On the "Merry Christmas" day of Christmas....

What a Merry Merry Christmas! I spent the last 24 hours with people I love, who love me back...and I loved every bit of it.

I learned a couple of things (or twenty) this Christmas Eve/Day that I'm pretty grateful for seeing & feeling (or tasting)...

1.) God invented webcam capability to keep families together.
2.) Mustard sauce goes surprisingly good with carrots.
3.) Humming "Deck the Halls" is a real winner at Christmas Eve talent shows.
4.) When I grow up, I want to sing "Baby It's Cold Outside" with my hubby.
5.) Singing "I'll Be Home for Christmas" with a group of friends makes me cry and question why I didn't "be home".
6.) It feels good to sleep in a little on Christmas morning.
7.) I like having the chance to share my testimony on Christmas day.
8.) Sometimes 8 year old girls have really great taste in the perfect handbag.
9.) Chili Rellenos (how do you spell that?) are just as good for Christmas morning as New Year's Eve.
10.) It's good to call home.
11.) Parents need to see how good their kids turned out.
12.) The Office really is a funny show.
13.) It IS possible to eat too much sugar when you let yourself go off your "no sugar" rule...on Christmas Eve (instead of Christmas Day).
14.) Santa can find you even at multiple houses.
15.) I am frighteningly good at Balderdash.
16.) It's good to laugh so hard, you cry.
17.) I adore Christmas.
18.) Friends are my lifeline.
19.) Family is my necessity.
20.) God is good.

I love knowing that on one day, life kind of stops and you need no excuse to not focus on your adult responsibilities. I love remembering that the only thing that really matters is connections and relationships and responding to the opportunities the Lord gives us to bless one another as our life's paths cross.

In 2007, I have been blessed by MANY who have taken that opportunity.
Thank you.
MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It's the 2nd day and I have a new rule

Homemade gifts.
That's the goal for 2008.
No more shopping (not saying that I waited until today to finish it, but if I had...)
Why do we buy more stuff just to give more stuff just to get more stuff just to get rid of old stuff to make room for new stuff?

Okay, so this partially comes from waiting in line WAY too long today at a store.

But, I think it's a good rule.
Next year I want to find some creative way to let people know I love them without buying more stuff OR getting more stuff.

...oh, wait...the doorbell just rang.
There's the UPS man with the package from home.

Nevermind. Dumb rule.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

And on the 3rd day, He told me He loves me

I've slipped on ice a few times already this season.
One of them was a cartoon moment where I actually flew up in the air and landed hard. I even had my best "tread sole" boots on! I didn't have any real injury (except for my pride) but I certainly was reminded to be more careful while walking.

Today the Lord gave me my very own Sunday School lesson during class...and I was given another reminder to be careful while walking...through this thing we call life.

"As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent." (Rev. 3:19)

Do you ever get the message from the Lord that what you are doing just simply isn't good enough? And you KNOW it's from Him because you don't feel depressed by that thought. In fact, you feel encouraged by it. It says, "I notice you enough to take time to stop and let you know how you're doing." I love that.

Bottomline, I have learned and matured and grown SO much this year. But there are a few areas of my life (no need to go into detail here) that I just haven't been improving on. And, if I was really being honest, I would have to acknowledge that it is not that I am just not improving, but I am actually going backwards.

And it's time to change.

I wrote down a few commitments to the Lord and I'm going to focus on them this week, rather than wait until January 1st (which is always tempting when considering goals).

I feel genuine sadness for some of my actions (or lack thereof) and the time I have likely wasted not being who I'm born to be. But, I feel incredible gratitude for "Him that is able to keep [me] from falling" (Jude 1:24). Isn't that a beautiful image? He taught me this truth this morning.

I often slip and I must remember that only HE is able to keep me from falling. But, I have to let Him.

I let Him today.
I was rebuked and chastened and He stopped me before I could fall any further.

It's good to be loved.

Um, how is it the 4th day already?

Yes, I know I'm counting backwards.
I already know that.
But, you have to admit, it does make it easier when you're trying to figure out how many days UNTIL Christmas.

So, perhaps the time I have spent blogging could have been time spent putting up my Christmas tree? Perhaps?

You see, I was going to go to St. Louis and surprise my parents...long story. But, I didn't and now, well, now I find myself going to be home....and now without a tree.

Now, granted, it's not like I will literally be sitting here the 24th and 25th. I have places to go, things to do, people to see. And at this point, putting up my tree would just require I find time to take it down. So what is the point now?

I have my nativity up.
Does that count for anything?

How is it the 4th day already?

And on the 5th day, I was grateful for my "favorite things"

Gerber daisies.
I love them.
Like Kathleen Kelly says in You've Got Mail, "daisies are the friendliest flower." They just make me happy. They are overly brightly colored...more colored than they need to be, really. And they just scream "life is good".

I heart gerber daisies.

I have my very favorite florist listed on my "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things" listing down on the left...have you read the list? There are some keepers there. So, the other day, after a big presentation at work, I came back to my desk to find the most HUGE amazing bouquet of gerber daisies...with pine cones and evergreen twigs. Isn't that interesting? Only Art Floral could pull that off.

So why am I mentioning this today?

I brought them home from work and so tonight after coming home from a little Christmas party (where I questioned a bit if I made some smart decisions this week), I walked in and saw the bouquet (am I spelling that right? It looks wrong.) sitting in my house, just waiting for me.

They shouted, louder than they needed to, "LIFE IS GOOD!"

It is.
It really is.
I needed the reminder tonight.

Gerber daisies, with pine cones and evergreen twigs from Art Floral.
My new favorite thing.

So on the 6th day of Christmas, I fell out of love

with CLASH OF THE CHOIRS.
I'm sorry.
To everyone that I led astray...to anyone who didn't see the first night but has seen it since...I sincerely apologize.

And now to find out it's just been a clever marketing ploy for a new movie??? (though, really, that was pretty clever). I feel had. Used.

I'm sitting here watching Team Rowland sing "Survivor" and I'm actually laughing...and not so much in a good way. (of course, then the deaf father gets flown in as a surprise for his son...who signs the end of part of a song... and a little tear ran down my left cheek. I'm such a sucker for a manipulated moment!)

Darnit. I really wanted to be right about this new show.
I wanted to be right.
I jumped the gun.
I made an assumption.
I gave it too much credit too early.
I do that sometimes.

You see, in an earlier post I mentioned my "reactionary" nature. I react sometimes unfavorably... I jump the gun and make a negative assumption and react... and sometimes it's a bad reaction. And I regret it and wish I could go back.

But, I also sometimes react positively...jump the gun...make an assumption...give too much credit too early...and get a little burned.

Today CLASH OF THE CHOIRS...but it's been with other things...other situations...other people...I'm sometimes trusting and loyal to a fault...jumping in a little too early...giving my heart to something a little too soon.

Though, thinking about it, I'd still rather jump and be wrong, then not jump at all. I'd still rather fall into love and enjoy it for a few months than always wonder "what if". I'd still rather follow my heart and be right for a little while than question for too long and miss out on the experience.

I got a Christmas card today from one of my favorite people. Knowing a bit about my life this year, he ended with a sweet little invitation..."Do have a great year. And do fall in love again."
Okay, Dean, I will.

Because, I'd still rather want to be right about something, even if I end up being wrong. I'd still rather have the option to fall out of love, which requires I first fall into it.
Just like with CLASH OF THE CHOIRS, which happily only took a few nights of my life. (oh, but for the record, I was right about Team Lachey. They won. Maybe that's a good sign, eh?)

And on the 7th day, God let Laurel....

become a member of the famed MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR.

Well, not actually a member but I did get to sing "Silent Night" with them. I'll tell you what, that is one heckuvan experience. I got a little tear down my left cheek...felt the chills...the whole shebang. It was great.

Now, lest you think I was like the featured soloist, I was just one of many who were in their presence...but for just a moment, I got to be one of them and it was kind of pretty much one of the coolest little musical moments I've ever had.

This has been such a red letter week. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. speaking of "red letter" week, does anyone know what happend on CLASH OF THE CHOIRS tonight???)

And on the 8th day of Christmas (or is it the 5th?)

Who counts the "12 days of Christmas" backwards?
How did I do that?
I'm educated.
I'm a fairly smart girl.
How funny.

So on the 8th (or 5th, depending on which way you look at it) day of Christmas, I called in to a nationally syndicated radio show, got on, and admitted my little crush on Justice Clarence Thomas (that developed after his 60 minutes interview). The unnamed host agreed. I felt cool.

How many of you can say that?
(BTW, I'm fully aware it's actually now the 7th day...or the 6th day...stand by for the next post...)

And on the 9th day, I admit my vice

It's time to come clean.
It's time to admit it.
I have a vice.

I'm a sucker for reality-based music tv. "American Idol"? Love it. That not-seen-by-many show on Fox..."Next Great American Band" (come on, anyone else?)...LOVE Sixwire. I can't lie. I would buy their album yesterday.

Sometimes I even vote. Sometimes.

And now..."Clash of the Choirs" on NBC. Tam called me tonight on my way home and said (and I quote), "This is a Laurel show." She knows me too well. I missed a bit of it but as soon as I turned on the television, I knew this was I winner. I adore this show. I am getting all tingly (sp?) while I watch. THIS is good television, people.

And the best part? They are playing for charity. No one will become a star. There will likely be no album to buy (unless the producers are smart and they can spot suckers like me miles away...yeah, there will probably be an album)...it's just a great show for great singers to come together and create great music for a great cause.

I heart "Clash of the Choirs" on NBC.

Some people watch mindless television. Some don't watch at all. Some people watch but don't admit. Some watch tv worth watching from time to time and are mature enough to not deny it.

I have a vice. I can hide it no longer.
I feel so much better.

(And as much as I like Michael Bolton, his choir is the least impressive. Just in case you were wondering...I think team Nick Lachey is going to win...)

On the 10th day, I was a little cheeky.

I don't mean to be. But, sometimes a cheeky comment just blurts out.

I was called to be the Girls Camp Director at church. I laughed out loud when the Bishop asked me (and that wasn't even the cheeky part!). I didn't giggle cutely. I actually bent over with a loud "ga-fa". I don't camp. I don't enjoy sleeping in a tent. But, I do love love love being in the environment of Girls Camp. That being said, we'll be camping at the Hampton Inn this year. I so love their "cloud-nine" bed.

So, today was the day where they "set you apart", or in other words, give you a blessing to officially give you the responsibility for the assignment and bless you with the abilities to do what you need to do. There were several others women who have also recently been called to positions in the Young Women's organization. Me and my dear friend, who is also currently without a male roommate (refer to previous post), decided to let those with children go first so they wouldn't have to wait too long. It was very sweet to watch the good husbands join the circle and participate in the blessing as their beautiful wife was set apart in her new calling.

Then it was my turn.

The bishop asked me for my full name and wanted me to remind him what I'd been called to....Camp Director and Assistant Mia-Maid Advisor (I know, it's not a real position, but let's just pretend). And then I said it. It just came out.

"And I need to get married so as long as you're setting me apart for something, why don't you just go ahead and set me apart for that."

Do you think the Lord laughed when He heard that (because the rest of the room did)? Do you think maybe it had been a fairly normal Sabbath and He needed a good chuckle?

I don't mean to be cheeky, but really...if we're going to take the time to bestow a blessing, shouldn't we make sure it really really counts?

Sometimes the comments just come.
I don't plan these things.
Really I don't.

On the 11th Day of Christmas...

God gave me a reminder...

Last night when I logged off and went to bed, I noticed an obnoxious chirping of my fire alarm. I was so very tired all of a sudden that I just went to bed hoping it would go away.

That was a little after 11p.m.

After tossing and turning, closing my door, stuffing my fingers in my ears, finally a little after midnight I woke up to investigate. I took the battery out. It was still beeping (I know some of you don't believe me...but really!)I was SO tired. So then, my mind went to, "wait. what if it's beeping because I'm being poisoned by carbon monoxide or something." That's where my mind went, because, of course, that would be happening (I've got SUCH an imagination!). Finally, in utter frustration and feeling suddenly completely helpless, I texted a friend of mine with a "R U awake?" The response, "I am now." I'm such a bad friend.

Long story short, after some friendly information (letting me know I wasn't dying and that I just needed to replace the batteries...even talking me through how to do it...and telling me I could do it...)I finally got myself to the grocery store (at 1 in the morning, mind you) so I could get some batteries so I could replace them in the fire alarms so I could go to bed.

I was so tired.

(And btw, again, though no one believes me, even AFTER replacing the batteries, the downstairs alarm still chirped for another hour...and what is the purpose of the constant chirping? Couldn't it just alert me periodically until it is a convenient time to get a new battery and replace it? But I digress.)

But, the point of this whole experience was a reminder that I'm not nearly as independent as I sometimes want to pretend I am. I need people in my life. And while sometimes I think all I really need is a male roommate (that I'm legally and lawfully wed to, mind you), the reality is that I just really need people (in addition to the male roommate, of course).

I needed my sweet friend last night who talked me through my silly crisis and didn't get bugged at me...and even checked up on me today to make sure it all worked.

I needed my friend Flicka to tell me on the phone tonight that I looked great before my date even though she hadn't seen me.

I needed Ernie to call me more this week...just like she used to.

I needed my little brother to call me the other day just to ask me who I wanted to win the GOP nomination, because that's what he would have asked me if we had been in the same state, driving in a car together.

I needed a couple of friends to call my bluff and give me my requested pink parasol.

I needed my friend queenie to kick me into gear about my ability to stick with a commitment I've made...even though it's hard and even though I doubt myself.

I needed my dad to answer the phone other day saying, "hi, my girl", signifying that he is getting better and back to himself. I needed my mom to help him get better.

I needed my CH to follow-up with my "I can tell she's getting close to having a stress break down" and make sure I was okay.

Sometimes it takes an obnoxious chirping that won't let up until we stop and hear a little message from God.

On the 11th day of Christmas, God gave to me...
a reminder that I need people in my life.
And happily, He has blessed me with SO many good ones!

On the 12th day of Christmas...

My secret buddy gave to me a...
Challenge.

A challenge tonight to blog the 12 days of Christmas. That feels like SUCH a commitment but I'm kind of feeling like I want to accept a challenge. But, does blogging really count as a challenge?

Twelve days. Are there really 12 days until Christmas? Yes, if you COUNT Christmas and you count today.

I'm counting them.

But, in order for this to be a real challenge...and to ensure I have something to actually write about, I'm officially challenging myself to 12 days without....are you ready for this? Am I ready for this?

12 days without sugar.

(GASP...a hush is heard throughout the land).

Now, in fairness to me, I've done it before. Surely I can do it again. In fact, I did it once for 8 solid weeks. That's right. 2 months. No sugar...at all...not even in jam. No high fructose corn syrup (which even rules out wheat thins. Did you know wheat thins had high fructose corn syrup? What is "wheat" or "thin" about that?). So, yes, I've done it before. Granted there was a $100 bet with Tam on the table, but still.

So, I'm doing it again. And now's a good time. The next 2 weeks are sure to bring sugar galore. I will be sugar free until Christmas day.

Who's with me?

I press toward the mark for the prize...

Isn't that a beautiful phrase? I wish I could claim it, but alas, I cannot.

I love this--"...this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize..." (Phillipians 3:13-14).

A friend said to me tonight, "this has been my best year". I would definitely have to say the same for myself. But, my "best year" was best because it was also one of my worst. A bit ironic? How does that classic opener go? "It was the best of times...it was the worst of times." And I have plenty of things to put in both categories.

I was my strongest and my weakest. I was my most giddy-in-love and my most heart-broken. I was my happiest and my saddest. I was my most confident and my most insecure. I was my most "in the zone" and my most defeated. I was my most courageous and my most fearful. I was my most "me" and my most "anyone but me". Wow. Has it really all happened in just one year?

This is not the time nor the place for specifics (but maybe a future post will be), but suffice it to say, I learned a great deal this year...about myself...about life...about others...about hearts. You might say I earned a bit of a "Life Ph.D."

I've been stretched and taught in ways I would not have chosen for myself but for some reason tonight I'm feeling grateful for every bit of it.

And yet...

I'm also feeling anxious to "forget those things which are behind". Not that I want to forget what I have learned--not at all! But, I need to forget some of the "what might have been" and embrace the "what is" and the "what could be"..."reaching forth unto those things which are before". That's what I think I'm ready to do. Or at least it's what I want to be ready to do.

Because there is likely a prize waiting for me. If I'll just "forget" and "reach forth". It's worth a try. It's worth the risk. It's worth the faith.

So, there are a little more than 3 weeks left of this delightful month of December (I do so love December) and I'm going to spend every bit of them getting ready to "forget" and "reach forth". Come December 31, it will be time to say "good-bye" to, perhaps, the best year...definitely the most important year... of my life thus far. And I'll be ready.

Ready.
Press.
Go.

I had a "full-page day" too, Grandpa!

My Grandpa Christensen has written in his journal every day for forever. Sometimes it's only one or two sentences. But EVERY DAY, this faithful committed good-to-the-core man records, for his posterity, what happened. After 96 years (no, that is not a typo), you can imagine the history that are on those pages.

But, it's been a while since he's had a "full-page day".

Until today.

Every now and then I get an inkling to do something that I ACTUALLY follow through on (don't you hate it when you get an impression and you don't follow through and then you spend much of the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you HAD followed the impression...). Happily, today was the result of one of those "every now and then"s.

My sweetest-man-you'll-ever-meet Grandpa really admires a particular author/speaker that I happen to know. A few weeks ago after one of our semi-regular dinner dates (at the Chick-fil-A), Grandpa wanted to go to Deseret Book to use his $25 gift card (that he had acquired for being "Draper Senior of the Month" at the Draper Senior Center....yes, we're all pretty proud of him for that!). We walked into the Deseret Book store and on the front table the newest book from this particular author/speaker was piled high, along with several other "new releases". Grandpa didn't say much but he immediately picked the newest book from this particular author/speaker.

We walked around the store and I did my "DB duty" and played salesman telling him about all the new titles that I thought he might particularly enjoy. He picked a few up but never let go of the original choice. We spent some time talking and he said, "This is the book I want. I like this girl" (referring to the author). He knew he'd have some money left over (because DB has SUCH good prices...yes, shameless plug for my paycheck provider), and his eye caught the mass market version of another book by this author (a book that he already owns in hardback). He decided to buy them both. He then said, "Do you think she ever gets discouraged? I sure would like to talk to her one day."

And then it hit me.

I'm not someone who ever asks for favors from the semi-famous people I happen to know. I just don't ever want to be "that person"...people call me asking for favors and I just shudder at the thought of asking, but I'll do it sometimes...as long as it isn't really for me, you know? BUT, as soon as Grandpa said that, I had this little inkling (am I even spelling that right?) that it might be a fun thing to do for Grandpa's upcoming 96th birthday...to try and arrange for him to meet this particular author.

And so I asked.

And she said, "I'd be happy to."

I arranged for the date and told Grandpa I'd like to bring him downtown for lunch, show him around my new office, and then...introduce him and let him visit with the author. He seemed pleased with the opportunity but I couldn't fully appreciate really how excited he was.

Until last night.

Grandpa called and asked what he should wear...told me he was really looking forward to it. I'll admit I got kind of excited and SO hoped it really would be a meaningful experience for him. You know, sometimes you imagine things to be better than they really will be (I mean, I have never personally done that, but I've heard of people who do). It was better than I had hoped.

The details are not important, but suffice it to say, there were some laughs and some tears. Grandpa had the chance to say everything that he wanted to say to let this particular author know how much her words had connected with him. She was beyond gracious and he was beyond charming and I just sat there and looked on with a heart overflowing with gratitude.

Here sat two of my most favorite people in the whole world. Two people who, next to my parents and my friend Flicka (and my therapist), have had more influence on me than anyone else. They were meeting and connecting and I just sat there and soaked every bit of it in.

Afterwards, Grandpa, a little bit tired from his full day, said, "I'll reflect on this for a long time" and then he said, "I think this will be a full-page day."

A full-page day.

At 96 years old, my Grandpa's "full-page days"are fewer and farther between. But, today he had one. And I had some small little part in providing that for him. I love knowing that. I want to have more "full-page days" in my own life. I want to be the means of more "full-page days" in the lives of others. Life's too short for one or two sentences. It should be made up of paragraphs...yes, even a page or two.

Thanks for the experience, Grandpa. I had a "full-page day" too!

Try sleeping with your door unlocked tonight

I'm paranoid...or OCD...I'm not sure which. But, I'm the type of person that checks my deadbolt multiple times before heading upstairs to bed. Even when I know I locked it (because it's an automatic reflex when I come into my house), I still feel the need to check again. There have been times when I'm upstairs in bed...snug as a bug in a rug...and a little thought will come into my mind, "Is the door locked?" I know it is. I KNOW it is. I triple checked, for crying out loud.

But what if it isn't?

So, when that thought comes, I have to go downstairs and check. Just in case....and it is always locked. Of course it is. I checked.

If someone told me, "Laurel, tonight you have to sleep with your garage door up. Your car unlocked and you can't deadbolt the door coming into you house. Go on upstairs now and go to sleep." Well, there just wouldn't be a chance in all the world, I'd be able to do that. Perhaps I've seen Law & Order too many times (I think I could have an intruder come even when everything is locked up. An unlocked home would must be asking for trouble.). I can only sleep when everything is just as I need it to be. I just wouldn't feel safe enough to be able to sleep without the security of knowing.

But I did.

Sure, I didn't mean to. But, I got up yesterday morning (after the glee of seeing the snow) and the giggling stopped when I opened the unlocked door into my garage and saw my unlocked car and a garage door that was very much in the "up" position.

HOLY COW! I slept soundly, even woke up giggling, all the time unaware that I had left myself totally unsafe all night. And the second I realized what I had done, my feelings changed. Completely. Was someone in the house? Were they hiding in my basement? Had they come in and left? Were they still there? Was I okay?

Isn't that interesting?

Nothing about my circumstances had changed prior to my discovering that I had been asleep without everything being the way I needed it to be. But, becoming aware of that fact made me uneasy.

So often I feel the need to "triple check" that the Lord remembers me...remembers what He has promised....understands the way I need things to be to feel secure. And when things appear to be different than what I think I need, I get uneasy.

But, in reality, what is ahead for me is ahead for me. There are simply things in motion for my life...right now...that the Lord is taking care of already. They are in motion even as I type. And if I keep on the path the Lord needs me to be on, they are going to happen. I don't need to wonder about that. I don't need to ask Him again...and again. I don't need to be anxious about it. I don't need to feel insecure about it. I don't need to double check or triple check. I can sleep...and sleep securely. And trust that everything is ultimately the way I need it to be.

I want to live my life more like that.

So, I will sleep...snug as a bug in a rug...and every morning, I will wake up and giggle and enjoy the life that is before me. And then, I will go downstairs, seeing that things are no longer the way I thought they needed to be, but rather the way HE needs them to be for me. And I will realize that nothing has really changed. Rather my awareness of being safe and secure in HIS care will allow me to walk forward, through that unbolted door, past the unlocked car and beyond the garage door that is, happily enough, up enough to allow me to go under and beyond to even more of the life He has been preparing for me all along.

I think I might try and sleep with my door unlocked more often.

Laurel, the 5-yr old

I'm five. I really am.
I woke up early this morning. It seemed unusually light outside. I lept out of bed (I really honestly lept) and saw the blanket of white snow and actually giggled. I giggled. I was by myself and I giggled with glee like I was 5 yrs old.
What is it about a Saturday morning snow fall that erases all of the pressures of a really long & rough week? I don't know but I'm grateful for it.
I'm five today.
A really smart 5 year old with a blog...and a presentation to work on...and a business unit budget to review...so, I probably can't be five all day long.
But right now, I'm Laurel, the 5-yr old who giggled when she woke up and saw snow.
LYFSGUD.