Stand as a witness

This is one sweet child of God.
(sucker in mouth, untied shoes and all)
And I'm the lucky girl who gets to be his aunt.

Thanks, Mark, for reminding me today why I love my life.
I get to be an aunt to you...and my other nieces and nephews.
I get to make and keep sacred Covenants.
I get to experience life with the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Mark Owen Christensen (my little brother's oldest) was baptized today in Virginia. Mark chose to have the song "If the Savior Stood Beside Me" sung and I just sat in the back of the room with a little sleepy Luke (who I kind of think was supposed to be mine but he got tired of waiting), getting a bit teary, if you want to know the truth, as I thought about...

MARK standing as a witness and making the commitment to be a baptized member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are SUCH a good boy, Mark.

STEPHEN standing as a witness as Mark's little friend who spoke at the baptism (Mark went to his baptism a few months ago and was so impressed he asked him to speak...how cute is that?)

MY LITTLE BROTHER standing as a witness that nothing is more important than stepping up and taking on the priesthood responsibility to provide for and lead a family. I am SO impressed with you, little brother. Thank you for your grown-up example.

KAREN, my sister-in-law, standing as a witness that motherhood is the most noble assignment in this life. I'm amazed at what you do, Karen, and do so well. Thanks for taking care of the kids I sometimes pretend are mine.

I am grateful for good "stand as a witness" examples all around me.

For me, today was a day of celebration (Mark's actual 8th birthday as well as his baptism), a day of commitment, a day of reflection, a day of gratitude...and a day of renewal...knowing there are more ways I can stand as a witness too.

Just one of those days where you want to be a little better.
And you know you can be.
Just a little better.

(and it was also a day of wanting to be a mom too...and how can I help myself when I see evidence that I have DNA that makes such cute kids?)

The jerk on the elevator

The following conversation took place on an elevator at a company in Salt Lake City today:

(Dramatic note: read all "jerk" lines with the inflection going up at the end of each question...)

Jerk (thinking it would be nice if she started up a conversation with the "new girl" on the elevator): "What department do you work in?"

New Girl: "(Department name)"

Jerk: "Oh, what's your name?"

New Girl: "(name)"

Jerk: "How long have you worked here?"

New Girl: "Three years."

Jerk: "What? Seriously? How have you worked here three years and I've never met you."

New Girl: "You have."

Jerk: "No, I haven't. Really? We've talked before?"

New Girl: "Yes. I promise we have."

Awkward silence.

Jerk: "Do you look different than you used to? Change your hair or something?"

New Girl: "Nope."

More awkward silence...really slow elevator.

Jerk: "I'm a jerk."

Seriously. Have I really become one of "those people"? Am I like one of those mucky muck executives that is so caught up in my work and the circle of silly men (and 1 great woman) that I sit in meetings with, that I don't even know all the people at the office anymore? I can't even remember people I've met and had conversations with? How did THAT happen?

Here's the thing:
I'm sure it's fine with her.
I'm sure she doesn't really care that I can't remember her.
But, I CARE.

I'm one of those people who never forgets a face (or an outfit...seriously, I can still tell you EXACTLY what Tiffany Gardner was wearing the first time I saw her at Church in June 1988...I'm not kidding.).
I remember people.
I connect with people.
I'm friendly.
I'm nice.
I am! I am!

But, today, I was the jerk on the elevator.

I'll do better tomorrow...

Kindred spirits & the perfect yellow bag

You know those people that as soon as you meet you just know you're going to really really like them? (And then, of course, you hope they like you as much.)

And you know how you hope that you never have a reason to find out you're wrong about your perception of how great they are? (And then you hope some of their perfect greatness rubs off on you.)

You know how you discover that they aren't ridiculously perfect and their lack of perfection just makes you love them all the more?(And then you realize they really are close to perfect but you love them anyway.)

You know those people who are just good to the core and who totally "get it" and you can talk to them about all sorts of things and it makes all right in the world? (And you look for any excuse to have a "meeting" so they are forced to talk to you.)

And you know how it makes you giddy to find out they are a little worldy too? That somehow their love of a great pair of red peep-toe pumps or the perfect yellow handbag, makes your love of those things totally okay?

My job lets me have an excuse to know some pretty unique people. Among them, I have a few kindred spirits and I got to do lunch with one of them today. We giggled when we noticed our perfect brown cardigans paired with the perfect yellow handbags. (my desperate need for a haircut on Friday, notwithstanding)I adore my friend Virginia.
(sorry to reveal your worldliness, my friend.)
I so want to be her when I grow up.
(husband with a butterfly collection and all.)

(PS if you haven't read her book yet, I have to shamelessly give a plug. One of the best things I've ever read...CH 4 has made life nicer for many random people in my life...um, because it made ME nicer...)

Forgive the interruption...

...from the inspiration.

But, I feel compelled to "rally the troops" if there are any interested in being rallied.

The world as we know it could very well change forever if this disastrous mortgage bailout goes through. And it's looking like it will, without so much as a fight. This plan is an affront to all sound free market economic principles and I for one am not willing to stand by and watch it happen without the assurance I tried to do SOMETHING to change it.

It's not right.
It's not honest.
It's not fair.

Contact your representative.
Contact your senator.
There really isn't time to not act.

For your enjoyment, here are my letters sent to my representative (a Democrat who I actually have voted for twice) and my senators (who I am just ITCHING to run against...and if they don't stand up for this, I just might!)

Mr. (fill in the blank):

I am counting on you, Sir, to do the right thing at this critical time in our nation's history. Now is NOT the time to panic and react. We need calm and steady leaders who have the courage to stand up against the wave of disastrous economic decisions that have been made and continue to be made.

I am PLEADING with you not to allow this ridiculous and frightening bailout to go through.

Do the right thing, Mr. X. Demand more accountability from your own party who has helped create this fiasco. Don't allow the Bush Whitehouse to push this burden through to the American people. It's not right. And I think the majority of you are smart enough to know it.

There is a huge opportunity here for you and your colleagues to be the heroes to your constituents. With the "common man" research I've done, I believe that if congress will change the market-to-market accounting law, extending insurance but NOT extending loans, we will be able to see our way out of this. But, if you allow this bailout to go through, we will never recover. I truly believe that. The free market, the capitalist principles this country was founded on, will cease to exist as we know it.

If you vote for this bailout, if you participate in forcing this burden on the taxpayers, I will do all I can to ensure your defeat in your next election season.

Please be the man and leader I believe you are and PROTECT US from this disastrous plan.

(Ah, that felt good. We now return to our regular blogging...)

The antithesis of jealous

There's no real antonym for the word jealous.
Did you know that?
I didn't.
And it's a shame too, because whatever that word is describes me today.
And I'm so grateful for that.

One of my favorite people (who needs to remain nameless for a while) is darn near engaged. She's younger than me but still old enough that it's a great thing...a "God is good" moment, if you will.

I knew it was coming and I take a little bit of pride in the fact that I talked her into "date 3" when she wanted to end it. I encouraged her to be smart about finding balance in her life and to take advantage of this time in her life to find love. I didn't want her making any of the mistakes I made and I was determined to help her. Date 3 is turning into a diamond.
Yeah, basically, she totally owes me for finding love.

But, here's the great thing for me.
I'm not jealous.
I'm not at all.
I'm actually a little surprised by that, if I'm being honest.

I expected it would be hard for me and that I'd be filled with "why not me?". I worried I'd be sad and have to fake the excitement and happiness.

But, I think there is something to be said for really knowing that you are where you're supposed to be. Not that I wouldn't give up my life right now yesterday if the right opportunity came along...but I know in my heart that I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing (all the while hoping that someday...soon...the "where I'm supposed to be" will be somewhere else...grin).

It's not my first choice but for whatever reason it's His...
and that makes it mine.

It's been an amazing thing to watch and a sweet reminder that when it's right, it's right. And it's easy. I really believe that. Not always so "black and white", maybe, but I want to believe that when it's right, there's no convincing...no agonizing...no game playing. Ah, that's refreshing to be reminded of.

So, my dear sweet friend who shall remain nameless...
Thanks for the FAITH to ASK AND ACT.
You, my dear, deserve every happiness.
And I couldn't be happier for you.
I really couldn't.
I'm the antithesis of jealous.
Whatever that word is.

Ah, that feels good.

I'm a little bit country. She's a little bit rock-n-roll

I have been blessed with really phenomenal friends.
The Lord knew I would need good ones and He gave me enough and to spare.

And one of my favorites is Erin Mardette Fast.We're different in some ways but alike in so many more.
And one of the ways we're alike and one of the reasons I love Erin the very very most is that she is silly with me. In fact, I do not have a sillier friend. And I LOVE her for that.

Saturday was Erin's birthday and following a really intense 3 weeks and a long 3 days in Las Vegas for our event there, I ventured out that night with Erin & Deana to THE SHOW OF THE YEAR! And I'm not kidding.It was so beyond great.
Erin's friend Aryn (and her friend who I met through TOFW MaryKay) joined us. We sang along to every song (well, I might have sung along to a few more...I seriously know every song. We had EVERY LP when I was growing up!) and swayed our arms in the air like we just didn't care. I think many in the theater enjoyed watching us watch the show even more than they enjoyed the show.

My favorite part though, was when Deana (Erin's friend, now mine) and I turned to Erin at the exact same time and said in the exact same way, "He [referring to 50+ yr old Donny Osmond] is SO HOT!" It was just too funny.There is not a trio I enjoy more than the three of us. We are so funny together. Haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time. Thanks, chiquitas. I needed you both!

I'm exhausted.
I'm beyond exhausted, actually.
But, little moments like this make life just so happy.

Happy Birthday, Ernie.
I adore you.

(btw, I really don't like Las Vegas. No offense to anyone who lives there...it's just not my kind of place. That being said? Yeah, it was a great weekend.)

I avoided temptation at every turn.
This is the closest I got to them.
Erin got a little closer (see? she IS sillier!).
Oh, and we met a dancer from the show...so I guess THAT is the closest we got.
And this is the closest we got to the camera. Because we really ARE very silly. (WARNING: objects in view are even closer than they appear)...oh, and Erin? $10 and I'll take these pics off...

No more Mr. Nice Guy

It was good while it lasted, I suppose.
I didn't appreciate you enough though and I'm sorry about that.
And today, as I was leaving the office, after 6:00,
tiredly getting ready for yet another trip,
I was kind of hoping to see you.

I just needed the, "great hair day."
or the, "you're leaving work late again."
or "i think you're the bright spot of my day."

It just ended so quickly and I wasn't ready.
And I hadn't realized how much I was getting used to you...to US.

Sure, some might have just thought you were the guy on the corner handing out free BUZZ papers (who really thought that would ever fly?) and I'll admit to thinking you were a bit creepy and stalkerish at first (that's why I was always on my cell phone when I crossed the street to your corner) and I realize you likely were just looking to hook up with someone who could be your "sugar momma" (and for the record, the hair comments TOTALLY helped), but I actually didn't mind exchanging niceties as I walked past taking the paper you always held out for me because you knew I was one of the few who would take it.

And I think I missed you today.
I actually kind of needed a Mr. Nice Guy today.
But you are no more...

(Oh and on the off chance you were just a really nice guy who was doing this part-time-pass-out-free-newspapers thing to pay off your medical school loans...yeah, on the off chance of that? I thought you were great.)

(Call me.)

I love being your "mormon girl"

This is for Jo...just in case she really stops by.Thanks for including me as a stop in your "across the country" tour.

You remain one of the best things that came from my short stint in Connecticut. Thanks for loving and caring about this crazy, single "how are you not married yet?" (thanks, Mike!) Mormon girl in Utah.

Spending some time with you and Mike was like God's way of saying to me, "everything's going to be okay".

xoxo,
-mormon girl

PS (oh, and I sold my house crazy fast...found the perfect place and moved within 10 days. You two are good luck!)

The whole in my heart

"Blessed are they that keep his testimonies,
and that seek him with the [hole in their] heart." (Psalm 119:2)

I had a little discovery today.
And though the root of it pertains to something I don't talk about much because it is deeply personal, the issue has broad application.

Do you know what it is to feel like something is missing in your life?
For a single girl, that "missing" might seem very obvious. But you don't have to be single to be missing something...something deeply and righteously desired.

You might be missing the love of your life.
You might be missing the privilege of being a mom.
You might be missing a wayward child.
You might be missing the blessing of good health.
You might be missing a relationship with a parent...or a sibling.
You might be missing a loved one who has left this life.

Whatever the reason for the missing, the thing that is missed can leave a hole in your heart. You know what I'm talking about. It's not always felt, but when it's felt, it's deep and you can't seem to find anything to fill that space.

Yesterday I ran into someone I served with as a missionary more than 14 years ago. It was great to catch up on her "I've been married 13 years and I have 5 kids" life. It really was great. I was genuinely happy to see her...genuinely happy to hear about her life. This came after a weekend full of running into people from my past...girls I went to high school with...girls I babysat...women who were my leaders at Church when I was 16...sisters of boys I once thought I'd marry...you name the life option, and I ran into it this weekend.

I've been in St. Louis for our event here and it was a wonderful experience in so many ways. It was another one of those times when I knew I was in the right place. I do not doubt AT ALL that my life is where it's supposed to be and I am keenly aware of the blessing that is.

But, something about seeing those girls...now women...who have husbands and kids and "regular" lives that was a bit of a gut punch by the time it was all over. "Sister Dean" from the mission has FIVE kids. Her oldest is 12. She has a 12 year old.

I couldn't help but ask, "What on earth have I been doing with my life?"

Don't misunderstand me (i.e. I'm not looking for validation here). I get that we all have a life plan. I completely get that this is mine. But, the things that I am missing in my life leave a gaping hole in my heart that at times seems too big to fill with anything else.

And yet...and yet...

That hole has led me to a place I never would have gone otherwise.
That hole has brought me to my knees faster than anything else could.
That hole has required my heart and my soul to seek Him in ways I wouldn't do on my own.

That hole is what has helped me learn this truth:
Only HE can fill that space.
Only HE can make us whole.

He is the one that enables me to stand there with a smile on my face, content with the life I've been given.
He is the one that grants me the confidence to know that I am not measured or valued based on some pre-determined patterned life.
He is the one that encircles me with power to know I can do just as much good in this life as I could in that life.
He is the one who constantly and quietly whispers, "This is where I need you."

And that is what turns the hole in my heart into a space that He fills instead of a dark place of nothingness.

There IS a whole in my heart.
And, ironically, it's because of the hole that I have there too.
That is the miracle of Jesus Christ.

Through my faith in Him, He makes me whole. (Matthew 9:21-22)

Where were you...

when the world stopped turning
that September day....

September 11, 2001.
May we NEVER EVER forget.

Arrest Warrants & good intentions

I know I don't have time for this, but people...
come on!

I can't make this stuff up.

Apparently, today, according to Docket No. 08-0744 issued by Judge David C. Dahlquist, I, Laurel Christensen, had my name placed on the Utah State Wide Warrant System.

You think I jest?

Oh, I don't jest. I wouldn't joke about something like this. I think this makes me a felon. I think I'm actually now considered a felon.

What will my parents think of me?
Will my siblings allow their children to still adore me?
How will I explain this to my company?
Will it impact my future run as the next Sarah Palin?
What will become of me?

Apparently, there is a really good reason for not letting your mail be held at the post office for too long. But, seriously, I barely have time to breathe (though find time to blog), let alone coordinate my old address to my new address. And I've just been running from one thing to the next and just didn't get to it until this morning.

I had a pile of mail. And one of the pieces just happened to be a notice that a WARRANT would be issued on September 9, 2008...that would be TODAY.

I would cry but I just have to laugh.

I, Laurel Christensen, the girl who confessed to Ms. Mahaffey in 7th grade that I saw the cell diagram she had failed to take down for our quiz and got one of the answers off of it....

I, Laurel Christensen, the girl who went to her bishop right before her first temple trip to confess all of her sins...at the age of 12...because she was certain she was going to hell...I still think he was trying not to laugh at some of my follies...

I, Laurel Christensen, the girl who wrote a letter to BYU to confess that her roommate and new husband (roommates new husband, not mine) bowled the last 10 games for her independent study bowling class (even though I never let them score high enough to get me better than a C+ in the class)because she ran out of time and so wanted to graduate, offerring to give back her diploma...

I, Laurel Christensen, the girl who has PLENTY of weaknesses but can't bare to not be honest...ME...ME...I have a warrant for my arrest because I failed to pay the fine for my little mishap in June.

I've meant to...it's been in my planner EVERY WEEK...I forward it EVERY week...just like I forward all my other good intentions.

Do you have any idea how many of you I've meant to call?
Do you know how much I like you and meant to tell you?
Do you know how big my "send a thank you note" list is?
Do you know you're on it?
Do you know that I mean to stop by?
Do you know I would really like to get together for lunch?
My life is one good intention after another.

But, when push comes to shove, good intentions just don't matter much...you have to do more than intend. (I mean, look where this intention got me...hi, jail, my name's Laurel. Great to meet you!)

Yes, you have to do more than INTEND.
You have to DO.

To the husbands of the world

One of the reasons I love my job is because it gives me an excuse to attend Time Out for Couples without looking like the crazy single girl who likes to be around married couples and learn about marriage kinds of things.

Last night in Boise we had a really really great event. I was producing (thanks, Manda!) for the weekend (got to speak today at the Time Out for Women & Girls and that will be another post) and had to start the night with a welcome and announcements. I was in rare form. I sort of stole a bit from a friend of mine...a bit that if the timing is right, apparently is a real hit.

I introduced myself and then said, "and before we get going, I'd like to ask my husband to stand."
(silence as the audience scans the ballroom).
"I just keep thinking if I say that in enough cities, someone will eventually claim me."

It got a few too many laughs, if you ask me.
(And I had to love the married 50+ years woman who came up to me afterwards and said, and I quote, "you're adorable and if you say that in enough cities, maybe you'll actually find him." God bless you!)

The night was great for the most part.
So much of it was really really good.

At the end of the event, after laughter and tears (sometimes tears because of laughter), Peter Breinholt performed the classic "Grow Old With Me". Makes me melt...and I'm so dancing at my wedding.

I stood along the side wall, looking at all the couples there.
I take great comfort in being around strong marriages...not perfect marriages...I'm not naive...but strong ones. I loved seeing the couples who were obviously in this together. You can spot them.

But, my little heart ached to watch some of the couples...husbands apparently disengaged. Wives sitting with their arms folded, clearly aware of the couples in front of them so obviously connecting.

I wanted to stop the song and say,
"Okay, stop! We are not going on for one more minute until you husbands put your arms around your wives. I don't care what happened today. I don't care who is mad at who. Put your arm around her. Help her feel safe. Whisper that you love her. Tell her you're sorry even if she should say it first. Love her. Please. Do it for the rest of us who need to know that that life is better than this life."

I watched one too many couples leave the way they came in...no holding of hands...the wife walking slightly behind looking so sad...and alone. Interesting isn't it? That she was just as alone as I was...perhaps moreso.

I wonder if you men realize how much we need your physical touch of "it's okay, honey. I'm here. I'm your protector. You are mine. I am yours." It's amazing what that simple touch can do for a woman. Don't underestimate the power you have to calm fears and ease concerns.

Next time you're sitting in a public place with your cute wife...
I don't care if it's church...
or the movies...
or a concert...
or a devotional...
or the park...
or Changs...

Put your arm around her.
Squeeze her hand.
Tell her you're sorry...even if it's her turn.
Help her feel safe.
If you can't do it for you...or even for her..
Do it for the rest of us.

(and could someone save this to pass along to my adoring-but-might-forget-he-always-adores-me hubby? Oh, and let him know about the dance at the wedding too.)

It's good to know they're listening

So, on Sunday I taught my last lesson to the girls in Riverton.
Unbelievably good girls..truly unique and I love them so much.

It was a combined lesson on The Family Proclamation.

I started by showing my brother's kids reciting the entire first half. It's pretty darn cute. The girls loved it.

Then we talked about our favorite sentences...or things that we felt were especially important (realizing every bit of it is important, of course).

I felt compelled to highlight this sentence:
"We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed."

And then, I taught this, focusing on the 12/13 yr olds (but knowing the older girls would hear it and "get it"):

"It says 'THE MEANS' by which it's created, not just the actual creation of mortal life...but THE MEANS.
What are they referring to?
(Silence.)
Do you know?
(a few smiles)
It's okay, you can say it.
(more silence)
You were created to like boys...A LOT.
To want to be around them. To want to be close to them.
They were created to like YOU...sometimes even more than you like them.
Those feelings you get when you are around guys that make you all giddy and that sometimes make you feel funny inside? (don't mock that, EFast. How else was I supposed to say it?)... Those feelings come from God. He wants you to feel those intense feelings
And the reason He wants you to feel those feelings so that you will eventually want to get married and have a family...NOT so you can mess around with every guy you get giddy about.
So, every time you feel those intense feelings that make you think you're going crazy and sometimes make you not able to breathe (I stopped it there), I want you to stop and say, 'Hey! God gave me these feelings. It's okay I feel this way.'
THEN, I want you to REALLY STOP. And not act on those feelings, even if you really really want to, more than is okay.
You have to be careful, girls...but don't ever think the feelings are wrong. God gave you the ability to feel giddy and excited."
(and then I might have threatened to hunt them down if they ever let a boy cross the line with them...I MIGHT have...)

We talked about a lot of other things too.

I shared my final testimony and we all said our good-byes.
(I LOVE those girls.)

Then a few days ago, I got this email from a mom of one of the 12 yr old girls (who was also sitting in the room for the lesson):

Laurel-- Just wanted to share this cute situation in my car today with 6 12 yr olds ... The girls were all talking, and of course, the topic turned to "boys". They mentioned a few names, and Chloe said that this boys eyes were so pretty. They kept chatting, and Chloe said that one boy makes her catch her breath. Raquel finished the conversation by saying, "That's OK, 'cause God gave her those feelings!" We all laughed and thought of you!

It's just good to know they're listening.
(But, I probably ought to be careful what I say, eh?)

My "inappropriate" purchase

I walked past it a couple of times at the airport.
But, it kept catching my eye.

I wanted to see what it felt like to buy it.
I wanted to see what it felt like to read it.

You would have thought I was buying an inappropriate magazine.
Like I had to hide it until I got to my hotel room.
That's actually what I did.

But, just buying it made me feel stronger.
And looking at it makes me feel confident.

I want to know what it's like to really call myself one of themI may not ever make the cover but I avoided the temptation to take off my mile goal staring at me over there on the left...that says something.

Maybe it wasn't so inappropriate after all.

AMEN

Best.
Political.
Speech.
Ever.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

On the street where I live

(from My Fair Lady...remember?)I had never walked down this street before;
And the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.All at once am I several stories high.
Knowing I'm on this street where I live.Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?Does enchantment pour out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where I live!People stop and stare. They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where I live!(end musical theatre production)

I took a walk early this morning before the storms started up again.
I noticed a new spring in my step.
I was grinning for no reason.
I think I was even humming.

I absolutely adore my new neighborhood.
I'm in a suburb of Salt Lake City known as Sugarhouse.
I'm in an area of Sugarhouse known as Stratford.
It's so me.
And I'm still amazed it all worked out so quickly.

I think I'm home.