God's Will. My Will (Part 1)

My mind is racing and I can't sleep.
So, I decided maybe I needed to start sharing some of what I'm learning right now.

Last week a dear friend (who seems to always be the means for God's text messages to me...truly) texted me a reminder of a talk she & I shared while she was going through a difficult time. The talk was given by Jeffrey R. Holland in 1989 while he was the President of BYU. It's entitled The Will of the Father in All Things.

I've spent a long time and a lot of work getting myself to the point where I sincerely and deeply and honestly want to know that I am living a life in accordance with the will of the Lord. I seek His approval and confirmation for so much of what I do.
I crave it.
I long for it.
I need it.

BUT.

Today while I was talking with another friend, I feel like the spirit taught us both something I have not really let myself consider.

First...let's talk about the context of a couple of the most oft quoted scriptures dealing with "the will of the Father".

"Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." Luke 22:42

"I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning." 3 Nephi 11:11

I think, based on these kinds of scriptures and, for me, what I know about those early Mormons who also "suffered the will of the Father", I have associated "the Lord's will" with "the harder path".

As if God always requires suffering and sacrifice.
And always asks us to do hard things.
In order for us to prove our faithfulness.

BUT.

I was also reminded today that it IS God's will that I be happy.
He wants me to be happy...to experience joy.
Of course He does.

And so, while I expect Him to ask me to do hard things and then I think I need to do them as evidence of my willingness to "submit" and "suffer" His will, I have not let myself believe...really believe...that following His will can also mean He will expect me and ask me to do the thing that will make me happy today. Now.

And OF COURSE that is true.

And since deep down inside "my will" is often for that thing that will make me happy today...now...perhaps, sometimes (or often), His will really is MY will.

"Sometimes...we underestimate the Lord's willingness to hear our cry, to confirm our wish, to declare that our will is not contrary to his and that his help is there only for the asking." Elder Holland (emphasis added)

Elder Holland goes on to share an example of Marion G. Romney and his wife (you really must read it) where Elder Romney finally realizes that what he wants is not contradictory to what the Lord wants for him.

And that is very much what my "ah-ha" was today.

You see, with all the time and work getting myself to the point where I'm trying o live a life in accordance with the will of the Lord, I've made the assumption that it will mean sacrificing what I really want. And so, I've forgotten (or ignored) a little bit of my own will...what I want...what I need in order to experience as much happiness and joy as I possibly can in this life.

MY WILL.

Which, I knew today, happens to be His will too.