthday e-vite yesterday. It will be the usual day of drinking and prancing about the park or prancing about a bar if it rains.

This is the picture I used on the invitation. I call this "Body Surfing."

Want to come?

WWC- Set My Blog On Fire!

I missed several weeks of the WWC because I am a procrastinator. Every week Tuesday sneaks up on me and I'm supposed to have pictures up but I always find that I forgot to take them. This time I remembered to take my camera with me on the way out of the apartment. Our WWC host Tink gave us the words THREE and FIRE last week. This is the crap I came up with:

This is Brian's daily dilemma. He comes into the office and has to decide which of the THREE chairs in his cubicle will be his bum rest for the day.

These are our THREE office plants. I used to take care of the one on the left but it kept growing towards my co-worker so I gave him custody. I still say hello on occasion. No hard feelings.

FIRE Hydrant

I set the toilet on fire. I'm still not quite sure why I did that.

Oh yeah, that's right. I'm a bit of a pyro.

Work.

Positive Side of My Job

It is part of my job to track viral media and I just happen to be the lucky person in charge of food and beverage so today while working I came across this very interesting website done by Taco Bell. If you like half naked ladies and taking pictures of said ladies, CLICK HERE.

The Scream

A letter to Edvard Munch:

Hey Ed,
I was thinking about this painting of yours and you know, I feel you man. All that intense emotion swirling around in the bloody sky. That isn't a scream of fear. That is a scream of absolute madness. Frustration to the point of your head exploding. Everything around you is going wrong and you break down into a panic attack. Yeah, I'm having one of those days today. Just another day at work, you know? Maybe I'm reading you all wrong. Maybe you are just a crazy bastard like all other artists. Well that's okay Ed cause I'm crazy to.

Weekend Overview

Too much happening. No time to blog. Or, I'm just too lazy to make time.

Friday night I went uptown to Casey's apt. I brought the makings for rice krispie treats and because the grocery store had the brilliant foresight to place generic marshmallows next to Chimay, I brought a bottle of that as well. Then we sat around with Billy and Mark eating Chinese food and watching... well... it would be inappropriate to say what we were watching.

Saturday night was filled with ex-coworkers, one of my favorite dive bars, and the announcement that StumpsAround did an AMAZING job on the GMATS. Good work lady!

I woke up yesterday to a text informing me Casey was called into work early. That sucks. It's the guys freakin birthday and they call him in to a twelve hour shift. Sorry babe. So instead of seeing him I went to brunch with A. She invited me to see the hipster version of Much Ado About Nothing. It sounds like it would be horrible, but honestly it was pretty funny. When you think about it, this modernization is really obvious. Some of the actors were really exciting to watch. They had creative ideas that kept you guessing. Some of it was just silly nonsense that distracted you from the story. At intermission I got a text from Doodle offering me a free ticket to In the Heights which recently moved to Broadway. Of course I went. I wasn't sure if I was going to like this show but it is really different from what I was expecting. It's about living in Washington Heights and the main character is a bodega worker from the Dominican Republic that raps his songs. The music was great but the story line was odd. I didn't care though. I got too distracted by the nut next to me that started sobbing and then picking her nose.

So I didn't get a chance to write over the weekend but could you do me a favor please? Could you help end global violence against women? I know that sounds like a lot but just being aware helps.

Pimpin my Work Peeps

My office is so very loveless these days. I told my lonely co-workers I would help pimp them out via my blog. Luckily I've got something for everyone (except lesbians, sorry ladies). They agreed to let me post a profile of each of them in hopes of meeting new available people. They all say they are willing to travel to other cities, and countries for the right person/amount of money. Okay, in all honesty none of them are actually lonely but they are single. They are all very cool people and they agreed to let me write profiles about them.
So step right up and meet the people that get me through the work day:


StumpsAround:
Stumpy is a SWF from the South. The nickname Stumpy came from another co-worker who once opened a muffin and found mold inside the Stump. She has since dubbed our shorter work pal Stumps/Stumpy/StumpsAround, or anything else you can come up with. Her interests include buying expensive clothes, drinking beer then visiting white castle, spreading pink eye to cowboys, baking delicious cookies, dancing the robot, and hiding in duffel bags. She has a tendency to self sabotage her relationships by going for the wrong man every time. If you are Asian or look under age she will be all yours.



LargeDecafHazelnutCoffeeWithMilk:
The name is obviously the drink he orders every freakin' day at our 10:30 coffee run. For some reason the guy at the cafe can't remember all the specifics so he has to tell him every time. Ridiculous! LDHCM likes his coffee like he likes his men: Tall, light, and nutty but doesn't effect your nerves. That is only sort of true. You don't have to be light. LDHCM writes funny skits and plays and shit. He will probably write one for you if you ask real nice. He also draws random pictures all day. I think most of them are of himself which would imply that he is extremely narcissist. I wish he would start a blog because he has a sense of humor like no other. He is looking for a soulpal that will read the dictionary with him. His interests are dumplings, being a tetherball (see image), and carrots.


REX:
This is the catch of the day ladies. He has recently been made over by yours truly and the two listed above. (Seriously, new wardrobe, haircut, everything.) He is looking for a lady that will mess with his emotions and cause irreparable damage to his ego. He is easily lured with rice krispie treats, banana liquor, and needy cats. His secret desire is to be a famous white raper like Eminem or Vanilla Ice. His interests are improv, getting lots of attention, trapping people in his apartment, and condemning you to hell for smoking.
We do not take responsibility for the hat in this picture.

These are my peeps and I'm trying to hook them up so if you are looking or you know somone that is looking please feel free to make a bid and I'll except the payments via pay pal. I can have them delivered in six to eight days.

What Brings You here?

Some of my favorite search terms bringing people to my blog:
"hugs~fear of"
McIncest
How much do morticians make?
I luvs my gun.

That sums up my entire blog rather nicely I think.

So, how about the game last night, eh? I thought it was pretty boring for awhile. That last quarter though, wow. I'm not really the get out of your seat screaming type but I was clapping on the inside. Since my profession/thing I do to pay bills is in the ad industry I can't help but intently watch all the commercials during the game. For some reason I felt like a few of the ads were targeting me. It started with the fed ex pigeon thing


Anybody that knows me is aware of my fear of birds. I don't eat them. I don't think they are cute pets. They creep me out.
Of course since it's the Super Bowl, some wings are being prepared from the pale, slimy, skin basics in the kitchen. Alright that's fine. I can handle that. I'm usually totally fine around people eating wings. It's been awhile since I've seen a large group of people pounce on a plate of sauce covered birds and rip the skin off the bone. Most of you are probably drooling. I was trying not to think about the uncooked version I just avoided in the kitchen. I have not felt like that in awhile. I didn't even know it still had that effect on me. Of course soon after this scene the pigeon ad comes up. Nice, thanks Fed Ex. My fault. I know better during super bowl parties.

Then, as I'm thinking a little too much about which spots my clients are going to ask for at work the next day, I catch myself.. why the hell do I freakin' care about this?
Que Career builders:

Damn, I wish my heart would do that!

After that a baby puked on itself and bought a clown.

I'm not sure what that means yet but I'll figure it out. I did wake up today mumbling "must invest at e*trade. must kidnap Bozo" Ah, the art of Brainwashing.

Shooting Excursions

Have you ever thought it would be fun to take the company out for firearms training? I have! Who knew such an opportunity was only a google search away? But how do I convince HR that this is a good team bonding experience?

My Job

Seriously

A holiday advertisment.

One last thing before I go....