Where Am I?

Good question. Wish I had a great answer. ;-)

The last week and half I've not been journaling. I've not been logging consistently either. Some days I've been too busy to find the time to write. Some days I've been too busy to log food and exercise. Most of the time, however, I've been derailed by one thing or another. Company for dinner, a holiday party, the weekend, my birthday.  Sort of a snowball of this and that which led to a stand still in this part of my life.

I was working to make some good choices. I also allowed indulgences. I have started up with my morning 15s again this week, and was surprised that I was able to start where I left off with reps. The weather has been a real downer and I've used it as an excuse to stay in where it's warm instead of conquering the snow for my afternoon walks.

I'm a little bummed that I didn't meet some of my goals that I had for my birthday. However, I was learning from my son this morning as he shared about his devotions. The Lord tells us he desires our obedience rather than our sacrifices. It struck me a little that the goals I've been making, the routines and the lists, they are like sacrifices in a way.  Like the Israelites of old would rely on the practice of offering sacrifices to excuse sin, I saw that how easy it is to use my fitness tricks or games to excuse some of my indiscretions with my choices. The Lord desires my obedience above my excuses. Obedience in the area of how I use and care for my body. Obedience in the example I give my children. Obedience in the use of my time and fulfillment of my responsibilities. When I fail to obey, I need to be on my knees asking forgiveness, not trying to "make up for it" by sacrificing the next days meals or doubling up on my chores. Now, there are certainly times when I will need to do those things, but they are not what makes me right before the Lord. I cannot "undo damage" with my own efforts. "Picking myself back up", "Getting Back On Track", none of that is what the Lord is calling me to do UNLESS I have first made right my heart before him.

Lord, you call me to obedience to your command to be diligent in all things, to walk in self-control, to live peaceably with those around me, to live by the Spirit and not the desires of my flesh. I know that I have sinned and fallen short of these commands.

Daily I need your cleansing and it must come before I make attempts in my own strength to fix any messes I have made. When I come before you, humble and contrite, you will restore and renew. You will pick me up and set me on the path. I am in awe of your grace and mercy.

"If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us."

1 John 1:8-10

"I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the LORD. How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust, And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood. Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count. Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired; My ears You have opened; Burnt offering and sin offering You have not required. Then I said, 'Behold, I come; In the scroll of the book it is written of me. I delight to do Your will, O my God; Your Law is within my heart.'"

Psalm 40:1-8