Prepared to see

People only see what they are prepared to see.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson



I have a friend who experienced a little bit of a set back to something that really mattered to her this week. Her response was classic her:
"I just know it's all going to work out. This must be exactly what was supposed to happen."

My response was one of appreciation that I have people like her in my life.

People who see the good in every situation.
People who trust even when there are plenty of reasons to doubt.
People who just know it's all going to work out.

And you know?
I think, for people like that, things DO work out.
And what happens IS exactly what was supposed to happen.

That's the way they want to see the world.
And so that's the way the world is.

I've been working this year to be a little more like that.
I have some work to do.
But, I'm getting there.

And you wouldn't believe what I'm preparing to see...
And I'll see it too.

Just you wait.


(image found here)

Crossing the bridge

I was so excited to wake up this morning and take a run on the trail at the Cook Inlet in Anchorage.

But, as I've eluded to before, I've seen way too many episodes of Law & Order and when all was said and done, when I got down to the trail and saw the corners and the trees and the crazy man in the workers jumpsuit standing around for no apparent reason...well, it proved to be way too much for my wild imagination.

So, I left the trail and ran down 3rd Avenue and went across town.
And there she was.
A bridge.

I don't know why but I've always wanted to run across a bridge.
Is that so silly?
It might be silly.
But, this morning, I did it.

I had already been running for a couple of miles and I was pretty tired. The bridge didn't look terribly long and I told myself I could run across it. But, it was longer than it looked.

And I wanted to stop.

So, true to my form, I just made myself a little goal.
"Just run til the end of this next song or until the end of the bridge, whichever comes first."

I can do that.
I can always do just that.

I ran across to one end and back to the other this morning.
And it felt amazing.

And I love that I have yet...in 9 months...I have yet to not keep a commitment like that to myself. I have never let myself stop short of the place I said I would run to. Sure, sometimes I have had to adjust it...but in the moment I think I'm going to die, I still make myself go "just a little further".

And it always works.

If I think about the whole run...if I think too much about "the end"...I get overwhelmed and I just can't do it.

But, when I tell myself I just have to take one more step
or run to one more sign
or run through one more song

Well, then,
I can always do it.
I always can.

I do not know how this journey of mine is going to play out months from now.
But, I'm not too worried about that.
Because I know I'm doing it and I know it's going to play out.

I have no idea how I'm going to look or how I'm going to feel.
I have no idea, really, how much harder it is going to get.

But, none of that matters either.

All that matters, at least for me, at least for now, is getting myself to the next run...to the next day...to the next time I say "no" to ice cream (it's always about the ice cream, isn't it, Laurel? Yep. sure is.)...to the next thing that feels hard.

I have no expectations about anything beyond the week I am in.
None.

And as a girl who is a planner and likes to plan and be prepared, well, this is not an easy place for me to live.

But, it is what is working for me.
And so I'm going with it.

I'm committed to living and loving the space that I'm in.
I'm committed to trusting for just a few more steps or for just one more song.
I'm committed to believing I can do anything just for one more week.
I'm committed to having faith through one more prayer.

As for whatever comes next?
Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Worth the climb

After climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are
many more hills to climb.
-Nelson Mandela

In need of some perspective, I went on a hike this morning with a dear friend.
There was a slight mist in the air.
The trail was lined with trees.
The water in the creek was making that rushing sound that I love.
I would have been happy just staying on the trail.
It was so beautiful.

And then we climbed up this rock.
It wasn't easy, but we did it.

And the view?
Spectacular.

I would have been perfectly content to stay on the trail.

And I would have missed the view from the top.
A view that made me feel strong and sure and determined.
A view that gave me just a slightly different perspective.

The climb was worth it.
And I've decided climbs always are.

At least this climb is.

He will go to any lengths

This is Sydney.
And I met her in...Sydney.

But, here's the thing.
Sydney is from Springville, Utah...45 minutes south of where I live.

And yet, I met her half way around the world while she was on a little vacation in Australia and happened to attend the TIME OUT FOR WOMEN event while there.

She told me that all the girls in her ward had read my little book and had been impacted by it and they would just die that she got to meet me (whenever anyone says that to me it always makes me laugh. I think when people do finally meet me they think, "hmmm. really?). I told her I would love to meet them. And thus it began.

Long story short, I ended up at the Hobble Creek 14th Ward last Sunday night with a group of girls and their moms. I've never talked to a group who knew who I was before I spoke to them. I had certainly never talked to a group of girls who had already read/studied the book. Because of that, it completely changed the message I was able to give. It changed the place I was able to begin.

And it was one of those moments in my life when I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. I so needed the experience. These girls were one of the finest groups of girls I've ever been in the presence of. They were good and strong and faithful. We had a really sweet experience together.

An experience I really really needed to have that night.
And it was because of where THEY were in their lives.
It was all them.

The bishop stood up after and bore a sweet and powerful witness of the power of what it was I was trying to teach...what I feel so passionately about sharing with young women...and I felt like God Himself was talking to me. And I needed Him to talk to me.

The whole night felt divinely orchestrated.
And I was deeply grateful for the experience.

Today at Church I was doing a little bit of self-evaluation.
I'm learning some things about myself that are uncomfortable but necessary.
I'm at a place where it's time again to push outside my limits and grow.
Oh, how I don't enjoy that.
But, God knows...and I know...that it's necessary in order to get myself where I need to be.
Where I want to be.

And during a really sweet testimony meeting, I was reminded of the experience of last week and how interesting it was that I had to go all the way to Sydney, Australia to meet a girl so I could have an experience in Springville, Utah.

And then I realized I didn't.

My email address is in the back of the book.
One google search and you can find me (and the other Laurel Christensen who is a famous audiologist...which was my minor in college...totally irrelevant to this story and yet interesting, don't you think?).
Plenty of people just call Deseret Book direct to get in touch with me.
That ward could have tracked me down half a dozen different ways to come ask me to come speak.

But, that's not what happened.

And the spirit taught me a powerful lesson as I heard, as clear as day, this:
"God could have had you connect with those girls in Springville some other way. But, He chose to do it this way. Because He wanted you to know He will go to any lengths to give you what you need."

I believe in a God who keeps His promises.
I believe in a God who cares more about our happiness than we even do.
I believe in a God who orchestrates the details of our lives to get us where we need to be.

And I believe in a Father in Heaven who will go to ANY LENGTHS to grant us the desires of our hearts

I believe in that kind of Father.
I know that Father.
I trust that Father.

And I trust He will go to any lengths.
Any.

the true me

Oh, I needed this run.
I even needed the hills the first three miles (I'm sorry, but who plans a 10K with hills on the first three miles?!?)
I needed it to be hard.
I needed to question whether or not I could do it.
I needed to think that if I stopped at all to walk for a bit, I wouldn't be able to run again. And I needed to find out I was wrong about that.
(oh, and I needed a 10K to be only 6.2 miles and not 6.4 like I thought.)

And I needed my dear friend Kindee, who in addition to being married to one of my favorite people (and ridiculously talented photographer which clearly has rubbed off on her so she could get that awesome shot), stayed with me the whole time and was the "you can do it" "you've got this" "just that next sign" or "just to the top of that hill" "let's pass that person" voice in my head.

This morning was perfect.

And I got just the reminders I needed.

-Whatever you do, don't look back.
-When you see a hill up ahead, keep your eyes on your feet.
-Once you've committed to go to the next sign or run through the next song, don't even think about coming up short. Keep your promises to yourself.
-You always have a little more to give the last little bit. So sprint.

I love that this morning, I did what I didn't want to do and got exactly what I needed. I sensed in a very personal way that God is pleased...so pleased...with how far I've come. And I know I'm closer to the real me than I have ever been.

And the real me is a girl who is strong.
The real me is a girl who doesn't quit.
The real me is a girl who doesn't give up.
The real me is a girl who's going to give this everything I have the next four months.

The real me runs.
The real me believes.
The real me trusts.

That's me.
The real me.
The true me.

And I'm doing this.

1/2 of a 1/2

This is what I'm doing tomorrow.
If I can do 13.1, surely I can do 6.4...right?

For some reason it feels bigger than that.
Because while my body needs to be pushed,
my head needs it more.

My head needs to know I've still got this.
I need to feel like I'm totally back in the game.
I need to get over the "struggling".
I still want this.
I really do.

And I have to remember that I hadn't ran my first full mile before January.
And now look at me.

Yep, I have to remember that.

I'm a runner.
I'm *still* a runner.

I am.


(image found here)