Come UP

I've spent some portion of the last six months of my life involved with an amazing group of people and an even more incredible group of youth.

It's hard to find the words to express what it has done for me and meant to me. I thought I was helping to provide 20,000 youth in the Draper & Oquirrh Mountain Temple districts with a "once in a lifetime" experience. Who could have known it would be a once in a lifetime experience for me? (I should have known.)

If you want to get a sense of what these amazing youth did, spend some time on their blog (read the comments!).

The journey to the Celebration event was as important as the Celebration itself. The invitation (i.e. "theme") was COME UP TO THE MOUNTAIN OF THE LORD, taken from Isaiah 2:2-3.

Commitments were made.
Lives were changed.

Including mine.

But it's not enough to just COME to the mountain of the Lord...we must come UP. I've done a decent job of "coming" most of my life.

And now I want to do the "up" part.
I need to step it up
If I want to COME UP...Come Up to the Mountain of the Lord.

Impressive setThe designer literally contructed a mountain on the Conference Center stagewith a Temple that was revealed for the finale (an audible gasp was heard throughout the audience)20,000 people sang "I Love to See the Temple"...and I did!This is really what it's all aboutI spent a lot of time with an incredible committee who is now like family to meUnder the direction of Elder Pingree & Elder Price (who I adore...I told them I was unbelievably good at the self-portrait. They were fairly impressed.)My partner in crime on the committee (a super great guy and a ridiculously talented photographer)And it was all about them

With gratitude...

A happy & blessed Memorial day to all who've fought, continue to fight, or support those who do. May we never forget...

The ampersand of life

The ampersand. That's the official name for the "&" sign. Did you know that?

And a couple of years ago, I received this lovely ampersand paperweight as a gift. I was kind of taken back at first. It had never been on my list of "things to get Laurel"...but when I read the card that came with it, it came to the top of that list.

Turns out my dear friend had given me one of the most meaningful gifts I have in my home (whether she meant it to be or not). In her note she said, "You look at life with a constant 'and'. You take what happens and... then you accept what God wants to teach you."

Now, I don't know that that is entirely true, but the mere fact she thought that of me has helped me in that quest. I want to be the "ampersand" person she thinks I am.

And I think I've finally figured out where "the ampersand of life" comes from.

If FAITH is my sentence,
HOPE is my "&".

I have faith in the effect of the sacrament...
and I hope partaking of it will help me be better this week.

I have faith that God hears and answers my prayers...
and I hope I'll be trusting of the outcome.

I struggle with basic gospel principles as much as the next chiquita. At times, faith seems elusive. But, the older I'm getting and the more life I'm living, I'm finally understanding that so much of my faith is sure and that I have more of it than I've given myself credit for.

I'm also understanding that when my faith has weakened, it's usually because my hope has weakened. The two principles are not as different as they are the same. Their connection is key.

Neal A Maxwell taught, "In the geometry of restored theology, HOPE has a greater circumference than FAITH. If FAITH increases, the perimeter of HOPE stretches correspondingly."

It's easier to hope IN something than to hope FOR...have you noticed that?
"The things we hope IN sustain us during our daily walk..." whereas "the things we hope FOR are often future events." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

President Uchtdorf goes on to teach, "We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered. Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future."

I more than hope that is true.
I know it is true.

I think I have looked at much of life the last few years with an ampersand. It's kept me grounded and allowed me to grow closer to God and let Him heal my heart. But, my ampersand has been in what I hope IN.

Not what I hope FOR.

And it's time to hope FOR.
He expects me to hope FOR as well.

I have FAITH God keeps His promises...
and I HOPE...

&.
I HOPE.

"For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then so we with patience hope for it.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth...for we know not what we should pray for as we ought; but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:24-28)

Possibility City

That's what the 24 hours in Louisville meant to me.

A reminder of who I am.
Where I've come from.
What lies ahead.
How I can get there.

I spent time with two incredible girls that I met when I was 10.
They came to the event to see what I do and then I went down to Louisville for some much needed "girl time".We don't share the same "church", but we share the same faith. And it just felt so good to reconnect...and talk about...the possibilities.

And just in case you've never been to Louisville...
It's a city with great restaurants
unique style
rich history
great architecture
lots 'o horses
And unusually large baseball bats

Thanks girls for 27 great years (yes, we're that old!)
We'll do it again soon.
xoxo

A $54.67 treat?

Suppose a girl made a bet with a friend to swear off sugar until a certain trip. The penalty for violating the bet? $25

Suppose that same girl made the exact same bet with yet another friend to ensure her success.

Bringing the penalty total to $50 should she succumb.

The tempting delicacy would have to be pretty amazing in order to be worth breaking the bet and paying up $50 (+ $4.67 for the actual concoction). Would it not?

Enter this place in Louisville, KY:

That creates this:a caramel (w/ chocolate swirl) coated vanilla cupcake and scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream.

It would have to be pretty amazing to be
Worth.
$54.67.

I love my job

I do.
I love love my job.
I work for a great company and I have a great job.

I don't talk about it much because really, truly, sometimes it feels like work is ALL I do.

But, when push comes to shove, I love what I get to do and there are days when it feels like it's more than just a job...like it's part of my life mission.

I've met amazing women and been able to travel around and see places and people and feel things. I've often said, if this is the phase of life I'm in for a while, the Lord could not be more kind to me than to let me do something I feel so passionately about.

And this past weekend in Cincinnati was one of the best experiences I've ever had at TOFW. There was something different. And we all felt it.

I just really love my job (and the people I get to work with).



And this event was even better because two of my dearest friends from Kentucky were there (more later) and my amazing cousin Jamie (she's the reason I started blogging) too. We stayed up way too late Friday night talking and I LOVED IT. Then I drove back to Louisville with her and stayed with her and her cute family (HOW CUTE ARE THESE KIDS??) Saturday night and then go to church with them on Sunday.
Life isn't easy.
There are days I can't breathe.
Sometimes it feels like I'll never catch up.
There are other days when I'd give anything to be playing devoted mom and adoring wife.

BUT...for now...
did I mention I love my job?

I read NieNie

I've been reading since last summer.

I don't know why I've never shared it before but something about this post makes me want to share.

For oh so many reasons.

I believe in healthy bodies.
I believe in pinkie promises.
I believe in big plans.

(btw, consider yourself warned. you'll be feeling the need to catch up on this blog once you start. but it's worth it.)

My old Kentucky home

Do you remember the great Disney movie The Kid starring Bruce Willis? Oh, I loved that movie. I still love that movie. It's one of the few that I own.

And I starred in it on Sunday.

It started by walking into the chapel that I watched be built in Crestwood, KY when I was eleven (prior to that we met in an Old Seventh-Day Adventist building...they on Saturday...us on Sunday).Something about sitting in that place caused me to reflect on that girl from oh so long ago.

- where did she think she'd be when she was 37?
- and am I there?
- is there something more she wanted that I haven't done?
- can I still do it? (I want to do it.)
- what would she say to me now?
- what would I go back and say to her?

I've had this experience one other time in my life when I found myself in Pleasanton, CA on a business trip. I lived there until I was 10. That's a powerful memory for me.

But, something about being back in Kentucky...at this time in my life of all times in my life...that was just nostalgic and therapeutic and motivating all at the same time.

As I drove down Maple Avenue

past the old cemetary (yes, it says "Pewee Valley", which is where we lived though my mother never admitted it)

and down the street to the house

I just sat in my little rental car and soaked it all in and felt the flood of memories that make me me.

Even simple things like:
-learning to say "ma'am" and then "please" instead of "what?"
-discovering prayer. real prayer.
-finding two of my dearest friends on the planet (more later).

I spent my most formative years in that place.

I love love love my old kentucky home.
I'm who I am because of that place.

And though I know that girl is not where she thought she'd be...
I had a confirmation she's where she's supposed to be.

At least for now.

(and how cool that all these years later there is a temple on the same property as the church. It's beautiful there.)

Marry Him? Truth #3

Truth #3: Trying to get married takes hard work.
Let's just cut to the chase on this one.

I don't think falling in love should be hard...in fact, if it IS hard, that should be a sign (oh to have learned that little truth a little earlier!).

BUT, falling in love does not = getting married...as oh so many of us know.

And I think there is a temptation to say, "it shouldn't be this hard! If its this hard, it must not be right! Twenty year olds do this all the time for crying out loud." (I used to say that about driving a stick..."Dumber girls than me drive sticks. SURELY I can figure this out!" FYI, I still can't drive a stick.) But, it's not easy. And even when it's "right" it still can take hard work to both get to the same place of commitment. And maybe even moreso the older we get (enter some of the points in Marry Him? that are very very valid).

Because it is likely THE MOST IMPORTANT decision any of us will ever make (next to deciding to commit to Jesus Christ), there absolutely is an adversarial force at play. He who does not deserve to be named will spend time and energy trying to mess up really great marriage opportunities. In most cases, I have found, he uses fear as his tactic (and apathy...but that's another discussion). This is why understanding the role marriage has in THE PLAN OF HAPPINESS is so vital.
"The doctrine of the plan leads men and women to hope and prepare for eternal marriage, and it defeats the FEARS and overcomes the uncertainties that may cause some individuals to delay or avoid marriage." (Elder Bednar)

AND there is this thing called agency...a point of doctrine that I am coming to see that God loves even more than He loves our happiness (isn't that an interesting thought?). And so, something could be right...or have the potential to be REALLY right...but one person could choose to not choose it. And God, in His infinite wisdom, will not force the rightness of it upon any of us. He will lead. He will prompt. He will influence. But, He will not force.

So, it is hard.
And it is vital.
It is vital because it is hard.
And it is hard because it is vital.

In addition to being hard, it is risky.

A dear friend (one of my fave people on the planet) shared with me an incredible talk her Bishop recently gave in Church. In it were many of the quotes and scriptures I've been pondering since first discovering "the article".

But this is one I had not read...had not seen...
Yet, when I read the words, its part in this truth was clear.

"Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as 'Careful! This might lead to suffering.' To my nature, my temperament, yes. Not to my conscience. When I respond to that appeal I seem to myself to be a thousand miles away from Christ. If I am sure of anything I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities." (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves. Oh, how I love C.S. Lewis!)

Lewis goes on to teach this truth:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

Just go ahead and read that again.

Look at the connection between our love & commitment to another person and our relationship with the Savior. Look at that!

Now, let me be clear. I know a whole lot of women who have taken on the hard work of trying to get married and it has yet to produce fruits. BUT, I also know there are too many of us who are single...and I just can't believe it's the way God intended it to be. And I, for one, have not always been open to the "hard work" it takes to get married...or rather, the hard work to get myself to a place where I'm ready for it...let alone, the hard work of STAYING married. And I have this inkling that I need to approach the whole process differently.

In the difficulty of the task
comes the truth of its importance.

And that leads me to Truth #4...
(which will now officially have to wait until after the event...if anyone is even still reading...grin.)

Marry Him? Truth #2

This is one of those times that warrants a slumber party discussion...
and the kind of slumber party where you need
married & single
old & young
male & female.
This needs a discussion.

Because this is also one of those many times when my ability to speak is probably better than my ability to write.
I just don't know if I can express this properly in written form.

(I also have to consider that if I am still single in ten years, I might look back on this post and laugh at my naivety.)

But, here goes.
(Deep breath.)

TRUTH #2: Being single is easier than being married.
Only a single girl could make this claim. If a married girl tried to say it, all the single girls in the room would roll their eyes.

And really, not just any single girl could make this claim...but a single girl who knows what it is to feel suffocatingly alone (that's a literal state, by the way)...who knows what it is to "go to the mountain" (that's a literal place, btw) to learn to be content with the life she has been given.

I think for a long time, I found some kind of noble comfort in the thought that not just any girl could handle being single...but God knew I could...and that must make me "different"...stronger...noble.

Because, I know what it is to come home at night desperately wishing you had someone to come home to. I know what it is to wake up on Saturday morning, wishing there was someone next to me who cared what I was going to be doing that day. I know what it is to have to make a big life decision and want so much to have a partner who could make it with me. I know what it is to not want to do what I should and longing for someone to talk to about it who commits us both to stepping it up.

I know what it is to want those things.

BUT, I also know what it is to come home after a long day of work and not have to give a bit of myself to anyone. I know what it is to wake up on a Saturday morning completely in charge of what I do with my time. I know what it is to make a life decision and have the only partner matter be the Lord. I know what it is to have the benefit of being totally responsible for the spirit in my home...and so often...more often than not...FOR ME...that's such a blessing.

I know what it is to have those things.

On the other hand, I DON'T really know what it is like to have to "be there" for someone even when I don't have it in me. I DON'T really know what it is like to put someone else's wants/needs/desires on a Saturday (or any day) above my own...constantly. I DON'T really know what it is to have to compromise on a big life decision with another. I DON'T really know what it is like to struggle with someone who doesn't want to commit to "step it up" when I'm feeling the need to...or vice versa.

I am realizing more and more that there are so many great...truly great things...about this single life of mine. I have often said that I feel very blessed to have the job I have...the friends I have...the opportunities I have...as long as this is the phase of life I'm to be in right now, I couldn't ask for much more.

And in so many ways, this is easy.
I know this life.
I can do this life.

But, is this life enough to push me and help me progress?

Don't get me wrong.

I know to my core that I have learned things being single I could NEVER have learned in the same way had I been married. I have been taken to depths that I could have been taken to no other way. This has NOT been easy.

BUT...

I am also becoming keenly aware that there are other things...important Christ-like attributes, I simply can't learn without the marriage commitment...progress I can't make without the marriage covenant. And I'm not just talking in the eternal "big picture". I'm talking about right here...and right now.

And when I really ponder that,
when I let myself feel that,
when I notice my spirit KNOWS that,
then my views on marriage...
my views on "settling" (still stay with me on this)...
change.

And that takes me to Truth #3.

My life is a fairytale right now...

Fairy tales are more than true.

Not because they tell us that dragons exist,

but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.

(Neil Gaiman)

...don't you love that?
ME TOO!


(sorry for the wait on Truth #2...crazy...but oh so good...week and now headed to Cincinnati tomorrow on the early flight...for our event this weekend. Stay tuned though...I love what I'm learning...)

Marry Him? Truth #1

Maybe it's because I'm 37.
Maybe it's because I've been trying to close one door so another could be opened.
Maybe it's because my eyes are being opened to what I really need.
Maybe it's because I just feel something just around this corner.
Maybe it's because I want a "four questions" guy.

All I know is that the Marry Him article has really had me thinking.

And talking.

I've had a couple of conversations in the last 24 hours I really needed to have before I could share my take on things.
One of the conversations required my pride.
The other took some courage.

I had them both. (Yea, me!)
And now we can girl-talk.

I had all sorts of off-the-cuff responses when I initially read the article. And, having spent the last few weeks trying to figure some things out in my heart, I'm uncovering a couple of truths for me that, at least for the time being, are going to be my dating guide posts.

(And these truths, without a doubt, are very much colored by my faith. Because I believe marriage, by its very nature, is eternal, the subject cannot be separated from the spiritual. I sense that is one big difference between me and Ms. Gottlieb.)

TRUTH #1: Woman (and man) was NOT meant to be alone.
Because I believe this (though I don't think I always have), I have an obligation to do my part to ensure I am not. If I'm being totally honest, I spent WAY too much time in my late 20's and early 30's totally "checked out" of finding a mate. Totally. Partially because I didn't think I was good enough then. And, partially because I had convinced myself I had found the love of my life. I was wrong on both counts and it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I checked back in. (Note to all girls younger than me..."check in" earlier.)

So, when Ms. Gottlieb poses the question, Is it better to be alone, or to settle?, if those are my only two choices, I would have to say "settle"...because it is not better to be alone (stay with me on this...)

And that takes us to Truth #2...

Never too late.

I think one of the great things about blogging is that even though I live alone (and sometimes on Sunday mornings do not hear the sound of my own voice until the first "amen" is said at Church...oh, and btw, I don't get why more people don't say "amen"...but where was I?), when I feel like talking about something, I feel like I have a way to talk about it.

Twice a year, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gather for two days to hear from leaders of the Church on topics relevant to our spiritual & temporal progression. Participating in both days of conference was expected by my parents once we turned twelve. And I'm so grateful for that expectation that started a lifetime of loving...LOVING...conference weekend.

And I think that's why I was almost giddy yesterday when I opened my PO BOX and found this.
Several years ago, a dear friend (i.e. a therapist who was more interested in my becoming dependent on the Spirit and less dependent on her) invited me to take a question on my mind to General Conference. She promised me the Lord would answer me through Conference. I have to say, EVERY TIME I've done that, I have found that promise to be correct.

This Conference was no different.

From the very first message, I knew that the Lord was aware of the desires of my heart to have TRUE change in my life. And what I felt that weekend, I needed to be reminded of this morning as I spent time with some of the talks most pertinent to me.

It's never too late to change.
It's never too late to do things differently.
It's never to late to be better.
It's never too late to go after the life He has waiting for you.

"Most of us do not seek or even welcome dramatic changes. But change is an essential part of life's experiences...Too often we are reluctant to enter the next stage, begin the next challenge. Maybe we are too comfortable, fearful or lacking faith..." (Elder Steven E. Snow)

Hmmm...
too comfortable? Probably.
fearful? A little.
lacking faith? Not anymore.

Not anymore.
And it's never too late.

I love Mother's Day.

I do.
I really do.

(I get that so many don't...I get it. I promise.)

But, I don't have a problem with it.
I don't feel uncomfortable.

And I still have my mom...
And, I'm grateful for that.

I love today.

And since I can't do any better than last year's message (not because it was so great...just can't do any better), read it again if'n you're looking for a message today.

Happy Are We Not All Mother's Day.