39...

today i turned 39.

this is my last year in the 30's.

i spent the day ::
~getting the kids ready to go back to school

~finding a squirrel at the top of the basement steps,
staring at me...as i quickly slammed the door....

~having lunch with one best friend before going to
a wake for the step father of another best friend

~coming home to find out the squirrel had gotten
into the house and was in the living room, attached
to the blinds, terrified...waited outside for my
husband to come home, catch it under a blanket
and set it loose in the backyard {hoping it does
not find it's way back in}

~chinese food for supper with husband and kids
listening to an avid breakdown of their first day back...

~back to wake this evening with husband,
who couldn't go this afternoon...

the other thing i also worked on today
was a new mondo-beyondo-GRANDE version
list...i have done one before but i feel that
since this is my last year in my 30's ....
it warrants a list of it's own...
a big list...an inspiring list...
a list of epic proportions...
but due to the strangeness of my day,
it won't be posted until later.

i have high hopes for 39.
cross your fingers for me...
:O)
{oh. and some of my list involves some of you.}
{just so you know...a heads up...heh}

dare...to admit {oneword @ shutter sisters}

{a realization that hit me today...out of the blue...}
{when i dared to let myself stop and think about it...}

why do i often catch myself lately thinking
what is the use? what is the use of creating...
of documenting...of photographing...

i have to get out of this.
i have to rid of this mindset, not let it set in.
i do these things because they make
me
happy...that should be my main reason.
i do it because i love it.
and i have to let go of the idea of doing it for a living,
doing it for monetary gain
because that is holding me back....
wondering will it sell?
is it good enough?
will people like it?
bending my usual tastes, bending my ideas
to conform to what other people might like enough
to pay money for
when really, what i really need to be asking myself
is not why bother, but why do i want to do it...
what draws me to wanting to be creative...

and it is
because that's how i
enjoy spending
my time.

so.

if someone else enjoys what i do and
i happen to make enough to support my
crafting habit, then that is fine.

but i think,
for myself,
right now,
i have to remove the "business" factor from it.
i like my job...i want this to be for me.

which doesn't mean if someone wanted to buy something
i wouldn't sell it...or if someone approached me
with photography in mind, i would jump at the chance
but
i'm not going to see myself as a failure
if someone doesn't.

i am doing this stuff for me.

no pressure.
no strategy.
just me.

i dare.

{edited to add that i just want to clarify
that this does not mean i think people should not
craft for money or for a living...
i am amazed and inspired by the many people
that do.
but i found for myself, this was holding me back,
this was becoming a roadblock...
especially thinking about what everyone else can
create and wondering what i could possibly have
to contribute....this is the thinking i need to let go of.}

dare...to try something new {oneword @ shuttersisters}

i don't do much in the line
of photo editing...
i just get so frustrated
and irritated
and annoyed with myself...

but after reading about the lightroom program
on shutter sisters
i downloaded the 30 day trial
and played with it tonight...

i am enjoying the presets...
although i still had many moments of
"what the hell!?!"

but i'm happy with the direction i took
and know i will keep playing with it...
i think i will need longer than the 30 day trial...


more oneword here

saturday i dared {ONEWORD @ shutter sisters}

to stop on the highway
and take pictures of pollution...

many times i have looked at this...
watched it bubble out of the building,
watched it block out the sun
and this day,
i stopped my car
on the side of the road
regardless of what the many people driving by me
must have thought
and i took pictures....and it felt good.

i even skipped a little
as i ran
back to the car.

one word challenge @ shutter sisters

do i dare {oneword @ shuttersisters}

to be my own biggest supporter?

{picture makes more sense when seen larger...click to see}

more oneword images here...

i dared to...{ONEWORD@shutter sisters}

i dared to shut off the auto focus,
the auto pilot,
the safety net...
i dared to make mistakes,
i dared to broaden my learning curve.

in doing so,
i had some disappointments...
some pictures that totally bombed...

but i found myself going
"ohhhhh"
a lot...
catching on...
getting it...
liking it..

and you?
did you dare today?

onewordchallenge @ shutter sisters

One Word Challenges

shutter sisters
is having a challenge...
a one word challenge...
using a word for the month of february...
i chose to use my "word for the year"
dare
and try to use that word to guide my
photos for the month, starting feb 1st...

i will be posting some of them here
but mainly on flickr...
i'm looking forward to the challenge,
i need to push myself forward.

check it out...
i dare ya.
:O)

and the word is....

dare.

i dare.

i dare to put myself out there in 2009.

i dare to step forward.

i dare to open myself to interpretation.

i dare to let go.

this year, i will not only
continue to do the things that i love
but i will also push myself
to take things a step further,
i will dare to book a table to sell cards/crafts/photos,
i will dare to enter a story in a contest,
i will dare to photograph a wedding,
i will dare to show my photos in an exhibit,
i will dare to start a website or etsy shop,
i will dare.
i will put myself out there.

have you found a word of your own?
come on...i double dare ya.