Bittersweet.

I stood on the stage after the event yesterday. It had been an incredible weekend. I looked out at the 4000+ empty chairs. Those that were left were in their various groups engrossed in conversation. Behind me the tech guys were busily working to put everything away. No one seemed to know what it all meant to me.

And I stood on the stage alone.

I remembered in an instant last Spring when, after an event, the ballroom was completely empty and I stood in the back of the hall and cried.

I said a heartfelt prayer.

In the midst of my truly blessed-in-so-many-ways life, I felt alone, trapped, left behind...like all the women who left the event got to go back to their lives and I was just left.

I so wanted a change.

Within a couple of weeks, I was presented with a new opportunity at work. And when we first talked about it, I wasn't enthused. It felt like one more bit of proof towards this life path I never signed up for. Like I was climbing up one more wrung of a ladder I never meant to step on. But, after much thought and prayer and a direct communication from Heaven, I sensed it was actually an answer to a plea those weeks before.

He opened a door.

Yesterday as I stood on that stage, I knew it wasn't totally the end of my experience with this job that I love...but I also knew it was the end of a chapter in my life. While I will still be overseeing TIME OUT FOR WOMEN, I've been stepping out of the day-to-day operations to make time for a new responsibility as the Creative Director over product development. And I've been grateful for the change.

But sometimes change is hard.

So even when you know it's the right thing
and actually what said you wanted
it's still something new
and you like what's familiar
so though it might be just the thing you needed
you're still having to let go a little of this thing you loved
and the life you've known

And it feels bittersweet.