The day my dad tried to kill my mom

This is a story that shouldn't be funny.
It just really shouldn't be.

Except that it is.

And I have a feeling that with passing days, it will just get funnier.

Here's the short version of the story of my parents traumatic experience with a carrot:

My mom is cooking Sunday dinner for company.

She goes to check the carrots with a little taste.
The carrot gets caught in her throat.
She can't breathe.
Some sort of sound alerts my dad who is downstairs.
He calls to my mom.
She doesn't answer.
He calls again.
She doesn't answer.
He freaks out and comes running up the stairs and thinks he might have a heart attack.
He finds my mom in the kitchen, choking (not breathing).
This isn't the least bit funny.



My dad grabs the phone and dials 9-1-1.
Except he doesn't hit "call".
He then proceeds to try the Heimlich maneuver on my mom.
Except that he kind of thinks it's the same thing as CPR.
My mom has the presence of mind to realize he didn't hit "call" on the phone and so no help is coming.
She points to the phone.
He continues CPR chest presses.
Not. helpful.
She tries to move his arms down in the right position.
He resists (he's helpful like that).
Finally, she grabs the phone, dials 9-1-1 (hitting "call") and hands the phone to my dad.

By the time help arrives, my mother is somewhat breathing.
A bruised ribcage and bruised esophagus are the remnants of the traumatic (and it really really was) experience for her.

But my Dad?

If you call and ask them to tell you the story, you would think it was my DAD that almost died...you know, because someone didn't hit "call" after pushing 9-1-1...while being given CPR while he needed the heimlich.

He's adorable.

When I heard the story, all I could say was, "DAD! Seriously...you were less helpful than a 5 yr old."

And that is the story of how my dad tried to kill my mom.
Except that he totally didn't mean to.
Because he totally loves her.
And I totally love how scared he sounds telling the story.
Because it's evidence of his total love (and utter dependance) on her.
And I totally love that too.

(and I'm so glad he didn't kill her.)

All that really matters in the end

I can't quite get enough of This masterful talk.

It reached into my heart in a most powerful way but as the week has unfolded and as I have listened to and read the talk again (and again and...), the layers of the meaning to my heart have unfolded in ways I was not prepared for.

"Yea, Lord, we do. love. Thee."

Did you hear it?
What did you think?
How did it impact you?
I wish we could all gather for a little hot chocolate and just share.
I am convinced...and have been for some time..
that for all the things we think that matter so much...
When all is said and done,
all that will really matter
is how we treated each other
and how we helped each other get back home
to Him who loves us more than anything.

xoxo

I am not certain just what our experience will be on Judgment Day, 

but I will be very surprised if at some point in that conversation, 

God does not ask us exactly what Christ asked Peter: 

“Did you love me?” 

I think He will want to know if in our very mortal, 

inadequate, and sometimes childish grasp of things,

did we at least understand one commandment, 

the first and greatest commandment of them all—

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, 

and with all thy soul, 

and with all thy strength, 

and with all thy mind.”

And if at such a moment we can stammer out, 

“Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee,” 

then He may remind us that 

the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.

“If ye love me, keep my commandments,” Jesus said. 
So we have neighbors to bless, 
children to protect, 
the poor to lift up, 
and the truth to defend. 
We have wrongs to make right, 
truths to share, 
and good to do. 
In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give 
in demonstrating our love of the Lord. 
We can’t quit and we can’t go back. 
After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, 
nothing is ever again to be as it was before. 
The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ 
mark the beginning of a Christian life, 
not the end of it.

-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
General Conference, October 2012

October winners

I don't know how those fancy blogger types screen save the number generated at random.org

But, I used that to decide the winners.
I didn't expect 73 people to even be reading, let alone comment to win.
And I just couldn't choose.
(but seriously loved reading all the fun comments.)

I  also can't bear just doing 1 give away for 73 people. I'm such a sucker (which has been well established on this here blog)

SO, the winners were #16 and #48:
    Lisa Johnson
    Rachel

Please email me at laurelDOTchristensenATgmailDOTcom with your mailing address...and give me a few more days to join the land of the living and I'll get your October baskets in the mail.

Happy October!

God waits too [part 2]: aka "what I mean by 'something better'"

God answers all righteous prayers.

This morning I was talking to Tammy about this very topic...Tammy was single until her 35th year when she met her husband Jim. Jim had been married for 14 years until his wife Michelle passed away. Michelle fought breast cancer for five years. No one can quantify the number of prayers and pleadings offered up to for Michelle's life to be spared...and no more powerful prayers and pleadings than Jim's. And meanwhile, Tammy was praying and pleading for the opportunity for marriage.

Who's prayer was answered in this case? Tammy or Jim?

I believe...I HAVE to believe...that both prayers were answered. Not in the way that either of them thought. But...both prayers were righteous. And both prayers were answered. Of course they were.

Because...
God either loves all of His children or He doesn't.
God either answers prayers or He doesn't.
God is either God or He isn't.

BUT, just because I believe our waiting has an end date and just because I believe God will give us the best possible scenario, that does not mean...that does not mean at all...that I believe everything turns out just like we want it to.

If my 40 years have taught me anything, they have taught me that.

And to even more of the point of the "God waits too" principle, there are two important truths to remember:
     Truth #1: God loves our agency even more than He loves our happiness.
     Truth #2: God loves our happiness.

If the thing we are waiting for involves the agency of another, then all the prayers and pleadings and "feel your feet" and "trust the math" and "live as if" living might not be able to secure for us what we are waiting for.

BUT, I also sincerely believe that God will do what He can to secure our happiness.
And God can do ANYTHING to secure our happiness.
And His way is always...ALWAYS...a better way.

I recently heard Elder Holland say, "The only time you wouldn't get what you want is for something better." And I don't think he has heard my TOFW talk (grin).

I believe this with all my heart.

EVERY righteous prayer will be answered.
EVERY righteous pleading will be honored.

And we can rest assure...we can absolutely live in peace...with the knowledge that a loving Father in Heaven will give us what we want....or something better.

A better circumstance
A better perspective
A better heart
A better testimony
A better us

I've debated about how much of my current story to share.
I've seen first hand that my willingness to open up has helped others as well as myself.
But, there are other lives and hearts involved and it's not just my story to share.
So, let me just share this...

I spent the better part of the the past 18 months praying and pleading for the thing my heart wanted more than anything. I was willing to do anything to make it happen.
It was a righteous request.
A righteous desire.

I waited.
I lived the principles.
And in the end, last April when it seemed my world fell apart, it appeared as if God has not heard me and was denying my happiness.

But, I can see now...regardless of how my current situation plays out...
that the thing I thought I wanted would not have made me as happy as I wanted to be.
And as happy as I could be.
Because I was not where I wanted to be and who I needed to be.

God was waiting for me to be ready...
ready for me to have a greater desire to be who He wants me to be...knows I can be...
ready to let go of the image I had of myself and my life...
ready to be something better...

And today, I am in a better situation for me because, though always a work in progress, I am something better.

And I'm something better because of my waiting.

I'm better because I've learned to pray better
I'm better because I've learned to dream better
I'm better because I've learned to believe better

I'm better because I have learned to trust a Heavenly Father who wants me to have every happiness.
Better.

You might say I was content to be a Johnny Cake.
And the Lord intended for me to be a ham.

Allow the Lord to make of you something better. 

Understand that ultimately the only thing you can control of in your waiting is you.

Remember that this mortal journey is too important for Him to waste your time.

Trust that He is preparing every possible happiness for you.

Your waiting has a purpose.

And His waiting does too.

I believe that God waits too...patiently and lovingly and willingly...
for us to be the most important part of our "something better".

God waits too [part 1]

We're to the final principle.
It's perhaps the very most important and it's also the most recently learned principle.
And it's an opportunity to share some things about my life right now...in fact, I don't think I can adequately share the principle without sharing some things in my life right now...

This is a principle I now know in the deepest parts of my heart.
This is a principle God has shown me in clear and unmistakable ways throughout my entire life.
But, none so clearly as the last 4 months.

If you're just joining though, review the other principles:
Principle #1: FEEL YOUR FEET
Principle #2: TRUST THE MATH
Principle #3: LIVE AS IF

Principle #4: GOD WAITS TOO

You might remember that two of my friends and myself did something really unique for our 40th birthdays. We joined together in intentional prayer (and really. you need to read the post in order to fully appreciate what that was and why we did it).

And when it came time for my "40 days" to start, I had a really significant experience. I had the distinct impression God was really ready to give me what I asked for. And I had to ask myself if I was ready receive it? Knowing He was ready changed the wording of my prayer and I believe that wording changed the course of my life. I really do.

It caused me to think of a scripture that I've always loved:

"I will order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them." 

(Doctrine & Covenants 111:11) 

What if God was just waiting for me to be ready to receive what He was ready to give me? 

One thing I have learned more than anything else in the past year+. God loves our agency even more than He loves our happiness.

God loves our agency even more than He loves our happiness.

He will not force us to be ready to receive. He waits for us to be ready.

Ready to want. Ready to ask. Ready to receive.

A story is told of the prophet Joseph Smith. He sat down to dinner one night to yet another plate of Johnny Cake (a fairly tasteless bread). It is reported that in the blessing on the food Joseph said, "Lord, we thank Thee for this Johnny Cake, and ask Thee to send us something better. Amen." (The Juvenile Instructor 27, 1892). 

Before the bread was finished, a man came to the door with some flour and a ham.

A ham!

I love that story.

What if Joseph had been completely content with the Johnny Cake? Would the ham have apppeared? I don't know why it would have. There would have been no reason. There would have been no context.

But, Joseph wasn't content with the Johnny cake and he was willing to ask for something more...something better.

And I'm a believer that God often has better things waiting for us.

"God having provided some better thing for us..." (Hebrews 11:40)

But, we have to be willing to ask. 

We have to want it.
We have to believe we're worthy of it.

We have to trust He will grant it to us.

This thing you're waiting for...
praying for...
wanting...
What if God has SOMETHING BETTER for you and it's just not ready yet? 

What if He is waiting to give you some better thing...

...a better situation...

...better timing...

And what if He gave you what you wanted right now, you'd be missing out on the "something better" that is being prepared for you?

What if, even though you think you'd be perfectly content with a Johnny Cake...

what if the Lord is preparing for you a ham?

God waits too.

And sometimes He waits for us to be ready to receive.

And sometimes He waits for our "something better" to be ready.

But He is anxious to bless us.

I believe that with all my little heart.
And He won't make us wait any longer than we have to.
I believe that too.

"God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers

and fulfill your dreams--

just as He always has.

But He can't if you don't pray

and He can't if you don't dream

In short, He can't if you don't believe."

(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Terror, Triumph and a Wedding Feast")

 I think I spent too much of my life perfectly content with a Johnny Cake.

And what I've found is that God had something better for me.

And He truly was waiting...

...waiting for me...
to be ready.

(stay tuned for part 2)

little guilty pleasures

I am finally back to work.
Okay, so not totally.
I'm home...but I'm working several hours a day and it feels good.
(and then I get wiped out which doesn't feel so good but...)

However, I'm also being smart and making sure I rest so I can have a full recovery as fast as possible.

So, when you're committed to resting
and you only have so much energy for working
and you can't sleep every last little minute
you have no choice but to watch some television.


Now, you need to know I'm just not really much of a TV watcher.
Partially because I'm rarely home and partially (mostly) because I have not had cable or anything like unto it for four years.
TV isn't much fun to watch when you basically just have the basic networks and PBS on a good day when you get your bunny ears positioned just right (yep...bunny ears).

BUT...because I'd be working so much from home, it was necessary for me to get high speed internet at my house and if you're going to get high speed internet, you might as well get cable too.

HOLY COW, people...do you know how many shows there are to watch when you have cable?
(yes, I realize normal people know that).

I admit to having a few new obsessions.

Revolution reminds me of my favorite fiction series.
   The show is violent and causes crazy crazy dreams. But, man, it's good.

The Last Resort reminds me of one of my favorite movies.
    I've only seen two episodes but I can't stand how much I love it.

Chopped is like a fast paced talent competition with food.
     I'm embarrassed I love it so much but LOVE (and I'm freakishly good at picking the winner.)

Katie has finally found her place on TV again.
      I tried to tell her leaving The Today Show was a huge mistake but she wouldn't listen.

And I confess to watching an obscene amount of this little show.
       Guilty as charged.

I realize that this will all be over in a matter of weeks (oh, please bless it's all over in a matter of weeks) and I will be well and back to my life. And my life won't have time to even care about these shows anymore. But, in the meantime, it's kind of nice to have a few little guilty pleasures.

What good timing for great new TV programming.

(anyone judging me for getting cable or watching any of these? go ahead. tell me. I can handle it.)

(image found here)

And if you need a good laugh...maybe I was just tired but...seriously laughed out loud. I'm totally making Tam try this with me...totally.

Happy October (& a giveaway)

Oh, how I love October.
It's not my absolute favorite month...
that will be next month.
But, it's one of my favorites for sure.

(It hosts my least favorite holiday, btw, and don't tell me it's because I don't have kids. I promise it would be my least favorite even if I did have kids. I don't like the goblins and the witches and the skeletons and I hate haunted houses and scary stories and the over abundance of cheap low-quality candy. There. I said it. I completely dislike Halloween. But, I digress...)

And when I woke up this morning, on October 1, even though technically nothing has changed with this little recovery of mine, I felt excited and hopeful and calm.

And happy.

So. Happy.

What is it about the time of year that allows for pencil skirts and boots?
What is it about the promise of Fall General Conference (which for some reason is always a home run for me)?
What is it about caramel apples and pumpkin spice bread?
What is it about the crunch of autumn leaves underneath your feet?
What is it about football that is more fun in October than September or November?
What is it about the new crispness in the air that feels like good change is coming?

I just have a feeling that even with the mono and all the things I'm not able to do, October 2012 is going to go down as one of my favorite Octobers in the history of all Octobers.

And I sincerely hope the same for YOU.
Happy October, friends.

And in honor of October, I'm doing a little giveaway
(it's been too long since we did something fun)...

full of some of my favorite October things.

My new favorite book released just today.

One of my very favorite treats ever.

Something delightful in my favorite color scheme (red, orange, yellow).

And one of my favorite October soups (that's a surprise).

What do you have to do to win?

Just comment below for my little homebound soul.
Tell me...
Your favorite things about autumn or your favorite autumn treat or the thing you are most looking forward to this month (and I promise to still respect and love you if you say "Halloween").

Leave your comment by Saturday, October 6th at midnight.
The happy October winner will be announced Monday, October 8th.