Free therapy for my issues?

So, one of the dangers of blogging now is that I'll reveal WAY too much about myself. But, perhaps that is part of the "free therapy" of this process (yes, I've long believed all of you bloggers were really just looking for cheap therapy!).

I had, not one, but TWO "ah-ha" moments today. The details of neither are important. Rather the commonality between the two are the key. And the question they posed for me, critical.

You see, I react quickly in many situations. I don't take the time to step back and access a situation often enough. I started to express this in a devotional I wrote a few months ago. But, I'm not just talking about "big life" kinds of things. I'm also talking about day to day things that pop up.

What I realized today is that I react quickly when I feel threatened in any way....my authority....my knowledge....my abilities....my heart. I don't really react with my friends, because I feel safe with my friends. I can't really think of a time, for example, that I reacted to GNO. But, with my family? Yes, at times. At work? Quite often, I'm afraid. With boys? Most definitely.

The worst part about this is that after I've "reacted", I try to tell myself, "darn it. That wasn't me. Why did I react that way?" But, the hard truth is, that that IS me. I react. I do. I react quickly and impulsively at times. That IS me. Now I just need to change me. Recognizing it is half the battle, right? That's what they say anyway.

Happily, at least now I've discovered the trigger. The cure for feeling threatened is feeling safe (that is what makes logical sense to me anyway)...call it "safe"...call it "secure"...call it CONFIDENT. Granted, I don't yet know how to go from "threatened" to "safe" but at least I identified the trigger. That's pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.

Whatever the case, I'm fairly pleased that I recognized it today (albeit due to some uninvited, though now welcomed, feedback) and now I want to address it (I also would like to go back and tell all the "beneficiaries" of my past reactions that I "get it" now...and that I'm sorry I didn't get it before....that I'd like a "do over"...red rover, red rover let new Laurel come back over?....but that's another story.)

Send me the bill in the mail. I'm getting off the couch now.